My husband and I bought our first houst last summer, and at the same time we both developed a bit of an obsession for gardening. For the most part, he is into vegitables, and I am into native plants, so he has his parts of the yard and I've got mine. At any rate, this is the first time we've really shared an obsession, and it's proving to be mighty fun!

When I first knew my husband he was more than happy to work in the veggie garden as that is what he had grown up with, and one of our neighbors used to refer to him as "the compost king" since he spent so much time playing with the compost pile. After something like 25 years, he is pretty much happy to let me do the gardening, both veggie and ornamental. I process the compost, do all the planting and ordering of seeds and plants, weed, harvest, and create new beds with the help of the tractor. He mows & maintains the lawns (I'm allergic to grass, so he'll always do that), does leaves in the fall, and hauls home manure from our horsy neighbors. He stores bags and bags and bags of wood shavings from his business for me all winter in various corners of his shop until I am able to use them for mulch in the spring and summer. In general he enjoys both the ornamentals and the veggies,but isn't a plant nerd like me, just supportive of my obsession. (Though he did comment this winter that he'd appreciate me planting my pot ghetto before ordering any more ornamentals . . . ) He is willing to trail along with me to arboretums when we go on vacation, but would probably be equally content if we didn't. Every-so-often there is a gardening disagreement or need for compromise - he has mowed down a shrub accidentally, I haven't kept up with the weeding to the point he's not sure where a garden begins, where to put the lilac where he can enjoy it and I can avoid it, or the problems of finding a garden bed edging that satisfies both of us, for his mowing and my beds.

Let's put it this way - one day when I came home from work, I almost had a heart attack as I pulled into the driveway and saw my husband watering the tomatoes!

So, no, my DH is not a gardening nut. He will compliment me here and there, might ask what this or that is, say he likes that color or that form, and is interesed in the herbs and veggies for how he can use them to cook, but other than that he has zero interest.

Which is pretty much fine by me. Although there are times when I could really use the help, I like being the Queen of All I See - at least in the garden, lol! This way I do what I want and don't have to compromise (well, except on maybe the big things, like cutting down a tree or buying a gazebo! And even then he's more concerned with $$$$ than aesthetics.)

I am kind of hoping he might take more interest in the vegetable garden. If he can eventually take that over, I can spend more time where my heart is - in the flower garden!

:)
Dee

No my DH is not a gardening nut. He enjoys the veggies I grow. He will water things if I ask him.

His domain is the lawn. We aren't fussy about the lawn, but he mostly mows it, sometimes I do. We both work on leaf clean up. I tell him where to put the grass clippings for composting.

Years ago when we were first married, he grew some tomatoes. I had a young toddler at the time and didn't have much time for veggies or flowers.

There is hope though. My grandfather was the best gardener ever!! He grew all sorts of roses, perennials, conifers and of course oodles of veggies. My grandmother canned the veggies. Five months before he died at age 85, he was still tending his garden.

I think if a husband lets you do your own thing without complaining about how much time and money you spend, he is a keeper.

Never, in his wildest dreams, would my spouse garden in any way, shape or form. But, then again, when we married I didn't know that I loved gardening either. I wish we shared the passion -- but we don't -- so I guess I need to enjoy the freedom from compromise. He is a little jealous of the time I spend outside, but not as bad as my children. I wish they would come out with me! That's the whole reason I started gardening, anyway....
Lonely Gardener (aka Mayalena)

I am the only addict to the garden in our abode. My spouse is very gracious in not getting anoyed with the amount of time I spend outside. There have been days when
I started before sunrise and ended after sunset...forgetting to eat for shear excitement of the garden.
Like an angel from the spigot, she is kind enough to bring me multiple liters of cold water.

Everyone in life must have their "thing"...and I think healthy relationships are when we support each other. I have never lived with a garden-lover, so I dont know how it would work. Right now I have full artistic freedom of the yard, but if my spouse became a garden-lover, Id surely be able to share a few beds.

My advice is appreciate those who allow you to be you, whether they garden or not.

Greg

I agree with Greg...if gardening is in your soul then hopefully your partner will understand it's what you need even if it's not what floats their boat. And be careful what you wish for. My husband was not much of a gardener but last year he decided to grow some veggies, and I lost half of my raised veggie beds! But we turned it into a friendly competition...in the end his beds were far tidier and immaculate than mine, but mine produced a much higher yield :-)

Being a horse nut is similar to being a gardener...it's something integral to your character and requires a partner that does not resent the time you spend with your hobby....

My husband is a nut, but not a garden nut; does that count? He's a musician, and when I'm in the garden he's usually writing, recording, or just playing music.

He does like brickwork, so we do that together, although he seems to think he built the patio himself, and I don't bother to contradict him even though I carried and laid about half the bricks and all the sand, and I designed the project.

I'd have a hard time sharing this garden with him, because he doesn't have the same level of interest that I've got and would surely try to make me plant petunias and marigolds.

Sometimes people who seem to have little in common make the best partners. So, I'd go for it, as long as he's got some interests of his own.

Thanks for all of the thoughtful responses. I'm surprised and encouraged to see that many people don't have spouses who share their garden interest/obsession. It's tough to reenter the dating "market" after all these years on my own - - figuring out what is really important to me in a partner has been really difficult, because I'm used to being very independent. I honestly think the ideal mate for me, gardening wise, would be someone who liked to take care of the lawn (organically), help me with the big heavy work and landscaping, and leave the rest to me. :-)

Hope to see some of you at the CT spring swap, assuming we have one this year! Think spring . . .

Hi Paige. We've met at the CT swaps. Brian always comes to the swaps and he's happy for about an hour, so he always brings the Sunday paper. He does like plants and he's happy when I plant them; he'll just never be the fanatic that I am and can't listen to everyone discussing them for hours like we do at the swap. Basically, he's the muscle and enjoys planting mostly shrubs and amending soil.

Hedy

Yup! we share a delight in the natural world. Always have. He is "Annual Man" and I'm "Perennial Woman"... he is the vegetable gardener, the provider of all things green and edible. I work dilgently on "aesthetics".

How is that beautiful orange kitty of your's?

Paige,

Don't give up on your hopes of finding a new partner who'll appreciate what you enjoy. You have something special about yourself that you can share! Look at it this way.... you can learn from someone else just as they can learn from you. This mutual respect that other posters mentioned is the key.

When I met my 2nd husband he wasn't much of a gardener; he and his first wife had sporatically kept vegetable gardens over the years. After we married and bought a house, we we began to make it "ours" inside and outside. He started out just helping me to build walls, move rocks, shop for plants and dig the holds & plant. He'd go with me to garden centers and began to form his own opinions of what he liked to see in our yard, so we'd buy those plants/flowers and put them in. Because he's not fond of the daylily plants that I can never get enough of, I've slowed down that urge. Because he really loved the idea of a Heritage River Birch in our backyard, we planted one.

He feels that the gardens are "his" too. Now I find him watering and weeding. He loves seeing the gardens change over time, I guess because they contain both of us. He tells me that he was influenced by my love of gardening and how excited I got over growing things. I kind of shared my hobby with him. But he also shared his hobbies with me. I appreciate his need to hear music played most of the time and his love of painting, so I support him with both his hobbies. I hang up his paintings all over our home... the other day he came home with a new orchid plant for our front room.

Molie

While DH doesn't share my love of gardening he is a great help and appreciates the finished product. To be fair I don't share his love of college basketball, tho I go to his alma mater's games when they venture up to New England--compromise isn't that what marriage is all about? But it is my daughter who goes to Philadelphia with me every spring for the Philly Flower Show. (which by the was FANTASTIC this year!)

Hedy, of course I remember you, but I have to say I don't remember Brian. :-) It's nice of him to come even if it isn't 100% his cup of tea.

Chelone, the veggie/flower split would be great for me. I love eating veggies, but not so much growing them. And my Tiger is doing very well, thanks for asking. Going on 9 and becoming a bit more of a homebody, although he still weathers an overnight storm for old times sake now and then. How about your 4 leggers? Dog getting easier to walk yet?

Molie, your post is inspiring and is the type of relationship I would like to achieve.

Everyone else, thanks again for your stories, and keep them coming. It's nice to hear about all of your happy relationships, even if you don't share the gardening bug.

How about a point of view from the other side? I don't have a spouse or SO, and not sure that I would want one who loved gardening as much as I do. I have a degree in Art and my gardens are like works of art on a large scale. Art is by and large, a solitary pursuit.

Gardening is where I seek communion with nature, and that too is largely a solitary pursuit for me. Not that I wouldn't mind having some muscle around to help with some of the hard labor, but I even enjoy doing a lot of that and am rather fit and strong because of it.

One thing I DO get help with from friends - any tree work that requires a chainsaw, climbing, etc. I have an arborist friend and another buddy who are paid (reasonably) to help with any tree work that requires heavy or dangerous equipment, and they do the chainsaws. :)

Hi Paige...

My DH would rather be golfing than gardening, but he helps me in the garden all the time. There are drawbacks and benefits when your partner doesn't share your passion. He has no interest at all in making gardening decisions or needing the garden to be any sort of way, so I am completely free to do whatever I want. The drawback is that you can't share such a passionate part of yourself.

Paige, if I were in your position, I would make a real serious effort to try to put myself in the position to meet other gardeners and people in the horticulture field. Join the Mass Organic Organizations, or the Mass Hort etc.etc. You never know. I am envious when I hear of couples who actually share gardening interests. But only when their tastes don't conflict and they are able to divide the gardening potential of the property and resources in a way that is complementary rather than conflicting.
:-)
pm2

Lets just say the subject of gardening has been a pseudo relationship laboratory for us.

When we married in 2004 I didn't even know I was a garden nut. I knew I enjoyed outdoor gardening but it was only after we bought a house with a lovely little established and well maintained garden that I crossed the point of no return.

By that May he could barely stand the sound of my voice as I stood enraptured in the back doorway calling out the daily changes like a sports announcer. "Oh look, I think, yes, that's a PEONY!...and that Weigela I mentioned yesterday honey, it's VARIEGATED!" To make matters worse, I would force him to come look at everything because I was sure if he did he would literally feel the energy of the emerging plants just like I did, I mean how could he not, right?

Once I became a little more sensitive to his interest I discovered that he does enjoy certain aspects of gardening. He will do stonework, prune shrubs and dig beds all season long, as long as he doesn't have to come admire my Hosta divisions.

As PM2 said, there are some benefits to gardening mostly solo. While I run big changes by him, I get to make most of the decisions. I also get to garden the way I want to, just sort of floating around the garden until I feel satisfied, not worrying about anybody else's agenda.

Good luck!