Afraid she won't come if she confronts her? I'd be more concerned that she'd be taking MORE if she did come back.

If it were me, this person would not be staying in my house anymore.

Whether the drama is real or imagined, you don't have a dog in this fight.

We all have to deal with the personal challenges, demons, and negative factors in our lives. Allow your friend to work through this on her own. Back away and leave it to her to figure out. Good luck.

i would fire her for sure!

i think its normal procedure for landlords to come in for maintenance. around here, they have to give a least 24 hours notice that they are coming in & you have to agree to it. that's how it was when my DD was leaving her apartment so LL could show it potential renters.

i don't think it normal for landlords just to come in willy-nilly.

why would the LL come in at night? that sounds strange to me. they usually come during normal business hours.

who else has keys to her place?

if her place is that unsecure, maybe she needs to find a more secure apartment building.

So...let me get this straight. 1) M is stealing "and" the landlord is stealing? 2) N has cameras, but no time to watch them to see what's going on? 3) The cameras don't cover the whole apartment, so a lot would go on, be missed anyway? 4) M is being paid to stay there?

My parents once had a housekeeper who stole items, she was promptly fired when they found out. Your friend hopefully has renter's insurance, but I agree it is upsetting to know that someone is stealing.

I do think that if there are camera records, your friend might take the time to actually look at them. After all, if it is something missing from let's say the freezer, it would be easy enough to speed up the video until one sees a freezer pic, and so on. There may be other possible culprits than M, and it would be terrible to make a false accusation when your friend has video proof possibly available and just doesn't want to look through it.

Landlords do occasionally need to access apartments, it would in my opinion be totally OK to ask the landlord except in an emergency to give her notice. Check out the lease, it may specify when the landlord can access, but there is no harm in requesting notice.

There's antagonism between N and LL. She's lived there longer than he's owned the bldg. He wants her out so he can rent it out at a higher rate. He's been in her apt when it's unwarranted and has done other things. They actually went in front of the landlord and tenant board and they ruled in her favour. He was ticked and threatened to have a trailer at her door and forcefully remove her belongings. That is her fear while she's at work. He's a jerk and isn't abiding by the law. The judge said he can't do that, but he doesn't care what the law states.

Ouch!! Crazy ^^

i would move if there was that much animosity.. just the stress alone would force me to move, even when i know deep down i should not have to. its just not worth the emotional upheaval.

help her find a new place.

my heart goes out to her, that is very sad, especially if she is an older woman. Shame on LL. what goes around comes around and he will get his at some point!!

I can't imagine having to pay someone to guard my home and belongings. I would move to a more secure place especially considering the issues with the LL. Also where I live home care givers or helpers are quite expensive so Im wondering if it is financially worth it. Best of luck to your friend.

She has been looking, rents at ,1600 to$1800 for a 1-bdrm is prohibitive but she's found a landlord that will let her havd the next one that becomes available. It's hard to tent within the 30% of your income with these rates.

Her evidence is sketchy. No proof on camera? Several people stealing from her? I doubt she could sue or prosecute. Some might see her as a nervous-Nellie and not believe her.

Perhaps she should have a secure, locked bedroom for her valuables and/or a safe deposit box at her bank. Employees should all be informed they are on camera every moment they are there and if they cannot accept that then their employment will be terminated. Time to find new caregivers.

Landlords can be thieves. ( It happened to me. ) Perhaps a disguised conversation with the LL stating that you have full time camera surveillance for your caregivers and intend to prosecute might drop a left-handed hint that he could be caught and he will stop.

Yeah, this makes no sense to me either. Too much Poor Me.

Your friend should move. She doesn’t get along with her landlord and thinks he’s stealing from her? Move now.

"Rents at $1600 to $1800 for a 1-bdrm" sound incredibly cheap to me. She is saving a lot of money by having such low rent that the losses from the theft you described seem insignificant.

If someone stole food from my freezer, I would be happy to have the extra space in the freezer - I think that food theft is the most forgivable kind of theft, as the person who steals it probably really needs the food. If they stole half a turkey breast that I had just cooked for Thanksgiving dinner, I might feel differently, but something from the freezer I could easily right off.

I would change the locks so that the landlord could not get in - they can always be changed back.

You say that she has lived there longer than the landlord as owned the building, but this could mean that she's been there three years and he's owned the building for two, since you did not specify lengths of time. Tenants generally have to make adjustments when building are sold, and if he new landlord wants his relatives to move in, then he generally has the right to evict existing tenants, no matter how long they have lived there. Laws vary, but in general, tenants do not have the right to stay indefinitely. Better for her to move and find a place with terms that she can live with happily. It sounds like things will only get worse.

In some cases the tenant need not be evicted but the landlord will simply not offer them a new lease which forces them to leave. In many cases a new lease is signed by both parties yearly.

Perhaps it was this area but 30% of income to rent an apartment when I was renting was the norm. She needs to be packing her stuff and saving for the various deposits she will need to even rent the new place.

“Rents at $1600 to $1800 for a 1-bdrm" sound incredibly cheap to me.”

Lars - Not everyone lives in LA or similar. I just went on Craigslist and there are plenty of places in that price range, decent towns within the nation’s 14th most expensive county per google.

jasdip - Seems to me adding camera or getting an improved system would be more cost effective than paying thieves to watch the place. I wouldn’t be tempted to let the landlord drive me out, esp since that’s obviously what he’s trying to do. Though I would look, on my schedule.

I'm also more than a bit confused with the story. I can understand ( to a degree) that she is paying a cheap rent and it would be hard to find that again. However, I am not clear as to her paying people to be there when she is not. I can't imagine that is a small amount of money. To add to that, having cameras installed and tension with landlord it just doesn't add up.

Other than moving, which I think is the best suggestion, I would second the suggestion to have her valuables locked up at a bank (Safe) or even a secure storage. That's got to be cheaper than paying someone to stay at her house when she is not home.

Lars - My son and his fiancee are paying a little over 1K/month for a two bedroom apartment in the outer burbs of KC. Nothing fancy but it is fairly new and in a great location.

I think your friend needs to just fire M and quit being so paranoid about the LL.

$1600 to $1800 Canadian = U.S. $1240 to $1395, to put it into perspective.

Parts of Canada are very expensive, especially the cities. No location was identified.

Safe deposit box for small valuables.

Seems like there should be some sort of home security device that would alert her when there is sound or movement in her space, so she could look at the security camera?

From what I hear, finding an affordable rental has been getting much tougher, everywhere. Actual rates might vary depending on locality, but it's all going up.

Lonejack, I know you know you're in a low cost of living area where real estate (whether rentals or to own) is relatively cheap compared to other places.

So what, there are cheaper places and more expensive places. Evidently it’s the price range she’s looking at and when referred to as ”prohibitive” it sounds like we’re dealing with what she can afford. I don’t see where being judgmental about the rent adds to the conversation.

If your friend can afford to pay someone else to mind her apartment while she is out, she should use that money to add to her rent to get another place where she can feel safe.

She need to ask the house sitter about the missing items. If the house sitter quits, no loss (and no more losses).

Seems to me she only needs a camera at front door to see if the landlord is entering.

Have all valuables secured in some way.

However, I would change the lock. LL’s should not enter apartments without prior notice and reason.

I think the house sitter is taking the food. Maybe is what she is eating while there.

I see no harm in asking, not accusing M if she happened to eat that frozen chicken pot pie?

I think it is certainly possible that the LL is trying intimidate her.

You have to have a thick skin to stay in a situation like this one.

I would change the locks so that the landlord could not get in - they can always be changed back..

Lars it's illegal to change the locks so landlords can't get in. They have to have keys to be able to enter your apartment.

If someone stole food from my freezer, I would be happy to have the extra space in the freezer - I think that food theft is the most forgivable kind of theft, as the person who steals it probably really needs the food.

Obviously you and I have different viewpoints on theft. Theft is theft. I'm not working and buying groceries for myself just so others can take it. It's not theirs to take, thank you very much. Why does she need to steal when she's being paid?

She was seen opening cupboards, opening the frig and freezer, opening closet doors.

I have the keys to a good friend's house. Whenever she needs me to go and take the dog for a walk, or as in the case now, go in every few days and water her plants, take in the mail, etc as she and her dog are away on a vacation.

It has never ever crossed my mind to open cupboards and closets. I've never even been upstairs in to the bedrooms. There has never been a reason.

Whether I was being paid to house-sit etc, I would never snoop much less steal.

We're in the top 10 of the most expensive cities in Canada. Average income to rent a 1-bdrm apt is $73K. Personally I don't know anyone who makes that kind of money would be happy renting a 1-bdrm apt.

I'm hoping this will turn out to be a misunderstanding but from N has told me a number of times today she is adamant that things are missing.

My daughter had a cleaning company for over 20 years. Some of her clients have been with her for that long. She was accused of stealing one clients jewelry one time. The police became involved but could find no evidence of a crime. Eventually the woman found the missing jewelry in a coat pocket.

An affordable apartment is less affordable if you have to buy cameras and hire a housesitter.

This is just a temporary situation until she finds a new apartment. Cameras are cheap; much like many homes have doorbell cameras now. Not in the least uncommon.

Not certain what they are called in Canada but there are studio apartments that are often cheaper than one bedroom's. They can vary in size and with screens and placement of furniture can be arranged as if they are small one bedrooms. I lived in one for about 5 years. Think of them as a small loft apartment.

I would not be comfortable having a thief in my house It sounds like the issue might be her. The landlord and the house sitter are out to get her? Tell her to put a big note in the freezer saying I know you are taking things Stop or you will be fired. Move a camera to point at the freezer

I think (regardless of the law) I would change the locks. The landlord is only going to find that out if he tries to enter the home illegally (without legal notice to the tenant), when he will have to admit he tried to get in but his key wouldn't work. The only camera she would need would be at the front door, to be able to show a court that he tried to enter when she was gone. No house sitter would be needed and that $ could be being saved toward a new place.

I don’t think a tenant can change the locks without giving the landlord a key.or letting them know.

The landlord tenant laws require notice, but if the landlord is breaking the law by entering without the legal notice to the tenant, I'd definitely take the risk of having to explain to a judge why I changed the locks without notice to the landlord (feeling unsafe at his hands, things missing, etc). (if the landlord tried to evict me on that basis). The landlord would have to tell the judge why he was coming into the unit illegally - which is the only way the landlord is going to find out (entering illegally). Like I said, a front door camera will provide the proof she needs he's entering illegally, should she need it. Worth the risk to me to ensure the landlord isn't entering when she's gone and solves the problem of the house sitter stealing.

The landlord tenant statutes here do not require any specific notice,(but many give it) but do require permission. (In addition, the lease can list reasons a landlord can enter)

That she appears to be snooping around, despite knowing there are cameras, is a red flag to me.

I had another thought about this. Instead of changing the locks, maybe she should post a sign on the door: "Protected by Smith and Wesson." He may not want to risk it.

She should hang a "Smile You're on Candid Camera" sign on her door or interior wall.

You mentioned that your friend can't monitor her phone all the time waiting to catch the house sitter in the act. What if she had a motion sensor camera that only alerts when it detects motion. My Nest doorbell does that - when it detects motion or sound it sends a chirp to my iPhone and iWatch and then I check the screen to see what's happening.

She may have early dementia and none of this is true.

Maire, we have the same, and in two locations. We hear the doorbell ring, we get an alert when mail or packages are dropped off. Then we can view what's going on if we choose to.

If we are fast enough, we can speak to at the door as well.

Eld - I really like having the Nest doorbell.

Oops - forgot to add that my son has the Nest camera in the baby's bedroom. He also plans to install an exterior one at our place in upstate PA just so I can keep an eye on weather conditions - especially the amount of snow in the driveway.

The landlord is stealing from her. The housesitter is stealing from her. Things are moved in the cabinet. A plaque (?) in the closet disappeared. I'm inclined to agree with Yayagal. It really sounds like incipient dementia.

I have a friend who developed early onset Alzheimers in her early 60's. Prior to the official diagnosis she was exhibiting odd behavior. She accused the neighbor of shooting blue jay birds and throwing the feathers into her yard. Also said he was shooting off a gun in the middle of the night. She got a motion sensor light and accused him of turning it off and on. Lots of strange things. My friend got a bit paranoid. When she was diagnosed we thought "oh, that explains the strange behavior."

The person in this story sounds a bit paranoid too.

My gut says the Alzheimer’s guess may be correct, also. Just too much weirdness in the story. How old is the neighbor?

From my time at an Alzheimer's caregivers group and the information provided by the association until the later stages paranoid behavior is not common until later with Alzheimer's but there are several other types of dementia that it is more common. If you know any of your friend's family or if you can talk to your friend suggest a medical evaluation might be in order. No need for details unless asked just suggest that she has not seemed herself unless the family already is aware. They may well already be aware.

I need to clarify some of your assumptions.

I did not say the LL had stolen anything. He had entered a few times unlawfully. She has recordings audio and visual, I heard and saw them. One time he came pounding at the door at 10pm to be let in to 'check her thermostat'. There are many instances.

As I said she won the case with the landlord and tenant act. He was ordered to pay the court costs her times that she missed work, etc. And he refuses to do it even though it was court-ordered.

She's younger than me by a good number of years and mentally sound.

She is major stressed over the situation, him threatening to come in and clear her place out while she's at work. She fully expects to come home and find the locks changed, and the cats loose and her stuff on the lawn. Once someone moves in, it's very hard to get back in even though your name is on the lease. I was there when he came in to look at the sink (he called to say he was doing so) and had a friend with him, and was showing him the apt. (future tenant) we assume.

Someone suggested a sign for Smith and Wesson. Homeowners don't have guns, hunters and farmers do, and the bad guys. And what would the Smith and Wesson do, when she's not there? Is he to assume that it would shoot when he opens the door? Not sure what kind of deterrent it would be.

Jasdip, the Smith and Wesson sign was just a suggestion that the LL might wonder if she's armed if he goes in without her permission when she's there - if she's fearful of him. Of course, if he can tell whether she's home or not, then it would be no risk to him and no deterrent at all. I've always thought those signs were maybe an invitation to burglars to break in looking for the guns. But they'd have to be certain no one is home.

Jasdip - what a horrible situation for your friend. I have been following this conversation. I'm 70 and not savvy with current technology as far as digital survelliance. I've been married for a very long time and I am constantly grateful for the security of my husband's presence. I remember being single before I met him, and the vunerability I had on my own, I have no answers. I just hope your friend finds safety.