I agree, she didn’t need to say anything. Just made you feel bad after giving such a thoughtful gift.

Good grief...talk about rude!!! Hard to believe she has any friends if she is always like

that. I am sorry...I know how that would hurt to have someone say that to you. Unfortunately,

there seem to be more and more people like that. I am sorry...hugs.

That was uncalled for. It seems like a one-upmanship. Does she normally do that?

I have a friend who does that every single time we talk, which is multiple times/day. No matter the topic, she always turns it around to herself. When she did that, she owned a high-end car, when she had her 7000 sq ft home, insert brand name of shoes, purse, crystal, etc. I don't care about all that stuff, but she always mentions it and it gets very tiring. When she starts I literally take the phone away from my ear and let her ramble, or when out on a walk I tune her out. I've heard it all before; multiple times.

Eld, your gift was and is thoughtful and wonderful. Her response was thoughtless and rude. While I'm sure the move has put a lot of stress in her life, there is no excuse for what she did.

What caring friends this person has!

Your friend probably just had a thoughtless moment because if she were always saying hurtful things, you wouldn't be calling her a "good friend of 20 years." Oh well, who hasn't "opened mouth, inserted foot" at some point.

Such a thoughtful gesture on your part.

Exactly, Nickel. It just took the wind out of my sails, thinking I had a one of a kind gift idea.

Your friend erred, but the facts remain. She received a lovely gift and card from you. She expressed gratitude for your gift and your heartfelt best wishes. Can you mentally erase the *thoughtless* rest of the conversation? On reflection, I bet she wishes she could edit it!

It’s unfortunate she doesn’t know better. I know people who have no filters for such things. However, I agree with chisue; you did a lovely thing!

🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ 'She's your 'good friend'! As a radio psychologist used to say: You knew she was like this. She's shown this side before. I am sorry another had the same fabulous idea you had. You can't let this make you think less of your gift.

Eld, you had a wonderful and thoughtful gift that came from your heart. I’m sorry for the stab you felt when your friend had an impusive thoughtless moment.

Sometimes people forget to step away from their own heads, and remember to think of others.

I’m sure it still stings. I hope sharing your feelings with us has helped sooth you.

Thank you all for letting me vent. In the scheme of it's not important. But my feelings are what are which is why I like venting here.

Some people cannot walk and chew gum at the same time!

Eld, you are the sweetest. Just the other day here, I saw a comment from you about the importance of letting members know we miss them when they are away. It warmed my heart. Not everyone can think of others and themselves at the same time.

I often wonder whether alcohol or substances might have something to do with the thoughtless or even cruel things some people do and say. Of course plenty of folks, including me of course, can be stupidly careless with their words and actions when completely sober.

I’m sorry she wasn’t kinder.. I might suggest she leave the painting for the new owners of her home, or give it back to you and you could give it to them as a wecoming gift.

Sometimes people fall short - hpoefully, she’s regretting her response and will apologize.

eld...that was a VERY thoughtful gift and a great send off. I've always thought of you as "classy" and you handled this situation like an angel. I'm sorry your feelings were hurt...I get it. I hope it was just a foot-in-mouth-moment.

Sometimes when people are under great stress, they let slip out remarks that they regret later. I have done it myself. I hope your friend apologizes to you. You were extremely kind in your own behavior.

You can always count on me for intrepid opinions and here's mine on this situation.:

This person is brain dead. No excuses or rationale would change anything about her having needlessly made such a thoughtless and inappropriate comment.

She did you a favor. Who wants to be friends with someone so clueless? If you didn't know it before, you know it now. Wave goodbye and let the relationship fade away, it's her loss, not yours.

??? @eld6161, is there any chance you know the other gift giver? Or someone else who might know about the other gift?

Maybe your friend wanted you to hear about the duplication from her and not from someone else in the future?

Or she’s just clueless, which doesn’t make her an awful person.

Well, she is moving away so that gives you any easy way to end the friendship. She clearly doesn't care about you or your feelings. Her remark was downright mean. To your credit you were a much better friend that she!

Maddie, good point, but no, the other gift was not from a mutual friend, so I wouldn't have known.

Elizabeth and Elmer, my friend can be a bit quirky, but her heart has always been in the right place..

So, we will be life long friends. I am feeling sad that they moved so far away.

Olychick, this house will be getting a total remodel and will not at all look the same, the painting will not have meaning at all for the next owner. This is why I wanted to capture it, the way it was while they lived in it for over 20 years.

It was very surreal, seeing her house totally empty. I was there yesterday and they left this morning. They slept on their mattress on the floor! Again, a bit quirky. (I would have stayed in a hotel.)

Now ,they are making a trip out of the move, since it is cross country, stopping at various sites or visiting relatives.

I think she was very rude and I think your thoughtful gift was so lovely. I'm glad she has other redeeming values but she sounds like a clueless twit who would tell you she received the same gift from someone else , only bigger and by a local artist.

Lily, I think what maybe is eating at me is that I know that artist and I know without even seeing that picture, it is far superior to what my neighbor did for me!

I would have asked her if she wanted to return the painting to you. Then you would find out how she really feels. If she keeps it, it means that the gift means something to her, and if she returns it, it means that she did not appreciate it. You would in this case run the risk that she would return it, but I would hope that she would say that she really wants to keep it.

I have often asked people if they wanted to return gifts that I've given them back to me, and they never have given anything back. I generally try to give people things that I myself want, so that I will be happy if they do give it back to me. When I give clothes to women, I really do not want them back, however.

I do not think she meant to hurt your feelings. Sometimes we hear things that another person did not say. Sometimes people put their own twist on the words. It is possible to mis-hear. Your friend was touched by the painting and the sentiments you expressed. I do not think your friend was comparing the two paintings. She did not express a preference for the other painting. She merely stated its size and the artist. She did not say how beautiful the other painting or more artistic the other is. Her appreciation of your gift showed that she likes yours and appreciates the thought. Just because the other painting is bigger does not make it a better gift. Eld, you really do not know if your friend was making a value judgement; it sounds to me based on how you have described the situation and the friend that she was not putting your gift down. . Instead due to the emotions that you both obviously felt about this big life change, that her words were not particularly well chosen and you heard them from your perspective.

You are such a nice friend to everyone here; your IRL friends are lucky to have you.

”Wave goodbye and let the relationship fade away, it's her loss, not yours.”

That’s exactly what I was thinking, especially if this is repeat behavior from her. I finally did it with someone I know. It took me too long but the sense of relief felt pretty darn good.

As I mentioned, she is a bit quirky, and not mean spirited. I am wondering why quite a few feel this should be the end of our friendship?

Good grief, some of us have an awfully low bar for ending a long term relationship. You'd throw away 20 good years -- because of one remark? I might too, that if the remark had been on the seriously wrong side of a serious subject. This wasn't. I'm glad eld6161 intends to continue the friendship.

eta: but watch out, in 20 MORE years she might accidentally hurt your feelings a second time ;-)

Apparently some folks take offense more easily than others.

I have some very quirky friends (and am one myself). my suggestion is to pair the comment with the personality before you react. If you've known this person for 20 years, I’d guess this isn’t the first time shes shown foot-in-mouth. You get to decide how much you can take.

If you've been good friends for 20 years then I doubt that this is her normal behavior and I don't think she intentionally meant to hurt your feelings. Maybe she was so surprised at receiving a second painting that she inadvertently blurted out that remark about the other painting.

It still hurts because you put a lot of effort into finding just the right gift for her and it's compounded by the fact that she's moving across the country.

Are some of you suggesting quirky people tend to have sociopathic traits? Maybe that's a type of quirky I've never encountered before.

Let's lay this out in simple terms - this is someone criticizing a friend's effort about a gift that wasn't owed or reasonably expected. Saying, "hmm, this is a weak effort".

Sorry your friend hurt your feelings.

I agree that she should have waited to discuss it and just acknowledged your kindness.

That said she may have wanted to prepare you in advance for that, maybe in the back of her mind. So she blurted it out without conscious thought. It might be her way that she cares enough to prepare you.

Or it may have never occurred to her to wait to tell you. As many people as there are that is how many possible ways there are of thinking about things.

Maybe she prefers the other painting because the local artist is a sentimental favourite?

Eld, I am sorry that she was so thoughtless and hurt your feelings.

When I read about the gift, I was so impressed that you thought of it and did it- what a perfect and thoughrful gift. Then reading that she received another one, I just shook my head in amazement.

I think people are saying it's a fine time to end the friendship because now that she is no longer going to be a neighbor and will live cross country, it really will take a lot more effort to keep up the friendship. The few times I have moved in my life (and it was never cross country) over time I am supriised at the friendships that do last, and the ones that don't. It's been my experience, that people I would bet would remain important friends after the move, just fade away. There are others that I would not expect to keep up with and the friendship grows considerably.

Anyway, I am sorry you were hurt and you certainly didn't deserve any of that.

Maybe Friend was trying to say that she loves the gift and is thrilled to have TWO paintings of the house. Maybe she intends to hang both in the new house.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and maybe she doesn't think the other painting is 'better'.

Who hasn't said something they regret? I still cringe at my comment to a 'regular' cashier at a grocery with whom I'd had casual conversation. Noting her expanding shape, I asked when the baby was due. She wasn't expecting.

HOW could I have been so STUPID! Not only was that embarrassing to both of us, but it was so 'none-of-my-business' as I was not even a casual 'friend', just a customer. (In my defense, I was very young, and trying to get pregnant myself.) Still...AWFUL faux pas.

being a friend for 20 years, you both have accepted each others quirks, more or less.

sometimes people have a hard time properly thanking other people for gifts and want to 'fill' a thank you with more words.

consequently, it might just have been the first thing that popped into her head and in her nervousness, said the wrong thing the wrong way. it happens, no one is perfect. i would not throw a friendship away on this.

they expressed their thanks sincerely, accept as a faux pas, and move forward.

“I am wondering why quite a few feel this should be the end of our friendship?”

No, not if this was an isolated occurence. It sounds like that was likely the case here...? I would only cut the ties if she had a history of annoying and/or hurtful behavior. I’m less tolerant of that as I get older.

“I am wondering why quite a few feel this should be the end of our friendship?”

I am wondering the same thing. In fact, I am really surprised (in most cases) at the number of cold harsh reactions to this incident. A good friend for 20 years is a treasure, not a commodity to be easily tossed away. And true friends accept each other's 'quirkiness'. No one is perfect, nor would a true friend expect perfection.

Sure, your feelings were hurt, that is very understandable. Of course you were disappointed that your gift wasn't as original as you thought it would be. I'm sure it was a big surprise to her to receive two such original gifts and she simply blurted that surprise out without thinking.

I sincerely hope that venting here has helped you to feel better about it, and that there will be no hard feelings between y'all in the future.

Rusty

My turn for a mini vent. My feelings were a little bit hurt. My neighbor had a get together for another neighborin honor of a milestone birthday. I was invited, very thoughtful. I am a close friend of the hostess., and friendly with the honoree.

I had the exact same birthday in May and no one said a peep beyound Facebook greetings. I know its such a small thing but why for her and not for me?? Im being kind of petty but I just needed to get that out. Now I feel better!

You certainly get my empathy, Dedtired.

The only thing I can think of is that the honoree spent the last few months at least talking up the milestone birthday. Perhaps even musing about who will remember.

My SIL does this. It puts the idea in other people’s heads.

So true! I never mention my birthday, so nobody pays any attention to it. OTOH, people I work with will talk it up ahead of time and theirs get recognized.

Dedtired, Happy Birthday!!!!!!!! (a little late).