Continuing discussion on estrangements
Anniebal, I'm starting this new thread (why can't iVillage get it's act together and start a forum on estrangements?) by copying and pasting your last post, I hope you don't mind:
"Thanks for sending the link imaginny. You know I read his book and I have to say that I thought he had unrealistic advice for parent's. One of the things he states is that one should never criticize your kids, never offer advice either. Now this sounds great and even correct, however it just isn't realistic. I didn't go around criticizing my kids, I tried to be a very positive parent. But I know there were moments when I may have said they they could have done something differently, and I don't know how one gets around that. That may be a mild form of criticism, but it is still criticism. I'm not sure how what type of criticism he meant, and I don't believe he elbaborated. As far as not giving advice, WOW that's a biggie! Isn't it natural to say "why don't you try it this way, it works for me." That is offering advice, but it's not telling them what to do, they still have the choice obviously. Another thing this guy plays down is that kids don't need to respect today's parents as did older generations. I'm sorry, I don't agree with that at all. If there is anything that is lacking today it is this feeling that our kids have of us being their peers. I like to be addressed as Mrs., and being told thank you and your welcome. Today's generation is all about themselves, and if we don't live up to their expectations then we don't see them. What happened to kids reaching an age where they realize that as parents we are not perfect, but that they love us anyway? This astounds me since I grew up with a mother who became mentally ill when I was age 8, and my husbands parents were both alcoholics until we were nearly on our 2nd child. Neither one of us ever stopped loving our parents, or seeing them. We may have been more select about what time of day we visited my husbands parents due to their drinking, but we still saw them regularly. Was I supposed to grow up and be angry that my mother wasn't there for me? Doesn't that sound like what today's kids would feel justified saying?
You and I think alike on this entire subject. I believe that Coleman only encourages children toward estrangement and self-absorption.