There is more to this lady's lamenting than not wanting to change her grand's diaper. The child is not being taught many things and is no fun to be around. Enough of this sentimental stuff. This lady is being handed a big guilt trip. I'll bet she stopped reading these posts. As for the lady in the church thingy. I know her kind. I'll bet lots of us do. She's a wonderful person and judgemental too. She needs help in the nursery--but no one wants to be in there. Those are the sweet, sweet, wonderful church ladies. Gag me. Give me a break with all those wonderful stay-at-home mom's and all of their saintly accomplishments. Right! I'll take a lady with dishes in the sink, and a 'to-do' list that hangs around forever, has fruit gnats hanging out in her kitchen, a sprinkler hose flooding the whole back yard, not a cute outfit to her name, and the little ones telling her, 'granma, if you were my age you would be my best friend' and 'can I have some more pancakes?' This lady needs to resolve how she is going to adapt herself to the fact that her children don't think like she thinks.

chastity-wow, there is so much going on here..... I do feel for you---no doubt I would have a very hard time with this---when you lay it out: a) he's not your child b) there are unpleasant intanglements attached to him (obviously a disturbed BM, former GF, stress of continued financial obligation, etc) c) turns out he's not your DH's child either! You would be frustrated, insulted on your husbands behalf when you think about the BM taking advantage of him for all of these years. You would be irritated that you have all of this added drama in your life. You would find it ridiculous, not to mention convoluted, explaining this to your younger children! Clearly, this is a hard situation to take, under no circunstances should you feel guilty for feeling the way you do. I think it would be impossible to find a woman who could turn a blind eye to any part of this kind of thing.... Some questions: Does SS demonstrate any sort of acknowledgement of the fact that your husband must dearly love him (as I would expect), to have continued to stay in his life? I know you said he maintains the relationship with the XGF, but does he blatantly disregard you and your place in his father and siblings life? Some advice: You didn't mention if SS was receiving any mental health care---if not, someone needs to take care of that-pronto! (You mentioned that your familys' finances were an issue--so if the BM won't get on it, try going through a social services charity). It sounds like your DH is committed to the child (again-as I would expect). So you two should seek some counseling, also to get some help navigating this. Also---when you have reached your wits end---it may help to remember that as frustrating, irritating, and ridiculous as this dynamic can get, your DH must be one hell of a man to have stepped up on this one! good luck!

"But since I was 18, I have been isolated from them. My parents include both the boys in all their vacations and most activities, although I'm rarely if ever invited. They even started excluding me from their 'family' Christmas with the Big Tree upstairs, since I have kids - supposedly, and have made me do Christmas with them in the downstairs entertainment area with my aunt and her kids - after and separate from their Christmas (although both of my SILs have attended theirs since they first dated my brothers)." I second KKNY and others who suggested there is a major backstory here that is missing. No parents "isolate" their 18 yo daughter (if that's what they did) without a reason. Parents don't have a "separate" Christmas (with a separate "Big Tree upstairs" which I guess is also an indication of a more special family celebration)from their DD just because she has children. (You indicated that your brothers' girlfriends (now wife and fiancee) have always been included in the "Big Tree" celebration, so it's not the fact that you have a DH.) AND, as for the slide show, it is extremely weird that you were not in any photos. I don't mean to be flippant, but, in the absence of some horrid mistake, a monkey putting together a slide show like this would make sure that there was at least one photo of all of the groom's siblings, especially one who lived with him, as you apparently did, for the first nine years of his life. No, it seems to me that there is much, much more to this than you have disclosed, so much that I certainly can't give you any advice. However, IF on the other hand, you truly have given a full and accurate depiction of events and you have never done anything whatsoever to warrant or cause your "isolation" and have no idea on earth why your mother, SD and 2 DSBs would treat you this way, then if I were you, I would consider these people psychopathic and disassociate myself from them.

I certainly don't blame you for feeling hurt and offended. I could MAYBE see not inviting only some kids in a family if, say, it weren't a close relative; say, former next door neighbors, whose two older kids grew up with the groom, but the steps came along after the families moved apart -- something like that. Or a family where the parents are invited as a couple, and only the child who is friends with the bride. In that case, I would sort of look at it like the parents being invited as a couple, and the kids who are invited being sort of invited on their own. Whole families don't always have to be invited to everything. But here we are talking about a very close relative. Unless this is a VERY small wedding -- like, if the ONLY first cousins invited are your stepsons -- I really think they should have invited all your kids (at least, all those over any age cutoff they have). So first I would ask: is that the case? Are all the other "blood" first cousins invited? Is there any other wild card factor, like the bride's family having made some "rule" about inviting steps, perhaps due to some weirdness in HER family? But let's say it's not -- it's just an exclusion of your kids. I'm back to my first statement: I can sure understand how you'd feel hurt, rejected, and offended, and they were wrong not to invite them. Still ... I think it would be a mistake to boycott the wedding. Yep, they were wrong. But ask yourself if you wouldn't feel better about yourselves if you take the high road and attend anyway. If you don't go, it will put a cloud over the wedding. Think of your gracious attendance as an additional gift to the bride and groom (who may have WANTED to invite all the boys, by the way) and also a gift to your husband -- helping him not to create a rift between him and his family (if his parents and other siblings are alive, think how upset and torn they will be if this becomes a drama). It doesn't make you a chump or disloyal to your boys. It makes you the bigger person, a lady who acts with grace and dignity even when others do not. Try not to ask about their decision or to communicate your feelings about it, to them or to anyone that might repeat it to them. As right as you are, their wedding means more to them than to anyone else, including you, and even though they behaved badly, you will seem petty and self-centered. I know this isn't easy to do. But I think you will never regret it.