OP, as you already understand the cultural norm in the US for our pets end of life issues is different than in other places in the world. I grew up in 50s-60s when most people in the US still lived on farms and barn cats just went away to die on their own - they never lived long, and it was like one day you just didn't see them. Things have changed. Something happens when you live with and love an animal for 10-20 years, the bond is incredible as well as the sense of responsibility and obligation - that sense of moral responsibility I think is behind people's strong feelings about not letting their animals suffer - as well as their own personal emotional needs. My own cat was back and forth for many months and in the end it was starting to come down to a choice of either I watch my cat die what would probably be a slow torturous death (breathing issues) or choose to end it via euthanasia. My previous cat died relatively peacefully on her own, fading away over a period of several months. But that was simply NOT an option with my Kashka. As much as I would have wanted that for her. Niether was letting her go off and die on her own like a barn cat. It was not "quality of life" question anymore. It had come to what is the quality of death. In other words - neither option I can say was a "good" one, or even the "right" one. It just boiled down to which was the least awful for her and for me. Sometimes in life that's how it is. BTW my vet was so helpful - completely frank when I asked about what would her death be if I did nothing and how would she experience it. As time goes on this becomes more of a known thing that your vet can and should talk to you about and describe for you - if you haven't already had that talk with him or her. All the best, I wish you and your kitty peace.

Thanks for the suggestions. ell, I would love to buy it at a local dealer. My cousin lives in San Antonio and the rest of us live elsewhere. My parents will probably buy it in Houston and bring to her when I am there. I will probably have to figure out how to use it and give her a lesson. Maybe we can buy it at a retailer with locations in both places. That way the San Antonio store can show her how to use it.

I wonder if your ex is not putting your daughter up to the things that she is saying. She pretty much just gave me an ultimatum that if I don't end my relationship with "some girl" that her and my relationship is in jeopardy The "some girl" comment sounds very much like the "you look like you're 16" comment that my (30 year old) sisters (6 year old) step daughter made when she (sister) got serious with "dad". It was something that SDs mom had said (trying to imply that she was too young to be with him). There is a lot of poisoning that goes on (whether intentional or not) when people split up. It seems like sometimes, even if mom moves on, she's still not willing to see dad do the same. You need to (gently) find out if the ultimatum (end it or lose me) is coming from your daughter or your ex. When my DH's ex found out that I wasn't going anywhere, she cut off all contact between DH and his two children. He hasn't seen or spoken with them in three and a half years. Is there any chance your daughter believes something like this could happen? Is there any chance that mom is telling her things like, if your dad marries her, he won't have time for you, or he'll have a new family and won't want you anymore...or you're not going to go stay with him if that 'girl' is living with him...etc.? Good Luck!! Just one other thing I'd like to comment on... Dyans World...you say My father didnt want to take care of me and left my mother, my father married someone else and had other kids, my father sucked. BUT my step daddy was the best thing that ever happened to me to this day he will always be my daddy and the bio can jump in a lake. Please know that I am saying this in the most heart felt way, and I mean no disrespect to your mother or 'daddy'... I don't know how old you were when your parents separated...but I know that for the past three and a half years my husbands ex has been telling his children (and anyone else who will listen) that he "didn't want them", that he "abandoned" them, even that he abused them. She has told them so many lies that these children, who used to crawl up on his lap and yell "Daddy! Daddy!" whenever they saw him, are now afraid of him, even though they wouldn't recognize him now if they saw him. (They were 1.5 and 3.5 when they were last together.) Mommy has remarried. She has the children calling her husband "Daddy" and refering to my husband, their bio father, by his first name, or as "Bad Daddy" (told to a therapist by daughter a year ago). I am fairly certain that she also tells them that it is my fault that he doesn't want to be with them, because we have a baby (their little brother, that they have never met). I cannot express to you the pain and sorrow, the depth of mourning that my husband has gone through, and still goes through when he thinks of his two children. They are so close to us, only five minutes away, yet they could as easily be in another country. We do not even know what they look like. I have cried, both with my husband, and for him, for the pain that he faces every day, and because of the knowledge of what his children, whom he loves very much, are being raised to think of him. We have been fighting, through the lawyers, for three and a half years, with no success, because we cannot give up, but in my heart I know that if we don't get to reestablish the relationship in the next five years, they will be lost to us. They are being so thoroughly poisoned against their dad. He has been vilified... that if they reach the age where they can tell the courts whether or not they want to go (around 12 or 13) before they get to know the loving, wonderful man that their father really is, they will never get to know him, and we will lose them forever. I mean no disrespect to your mom. And I'm not trying to downplay the significant role of the Daddy who raised you along side your mother, but sometimes things aren't what they seem. If you haven't heard your bio dad's side, from him, then can I please encourage you to try to contact him? You may find that this stranger, who left so long ago, has loved you and thought of you and mourned the loss of your relationship all this time. If that's true, try not to feel that he gave up on you...the courts are so biased against fathers...I know that it is such an emotionally draining battle...every letter from the lawyer is like a knife in the heart, when they tell you that you cannot see your children, and many people say, "Just let go" "Move on" or tell them that if they keep fighting for access they're just causing more turmoil for their kids "they're better off, if you just leave it alone" "they've adjusted to their new life" "you'll only upset them more". My husbands ex took the children and left, got a new beau, married him, and is trying to make her new "perfect family" with him, and writing out the past...and my husband with it. If you go and find your dad, you will never have the relationship you could have had, if you'd grown up with him in your life...the memories of our childhoods impact our bonds...but you still have the option to build a relationship from this point on. Somewhere out there, there may be a man who loves you and misses you, to this day. Kind thoughts. Verena

Does she have an I-Pod? A gift certificate from I-Tunes would be neat. Do you know her well enough to know her taste in jewelery? I have only boys to buy for, so a girl is a bit of a puzzle for me - today.