Without getting sexist about the issue, now you have me thinking part of this might be a girl thing men don't understand. Men and women communicate differently, we all know that. And it starts young. Yeah, our sons and daughters both need verbal stimuli and physical stimuli. But there really is a difference in the equation. Girls and women generally need that verbal release of stress every day. Boys need a physical release of stress. I know mothers suddenly frustrated by their 10-12 y/o son's intense physical expression. Someone new to boys might be annoyed by the natural change level of aggression that comes on pre-puberty. Boys are more likely to naturally release their daily stress by wrestling with each other, hitting a ball as hard as they can, running for no reason. I've seen it with my boys. Girls have to tell stories to someone to get the feelings out. Sometimes the same story over and over again. But of course we don't make that an excuse to let our boys aggression or physical expressions run rampant. They have to learn to focus and release it in healthy ways, or without taking it out on other people. So I can see that girls need to do the same thing, learn to focus that need to release in words, without taking it out too much on the people around them. ;o) I don't think I'd get her a cell phone either. I'd get a journal. I can see that she would learn to use the talking to control you sometimes, hold you hostage just to test the limits of your patience or even if she's angry at your control over her as a parent so she flexes control where she can. I will admit to having done that a few times in my life. I remember my mother having conversations with me about how I was using words to control other people's feelings. So I think the trick would be to recognize when 1)she truly needs to be heard, 2)when she's manipulating you, and 3) when it's casual conversation that only seems manipulative b/c you're worn out from your own day before she even saw you. My 13 y/o is a boy and doesn't do the talking thing. But he does the physical bully thing to his siblings. I send him outside to release that energy in a better way. He is learning to recognize in himself the energy building in him that will either come out as anger or controlled with exercise. My 10 y/o is a boy, too, and is starting to feel that physical energy he doesn't know what to do with. DD is only 7, but talks a lot, especially in the car! Sometimes when the AC is running I really cannot hear what she is saying. I had to tell her the other day I can either listen to her or run the AC, "Is what you're saying important enough to let the car get hot?" It wasn't. LOL, she chose the AC. Sometimes at home I've sat and listened to her for 20 minutes. But then it's like it encouraged her and she doesn't stop, she follows me right to the bathroom door and keeps talking. I have to tell her "It's not your turn anymore." Or if I'm trying to get dinner going and can't pay attention to so many things at once, or the kitchen noises make it impossible to have conversation at the same time, I just tell her "Is this really more important that our family having some dinner?" She needs to learn when it can wait. I think this sounds like an issue of family dynamics. While you don't want to let one member's habit control the family dynamics, you can't let resentment of that person's habit control the family dynamics either. You have to be careful not to generalize and define that person by that one annoying habit.

OP, as you already understand the cultural norm in the US for our pets end of life issues is different than in other places in the world. I grew up in 50s-60s when most people in the US still lived on farms and barn cats just went away to die on their own - they never lived long, and it was like one day you just didn't see them. Things have changed. Something happens when you live with and love an animal for 10-20 years, the bond is incredible as well as the sense of responsibility and obligation - that sense of moral responsibility I think is behind people's strong feelings about not letting their animals suffer - as well as their own personal emotional needs. My own cat was back and forth for many months and in the end it was starting to come down to a choice of either I watch my cat die what would probably be a slow torturous death (breathing issues) or choose to end it via euthanasia. My previous cat died relatively peacefully on her own, fading away over a period of several months. But that was simply NOT an option with my Kashka. As much as I would have wanted that for her. Niether was letting her go off and die on her own like a barn cat. It was not "quality of life" question anymore. It had come to what is the quality of death. In other words - neither option I can say was a "good" one, or even the "right" one. It just boiled down to which was the least awful for her and for me. Sometimes in life that's how it is. BTW my vet was so helpful - completely frank when I asked about what would her death be if I did nothing and how would she experience it. As time goes on this becomes more of a known thing that your vet can and should talk to you about and describe for you - if you haven't already had that talk with him or her. All the best, I wish you and your kitty peace.

It's a good idea this year NOT to buy gift cards to specific stores. There's really no way of knowing which ones will still be around in January. I don't think a gift card is really the right way to go for the kind of situation you describe, but if you do feel that's the best choice, get a MALL gift card--that way, it can be used in any store, for clothes, books, music, etc, and all the stores in any given mall are unlikely to go out of business. For kids that age--if you can get an idea of sizes, casual clothes are always good. A winter coat might be needed and appreciated. Girls--maybe a craft kit to make jewelry or something else sparkly, or any bath, body, nail, make-up stuff is generally up their alley. Boys--sporting goods. Books, if you think they'd enjoy them, although picking books for kids you don't know is a challenge. Would you be allowed to buy tickets to a play, concert or sporting event and take them yourself? That would be an awesome gift, but it might not be possible in the situation. Of course, if you can find out what each child's specifically interested in, you'll be home free--much easier, if you can get that info somehow. And thanks for taking an interest and helping someone who surely needs someone who cares.

Thank you all for your wonderful suggestions. DG is a very talented athlete but i am afraid this injury/ surgery will probably end her gymnastic career. she was operated on her dominate arm and they did take cartilage from the knee. Good news is she will only be in a cast for 2 weeks but cannot lift anything heavier than a glass of milk for 6 weeks then Pt. Nicole thanks for the link great looking baskets. i now have a lot of ideas for dyi basket . maddie i need to check with her mother about the blue tooth speaker she probably already has one ! Funky great idea for a puzzel i think ill get ine here so when she comes to visit we can do it together. cyn unfortunatey she is not a big reader, unlike her twin brother who never without a book . Lake i think a special pillow is great idea. sueb what is it about fuzzy things she loves socks too and beading. yaya i actually have a lily pulitzer top i bought for her and may give it to her i know that will cheer her up. thank you all for your thoughtful ideas an suggestions. i wanted to send her something immediately after her surgery but now will wait untill i see her next weekend .