Thanks for the input. The kitchen is actually easy to access it’s on the main level of the house to the right of it is a living room and dining room and the stairs leads you to the recreation room aka 2nd living room. It’s a bi level

I knuckled under pressure and went with the home husband liked. It’s been awful. The small and poorly laid out kitchen is just one of its things I hate. Master bed, bath - completely horrible. I say look further and try to get something closer to what both of you are happy with.

buckled under pressure

This is a house he loves and you like even though it is not your "dream"?

If I have understood you correctly, you have a decision to make: Would you prefer to live with your in-laws that much longer, or to move into a less than perfect house? There is no requirement that your first home be your perfect dream home. I don't know this for a fact, but I suspect that most people never purchase their ideal home.

That kitchen is MUCH bigger than the one in our house that we have owned since 1980. I don't even have a eat in area in my kitchen. I really like your kitchen. There are much worse out there. I know that is not your furniture, but I would get a regular height table. They function as an extra counter for making Christmas cookies, etc.

Jump on buying the house.

That kitchen would be a no-go for me. But, weigh your feelings about the kitchen against living with your in-laws. And remember, this does not have to be your forever home.

I've had a big, huge kitchen, and now I have a small kitchen. Small is fine if it is well laid out. Your picture looks medium-size and well organized, actually.

I've had a large master bath, and now in this house I use the small hall bath as "mine." Small rooms are much easier to heat. I never could get my huge bathroom warm enough to be comfy in winter. Likewise our old bedroom was huge, essentially wasted space. Big enough for an office nook or an exercise area, neither of which I wanted in my serene sleeping space.

How is the storage in the house? Plenty of closets, big enough? Garage, attic, basement? (My small kitchen works because we have a large storage area close by for food & appliance overflow -- it would be frustrating if not for that.)

Put the refrigerator, sink, and dishwasher across from the stove. Then put a door to the garage where the sink is in this kitchen. Eliminate the table and the current location of the refrigerator and the window.

That is my kitchen. I would almost kill to have one this big.

What is it about this home that your husband likes so much? What were his "requirements"?

That kitchen has room for remodeling, IF you would be ok giving up an eat-in space and using only your dining room for eating. I wouldn't want to buy that house and be locked into that kitchen as constructed. And I would be really cautious about buying a house that's "just for now." Or a house where you would need appreciation-based HELOC for funding remodeling. Prices go up, prices go down. Right now, while prices are very high but mortgage rates are climbing, is a risky time to buy a house you don't want to keep for several years.

Oooh… I didn’t see that you were living with in-laws. I couldn’t do that for very long (haha, mine never even invited us when we were looking in their area). Would you rent? I’m not sure where you live but I just leased a home in a perfect neighborhood. Rent is very affordable and gives me the opportunity to pick and choose to buy my next home. Granted, this is a second home so I have a little more flexibility. I just want to be near my kids. However- I really want to get out of this current home which was bought quickly, in a tight market, husband’s choice, not mine. It is the biggest regret of my life and I’ve never felt comfortable here. So maybe renting will get you out and give you a breather to make a better choice. Sure - I know mortgage rates are rising but who knows what will really happen in a year. And it seems like throwing money away perhaps. But if your area has an affordable rental option, perhaps consider that.

PS: After buying, I had planned on remodeling kitchen and baths in my current, hated house. As I lived in it and had several designers and contractors look at it, I realized it wasn’t possible to make significant changes without spending a fortune. Changing the layouts just wasn’t feasible. So, be careful and see if you can actually change the things you want.

We bought a house years ago that my husband liked and me not so much. I thought I would tear out the kitchen first, but I actually learned to like it rather than I big kitchen with many steps. I cook a lot and it was laid out perfectly though it was small. It was the last thing I updated 15 years later and didn’t change the footprint. I think the kitchen is nice and if you want down the road open it into the dinning room.

It is a tough market for sure.

My husband and I would never buy such a large ticket item if we weren't in agreement. We bought our current house in a much cooler market. We were able to look at it 6 times before placing an offer and two of those visits were with our architect. We needed to be sure we could make it into something that we would enjoy living in and realized that it needed a ton of work (we're the third owners of a 100-year old house; most "systems" were upgraded in the 1960s and then nothing was updated). I went from a fully remodeled kitchen to one with literal plywood cabinets (plywood fronts that were stained and well, horrible).

We bought it because of the neighborhood and the school district, not because of the kitchen. We're finally remodeling the kitchen this year, and I'm so very happy. But I mourned my old kitchen for years and years, because the one in this house sucked.

I guess my point is that you should have other "pros" to the "cons" you're seeing. I'm not sure if moving out of your inlaws house is enough of a "pro" to buy the house - that's something only you can answer.

So to sum up:

I honestly can imagine myself living here with our children and I can see a future here I really can. I just don’t know if I can get over the kitchen being small I had always imagined myself buying a home with a big kitchen and beautiful island! I can get over the master bedroom being mediocre.

We have been looking for a home for over a year I’m not kidding with the market the way it is bidding wars, not many houses for sale, etc. it’s crazy out here it’s not the market for a picky buyer. I just want to leave my in laws house already but I don’t want to settle for “less”.

You haven't mentioned the possibility of renting something. While I disagree with @Connecticut Yankeeeee that rent is "very affordable" right now (I think rents are very high right now, just like home prices), renting may be a viable option that gets you out of your in-laws without the long-term financial commitments of home ownership.

So your options are:

1. Continue to live with the in-laws until you find "the perfect house".

2. Buy the house under discussion and settle for "less" (in your words) on a temporary (maybe intermediate term) basis.

3. Rent a home

4. Increase your budget so that you can afford the home you want. I mention this only because you haven't mentioned the house under discussion being a financial strain. But don't endanger your long-term financial security by purchasing a house that is too expensive for you to afford.

I wouldn't recommend purchasing a first home with the thoughts of remodeling it later into whatever I wanted it to be, unless I had the skills to do it myself. A second or third home, sure, remodel away.

You have a lot to evaluate, and will get lots of opinions here. All of them (including mine!) are from people who don't know you, your wants, your needs, your values, or your situation.

I wish you the best of luck in making this decision.

In today’s seller’s market, I absolutely say buy. And do it quickly!!

That’s advice from the person who lived with a tiny galley kitchen for about 12 years before we could afford our renovations.

Good luck.

Your "wants" seem reasonable, and this house satisfies none of them, except for being bi-level.

I cannot even imagine what would appeal to you about a bi-level home. I can't think of one thing. I have lived, briefly, in a bi-level house and here's what I learned. Someone falls down those steps. Toddlers. Elderly. Teens (or adults) with a sports injury on crutches. Me, because I was wearing socks in the house.

Aside from just hating having a few stairs (as opposed to wider treads that go up to a 2nd story), you need to understand that you can't just remodel your kitchen one day when you have saved up your money. You'll have to get a new house for that. Modifying the layout in a bi-level is so much more expensive, that it just won't be done (and maybe shouldn't be, even if you have the money, because the market value of the homes in that area wouldn't support the investment).

Notice this: that kitchen has 3 entrances and no windows, and not many cabinets for a family. There is nothing appealing about it to me. Quartz countertops? Big deal. I see literally nothing appealing about it. I can't imagine your husband would want you to concede your two biggest "wants" when they are so reasonable. Market-shmarket. Another house will come along. You have a long life ahead of you, and a couple more months with the in-laws will be a funny memory later. Save your money and buy a better house.

Lastly, have you calculated how much money it costs you to (a) buy this house, and (b) sell this house and buy another? The costs associated with making a bad decision (or a short-sighted decision) can be calculated, and I think you should calculate those costs. Because that number is the amount you would be able to spend on a kitchen remodel in a house with better bones.

Someone upthread said the kitchen was well-organized. Really? I'm not a kitchen expert, but the refrigerator opening blocks an entrance. The sink faces the wall. There's no seating at the peninsula (and I generally like peninsulas, but not this one). The refrigerator isn't even counter-depth, and isn't very wide (for a family). The pathway goes like a freeway right through the kitchen.

"I had always imagined myself buying a home with a big kitchen and beautiful island!" I imagined 500 acres on a premier lake in a 10,000 sq. ft house but my imagination was bigger than my wallet. I suggest buying the house while you can, or do you want to live under the in laws roof for a decade imagining what you could of had. Interest rates went up again on Tuesday to an average of 5.49%.

So Imagine what you can have when rates go to 10% or 15% when I was buying homes, my only priority was just having a roof over my families head and not a fairy tale dream I imagined.

"I just want to leave my in laws house." I wonder if the in-laws imagine you living in your own house? Just a guess but the in laws and you may be on the same page. Any thing else I would add are be best left to a professional or dear Abby.

While I personally don’t care for a bilevel, I can’t imagine why anyone here would try and dissuade you from that if it’s what you like.

That’s the type of thing that happens quite often on this forum and I never understand it.

Kempek- just to clarify. The rents where I just leased a home for one year are very favorable even considering that they’ve gone up about 20% since preCOVID. A similar house here and many other popular areas would be double or triple. So that’s why I say look into renting. I also negotiated a nice early lease termination in case I find something I want to buy.

Piling on with Connecticut Yankeeee. I'm in a really high-cost market, and local rents are an increasingly good deal compared to purchasing, even while both are going up. It's worth investigating before purchasing anything, let alone a house that OP doesn't like.

Living with inlaws would be horrible. But owning a house for years that I didn't like, because my husband really wanted it, would be so much worse.

Thanks for your replies. If we buy this house we will not renovate the kitchen there’s just no reason to it’s not “that bad”. I love bi level I don’t know why I guess cos I was raised in a bungalow and am living in a bungalow (just one foot with basement). So the idea of a couple of stairs leading to a recreation room with sliding doors to backyard sounds like a something new breath of fresh air. I know it’s not for everyone.
Another thing I want to clarify I won’t be renting just to leave my in laws lol i can suck it
Up for some time until I get a house I just wouldn’t justify what I’d pay in rent and moving to an apartment just to move again to our house. Sounds like unnecessary hassle.

"Someone upthread said the kitchen was well-organized. Really? I'm not a kitchen expert, but the refrigerator opening blocks an entrance. The sink faces the wall. There's no seating at the peninsula (and I generally like peninsulas, but not this one). The refrigerator isn't even counter-depth, and isn't very wide (for a family). The pathway goes like a freeway right through the kitchen."

That isn't being badly organized, that's not having things you want - if a family doesn't want or use counter seating, then it's not bad not to have counter seating, even though it's something you want. Ditto for the sink facing the wall: you may not want it, but it's not "disorganized" or unpleasant for people who spend little time at the sink. Having a fridge door that blocks a doorway when it's open isn't a bad option for a family working with limited space - better that than having it block counters or the dishwasher (working space). Especially if the children are younger and not opening the fridge all the time.

In my opinion, I wouldn't give an opinion to Amy A without knowing what her husband wants or likes about it.

The refrigerator looks to be in a great place to me. It is easy for anyone to get a drink without being in the cooking or cleaning area. I have bar seating and never use it. That one without seating looks like a perfect place for appetizers and snacks for a party. I also like the coffee station next to the refrigerator.

ETA: Here the refrigerator usually does not convey with the house. It is considered furniture. So you could buy a counter depth if that is what is wanted. I personally think they cost too much for the inches gained.

Well, we passed on a gorgeous house because of the kitchen. It was custom built, beautiful marble counters, island, etc. Really gorgeous details everywhere, and on a big wooded lot with a pond in the back. But there wasn't enough counter space in the kitchen for me. I know how I cook, and I use the kitchen every day, and 2.5' of counter for prep isn't enough. I lived in apartments with tiny kitchens until I was in my mid-30s so I wasn't going back. DH was pretty upset with me about that but he got over it, and 2 years later we have a house with a kitchen I love that has nearly 5 feet of prep space.

BUT...I am probably in a different life situation than you are, and what you HAVEN'T told us is your life situation. The response to this question is vastly different for a 20-something couple looking for a starter home with limited cash, and a 40-something established couple looking for a dream home.

It sounds like this is a first home purchase for you. If that is the case, and you buy it with the intent to get in the market now and reassess/move on later, then I would say it's not the worst. Most people I know started with less. Don't go into a first home purchase A) Thinking you'll get everything you want B) Thinking you're going to stay there forever. Neither of those things will likely be true. Obviously this depends on your financial situation, but if you are on your first home purchase, getting a big beautiful island may be out of your price range, as those kitchens tend to be new or newly renovated and expensive.

That's not to say there isn't a house out there in your price range that has a better kitchen...but unfortunately for you, whether to buy this house or not is a decision that needs to be made by no one on this thread other than you.

^ that's a really good point. We passed on a home once because the master bedroom closet was far too tiny. Like 2' wide and 10' long. Literally nowhere else to expand to make it bigger. But we were in the "dream home" phase of our lives and could afford to be that picky.

I'd put a counter depth fridge in if you do get the house.

I think you should buy it . You say you have 2 requirements, but you actually listed 5 things (also modern/updated, kid-friendly, and bi-level). You're getting 3 out of 5 things on this list, and I bet if you could find more boxes that it checks. ALso, with the dining room next to the kitchen, it would not be completely unthinkable down the road (if you like the neighborhood and and want to stay) to take that wall out and make a larger kitchen using that space.

I am old enough to have experienced several large ups and downs in the RE market. We are on the highest up in our lifetime with prices higher than 2007 ... remember all the foreclosures and short sales after that last high? If I had to pay a premium, I would not be settling and buying a house that I didn't love and would be happy to stay in for a long time to weather any future RE crashes.

Thank you all so much! I feel better about the house I think we shall bite the bullet!

Good luck to you Amy! I hope you post an update.

Best wishes on the purchase!

Bi-levels have pretty small kitchens, in general, in my opinion, so I'm not sure you'll do that much better than the one pictured. I like the idea of a counter height table in there to provide more prep space, if that's what you are looking for.

I can't tell the depth of the area where the table/chairs are, but could you get a counter height "island" with stools in that area?

Also, narrow depth cabinets could replace the iron railing. It would give you more storage and countertop, and, remove the kitchen view from lower level.

We are in our 18 home as adults. Whew! There is no such things as a perfect house. I designed our biggest home top to bottom and while it was heavenly after living in it, if I did it over I would change a few things. But ultimately, budget does limit some desired items. So being young, this home could work for 2-5 years. Just make sure it’s resale value is great. Good neighborhood- good school district etc. You will probably sell and upgrade within next 5 years. So think about that. With prices, inflation and interest rates, we made decision to sell our home and rent. Good decision. Everyone is different. Good luck to you.

I just don’t know if I can get over the kitchen being small I had always imagined myself buying a home with a big kitchen and beautiful island!

A big kitchen isn't necessarily an efficient or well-organized kitchen; I'd be fine with a small kitchen. However, I don't like the kitchen you're showing us. My aunt/uncle had a house like that with dining/kitchen up a flight of stairs/overview ... I hated it even as a child. This would be a no-go for me. And this isn't something you could ever remodel.

I can get over the master bedroom being mediocre.

Agree. The master "doesn't show" to other people, and with good organization you can make it work, even if it's small.

Question: You say you've been looking for a long time. Do you NEED to move? I mean, are you squished into a small space or putting up with a lengthy commute? Or do you just WANT another place /a bigger or smaller place now? I ask this because I don't think this is a great time to buy ... I personally think prices will go down, though it may take years.

Hey mrs Pete! First thanks for the comment and to answer your question I am Currently in my in laws basement in one bedroom with a 10 month old and my 6 year old sleeps in a bed in the basement living room. So yes we need to move we’ve outgrown this place! I know it isn’t a great time to buy but seeing as we can afford it and all the realtors I’ve spoke to said that they don’t see any decrease in the near future at all we just have to bite the bullet like everyone else out here! You’d be surprised how many people are actually buying these houses at these crazy prices it’s astonishing. Bidding wars are real! May I ask what you didn’t like about the kitchen being over there entertainment room? I imagine myself cooking and my kids watching tv there right in front of me I feel like it’s great and convenient but I may not be seeing something you are? As I said I’ve lived in ranch type homes my whole life a house with stairs excites me 😂

Thanks flo. I don’t know what it is about everyone in my family but they’re all literally still living in the first homes they’ve bought albeit they’ve renovated them all go excellence. So I don’t know why I feel like selling a buying is out of my reach although it’s not it’s just since it’s never been done by anyone I know it feels like I “shouldn’t” do it either? Do you get me? Me buying this home feels like I’m buying my forever home to put it simply.

Don't settle. We live in a house that my husband wanted and I could live with. We bought it with the agreement that the kitchen would be remodeled and the laundry would move upstairs from the basement. I was 7 months pregnant at the time, so we thought it made sense to wait to make the changes- did I mention that we bought the house in fall of 2007? And it's a money pit that needed every major repair you can think of.

15 years later, those two changes still aren't done. All of that has made me change from indifferent to "I hate this house with a burning passion". If I had loved the house to begin with, I think I'd have a lot more patience for all of the problems that cropped up.

I'm neutral on whether you should buy this particular house--only you can really weigh that. Here are a few random thoughts to consider or ignore.

1. Buying your "forever" house right now isn't crazy. Buying one house and holding it a long time is a solid financial move, for many many reasons. And sometimes, it's the only possible move. I remember 2006. People threw every dollar they had to get on the property ladder. And when prices went down, they were stuck for a long time. There is a real risk right now that prices are going to slide. That will make it difficult to move. And difficult to build enough equity to get a HELOC loan for remodeling. Buying something you really can't be happy with for 10 years is a huge gamble with your happiness. And buying something that one spouse loves and one spouse hates is a huge gamble with your marriage.

2. Stairs have pros and cons. Pros: They make more house on a small foundation--our 2-story house does this. Or they optimize building costs and land use on an uneven lot--a bi-level is often doing that. Cons: they eat up interior space, they make the space useage less flexible, they limit remodel options. If you want stairs, great. But think hard about what a staircase is really doing in a particular house. Is making the interior better or worse? Because some stairs definitely make things worse.

It's not a terrible kitchen--I've lived fine in several houses that had far worse. If you decide to go for it, I'm sure you can built a great family life there. Best of luck finding the right decision for your family.

Edited to add another random thought:

3. Renting isn't always throwing money away, especially in an uncertain market. In our market, the rent/buy price ratios make renting a much better financial decision, even with very high rents. We rented for 8 years here, as family shouted at us over and over to buy. We saved the difference between rent and mortgage payments. We finally purchased in 2012, when the rent/buy ratios were finally in the zone that finance writers recommend. And we got a much better house than we could have bought anytime before then. Don't be afraid to rent if it gives you space to look around and make a considered decision. Definitely run the numbers on renting vs. buying for your local market.

I’ve owned 4 houses. The two that my husbands helped pick were not my ideal and (ironically) took YEARS to sell. I picked two myself (one 1925 colonial when I was divorced and happily living alone) and the other was out of state so I was shopping by myself for the farm we now live on. It’s stunning - both the house and land. The most important part is I never loved either of the two I settled on.

Loving your home is important. You may sell it in a few years, and you may end up in it for decades. I am in the “don’t settle” group. As uncomfortable as you are with your in-laws, you know it’s temporary. Buying a house isn’t. The intensity of this market makes it very hard for first-time buyers. Take a deep breath and rethink this house. If you can work with the features you don’t love, then buy it. If not, take your time.

That kitchen isn't that small. I'll take a small to medium, efficiently laid out kitchen any day over a behemoth.

Frankly, if this if your first house you kinda have to settle unless you've got some serious bank. The "average American" doesn't get their dream house right out of the starting gate -- it's building equity and building wealth over time that enables this. If you think the house is ok, the price is right and it gets you the heck out of your in-laws' house it's worth it. If you truly hate it, though -- keep looking.

In my area, rents are ridiculous, if you can even find something in a not-cr*ppy area.

If it were myself personally, I would want to buy a home that my partner and I can both agree on. And if a kitchen size is important to you, then don't compromise on this. You will never find that perfect dream home so, you have to decided what you are willing to compromise on, but in agreement together. All the best in your decision.

I am Currently in my in laws basement in one bedroom with a 10 month old and my 6 year old sleeps in a bed in the basement living room.

Ah, yes. You need to find a house.

all the realtors I’ve spoke to said that they don’t see any decrease in the near future at all

Well, what else would a real estate agent say? Nah, don't use my services now -- I'd just as soon hope you return to me in two years. I'll sit here happily without earning commission until then.

May I ask what you didn’t like about the kitchen being over there entertainment room? I imagine myself cooking and my kids watching tv there right in front of me I feel like it’s great and convenient but I may not be seeing something you are?

- Lack of privacy between the two rooms ... if the kids are watching TV only half-a-step-down, you'll hear it too. Admittedly, this is true of open floor plans too.

- Kids will make a game of throwing things over the railing ... sometimes breakable things. I know we used to get our butts beat for that.

- It's just an odd arrangement that I don't find appealing.

Me buying this home feels like I’m buying my forever home to put it simply.

Unlikely.

I'll take a small to medium, efficiently laid out kitchen any day over a behemoth.

Me too ... as long as it has a good pantry attached.

The "average American" doesn't get their dream house right out of the starting gate

Or ever.

I used to think stairs were fun too, but they can also be a pain. You need baby gates so little ones don't fall down them before they grow more stable and ability to handle the stairs and it is a pain to open and close the gates every time you want to go into a room in this case. It is one thing with a 2 story where the bedrooms are upstairs. You won't be needing to go there nearly as often as you would in and out of the family room. If anyone is hurt stairs are difficult to navigate, but at least with the open area they could sit in the kitchen area and still be part of things.

As to the kitchen it would be a hard no for me. I have nothing against small kitchens and definitely don't feel a kitchen has to have an island or be large, but I do want my kitchen to have space for more than one person in it. This appears to be a "one butt" kitchen so accessing things in the kitchen will be hard if another person is in there cooking. I also question the amount of prep space between the sink and stove. I like to work between the two, but it looks like it would be tight and you'd have to actually work on the peninsula to do things. The fridge location seems good at least since people wouldn't get in the cooking area to access it. Although a counter depth would be a better fit there.

However consider how you do things in the kitchen. If someone gets the milk out from the fridge where would they go to get a glass and would that be in the way of the one person in the kitchen. What happens if the DW is open. Is there room to maneuver in the kitchen? I like to cook with the DW open so when I'm done with stuff I can easily stick it in there. Where would you store pantry items? The storage seems very limited in this kitchen. There won't be room for anything but the basics and maybe that is fine with you. I tend to be minimalistic and my stuff would fit in this kitchen, but if I was also going to store pantry items there then not enough room. I might have to get rid of a few small appliances too to make it work.

Do you want the kids to be able to help in the kitchen when they are able to do so? Then think about how that would play out. Also keep in mind that if/when you go to sell in the future the kitchen will likely be a sticking point with buyers then as well.

I am glad to see that you are biting the bullet and going for this home.

When you are buying your first home you need to know what your core needs are, and you purchase the best home you can find that fits those core needs and is within your budget.

If this house had a much larger kitchen and a much larger master it would be a much larger price tag or in a less desirable neighborhood or in poorer condition. That is just reality. Price is a combination of location, square footage and condition.

Be happy in your new home. Your kids memories won't be based on the amount of space in your kitchen, but on the love that is shared within the walls.

Great advice from the previous poster. It is very hard to find the perfect house. Every house will have ‘something’ that needs to be revised to your liking. If the house has the intangibles aka stuff that can’t be fixed (location, no water, perfect neighborhood etc) than buy it and fix the stuff that can be fixed (small kitchen and bedroom, etc). Anything can be fixed with time and money. You will also get to customize it and make it your own. As you amass wealth and equity, you can always move later on. Congrats and enjoy your new home.

I hope you bought it! It sounds like you are a young family and need a home. I don’t think that first homes always check all the boxes. In this market, it is competitive and one may not come around for awhile. Maybe someday you can remodel and expand the kitchen. Let us know what happened with the purchase!

@Amy A

Hope all is well for you and your family. Any updates?

@Jennifer Hogan "Be happy in your new home. Your kids memories won't be based on the amount of space in your kitchen, but on the love that is shared within the walls."

Excellent insight on the true purpose of family life and the ultimate meaning of a home. Your comment is one of the best things I've ever read on Houzz.