I too consider it a courtesy to pre-plan and pay, but that's just me.

Fwiw, 22 years ago I paid for my dad's creamation out of state from me. I'm not sure if they picked up his body from the hospital, but they must have? It was around $2000, give or take some. They sent me the ashes in a bag, inside a plastic box. No urn since we wanted to be scattered. I was very surprised dad arrived via USPS regular mail one day. I'm not sure what I expected, but I guess it wasn't that. My dear mailman had no idea what he was knocking on my door to hand to me that day.

I think it's nice of you to do this as your children may be too distraught to handle the arrangements with much grace. It was hard for me, and I knew it was coming.

Since a funeral is paid for out of the estate here it is not generally expected that it should be pre planned or paid for by the deceased. However, funeral plans are beginning to be sold here and are quite controversial. https://www.theguardian.com/money/2017/sep/09/prepaid-funeral-plans-experts-warn-national-scandal This quote from the link is of interest. “You don’t need to buy a plan; you just need to talk to your family and say: ‘Look, when the time comes this is what I want to happen’. I tell people to go and get an Isa ... that will make enough money to pay for most of a funeral.”

I arranged both my parents funerals with a local company I researched when they were clearly nearing the end of their lives. They didn't leave any requests or arrangements and I didn't expect them to.

My hubby and I was looking into pre-paid cremation a few years ago, but never follow through. I don't think we are now. Transporting a body from a distance is very expensive. One of us could die at camp or on vacation, but have the pre-paid plan with a funeral home where our primary home is. . I would rather just pay a local funeral home where we died for cremation. When the last one to survive dies they can be mailed back to the next of kin .

I would like the cardboard box better also. Once the ashes are dumped the box could be burned. Really what would you do with a plastic box or urn. If it was my loved one I would feel terrible just throwing it in the trash knowing it held my love one ashes at one time.

What if the funeral home goes out of business before you die?

I want a very unusual thing so I would prefer to pre-plan and prepay.

My DH however does not talk about such things..

so I have to write it down and leave it with my DD who's used to all kinds of things in her accounting world. She runs across all of it. At least on the expenses side. She will be the executor.

Anyway mine is definitely weird very much me and to me very simple.

I want to be composted in a mushroom suit with no box. Yes weird but that's what I want.

Someone here said there are mass sites for people like me. I don't mind company :-).

what is a mushroom suit?

yeonassky, you’re definitely putting the fun in both funeral and fungus.😄

The mushroom suit is a suit or shroud with mushroom spores, meant to hasten or improve decomposition - it's one of the "green burial" options that are starting to become more available.

If I lived in California or Oregon I would be composted in a forest, under a tree or some other plant, no chemicals, no burning. But I'm in KY. This funeral home does have a "green" video on their website, but I don't think they are: plastic, embalming, massive crap buried with the body if you have a normal funeral with a casket. They even have an option to put make up on you and do your hair so the family can go see you for an hour or so. What a waste of money. I "viewed" my mom before she was cremated but there was no stupid cakey makeup, no dressing her up. She was just lying there, covered with a blanket up to her chest, I think.

Pre-planning and paying is very common around here. That way you get what YOU want not whatever works for others. The Cremation Society of MN used to come get you, and send you back in a bag for $15,000. It makes sense it has gone up, and will continue to. If you really want to keep costs down ya cut out the funeral home all together, and then no worry about them going out of business. Yes an estate can pay for expenses. Funerals are upwards of about 10thousand right now. That's not the plot or head stone. Pre purchasing a plot has been common for generations. Some people even have their headstones in place just waiting for the last date and for you to be planted. FYI: It's illegal to just sprinkle ashes where ever you feel like it. I might keep those plans on the down low. I told my kids to call the cremation society then go out some time to the grave yard and dig a small hole as close to the fence as you can get. My son objected to taking a shovel to a grave yard. My daughter said they will spend their inheritance on a proper funeral and there was nothing I could do about it. It's all such a HUGE waste of money, almost as bad as weddings. But it will be their money so I guess I can't dictate how they spend it. hahaha

Arcy, $15,000? or do you mean $1500?

"My daughter said they will spend their inheritance on a proper funeral and there was nothing I could do about it."

You can put your wishes into a will, leave it with a trusted close friend or other person with instructions to read and disseminate it immediately when notified of your death (not with one of you kids), and your wishes as specified will be followed and there's nothing your kids can do about it.

floral_UK said "Since a funeral is paid for out of the estate here"

It's the same in the US. Also, unpaid bills, costs of the final illness if any, etc., Frequently any social gatherings or other activities as part of the funeral activities are paid for from the decedent's funds.

I think some are motivated to go for a prearranged strategy for different reasons - the desire to personally make the choice from alternatives. Or, to spare relatives the chore of handling it unexpectedly and urgently in the case of an unexpected death. Or, to lock in a price (these things to go up over the years). Or, to make arrangements when someone wants a particular location, or number of adjacent plots, and feels comforted when that has been arranged. And, probably there are other motivations too.

Prepaying is not only a courtesy, if you end up in a nursing home for many years, it's possible there could be no other money left. I think it's a smart idea.

My parents pre-paid their funerals back when they were more financial than they were when they died. Besides buying your funeral at today’s prices rather than the much higher future price, your estate may not have enough cash available when you die. Certainly when my mother passed, as she had been ripped off by my brother and had been surviving on her pension for some time, there would have been no money in her estate for a funeral and at that point DH and I were struggling financially. We would have had to take out a second mortgage to pay for her funeral.

The other advantage of pre-paying your funeral is getting what you want. I would be buried in a cardboard box if it was possible, as I don’t feel the need for a fancy coffin. I nearly choked when my MIL chose an $8,000 coffin for her brother (who was cremated).

I suggested pre-paying our funerals to DH the other day, but he wasn’t keen on the idea. Our daughter is into designer/expensive everything, and she would feel it’s an expression of how much she loves us by having a lavish funeral. I’ve told her that I will come back and haunt her if she does.

“They quoted me $1990. That includes them coming to pick my body up. It's another $499 if I want insurance in case I'm traveling somewhere out of the area or overseas.”

If that is all you would pay in advance then it’s a good deal. Costs can only go up over time.

I don’t believe in planning ahead or prepaying for cremation services in case we move far away or the funeral home runs out of business. Some saving puts aside over time would suffice for such expense.

My mom passed away almost a year ago, and her wish was to be cremated. 20 years before that she thought about pre paying a funeral home monthly due but I smiled and said, no worries, Mom. So she would send her money to her favorite charities regularly instead. Our local funeral home expense was about 4300, including pickup the body, a dark blue felt lined carton casket, 3 copies of death certificate, and a plastic box of ash for us to scatter afterward. We came to the funeral home on the cremation day for a final viewing of her and to pay respect one last time, then I pushed the button to start the fire. We held a separate memorial for her the following weekend.

Kath , im glad you brought this up. I will surely be making arrangements for the disposition of my mother’s body in the next few years. Before her dementia set in, we discussed what she wanted, which is cremation and then the ashes buried in her family’s plot. She has a hospice nurse who will be available to ”declare” her when the time comes.

I am not sure if I should be talking to someone at a funeral home to arrange picking up the body as well as the cremation. I know there is the Philadelphia Cremation Society that you can call,when needed. The ashes should be returned to me and i am guessing I take them to the cemetery. Who makes arrangements to bury the ashes? This makes me think the services of a funeral home would be helpful.

I have been trying to get this straight in my mind because undoubtedly i will be in a tizzy when the time comes. I remember my sisters ashes were buried in a small wood box. We took her to the cemetery in the trunk of the car!

I don't want my kids being pressured after I'm gone to pay for expensive services, etc... which is one reason I'm wanting to do it now. I mentioned talking to the funeral home people with my daughter a little while ago. She mentioned a funeral service and I told her it was a waste of money. Who would come? She would, maybe her brother if he could get here in time but probably no one else. Okay, maybe my friend in Virginia would come. She said it would be at least her, her brother and a friend in town who used to babysit her. My brothers in NV definitely wouldn't come, neither came to my wedding and they were both in nearby states.

I do have to research MASA, it's the company that will transport your body or ashes from a foreign country for a one -time price of $499.

When my late MIL & FIL pre-planned their funerals, in the late 90's, the cost was around $5500. That was for the casket & burial. The plots were an addition $2500. MIL passed away first, about 1 year afterwards. FIL passed away 15 years later. The cost of the same "package" at the funeral home had increased roughly to $8000, just for the one.

Funeral home prices vary from one place to another. Every business is different, and the mark up on the services are outlandish. Pre-pay is the best way to go, IMHO.

Thanks to everyone who mentioned the cremation societies in their states. Apparently, Kentucky has one too and I just went on their website, $1240 for a direct cremation. Going to go check it out further.

I belong to a group (co-op) here in WA called the People's Memorial Association, which has existed since 1939. It is a not for profit group that is designed to be an alternative to traditional funeral homes, which can be very predatory. You pay for a membership, ($50)and when you die, a contracted funeral home retrieves your body. The contracted funeral homes are prevented/prohibited from trying to upsell anything; People's Memorial has their own plans and you can get discounted services and plots from them. They also have, for an additional fee: "Document Storage Service is an option for People’s Memorial members. We will scan and store an electronic copy of your Disposition Authorization and other funeral planning paperwork with your membership record for access by your chosen contracted funeral home at time of death."

There are similar organizations in other states. My husband died very young and unexpectedly while at a conference in Oregon (we live in WA) and the Oregon association let me join for him posthumously. They handled all the arrangements for his cremation and I just had to drive down to pick up his ashes. I also joined the WA assn for my mom and the aunt and elderly cousin I helped at the end of their lives. It is a wonderful organization and makes dealing with all the arrangements very, very easy and painless and less expensive.

They are part of a group called Funeral Consumer's Alliance - if anyone is interested, check to see if they have a chapter in your state. Funeral Consumers Alliance

I wonder if there is some kind of guarantee or laws with pre-paid funerals now. I know years ago there were 2 funerals homes in my area that took the pre-paid money for traditional funerals and never put it in trust. They spent the money instead. Of course they got caught when the payers started to die and there was no money. Even though the funeral home was charged with theft, the money people paid for their funeral was gone.

One reason people pre-arrange is to save the family of being taken with extra expenses. In time of grief some directors seen the opportunity to squeeze money out of the family when vulnerable. The best casket ($$$$), the best linings ($$$$) , etc is deserving for your mother.

My mom and dad pre-arranged their traditional funerals. All I had to do was minor, sign some papers, give some info, and figure out how many death certificates I needed. It would of been very hard for me to arrange the whole funeral in my grieving state of mind.

Re money left if you end up in a nursing home/on medicaid...it depends on the state, but in our state, you are allowed to put a certain amount of money in escrow with a funeral home to handle your burial expenses upon death which the state can't touch.

Palisades, you ”pushed the button to start the fire?” 😬😬

Indeed! Someone got to do it, so it may well be her favorite one 🤫

My husband died in March. He was cremated and the cost included picking up from the hospital...he died on the hospice wing. It was $790, which included two death certificates. I am going to prepay for my cremation also. As I said on here before, I would rather be left out in the woods somewhere...and I do have the National Forest bordering my property, and right across the fence from my property is a lovely little pond. Since I raise waterlilies, I would like to plant some native aquatics in the pond and be left out there for the coyotes, but unless I am able to walk out there before hand, I doubt that will happen. I could be dead for six months or more before anyone would miss me, but I doubt when the time comes, I will be able to walk that far back there. I would have to pre-arrange it, and since I have all of these horses to try and out live....that probably wouldn't work either.

One of my friends was buried in a bio degradable casket. I think it was cardboard. Her family owns a large ranch and she was buried there, which was her wish.

My mom prepaid for her cremation 30 years ago in another state. When she passed earlier this year it was $3800 for the cremation and the prior funeral home did not accept any responsibility. I guess at the time she prepaid there was no requirement for the money to go into an escrow account or to purchase insurance policy (which is what they do today). So, she paid very little, but she would have been outraged that it was money wasted. I was outraged at the cost because it should have been more like $800-$1000 for a simple cremation. Lesson learned.

Olychick: Thnx for the info and link to Funeral Consumer's Alliance. This is a new to me organization. - June

You can put your wishes into a will

doing so doesn't guarantee your wishes will be followed. many times, a will isn't produced for weeks following a death and that's IF it was placed with a trusted individual or in a bank safe deposit box. not to mention, a simple copy of a will (which people often give to an adult child or friend or whatever), doesn't suffice. it MUST be the original will.

my husband died 14 years ago after a 2 year fight with cancer. he and i never discussed funeral plans although he did tell his brother what he wanted. it was a very simple service with a closed casket, short visitation and immediate burial.

in my fog, and knowing how much this man loved anything oak, i ended up choosing a casket that was $5K. i designed the headstone which is lovely with much intricate artwork on it, that was $3500. the service, including the casket and headstone came to just about $12K. i had been putting money aside since his diagnosis so it wasn't a struggle for me to pay for it.

Last week there was an interesting segment on NPR's 1A about 'natural burials' - a more eco-friendly disposition of remains including human composting and aqua cremation.

https://the1a.org/segments/natural-causes-why-some-are-choosing-an-eco-friendly-end-of-life-rebroadcast/

We've spoken to our children and our attorney about our wishes - no viewing, no funeral home, cremation without embalming if possible and they can spread our ashes in our meadow under the maple tree where we'll join the cremains of the 7 dogs that we've loved.

But I should do a little more research to make it easier for our kids when the time comes and make of list of who to contact to handle the disposition. I'd opt for one of the natural burials if they're readily available where we live so I need to do more research.

Maire

@dedtired, Our experience was that after our mother died, peacefully at home, we called her Hospice center. Her nurse came to the house and declared her deceased. She then called the transport team that moved her body to the funeral home. I not sure if the transport team was part of hospice or if she called the funeral home for transport, but she took care of calling the right people. Of course, check with your mother’s hospice nurse about this.

It does help to know that things are arranged.

Thanks, Maddielee. Thats helpful. I will see the nurse later today and ask her. My other question is who coordinates with the cemetery? My mom wants to be buried in her family plot, which is in a tiny town in rural Pennsylvania. She does not own a plot fhere, so i hope her cremains can be buried with her family. How this all happens is a mystery to me. At least if she is cremated there is no rush to get her in the ground.

We have a beautiful, historic cemetery near by. It is a place people go to visit and walk. I was looking at their website last night and I was amazed by the number of ways your ashes can be used. This cemetery has something for nearly everyone, including several religions and your pets! https://westlaurelhill.com/services/cremation

I told my kids to have me cremated and use the money from the cost of a casket and funeral to take a vacation somewhere beautiful and scatter my ashes while you are there. I recently bought a brick as part of a fundraiser for my library. It will have my name on it and that can serve as my headstone.

My parents prepaid for their funerals YEARS ago! I can buy a bag of coffee for less then what they paid :) Well, maybe not *that* cheap, but it was a LOT less than what it would cost today.

"You can put your wishes into a will

doing so doesn't guarantee your wishes will be followed."

Yes, it does. I have professional experience in this area - do you?

My comment was to give it to a trusted individual with instructions to produce it immediately at the time of death. Telling several others (other than the children) what is desired and who has the paperwork, to be produced at the time of death, is pretty fail-safe.

My parents each had made known what cemetery they preferred but otherwise made no arrangements. Somehow, I found it a useful part of the mourning process (and a way to burn otherwise hanging-around time) to go to pick out caskets and attend to other details of their burials.

I'm probably less sentimental than some. Unexpected deaths of young people are awful and terribly tragic. And can be very rough going for friends and family. In contrast, oldsters don't die "unexpectedly" in the same sense. Especially those unfortunate enough to have to endure terminal illnesses or other terrible conditions that cause a decline in health or rob them of the ability to enjoy life normally as in their younger years. Both of my parents had declining health before breathing their final breaths and at least for me, their deaths were expected. I was reconciled to the departure of each long before they died.

When both my mother and my aunt and uncle died, I was glad that they all had pre-arranged their funeral details. Therefore, about 20 years ago before taking a mission trip to Mexico, I decided to take care of those details for my husband and myself. When he died 4 years ago, I only had to contact and pay the gravedigger and order and pay for the death certificates. My husband's funeral therefore was done at 20-year-ago prices instead of today's rates. We had even selected and had our gravestone placed in advance. I always prefer taking care of all that I can myself. That way I get what I want and I don't leave all the details for my children to figure out.

""You can put your wishes into a will

doing so doesn't guarantee your wishes will be followed."

Yes, it does. I have professional experience in this area - do you?"

No, it doesn't guarantee it in many cases - specifics will vary by state or province, but lawyers generally recommend against it because those instructions might not be read before the funeral, and b) they are often not legally binding. I've spoken with my lawyer about it, and in Ontario, funeral instructions in wills are not binding, yet in BC, they are. In New Mexico, wishes in the will are binding, but in Michigan they're not.

And all of that assumes that the will is found and read before disposition of the body (burial, cremation, etc).

When my mom passed almost two years ago we found a cremation company in the next town over that charged almost 1/3 of what we paid for my Dad’s cremation 3 years prior at the local funeral home our family had always used. Our cost for everything for mom, fairly basic container and heavy duty cardboard box for the cremation was $1200. Everything was quick, other than the death certificates which was due to the county records office closing for awhile due to Covid

While I like the idea of prepaying for burial my grandparents did and my Dad lost all the information on the company, so the money was lost. I also have concern on whether the cremation company will still be in business 27 years from now, the 27 years is based on when I will be the age my mom died.

My understanding of disposal of bodies is that you can put your wishes in a will or give instructions to a trusted friend. But once you are dead, your body is not part of your estate, but rather, your heirs have a right to the possession of your remains and the right to make final disposition of them. But if someone challenges the heirs' decision, the wishes of the deceased would prevail in court.

"No, it doesn't guarantee it in many cases"

Ill-informed/misinformation or misunderstanding ignored.

Some years before my mother passed, she signed over a life insurance policy to the funeral home to pay for the funeral expenses and then what money was left over went to me. I was so glad she did this. Everything was so easy. My brother and I chose what we knew to be her final wishes in regards to burial, coffin, etc. There was plenty of money for that and all the extra expenses that come with a funeral, and a nice sum leftover. She requested only a grave side service. No calling hours.

I intend to do the same, but so far keep putting it off. I have the policy, just need to make that appt. with the funeral home. I've never been married and have no children, so I asked my niece to be my executor.

Ded, I believe the funeral home contacted West Laurel Hill (everyone on both sides are buried there) when my dad died and they then opened the family grave. I know I didn't and there wasn't anyone else taking the lead. My sister coordinated with West Laurel Hill when my mother dies out of state, but she had been cremated, so not as big a deal, I guess.

Picking up on Cyn's post - When my Father passed away he was living with us but had a cemetery plot near Pittsburgh where my Mom was buried. I contacted a funeral home near us here and they handled everything from that point on. All I did was tell him which funeral home would have the viewing in Pittsburgh and they did it all - including getting the permits to fly him back to Pittsburgh.

We told our kids the same thing - cremation (or whatever might be cheaper) and then use the money that was saved and treat yourself to something. I maintain joint savings accounts with each of my kids that's seldom used but there's always enough money in there for just about any emergency and it would easily cover the expense.

Cyn and Maire, thanks thanks. That is helpful. I kind of figured a funeral home would manage it all.

If i ever decide to have my ashes buried, I may end up in West Laurel Hill. My son rides his bike through there so maybe he would stop and say hi. It’s so gorgeous there. I jusr dont want to be adjacent to the pet cemetery.

Maire, I like the ideof having money availble for my son to manage expenses . Think I will do the same as you. My mom and I share an account for that reason.

As someone who sets up burials for several cemeteries, I can't tell you how many times I've had family members call after a death wanting to purchase a grave and we have none left to sell. Or someone who lived near a cemetery all their life and wanted to be buried there but never got around to buying a grave, and now it's too late. It's very sad. I say do all the pre-planning you can so you not only get the kind of burial or cremation you want but you also get the final resting place you want as well.

If i ever decide to have my ashes buried, I may end up in West Laurel Hill. My son rides his bike through there so maybe he would stop and say hi. It’s so gorgeous there.

My husband and I bought plots at West Laurel Hill, and he often rides his bike through there and waves at 'our real estate'. It's such a lovely place, more like an arboretum than a cemetery in some parts, and beautifully maintained. We haven't done any other formal funeral planning, but have told our children what we want, and have left written instructions as well.

My parents bought an extra plot at the cemetery for me when they bought theirs years ago (and when it was so much cheaper to do so). I'm so appreciative. I just have to buy the headstone or let my niece use the money from the life insurance policy to do that in addition to the funeral expenses.

Mom's savings and checking accounts were POD to me. That helped SO much for the expenses that followed her death, like any utility bills due and needing paid the next three months until we sold the house. Also any real estate taxes due or the house insurance.

Bookwoman, maybe we will be neighbors one day. Not for long time , I hope.

Amen!