Where's the thread about staying in your house?

lily316

I liked reading the different answers on this subject which many of us will face eventually.

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Embothrium

What?! There was a thread about everyone staying in my house?!

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mojomom

That’s a good thread, but not the one that was started a couple of days ago. I also have been wondering what happened to it.

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breenthumb

I sure hope it shows up. Recent eye changes have me wondering if that choice is closer than previously thought. DD has been after me to move to a smaller, one level place (home or over 55 community) for quite a while, but so far I can still drive, climb stairs and am doing fine. It does help to weigh other considerations.

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arcy_gw

It disappeared pretty early yesterday. This is the oddest platform ever that way.

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ci_lantro

I tried to start a thread about the newest info from Pfizer concerning the Covid Vax. The thread didn't ever show up. Anyway, Pfizer is now saying that their vax can be stored for 2 weeks at regular medical freezer temps (vs having to be kept full time in the super deep cold freezers.)

My dad always explained weird happenings as 'The poltergeist did it.' I think we're zeroing in on where Mr. P resides most of the time. :-)

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maire_cate

ci_lantro we always blamed it on sunspots! - solar flares.

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nickel_kg

I was wondering too.

For anyone contemplating a move, keep in mind there is a difference between a "55+" community and a "continuous care" community (ability to step up your level of medical care). Also for those who haven't investigated it yet, include religious-sponsored communities in your search. Most do not press any sort of religious practice on their residents -- but do read the rules and ask, because there are exceptions.

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Bookwoman

DD has been after me to move to a smaller, one level place (home or over 55 community) for quite a while, but so far I can still drive, climb stairs and am doing fine. It does help to weigh other considerations.

It does indeed. My husband and I are in our 60s and both in excellent health. 10 years ago we moved to a house with a master bedroom on the ground floor. At the time he was willing to move because the house is really wonderful, but he pooh-poohed the necessity of having that first-floor bedroom, something I had been pushing for with an eye to the future.

A few years ago he sprained his ankle very badly...and then he changed his tune. There's no way he would have been able to negotiate the stairs in our old house, and we only had a powder room on the first floor, so he couldn't have showered, either. I consider that experience a warning shot: you never know what kind of health problems are going to crop up in the future, so it's better to be prepared in advance.

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HU-681687602

Stacey_mb

I think I would move to a retirement community if DH passed away. I don't think I would enjoy living alone and a community such as this would give me the option of socializing with the other residents if I chose. I would also enjoy having meals provided after all the years I spent cooking, although this is tricky since the chance is that I might not enjoy the food compared to my own preparations. DH, on the other hand, said that he would stay in our home if I died and might invite his single sister to move in with him.

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sal 60 Hanzlik

I plan to stay in my home until I can no longer take care of myself. I can hire things done around the house and yard. Much cheaper than a retirement home. I don't think I would be happy in one. Friends that have moved into senior living are bored.

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maifleur03

If/when I need to move to some type of retirement community if I have any choice in the selection I would prefer one that you did not need a large up front payment which in this area is commonly referred to as a 'buy in'. My reasoning is that it will be simpler for whoever handles things to clear the place. My niece found a really nice one in Minneapolis which you paid up front then paid monthly fees, basically rent, which could have the up front money recovered. After the management company gutted the apartment using their own crews and refreshed it completely a new resident would have to select the place. I thought it was unlikely that much of the money would be recovered. Not all are like this and I know of two in this area that any recovery is based on how long you lived in the place.

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bpath

My parents thought they could just hire out the things that needed doing, when they couldn’t do it themselves anymore. Turns out, there are problems with that. They didn’t really need live-in help, but we went over every Sunday to roll the trash cans out to the driveway. My aunt’s son does this for her now, to the curb, and her neighbor rolls them back up the driveway in the afternoon.

Then, it got to where they couldn‘t go with the furnace guy or the plumber into the basement to show them, or be shown, whatever problem was going on.

Then, their processing speed slowed to where it just wasn’t working, to manage the people they engaged.

If my husband predeceases me, I will move to a continuum-of-care community, that starts with independent living. But if we both stick around, he will not want community living, he would rather be on 80 acres, 80 miles from any highway. We may have to have two homes, one in community and one in the boonies, and either trade off or just visit a lot!

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adellabedella_usa

We are headed towards being empty nesters and possibly making a move here in the next year or so. We're contemplating this now. We designed our last house to be a place we could retire in. It was one story and had a lot going for it. The job situation changed and we moved. Dh and I are not on the same page about this. For one thing, we don't know where we want to move and will start checking this out asap. We're having to do the math to see if moving is feasible for us right now. It may cost less to stay in place for a while. As dh edges towards retirement and the kids are moving on, I'm contemplating what I want to do. I have some business ideas that are more side gig type ideas. They are different than most people's ideas and I think they would be fun. Once I get settled in place, I better be there for a while.

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olychick

"If/when I need to move to some type of retirement community if I have
any choice in the selection I would prefer one that you did not need a
large up front payment which in this area is commonly referred to as a
'buy in'."

I always worry that your security to live in such a place the rest of your life, solely depends on the company running the place staying in business. What's to keep them from folding, filing bankruptcy and leaving lots of people in a lurch, while having spent all the money paid to them in good faith?

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chisue

Interesting to revisit my old thread. Typical to the KT, the information shared was wonderful!

After all that research, we decided to stay in our nearly-ADA home...and were soon feeling we'd dodged a bullet (living in lockdown) when the pandemic hit. We continue to receive many 'invitations' from all sorts of assisted living homes, two or three a week, from the places we'd contacted and every other facility in the area.

Much as we'd like to 'plan ahead, I don't think we can do more than 'wait and see'. Something will rear its ugly head, and we'll have to take it from there.

I am happy that we built this easy-care home, without bedrooms or baths for 'returning family' (which doesn't happen enough to warant the expense). We can potter along...until we can't!

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Ded tired

I am dealing with this in two ways. I am currently laid up with a bad back but can get up and down the stairs fine. However, it’s an eye opener. I’ve been toying with the idea of expanding my downstairs powder room to accommodate a shower stall and also add another room where my porch is now that could function as a bedroom if need be. That doesn’t solve the problem of the laundry being in the basement. If I couldn’t manage, I’d have to hire someone to do it. If things get bad enough, I’ll move to a ccrc. Because of the expense, I’d like to put that off as long as possible. Hard to hit that sweet spot where you can manage at home and not be a burden to your kids.


As I’ve mentioned here before my mother is still in her home and it is becoming more and more impossible. She really needs a companion but her house is a mess. It’s huge, full of junk and she never repaired much of anything. I don’t know why, since she certain could afford it. Easier to stick your head in the sand, I guess. If she went to a ccrc it would be about $500 A DAY., plus expenses. A 24 hour aide in the house would be about $250 a day. I cannot encourage people enough to make plans for you old age in advance, while you have the mental capability to do so.

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maifleur03

Ded tired a suggestion if you do decide on a shower unless your shower stall has enough room for a person to assist you and/or to have a bathing chair with enough room for someone to pass on one side of you it is too small. One of the hassles of growing old is not being able to stand while showering then later being showered. Those hand held shower devices are wonderful in bathing a person with mobility issues.

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aok27502

We aren't there yet, but one comment caught my attention. Regarding trash service, check with the resident's service provider. My dad was on city pickup, and became unable to roll his carts out. With a letter from his doctor, the city started going up to his house to pick up. He had a carport, so it was easy. I assume the carts would have to be accessible.

Also, DH had a client who could no longer walk to her mailbox. A letter from her doctor led to a box installed by her front door. She was able to get that far.

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maifleur03

I do not know how long the city has had it available but also with a notice from a doctor trash will be collected either at the front door or garage. Something that only recently was posted on the city's trash website.

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kathyg_in_mi

My Mom got her mail delivered to the door. We filled out the post office paper work and had a handyman install one on the house.

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bpath

My parents already had the trash service coming to their garage door to pick up, for an additional quarterly fee. But, they won’t enter the garage, liability issues. The carts had to be wheeled out of the garage. (And no, the carts couldn’t stay outside the garage, because of ease of putting the trash in and to prevent critters from getting in. If it’s easy for you, it’s easy for a raccoon!

Back in the early 60s, my grandmother’s mailbox was at the end of the lane, on the main road. When her ALS kept her from walking all that way, she talked to her mailman, and moved her box to the foot of her driveway. Some years later, it moved to where the front walk met the stoop. Then to the stoop. Then, the mailman rang the doorbell and waited for her to answer the door. So it was a combination wellness check/mail delivery.

My parents had caregivers who were afraid to go to their mailbox, because they had seen deer in the woods.

DMIL moved to a condo building after her heart attack 22 years ago. She does have to make the trip to the common mailroom for her mail, but it is everyone’s opportunity to see one another.

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wildchild2x2

DH and I feel the same as sal 60 Hanzlik. as we renew and remodel some rooms we are doing so with accessibility and aging in place in mind. Changing out a few doors for pocket doors, using bath fixtures that double as grab bars, making sure rooms have plenty of both natural and artificial light and eliminating trip hazards etc. We recently added a patio one side of the house. It was originally going to be a deck but I changed my mind after seeing DH is aging physically much quicker than I am. The contractor who did the concrete even eased the patio into the existing step out "porch" on that side to avoid needing a second step when we add a door from the kitchen.

Years ago we almost moved up to a bigger home with two stories. I am now glad it didn't happen. Our house is the right size for the two of us, with wider hallways and doorways where rooms are semi open to each to each other.

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Raye Smith

After what occurred in nursing homes with illness & deaths I've read that many families are delaying and rejecting the idea of putting a family member into one.

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maifleur03

People have always delayed or rejected putting family members in a home until either the caretaker dies, is severely ill from the caring or the person needs more help than the family can provide. Each situation is different but I would hate to return to the time when one person was either officially or unofficially designated the family caregiver and passed around from situation to situation only to end up in poverty or so worn out that they were placed in the cheapest care facility because the family wanted it known they cared for the person after all those years of service.

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Elmer J Fudd

Many of you are equating "nursing home" or "home" with over-55 or other senior living facilities. They're of course not the same. When someone decides to move out of their home to live someplace with more conveniences and services, and with a crowd of others of similar age, the destination is not a nursing home.

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adellabedella_usa

Maifleur, I agree with you on the caretaker thing. The designated caretaker would be me. That role was handed to me early in life. I'm done. My sister in law made a comment after my father in law left his home and went into hospice and nursing home care. She said she was able to enjoy him then. Honestly, that is what I would prefer to do... enjoy the person. There is still work to do for the person, but I want to love my life too.

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Embothrium

Luckily - thanks to the thread disappearing of course - nobody has showed up here wanting to stay at my house.

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