We will be cremated and buried along side of my parents. Dear hubby wants a stone. If he goes first, I have thought I would keep his ashes until I go, but not sure how I could handle that. Time will tell.

My directive specifies cremation, with my ashes scattered in the gutter of a particular block in Manhattan where I lived for a long time, right before a rainstorm. I am comforted by the thought of becoming part of the city I love so much. Meanwhile, my family has 9 empty grave plots in a small town in Wisconsin that were purchased by my father, back when he thought we would be fruitful and multiply. One brother wants to be buried next to our mom. The rest of the plots will probably be empty forever. My brother says there is enough room to pitch a tent there and go camping!

The crematorium might sift the remains looking for small plates and screws for recycling.

They say death conquers all. Two of my biggest fears are burning and drowning. So let’s conquer those fears in death: cremate me and scatter my ashes at sea.

(That’s not my stated plan but this thread made me think of that. I’ll ponder it a bit more before telling family.)

Shark infested waters would be a nice touch but not critical.

I will be cremated and will ask for my ashes to be spread at some botanical garden or similar facility. As long as my physical remains are close to plants and flowers, I will spend eternity in peace :-)

And I have also specified a wake or as Elmer has put it, a 'celebration of life'. Good music, good drink, good food....a happy time. We have done that for any family members who have already passed and that is the way my extended family prefers it. No formal gathering or religious service. Just the family and any close friends that wish to be included.

btw, metal implants are removed from cremains before they are processed into ash.

Cremated and taken back home to a family plot where my DH is buried. Stone

already there waiting for my name and date. Never thought I would ever

be cremated, like Foodonastump, fire has always been my one great fear. But,

due to the times, a burial back home would be too much of a major undertaking (no pun intended). Easier for DD to take an Urn, when time is

suitable without the time and expense of sending a body.

cremation. I don’t know what to plan for my ashes. I definitely do not want to be buried in my mother’s family plot. I don’t want to spend eternity with that bunch. It makes feel lonely to think of being buried solo. However, I do like the idea of at least a brass plate to mark where my earthly remains end up, not that anyone will visit. There is a churchyard near me that would be nice and I have some friends already interred there, but I don’t belong to that church.

My other plan is to have my kids go somewhere beautiful like Yellowstone, enjoy a vacation and scatter me there. My only problem with Yellowstone is that it’s too cold. Maybe they can cremate a warm jacket with me!

My other idea is to spread my ashes in my favorite place, the local bakery.

Great post! We will be cremated and DH has signed up for the Veterans cemetery in Holly, MI. He said I could be buried where ever I want. Told him he's not getting away from me that easy, I'm going there too!

Every time I try to talk to the kids about this they don't want to talk or think about it. Well, we are in our 70's, they better start thinking about it!

"I know that the idea of a party or even some sort of joky roast at the funeral has become popular in the US. People seem to have a problem with mourning and sorrow. bereaved people are often expected to keep it hidden. I personally prefer to feel the sorrow."

Maybe you've misunderstood or have had different experiences than I have had. The gatherings I've been to have had the "normal" eulogies and speeches to honor the departed one as would be at a funeral but were held sometime after death and after whatever was the body's disposition. And involved all manner of visiting and the sharing of stories among friends and family alike, to "CELEBRATE" the life. My favorite one so far was held at the outdoor patio of the departed's favorite brew pub. He, a lifelong home brewer and beer lover, expressly spelled out the kind of party he wanted his family to host and he allocated money in his will to pay for it. It was a great time and one he would have enjoyed himself. Which was his intention.

For a more traditional treatment, if you skip over the funeral itself and go directly to the gathering thereafter, sometimes at a restaurant, sometimes with plenty of food and drink at someone's house, you have the same experience. So cut out the funeral service and burial and it's the same.

Twenty years ago I made and paid for funeral arrangements for my husband and me. I will be buried between him and my mother in the family cemetery. My daughter can choose whatever funeral she prefers or not.

I told my kids to cremate me and spread my ashes somewhere pretty, like Yellowstone. If I don't make it to Scotland they're supposed to take me there, if possible. Hopefully I will, one way or another. My son is stationed in England now so if I go before his time is up he can just take me back with him and go for a drive. If I'm still alive and the pandemic is over in a year or so I want to go to both places and visit him. Then they can pick a spot somewhere else.

I think I would prefer to be buried. With SO,who is insistent that he goes first. But once I am gone, I suppose it won't matter.

I think the grief industry is such a scam. All that money for what? Its so manipulative.

I find wakes/viewings to be so inappropriate and creepy. I told my SO that if something happens to me he is NOT to have them put me on display in a box like a rotisserie chicken. And i do not care about a funeral either. Dig a hole, roll me in, and plant something over me. Something with pink flowers. Oh, and put all the ashes of my former pets in there with me.

I like Marilyn's coyote idea too.....

"btw, metal implants are removed from cremains, before they are processed into ash."

Yuck! The coyotes are sounding better than ever!

Yuck? Why yuck?

Once you are cremated, what's left are bone fragments and teeth. And any nonflammable items like metal implants. These are filtered out of the remains before they are processed into ash. Well, not really ash but the fragments are pulverized to the consistency of ash.

IMO, that's a whole lot less yucky than having my remains dragged all over hell and high water - often in pieces - by wild animals!! And one of the least appealing of wild animals at that. I might consider a grizzly or cougar but not a scavenger like a coyote.

DH and I are having a green burial. In the ground, in a wooden box. Every part of the box is bio-degradable. (A requirement in the cemetery) Our last place on earth will be in a forest area. How cool is it, to think I could be part of a tree one day!? lol

To dust you shall return.

If I can't find a lab that wants my body, I'd try for a 'green' burial. I know this all has to be arranged in advance, otherwise the sanitation laws in most places will require embalming and a cement 'vault' in addition to a casket.

When my DM died, we said our good-byes and the pre-arranged funeral home's hearse arrived to transport the body to the facility for refrigeration.

@foggyj2 -- How did you locate and set up your green burial?

We are both being cremated and I would like to have my ashes scattered near the grave of a favorite relative. I would also like to have a celebration of life for close friends and family after my death. DH doesn't want a celebration of life, even though many people would appreciate reminiscing about his life and collectively mourning his passing.

Our daughter-in-law, who recently passed away, wants some of her ashes to be scattered on the property surrounding our lake house. It was a happy place for her.

Depending on what you consider a green burial I would suggest that some investigation as to what happens is in order. Not at all what I thought it was.

If you have a Muslim cemetery in your area you might see if they allow people of other faiths to be buried in an adjacent area if by green burial you mean in a simple wrap/covering laid directly into the soil.

This thread got me reading about the services provided at a local cemetery. Look at all,the interests things they can do with your ashes. Maybe I’ll have myself launched into,space.

• Jewelry - By extracting carbon from cremated remains using extreme heat and pressure, a simulated diamond or other gem can be created.
• Artwork - Artists will combine cremated remains with oil paint and create a painting of choice, including portraits and landscapes.
• Burial at Sea - Releasing of cremated remains or full body is available from the U.S. Navy, for veterans and their families, and others who have performed notable service to the U.S. government, as determined by the chief of Naval Operations. Commercial operators also offer releasing of cremated remains at sea.
• Reef Construction - Cremated remains can be combined with concrete to create new marine habitats for fish and other forms of sea life.
• Space - A ceremonial portion of cremated remains can be included in a rocket launched into an earth orbit.
• Aerial Scattering - Commercial operators will release cremated remains from an airplane at a specified location.

Composting for preference.

Oooooo i would like to be a reef!!!!

I see a lot of people are saying they don't want a funeral or a wake. Those things are actually for the mourners. When my husband died I it warmed my heart to see how many people came to call at the viewing and all the nice things they said about him. I did sob through the entire funeral mass in the church but ithe dinner afterwards was a comfort to me . I can't imagine how lonely it is for someone who loses their spouse during this pandemic.

A green burial just means there isn't an embalming done, nor the expense of a casket, and whatever else the funeral home charges. Funeral homes do green burials, although they would prefer otherwise. We have plans in place that include having a service at the funeral home. They will transport the body to the burial location. We'll also have a church service, just like any other, with a priest officiating. We found the information on-line, regarding green burials. We have a very nice 2300 acre location , 1 hour 45 mins. from where we live. They offer 3 locations within the property. We chose the wooded area. Stakes are put in the ground to "save the place". It's so peaceful. No headstones, (only natural items). A large rock with engraving on it, marks the spot.

Rose, I think maybe you prefer a more traditional approach than others and we're all different. Many would agree with you and some would not.

When there's a death and it's announced there will be a Celebration at a later date (as has been VERY common for the last year or so), there's nothing to stop friends and family from doing outreach, small gatherings and visits (but for the pandemic), etc., It's just that the "event" is held sometime a bit later. No body, no burial, and usually a much lighter and happier vibe. Which when celebrating what hopefully had been a happy life, is much more enjoyable and appropriate than a somber affair to me.

My mother wanted to be cremated with no witnesses (and her ashes scattered at the beach she loved) and instead of a funeral to have a “celebration of life”, whatever that entails. (I asked the hospital pastor and he basically said, “It’s whatever you want it to be.”). I think she found her own parents‘ funerals distressing and wanted to spare us that.

When it came time, we had her cremated and collected her ashes afterwards, but due to a family situation that seemed to come straight out of a really schlocky daytime serial, we couldn’t have the celebration of life at her home as she wanted. So we hired the local community hall, which was way bigger than we needed for the size of crowd.

To make it feel a little more intimate, we blew up helium balloons in Mom’s favourite colours and attached ribbons about six feet long, and lined them up on either side of the seating area, like those strip curtains you have on doors to keep insects out. It did make it feel much cosier. My brother and I each delivered a eulogy; mine was focused on Mom’s life and the things people may not have known about her, and my brother‘s was more about his relationship with Mom and the habits she inspired in him. We also had Bible readings from her Bible and I invited anyone else who wished to to share their thoughts of Mom.

I had catered a light buffet lunch, and afterwards I gave everyone a yellow rose (Mom’s favourite flower) and we took the helium balloons out to let them go (yes, I know that’s environmentally unfriendly but this was over 20 years ago). It was a lovely surprise to find that one of her dear friends and neighbour, a Scots immigrant, appeared in his full formal Highland dress and played “Amazing Grace” on his bagpipes as we did. A bonus was that the wind took the balloons off in the direction of Mom’s previous town, where I think she had been happiest.

We had to wade out into the sea and bend quite low to scatter Mom’s ashes directly onto the surface of the water at the beach as there was a fierce onshore breeze and we didn’t want them blowing back on the mourners.

Our family tradition for the last couple of generations is cremation, no church service. We plant a tree and dig the ashes into the earth around the tree. I'll follow suit. When my Mom died, we planted an evergreen magnolia, which is not common here in the Pacific northwest, but it has survived rain and wind and snow and ice. I like to think that it has been fortified by my Mom's tenacity. Her church congregation was upset that she had specified no service, so the ladie's committee asked if they could have a tea in her honour. Of course we said sure, and we all attended and it was lovely. Just a little folder on the table with rememberances from her friends.

Very little has been said thus far about donating organs at the time of death.

It is my understanding that there's almost always a much greater need than donated organs available.

Wouldn't it do your heart good to live with the expectation that one or two people, or up to half a dozen, would get a much extended lease on life and health due to your gift(s)?

Think of the thankful spirit and joy that would permeate the hearts of not only the recipients, but those who loved them, as well - often, for many years.

Not kidnya (changed by my phone-controlled composition assistant to "kidneys" - three times, then "kidnya" at the real word here in quotes, then back at the original, that it'd changed AGAIN!) ... but I need to check up on how much demand there may be for 90+ year old hearts, lungs (that haven't spent long years in polluted cities), livers, etc. (Changed to "rivers")!

I've discussed giving my (not obese) body to my university, that I support - but that's 2,000 miles, a couple of provinces away ...

... and it would mean no donating of organs, which I consider important.

My mom (casket - '42) and dad (cremains - '86, so in same space) are buried in a cemetery in a nearby city. I think that there are no more spaces in their plot, but there are spaces available above other caskets for cremains, so I plan to be cremated, to be buried beside them.

A small funeral service at a church where I have connection.

A memorial gathering after some time, to enable family and friends to plan their visit. Daughter lives in the U.S., Brother and stepsister live 1,600 miles away, daughter in U. S. Her projected visit last summer went down the covid ,toilet

ole joyfuelled

Gardengal, I was thinking you meant they would chop my leg off to remove my knee replacement and pull my teeth to remove my implants, before putting me in the oven . I know they grind the cremains to make smooth ashes.

About no funeral service....I really don't have much of a family left. If anyone wants to see me, they need to get over here before I die. I have a daughter, but she knows I am weird.

Edited to add....Coyotes aren't the only scavengers here....and if my remains were dragged around, wouldn't bother me at all....it would be preferable to be laid out like a turkey while people I cared little about in life, gawked at me and said "doesn't she look natural."

But dying in the woods isn't likely to happen, since I would have to take my own life to do that, and I hope it doesn't come to that. But if it did, I would do it in the forest.

Oh, joyful, DH and I are both on the Donor Register here, they’re welcome to salvage anything useful. I’m not planning to need those bits in the afterlife 😁

I won't care if its burial or cremation. I won't know the difference. My religion recommends burial to return the body to earth from whence it came. However, a fancy casket or box is not required, Whatever the method, my state requires a vault for cemetery maintenance purposes. That's to prevent a cave-in when mowing equipment passes over the grave. If cremated, I would want my ashes scattered soon and not stored. Spreading in a farm field or wooded area would fine.

At my location, if burial can be done within 3 days after death, embalming is not necessary. That is my wish. Embalming is an unnecessary expense that became popular during the Civil War so that soldier bodies could be shipped home for burial and to allow time for family members to assemble.

My parent-in-laws donated their bodies to the Mayo Clinic. That's one possibility.

I really had not given much thought about such preparations and realize that i should leave written instructions to my family members if I desire certain features. Thanks for reminding me.

OJ, I am an organ donor. In our state, it's an option on your license. Definitely more need than availability of organs. But, like with body donation, there are very specific conditions under which death has to take place in order for donation to happen. I tried with my mother, but they wouldn't take anything she had to offer which made me rather sad. But we did check. With my SIL, they did at least harvest her corneas and we got notification later of someone who benefited from the donation.

I've said this before when the question has come up. I want to be buried in a mushroom bag which will break down my body and transform all the pollutants back to unpolluted dirt.

I don't know if it's possible but that's what I want.

https://science.howstuffworks.com/environmental/green-science/mushroom-burial-suit.htm

I don't know all the particulars, but when DH died and I authorized organ, skin, cornea donations, I was told they could not harvest from him due to his cancer. So the general health of the individual is a factor.

I don't know if that means, for me for instance, that I would be ineligible due to the cancer I had 12 years ago. Regardless, I do have it marked on my driver's license just in case.

We purchased lots in our local cemetery years ago. Since then I've changed my mind. I want to have just a memorial celebration at my daughter's home by the sea. We just had one for my older sister and we celebrated her life. It was wonderful. We all spent the day together talking about the good times and the fun we all shared with her and lots of singing and music as we love that. It was so exhilarating even though there were tears. In retrospect, I'm so content that she didn't have to live through this past year. She was an amazing and funny woman with a heart of gold. She suffered for years and now she's with her Maker. Oh and our lot I gave to my baby sister and her husband.

I’m an organ donor and then cremation. I don’t care where I’m put after that and I don’t want any kind of service either.

A couple years ago my husband and I put together a "Death Notebook" -- two copies, actually -- for our daughters. It contains all our accounts, passwords, info on life insurance, notes on where the emergency cash is hidden in the house, what items we want each girl to have, etc. We thought it would be easier to do it now (while we're early-50s and healthy) than to wait until one of us is sick. What we couldn't agree upon was burial vs. cremation.

However, lately I've decided that cremation is the best choice. It's easier: no burial plot to buy, no casket and outfit to choose, no wasted space in a graveyard. I think of my deceased relatives often, but I never visit their graves -- my father is buried out of state, so visiting his grade would require two overnights. I'd like to make the whole thing easier and cheaper for my daughters -- and let them keep my money.

Honestly, I have a VERY negative visceral reaction to the idea of being burned, but I have a STRONGER negative reaction to the idea of my body rotting away bit by bit in a tiny box.

I thought about this recently when we lost our dear little dog, and we buried him in the backyard. I found it terribly sad to cover his beloved little body (riddled with cancer as it was) with dirt, and I am still thinking about how his little head was tucked over his feet.

I agree with cutting out the funeral home (as much as possible). I think -- when I have to plan a funeral again -- I'd rather have a drop-in afternoon at home. No service, just a chance for friends to come by and speak personally.

Coyotes are the nastiest creatures on Earth. I shoot them on my farm every time I get the chance -- and I don't bury them. I leave 'em as a warning to the other scavengers.

One last note: One of my favorite students lost his dog last year -- a dog he'd had literally his entire life. His family had the dog cremated, and he intends to keep the ashes until he dies, and then the dog's ashes will be placed in his casket -- probably along with a couple other dogs' ashes. I thought it was interesting, especially coming from an 18-year old boy.

For a very funny, entertaining and informative book on what is done with bodies after death, I highly recommend Mary Roach's book Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers. https://www.amazon.com/Stiff-Curious-Lives-Human-Cadavers/dp/0393324826/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1JHODX6RWKEXU&dchild=1&keywords=stiff+mary+roach&qid=1610818513&sprefix=stiff+mary%2Caps%2C152&sr=8-1

Interesting concept Yeonassky. I wonder if it works on the bones. I dont expect my flesh to not rot away. Bones are amazingly things. It is bones that they find and I dont want my bones dug up. Archeologists casually dig up entire cemeteries of people carefully buried by grieving families. To what end? They coo over the people's grave goods and box everything up. I plainly recall the first time I visited the Mummy room at the British Museum and realized these had been real people who had lived and died and carefully buried and yet here they were mostly seen as tourist entertainment. I decided then and there I wanted to be cremated.

I’m an organ donor and then cremation. I’ve left $6k to my niece, executrix, to take the cremains to the San Juan Islands in the Pacific Northwest to sprinkle the ashes.

IMO, cemeteries, mausoleums, funerals and memorial services are for the survivors so mine are free to do what they want after any any usable parts are harvested.

When I was in the Navy, I scattered my father's cremains from my ship up around Alaska, my Mom's were scattered off the coast around Myrtle Beach, with memorial services for both. That would be fine with me. Someone might come for the service if there was a meal included (LOL).

The definitive comment (as far as I'm concerned) to answer a part of this question:

Yogi Berra's wife asked him "Yogi, you are from St. Louis, we live in New Jersey, and you played ball in New York. If you go before I do, where would you like me to have you buried?" "Surprise me.", Yogi replied

I'm going to disagree with the recommendation of Mary Roach's book Stiff. For me, she seems to be a master of odd humor and sloppy research, which lead to her writing books with misinformation and confused or missing facts that are hard to get through. After having that experience for third time with one of her books, I crossed her off the list.

i will be cremated and buried next to my late husband. i have instructions that my pets' cremains be buried with me.

i have bilateral hip replacements. i told my son he should request one of them after cremation so he can use it as a doorstop. he has my dry sense of humor so i'm pretty sure, if it's allowed, he'll do it. lol

just an fyi for those with instructions that may be included in their last will & testament. your wishes will be better served if you have them in writing, included with any living will you may have. oftentimes, after death, a will isn't seen/probated until weeks and sometimes months after a person dies. obviously, it would be too late for your after-death instructions to be followed.

OK, I looked up the Anatomical Gift Association option in Illinois. They are not overrun with Covid cadavers becasue they don't accept them. (That should have been obvious to me; it's a highly communicable disease!)

I can fill out forms online and register with them; revokable at any time. They may keep a cadaver for two to three years. When it's done 'teaching', it's cremated. The family decides in advance if it wants the ashes; if not, they are disposed of properly -- which is by being *interred*, BTW. The donor can ask to be used by a specific medical school -- there are five in the Chicago area. They only accept intact, whole bodies; no organ donors.

It's certainly an inexpensive way to dispose of a body no longer of any use to you, but of great use to science. The only expense is whatever a funeral home charges to transport a body from place of death to the AGA on Chicago's south side.

I do not know if the tiny box of ashes were actually place in my husband's coffin as requested but when I asked I received a yes from both funeral homes.

I don't know if it was because he "died" at a transplant center hospital where he worked but a friend's partner was maintained after he was brain dead for about ten days allowing his organs to be harvested. We visited her in the room where he was maintained. Something to think and ask about if you are younger and have family members willing to sign the paperwork.

My neighbor's daughter works at a company that collects donated tissue, mostly eyes, after a person dies. It can be done either where they died or at funeral homes.

It’s my understanding that the ashes remaining after cremation are bone fragments that are pulverized plus the actual box you are cremated in. Otherwise, since bodies are mostly water, not much is left.

Is this correct?

That is what I have heard also.

Traditional funeral service, burial next to my husband. DH wanted to be cremated simply due to the expense of a traditional funeral. We could not bear to have his body burned, and gave him a funeral and burial , as has been done in our families for hundreds of years. Because of my religious beliefs, I'm not comfortable with cremation as a way of disposing of a body. I would rather have my body wrapped in a cloth and put in the ground to return to earth naturally, than to have it burned and ground up.

Your husband wanted to be cremated but you didn't comply with his request?

Being fed to the coyotes is a big yuck for me. I can't stand the thought of them getting the best of me. A few weeks ago I woke up to one in my back yard, my neighbors dog was attacked the next week, now fear them eating my little dog, I need to stay in the yard with him. I don't want them eating me or my dog... Yes, I know I'll be dead and gone.

I feel a little more kindly towards wolves and coyotes because I had one that was raised as a pup by humans, and then dumped on my property with 2 siblings, who soon joined up with the wild ones, but he stayed around for a few months, and then left, but returned later for one more time. I never saw him after that. He looked very bad the last time I saw him. I never had any problems with him, but, I fed him over the fence around the woods. I fed him dog food but he also loved fruit, especially bananas and watermelon. I am probably more tolerant of wild creatures than most people. I rehabbed wildlife for 20 years, and my favorite animals were always the least loved by most people.

I wrote a story about him in Bayou Tales. I wish I had a picture. He was a very interesting creature.