No--my husband and I wouldn't touch prepaid funerals with a 10 foot pole. Too many people have lost their money doing that. I prefer to just set aside an adequate amount in an interest bearing account.

I have told my loved ones that I want them to go the cheapest way possible--it's fine with me if they want to have me creamated and my ashes buried in our family plot. We do have cemetary plots because my great grandfather bought a bunch of them back in the early 1900's, so that's not a problem. Oh, and I've told everyone that I want to go out in jeans and a t-shirt or sweatshirt, DON'T put me in fancy clothes that I'd never be caught dead wearing in life! Like you, though, I want those who come to my service to have a good meal afterwards. And hopefully reminisce about the fun and funny times we all had together.

No, but I am working on getting the meds list from DH. :) Mine is in the book with our medical histories. DH has a hard time putting his info in there.

Moni

Now Sue, if you were to make those rolls ahead of time and freeze them...LOL I guess I'm being morbid, but if you "want something done right", you know the rest.

No, I don't have my funeral prepaid, but my wishes are known and I've started a list of who gets what of my personal items that I want to "share." I don't have a grand estate to leave, but there are some people that I know would use and enjoy some of my trinkets. I'd like to think of them remembering me when they saw/used them.

I guess I should get everything arranged and be done with it. We're going to be cremated and I'd like DH to have some sort of memorial for me back home...if anyone remembers me.

No. That's what life insurance is for. A small pre-paid policy so that no one gets stuck with the bill.

When DH died, I bought a double grave and a marker, so that's already taken care of.

I wouldn't prepay funeral arrangements, because you never know what tomorrow will bring.

My mother passed away 2 months ago today. She was cremated, and on March 1, we had a "Celebration of Life" for her. We had hors d'oeuvres, followed by a nice lunch, and people shared memories of Mom. On the day she had her fatal stroke, she made 5 pounds of fudge (she was known for her excellent fudge). At her memorial, we served pieces of that fudge to everyone, and toasted her memory with it.

We had picture boards, with pictures of her throughout her lifetime, and my brother and I made programs with her bio, plus bookmarks with her photo. Unfortunately, the weather was bad that day (snow), but there were still 144 people in attendance.

Based on the favorable comments we have received from all attendees, we will do the same when Dad joins Mom. When my son died in a car accident, my DIL had a huge funeral service (which she really couldn't afford). It was so sad and depressing and traumatic; whereas my mother's service was a celebration of her life (held 4 weeks after her death), with very few tears and lots of wonderful memories.

You are certainly not being morbid. It's sensible to at least make some arrangements or wishes known.

My mother did not have prepaid arrangements, but we had discussed the options with her and knew exactly what she wanted. It's a gift to grown children who are left with the need to make the final arrangements.

No, we don't have any prepaid funeral arrangements. Both DH and I have made our wishes known. We want to be cremated and have our ashes scattered at sea. Locally there is a place called the Neptune Society.
Clare

Here is a link that might be useful: Neptune Society

I've always verbally told my family my wishes-cremation, no viewing, scatter my ashes at sea or plant them in a flower garden.

Jannie,I want the same thing cremation,no viewing either
but I haven't really decided what I want done with my ashes.

I do have a small life insurance policy and that will be divided up between our children. We got the prepaid funeral arrangements on the advice of an attorney that specialized in elder care. Now about freezing those rolls! That is probably the biggest problem to take care of!

Sue

No. DH and I have life insurance to handle that. I don't plan on being buried as I prefer cremation. And, I don't care what happens to the ashes after that. Not sure if I even want a viewing.

I don't have much family and no children so who knows where those ashes will end up.

Yes, I do have a pre-paid funeral in place - actually, it is just a life insurance policy, with the funeral home as the beneficiary.

Cremation, no funeral. Take my ashes sailing and scatter me to the water - lake or ocean. Doesn't matter. Simple and cheap.

Linda

got my plots paid for...in an old forgotten cemetary on old schoolhouse road (since renamed Butler Rd.)

Want a big rock with an arbavatae there and windchimes hidden in the branches.

got just enough insurance to bury me and hopefully leave a few bucks to the boys.

don't want to be buried in fancy clothes, either...something that looks warm and comfy -- used to think I didn't want my glasses on, but I wouldn't look like me without em and I have been known to go to sleep with them on, so I'd probably look quite natural.

also...like the idea of having a scrapbook, collections, photos, etc. for people to look at so they aren't always standing and staring down at me in the casket!

don't want people leaving things on grave either...just left nice and natural.

nola anne

Nope - have the Cemetery plot - my DH is there. I
don't want a funeral - his was huge. Cremation for
me too, and put my ashes beside him - or anywhere
my family wants. I won't be there.

Both MIL & FIL had prepaid arrangements....couldn't have went any smoother!! They had everything picked out, so the kids didn't discuss what they had to have, they had money set aside for a large portion of the family flowers. They had all their wishes written down in black & white...no disagreeing! Couldn't have been more simple to follow....if we were going to have funerals, that is the way we would go too....then there is no disagreeing on anything! MIL had what she wanted served after, the place and the people! lol I am so glad, because it could have been h&ll with all the siblings....okay, with ONE of the siblings!

No, my husband and I don't have any prepaid arrangements, but we know each other's wishes. It's funny you brought this up, though. The other day, my son was laughing, and reminding us of what his very pessimistic grandma (my MIL) did in 1990. She went to the funeral home and made all the arrangements and paid for them. But she insisted that the headstone be engraved to say "1925-19__". I mean, she was only 65 years old, and was very healthy! She just decided that she would not live to the year 2000, I guess. Weird. As you all know, she is still here and living in her own home.

I also want to be cremated, no viewing, no service. If we still have the place here on the bayou, scatter my ashes here.
I wouldn't mind if my daughter let my internet friends know that I have passed away, but I prefer no one else be told about it. My very close friends would know, but that's all that is necessary.

I wouldn't mind being buried, if I could be buried here...very simply, no embalming, but I doubt my daughter would do that...so cremation is okay. Just don't have a funeral or have me laid out, then put in a cemetary. I would come back and haunt her if she did that.

We don't. I have already made a list of what to do though. I don't really care if they bury me or cremate me. Whatever is cheaper. I also want to be buried in my jeans, t-shirt and my boots.

Trish

If they put me in a casket they'll have to roll me on my side or I'll never be able to sleep that long. Seriously, we don't have all that pre-paid stuff and DH thinks we should do that. When my parents bought cemetery plots my mother asked me if I wanted to see where they were and I said heck, no. If they get rid of me fast they can do it w/o embalming. DSIL's family just buried the granddaddy like that and put him in his old worn out golf clothes. He told them to do that b/c he wanted to be comfortable. My jeans and a t-shirt will do nicely.

I don't have a pre-paid funeral but I do know where I'll end up. I'll be buried in the family plot in St. Andrew's Presbyterian Cemetary in Harbour Grace. It is such a pretty and peaceful place and it always gives me a sense of security when I visit there to know that's where my "final resting place" will be.

My parents do we do not, but if I were 100% sure that we would pass here we would. It is so much easier on all involved. When my MIL was so ill we went to the funeral home and made the arrangements. I just thought it would be easier to do it then than after she passed. Her sisters and their daughters are a bit more involved, or try to be, than they should. This way we avoided it all.

Last summer my parents went and took care of everything ahead of time. (Obviously, since they're still living...DUH)

The money they paid earns interest and at the end they take care of the cremation and we get the ashes and any monies left over from the cost of it.

They don't want visitatiion or anything. They made a list of their friends and family and they want us to book a restaurant and they want to run a concert DVD of their favourite bands. Mom loves the Eagles, so wants one of their concerts, and Wally (my step-father) loves Pink Floyd.

That's it. Just a party with music and food. Wally said that he wishes he could be there!!! I said we would have a "dry run" so they could enjoy it too!

No prepaid, but we have instructions, which we have gone over with our son, for what we want done. Cremation, simple get-together to tell funny stories about me, believe me there are lots! I used to say I wanted to be cremated and my ashes thrown all over Burt Reynolds, but he turned out to be a jerk, so I'll have to find another final resting place.....hmmmm....maybe George Clooney. LOL Dottie

((wanda))

No pre-paid funeral expenses here.
DH will be cremated and scattered at his hunting cabin.
I'll be creamted and be scattered in the pond on this place.

We'll see each other again, though...
:-)

Hadn't thought about it - really hadn't heard about it. My mom bought plots for the entire family when my Step-Dad passed. Everyone thought she was crazy. Well, I guess she wasn't, afterall. We had hers already, when she passed, six years later. Most importantly, when my daughter passed, suddenly, 2 years later, we had one for her. That was NOT the time to worry about purchasing a plot for her. I probaly would have spent a million dollars without realizing it. The funeral home told me that if we didn't have one already, it would have cost the same for that one, as the amount my mom had paid, for six, 10 years earlier. I think we had to pay the union charge of about $300 for them to dig the grave. I guess I should look into the pre-paid funeral.

I have prepaid mine, a total of $600. for cremation and the urn. There will be a $125. charge for opening and placing the urn in the ground, no funeral. Our funeral services here are very competitive. I notice in the obits that more and more people are using the cheaper places. You can get a nice funeral for $1,400. I did buy a very nice stone when my husband died.

My husband collected scooters, so I thought this was something he would have liked. His brother was a farmer and his stone had the barn and silo etched on the back of his stone.

I don't have anything prepaid but I will have money set aside. I have made my wishes known to family and friends this past 11 years since my mom died. She was cremated and we scattered her ashes in the water under the Golden Gate Bridge. I want to be cremated and have my ashes scattered around my favorite camping site near Mammoth Mountain in CA. Also have a few ashes scattered around the top of Devils Postpile there if anyone is till young enough to climb the steps up to the top. I plan to live to be 100 years young. Oh, and I want a Celebration of Life like we had for my mom. Lots of pictures, balloons, etc. and stories of my life.

That is a very nice headstone. My brother in law that passed was a farmer and they have a tractor on his. They even list on the back side all of his grandchildren and when another arrives they add that to it. I haven't picked ours out yet, I just want it simple I think.

Sue

Sue since I saved so much on the cremation and no funeral, I bought an expensive stone. I thought this would be a good memorial for him.

Yes, it is a very nice memorial for him. Very thoughtful of you.

Sue

stargazzer, I really like that stone! Two stand out in my mind: One that had a picture of their family (farm) homestead on it and the other was made into a bench. Really nice. If I could find the pictures I'd post them, but no idea where they are. BTW, where are you at that funerals are so cheap?

Most sources I've heard always suggest you pre-arrange a funeral but never pre-pay them unless someone is really spending every dime they have and/or they want something unusually expensive. Most of the time, prepaid funerals turn out to be more expensive than if you check around a bit. Sounds cheap and morbid but the fact is they take advantage of vulnerable people who are grieving. Oh, wouldn't your loved one have wanted $10,000 worth of flowers, a solid gold casket and Donald Trump driving the hearse?

I personally don't feel a need for a fancy funeral. I can't for the life of me see the sense of a $10,000 box for remains, that will be seen by a handful of people for possibly a couple hours. It's pretty arrogant and pompous to me. Plus I agree with Rodney Dangerfield's character in Caddyshack: The two biggest wastes of land are cemetaries and golf courses. I don't mind some bucks spent on a classy stone though. It's refreshing to see something unusual.

Cremate me and dump the ashes. Like I said in my Final Arrangements Declaration, if anyone happened to be going to Australia.... Otherwise I'd like to be up north somewhere, near woods and water, in a peaceful area. But in reality, I'LL BE DEAD, so who really cares? I'm more interested in being able to come back and haunt people who so deserve it!

thank you Sue.

Nothing prepaid here. Even those "end of life" life insurance policies are a bad deal for most.

Neither my husband nor I want a funeral service, and we do not want to be buried. We will both be cremated, and the kids can do what they wish with the ashes. We have suggested that if they wish, they can have some sort of memorial gathering. We don't want flowers, bagpipes (which would be appropriate for the DH), or any of the expensive trappings. We'll be dead, so we won't care, and I see no need to spend thousands and thousands of dollars on embalming, caskets, church or funeral home, flowers or any of that stuff.

My friend's father-in-law's mother (her husband's grandmother)
had a prepaid funeral and paid $6,000 for it. When she died and her son went to finalize the arrangements, the funeral home talked him into another $1500. Of course, he didn't have the money, so my friend and her husband paid for it. I'm sorry but I think that is a terrible waste of money. If I had to be buried, I would want the cheapest way possible.

When my husband went to make funeral arrangements for my mother, who ended up living a few more years...altho she was considered "terminal" at the time, we didn't have a lot of money. Hardly any, in fact, so he went to make arrangements and then we paid it out. I think her burial cost $1800. He went in his work clothes and driving his old truck, and I guess the funeral director decided no point in trying to charge him a lot of money. We had her buried without embalming. She already had her plot and her stone from when my father died. Not all funeral homes will go along with not embalming, but it isn't a state law in Texas that people must be embalmed...just depends on the policy of the funeral home. Of course, you have to be buried quickly, but that's okay too.

My husband is originally from Cedar Key, Florida, and someone in the little town donated the land for the cemetary and anyone who lives there can be buried there for free...at least the plot doesn't cost anything. Or, at least, that is the way it was. His parents are buried there and their headstones were home made. I love them. It is just so much more personal. One of them has clam shells around it, and another one has marbles around it. It's on a hill, over looking the Gulf of Mexico. Large pines. Very peaceful spot.

I didn't know embalming was optional. I thought it was required everywhere in North America.

DH plans to be buried at the Veteren's cemetary, which I understand is free if you are a veteren? I want to be creamated and have my ashes scattered at my favorite places (DH says he doesn't know if the people having the garage sales will like that hehe..). I do not want to end up in an urn on someone's mantle.. so somebody had better scatter my ashes somewhere. No viewing, but a small service or a memorial (bonfire and a keg of beer sounds good) of some sort would be okay.

No, it is not required here. Our lots are in my husband's home town and only cost $90 for two spaces. They want $3,000. for cremation alone in the funeral home there and we can do it for $600. in our city. Most places in town charges $5,000 for two lots. It's ridiculous.

Back when we got our 5 plots, it cost $100 for all five.

Sue

Susan..embalming,as a lot of ppl *think* is the law,when in fact,it is not.

Anyways,my arrangements have not been put on paper as yet,altho my DS and SO know what to do if anything should happen to me.

Do not waste the $$ on arrangements....just do a cremation,and place me with my Bud.

No burial, no fuss for me. Just cremate me and do what feels best. Bring me home in a box or scatter my ashes. My DH and family know what I want.
I told DH I didn't trust him to pick out the right outfit for a viewing and I certainly don't want some stranger doing my hair and makeup! I'd rather my friends and family remember me as I am and just have a good meal and enjoy good memories after I've been cremated.

We have out plots and I have everything else written down, even what songs I want played at Mass...With me, it will be very simple, no viewing, just get me to the church and then plant me and then have a nice big dinner...And everyone knows, I'm to wear one of my cat sweatshirts....
Not too far from us is a place that makes the head stones and they have a gorgeous "Shamrock stone" on display...I keep telling DH, I'm going to get him something (birthday, Christmas or anniversary) but I don't want him to use if for a long time...

No, but my dad does. He just had it done recently, called me to joke about sending me a bill for my part of it. He's being cremated by the same funeral home as my mom and put in the same hole in the ground at the VA cemetary that she's buried at.

I've told him, my brothers and my kids that I want to be cremated and either put in my garden, thrown out in Yellowstone or somewhere in Germany. I really don't want to be thrown in the water, not that I'm going to know. Don't really care if they have a funeral or not. I doubt a lot of people would show up anyway.

State laws on embalming differ, but generally it's only required when:
-A body will be transported by plane or train from one state or country to another.
-There is a relatively long time -- a week or more -- between the death and a burial or cremation.
-The death occurred because of a communicable disease and embalming is likely protect the public from it (an extremely rare situation).

A federal law, the Funeral Rule, expressly prohibits funeral directors from telling consumers that embalming is always required by law or that it will preserve a body. That law also provides that funeral directors must explain on a written Statement of Funeral Goods and Services Selected why a fee was charged for embalming. Funeral homes can charge for embalming only when:
-A family member or other person authorized by law authorizes it (in some states, the consent must be in writing).
-State or local law requires it

It's one of those little "extras" morticians put in to pad the bill.

HD and I have talked about it...several times...but have not made any final decisions...

I have mixed feelings about it...my mother had pre arranged her services...then gave everything in her savings and checking account to the youngest of five siblings without a word to any of the other four...and the four of us learned this after her will was filed and received a letter from her attorney....explaining that she was not accountable to anyone..the sad part is...I haven't spoken to my sister since that letter arrived. My mother was very self centered and selfish....when my father died in 84..all of the children signed their child's portion over to her so she would not have to get money through the courts...so, when she sold it and paid cash for another home, then sold it for a handsome profit...you'd think somewhere along the line she would have realized "if something happened to her, that belonged to all of her children" I'm just glad my dad didn't live to see what happened to all he worked for!

Bluhannah,

Spouses usually inherit all from each other. When the last spouse dies, the estate is usually distributed to the children, but only if there is something left.

I don't understand "all children signed their child's portion over to her". Were there specific provisions in your father's will for the children? This is not common.

And you say you signed away your rights as spelled out in your father's will? Were these bequests spelled out in your father's will, or were they to happen on the death of the surviving spouse, your mother? Usually these provisions would kick in when your mother died, but only if there were an estate left to inherit.

I really don't understand. You're not entitled to anything until both parents are deceased, unless specific trusts and bequests are set up, and frankly, that is not common unless your parents are incredibly wealthy.

Neither my wife nor I have prepaid funeral arrangements for a couple of reasons. There is a danger that the arrangements won't be homored should we live 10 yrs or more after purchashing the arrangement. Locally, there were several cases of that happening. The ownership of a cemetery had changed since a person pre-purchased a funeral and burial arrangement. The new owner would not honor the old agreement saying that it was with the former owner, not him, and that when he purchased the cemetery, none of there pre-agreements were included, therefore, the problem lies with the seller - go chase him down. Admitedly, this was a weak argument, but it would have required the services of an expensive lawyer to fight. The cost difference of the original purchase was smaller than the current going rate. The new owner did offer to provide the services if they would pay the difference between the two prices. The second reason is that we can not predict where we might die. In our religion, we are supposed to bury the body within one hour journey from the place of death. (This eliminates the cost of the unnecessary expense of carting a body all over the globe.) If I died in a auto accident 3000 miles from home, I would not be able to use a prepaid burial plot.

Both my wife and I have instructed each other to use the KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid) principle. [My wife told me that if I spent too much on her funeral, that she would come back to haunt me. I replied, "Really. Is that a promise? That gives me an idea. I want you back." LOL Embalming is not a requirement in many places if the body is buried soon enough after death. But it may be in a closed casket for practical reasons. Long ago, it was decided that the next of kin should view the body before burial to verify identification. This need not be a public viewing. My only wish is to be returned to the ground from whence my body came from.

I do have some advice about my grave stone should the surviving family decide to place one. If you are going to set a stone, do it right. This advice comes from my genealogical experience in researching my and my wife's families and walking many cemeteries.

1. No limestone. It weathers too much. A stone 100 yrs old starts to be unreadable. Use durable materials such as granite or slate. A bronze plaque is very durable, also.

2. Have the nomenclature deeply cut. Including a verse or saying is a nice touch, but the characters are often too samll to be of value after 50 yrs or more. I recommend against it, but if one must, apply a short saying with as large of characters as possible.

3. Many cementeries these days require grave markers to be laid flush with the ground level for grass mowing and ease of maintence. Be aware the a flush marker will be trod on by mowing equipment. Plan the stone with this in mind.

4. If the survivors place a conventional, vertical, headstone, do it right. It should be in three section: 1) a flat base for a foundation, 2) a pedalstal stone that is several inches wider and longer than the headstone, and 3) finally the headstone resting on the pedalstal. The pedastal protects the main stone from maintence equipment. It takes the knocks and dings that will occur. The foundation stone provides a grass free border and eases the mowing chore.

Now, what we haven't done is to discuss with our children, put the results in writing, send a copy to each child, and store a copy with our wills. That we should do. That would simplify funeral arrangements and head off arguments in a time of family berevement.

Both of my wife's parents willed their bodies to the medical profession with the proviso that their remains be disposed of in a dignified manner, probably by incenaration. There were no ashes or burial, just a memorial serice.