I personally find all obituaries rather odd. People who know me already know my achievements and what I stand for. Why does it have to be rehashed upon my death?

As for those that don't know me I don't want some write-up in a paper to be a source of entertainment.

A simple death notice is fine by me. Born___Died___ The End.

That said if I was expecting to have to say words at another person's funeral or memorial service then yes I would pre-plan them.

I think everyone should do just exactly what they want,
so it is certainly not my place to tell anyone they
are "off base".

I have spoken at a couple of funerals for loved ones. The
worse part was the nervousness before. After I was there,
I was able to say everything I had planned and wasn't
nervous.

I am not having a viewing. My family has been told to
think about the love and fun we had together - and remember
me that way.

If someone wants to write an OBIT - that's up to them. I
am pretty certain I won't be reading it, or caring about
it one way or another.

That being said - everyone should make their own
choices if they have them. It isn't my place to tell
anyone what they should do, no matter what I believe.

softball_80, No I don't think you are off base. After my Dad passed away sort of unexpectedly in the nursing home, I wrote up my Mom's obituary and had it stored on my computer. It was easier to do when I wasn't upset and could remember names and dates or look them up. It was also a big help to the funeral director.
Kittywhiskers

my dad had a masonic service. my mother no formal service (her request) but my cousin (a pastor) did a brief speech when we had part of her ashes placed near family in kansas...dh and i will do the same...as for an obit, who knows if newspapers will even be around....

Having had to write an obit, I'd say you are MOST considerate to have that task completed for your family.

When I eulogized my mother at her funeral mass, the night before, I jotted down a list of key words and phrases about my mother, events and people on a piece of note paper.
I scanned that piece of paper before I started speaking, and just winged it from there.

I don't think obituaries are necessary, at least for ME. Like Wildchild, those I love and care about already know I didn't accomplish anything to put in a newspaper and the rest don't need to know. I am not having any kind of memorial service - I am an organ doner, so when they get through with my parts, I will be cremated and interred with my husband.

Composing an obiturary ahead of time is a good move because you can take your time, lay it aside, and then read again on another day. The editing begins on the re-reads and it has been my experience that you will want to make changes.

Writing one for yourself is good also provided that several members of your family knows it exists and where it is located. It would be useless if it can not be easily located.

Many people write a preamble to their will. However, this is often a note of encourgement to family members and not so much as short history as found in an obiturary. A positive preamble lets the family konw how you felt and what you considered as major items in your life, and your view of the hereafter. It can include advice.

Now, about what to include in an obiturary. I do like the ideas above of keeping it short and to the point. However, it will have more use to future generations who wish to research their ancestors (genealogy), if it contains pertainent family data. All children should be named and here's the chance to record the correct spellings of their names. Spouse(s) should be named in chronological order if there were more than one. The parents of the deceased should be named as well. Naming all the grandchildren is optional and there is the problem of leaving one out when the obit is written a few years in advance of the actual event.

Be careful with the wording. Make it concise. Confusion may exist with poorly constructed sentences and rambling thoughts. From an economic viewpoint, there is a desire to compress the wording because the newspaper is going to charge an amount similar to an ad and the word count adds to the cost. Many newspapers will place an abreviated death notice free of charge as a news item, but these are skimpy. The one you write will be better. My advice is to write a proper obit. If it is deemed too expensive to publish, it will remain useful as a note in the funeral card and a mailing to family memebers and close friends. It can be appended to your will.

If you do not intend to publish the obit in a newspaper, you can allow yourself the freedom to expand and be more generous with your word-smithing. Maybe you could write two versions: A long one and an abbreviated one for publication.

I like reading obituaries. I've done some genealogy and the obits have provided a little bit of info that I didn't know previously. In this modern times where people are cremated and then have their ashes scattered, it provides a bit of substance showing that the person had lived.

When I put my parents and disabled sister in a Home, another sister and I preplanned/prepaid their funerals. It was part of the planning to write the obituaries and have them at the funeral home in with our other papers. All they had to do was call us for any changes to them when Dad & Mom passed away.

Shirley

I think it's a great suggestion for those individuals who want an obituary. I wonder how many people haven't discussed funeral arrangements at all? I know my parents didn't - they purchased 2 funeral plots but never mentioned anything else. We asked but they weren't comfortable with the topic.

Now where did you put it so that it will be found if necessary? I doubt you'd want to leave it on the mantel.

I don't care for at all for the current trend of people getting up and talking at funerals. It's a very difficult time at best, and speaking in public is one of the most challenging things for most people--seems barbaric to me, to expect people to have to do that when they're least able. My extended family feels as I do, so no need to work up funeral words ahead of time. We just don't do that.

Obituaries? I believe they should be very short and to the point--just the basics--name, date of death, surviving family members, funeral info, and a suggestion of where those interested can send memorial donations. Considering the obscene amounts newpapers charge to put them in, that's enough, IMO.

I'm a very practical, down-to-earth person. Have no problem discussing my own or other's deaths, and what plans they or I want followed.

I've nearly broken out laughing reading some of the obituaries for some people. The exaggerations and add-ons that get put into so many are sometimes ludicrous. They're sometimes more appropriate for editorial/opinion pages than obituaries! I didn't realize so many single-handedly saved the world from an enemy force or was of such societal importance.

I don't like them reading it. If people want to speak of memories, that's fine but I think it's more appropriate to put the obit in the memorial sheet (whatever they call it) they hand out at the funerals.

I completely agree Cynic. I get a big laugh out of some of the pictures also. Getting old is an accomplishment in itself. Why post a pic of an 18 year old in an obit about someone who lived to be 98?

When I die, I want my daughter to send an email to notify my best e friends. Anyone else can find out whenever the subject comes up. I don't want a funeral or services of any kind or an obituary.

"..as for an obit, who knows if newspapers will even be around...."

Obituaries are online now. Funeral homes in my area publish detailed obituaries on their sites as part of the funeral package. Newspapers nowdays have websites listing the obituaries they publish in newspapers. A funeral director told me the only reason they publish in newspapers now is that older people can't wrap their head around the idea of an online obituary and insist on spending hundreds of dollars to still put one in the newspaper. I'm sure that will change in years to come as people who were born in the Internet age die and see the Internet as the sole form of communication.

The problem with obituaries is that they are written by family members and are filled with outright lies and exaggerations. When the "info" is submitted for publication no one 'fact checks' it like they would for an article and it is treated just like any other ad in the newspaper. When my uncle died, the person who wrote it up put in that he had received his bachelors degree even though he had never even attended college. My uncle was always resentful that he had not been allowed to attend college so I guess the person who wrote that figured that that made it all better by "fixing" history. A lot of people noticed and brought it up at the memorial service.

When we knew my dad's time with us was very short, I wrote his obit, & my mom approved it. I've sketched out one for her, but she doesn't know it :-) It's easier to do when thinking clearly & not immediately after they leave us. Because my kids really don't know what I've done since they left home & are completely clueless re: favorite hymns, I've written my obit. A copy is in my home safe & my sis has a copy. Also are instructions re: hymns, minister, etc. I've left instructions just to add add'l g'kids should that be needed. Makes it easier for my children.

Yep... did it more or less as a joke some years ago, but I sort of like it, and more than one person said it matches my style. It's not really an obit, but hey...

This is Kframe. If you're reading this, I'm dead and this is my obit.

If you liked me, cry. If you didn't like me, well screw you anyway.

I grew up, graduated from some schools, held a couple of jobs, had a failed marriage, and generally had a good life.

None of that crap matters, though, because I had some great dogs. And if you really, truly knew me, you'd know I was all about my dogs. There's a damned good reason why Dog and God are so similar, but I'm not going to get into a bunch of theological crap here.

Now that I'm dead, I don't care what happens to my carcass, because I believe in God. So hopefully I've made the grade.

I'd say feed me to the dogs, but I'm too fatty, it might hurt their health.

I do care, though, what happens with my money.

The following animal shelters and rescue organizations will equally divide my estate.

If you thought you were going to get some of money or other stuff?

WRONG!

But, maybe if you die and are lucky enough to come back as a dog and get stuffed into one of those shelters, they'll treat you right.

Kframe - I love it. Excellent.

My Obit will be very simple.

"Back in 3 days"

Kframe - that's perfect. My brother said that he wanted the paper to print his death notice with his name - followed by "Watch This Space" - as if he planned on returning soon.

My DH and I don't care if we have an obit or not but we've instructed our adult children to keep the costs to a minimun, cremate our remains and spread the residue under the old maple tree in the middle of the meadow at our vacation home. And with the money they saved we'd like them to buy a piece of art or some other item of lasting value for themselves.

My Mother was a smoker and joked that she'd like to be cremated and put inside a lucite ash tray as a remembrance.

When I wrote my daughter Jill's obituary at 4:00 a.m. with no advance preparation, I was grateful for the experience I had reading and editing obituaries at the newspaper where I worked. To me, the obituary was an opportunity, possibly my last, to introduce to the world the remarkable person I knew so well. It was critically important that I get it right. I'll always remember an email I received afterward from one of her dear friends: "You nailed it."

I hope my obituary will say good things about me, inspired by the thoughts of people who love me. For that reason, I have no interest in writing it myself.