DH and I feel free to spend what we wish. However, out of respect, if it is a major purchase we talk about it first.

For us, married 37 years. We do not spend anything over $100.00 or so without talking about it, not asking no permission needed. We do not need anything, only "want". Big difference in our opinion.

I never solved that issue with my exes. I am (not extraordinarily) thrifty, but money burned holes in their pockets. With the second I kept my income and accounts separate, because he would have raided them without a second thought if he decided that he wanted or "deserved" something.

Nope. If the bills are paid, we typically buy what we want. His hobby is building and racing race cars. Really cars in general. He likes having them and fiddling with them. Its not at all surprising to me when he pulls up in the yard with yet another vehicle he bought. I don't say anything about it. They make him happy. Its very expensive but like I said, the bills are paid. I just bought a $300 20 foot tall inflatable Santa to go with my 20 foot tall inflatable snowman. I told him about it, but because I was excited about it, not to get approval. He doesn't say anything when my numerous packages arrive. He just brings the boxes in........

My late husband and I had opposite views about money. Both raised by working class parents; I was raised by a widowed mom and we were poor, while was raised by two parents who both worked for large multinational corporations - she in accounting, dad in a mechanical job. Good, probably union wages, great benefits and retirement for both. His dad loved to spend $; his mom held the purse strings and moths flew out when opened. She and my husband were both from the poverty/scarcity school.

Wouldn't have mattered how much $ we had, he could not justify spending it. I, on the other hand, had NO problem spending it. If I hadn't learned to quit trying to negotiate/compromise with him we never would have purchased anything. We never would have owned a home or a new car- we bought 2 houses and built one during our marriage. It was all doom and gloom for the future according to him when I insisted we buy a home. Big fights about it, but I prevailed and we bought a home. Finally, for house #3, I just told him I wasn't going to even talk with him about it - he'd had the same panicked response on the first two houses and those purchases and sales and profits served us well. So I was through listening to his naysaying. He wasn't a negative guy about anything but spending $. And he calmed down after that. And I just bought a new car when we needed one. We'd go together to pick it out, but it was always at my urging.

In the early days of our marriage we discussed anything that was going to cost over $100. Nowadays we only consult each other on more expensive things, and it's more of a "BTW, I'm about to buy X and it's going to cost Y," rather than an asking of permission.

We have never, in 35 years of marriage, had an argument about money. We are both judicious spenders and profligate savers. :-)

No rules here.

We would certainly discuss a major purchase like a trip, a vehicle or a house, but not much else. Neither of us have expensive hobbies or desires for expensive luxury items.

This is Stacey_mb. I'm unable to log in under my own id for some reason.

DH and I grew up in similar circumstances where there was very little money. When we married, we mutually agreed to live frugally for the first while until we got more established. Many years later, we are comfortable financially and definitely consult the other person about buying big ticket items.

Same as Fun2BHere's first sentence. Any discussion in either direction would be not that different from my wife saying to me "I'm going with X friend to a movie tomorrow". Kind of an FYI.

Major things we do together. She was taking a trip to Europe with a friend and when she booked a coach seat I suggested she change it to business class.

Not because of good fortune or luck but rather hard work, money has never been an issue in our lives and has never been the cause of a dispute. I know it's not that way for everyone and perhaps underlying the reason is that while money doesn't burn a hole in our pockets we can spend what we want, when we want.

It isn’t a matter of permission with us, I think it is just respect. If he came home and said hey I want a new car I would say your car is two years old but does it mean a lot to you? If I said this artist I love will do a commissioned painting for me and it is expensive he would ask the same. Because we are a bit frugal we’d probably skip dinners out one night a week for a bit(carryout now). Neither of us would hit savings for a want. We do set aside “fun” money and at the end of the year if it has really built up we will roll it into savings or something that needs done in the house. Of course we love some new tile or wallpaper almost as much as hubby!

While my husband is now gone we solved this very easily. Will not work if the two of you do not have separate incomes but we discussed after an argument about too much holiday spending. We set up separate personal spending accounts and had so much deposited directly into the accounts. Since he earned more than I did I calculated the percentages of the take home income was for each of us. A percentage of that amount rounded to the next highest $10 for personal spending. How either of us spent it was strictly off the table for discussion.

Purchases for the house and normal things like clothing and eating out were taken out of the main account. The only discussion was brand to purchase for major expenses.

No.

Hubs and I are both retired, and we have no mortgage or car payments. The only recurring bills we have are utilities. We each use different credit cards, and we pay those bills in full each month. If we want something, we buy it. If it's something "major" for the house, such as a new appliance, we discuss which one to get, but price doesn't enter into it.

My husband is gone now but we didn't really have rules about spending. We always lived within our means. He was better at saving than I was but he also earned the money. One time when we were out with some other couples and they were talking about finances he said our financial plan was that he made the money and i spent it and it worked for us. I did take care of all the bill paying.

We are usually on the same page when it comes to spending. I only can remember 1 arguement over money in 45 years of marriage and that was long ago. All money goes into one pot. I know people who are married, but have her money and his money. My BIL's neighbor wanted to redo her driveway , but her husband didn't and wouldn't split the cost with her. So she paid for the new driveway and since he didn't chip in half he isn't permitted to park in it. He has to park his car on the street.

I can think of two rules. First: Only one of is responsible for keeping the checkbook balanced and accurate, and that person must tell the other person if/when the account is getting low. Currently DH has that responsibility. Second: No surprise large bills. "Large" is a bigger number now than it used to be, but it's still somewhat subjective. Perhaps a third rule is: Don't waste money. Spend it for necessities, for responsibilities, and for things that bring joy to life -- but make sure the value is there.

No, no spoken rules or amounts, and can happily say we've never had a money fight. We'd both experienced periods where money could be stressful when growing up. Me, when my dad became ill and there was little money coming in along with mounting hospital bills. Him, one of 10 kids who ate very well on a farm but had little that was new, or extra. We were both experienced at living within our means, placed the same value on having an emergency fund, and just kind of fell into step with each other without having to talk about it. If I'm buying something expensive for me, or the house, I'll tell him of my plans. Same with him. We both trust each other not to spend in a way that would incur unreasonable debt. Always joint accounts. Any money either of us has earned or been given, is 'ours'.

No defined rules here either but fortunately we both have the same values about money and spending. I've always handled the house finances and he keeps an eye on our investments with our advisor. It's a system that evolved when we first married - I worked full time while he was in school and we lived paycheck to paycheck. There wasn't any discussion about spending because they wasn't any extra cash. I stopped working 40 years ago when we had our first child and we have always had joint accounts. He's been retired for several years and we still operate the same way. There's no debt, both houses paid off and we're in a great position with a secure nest egg.

We discuss big purchases - moving or vacations or if we decide to give money to the kids. But that's about it. I had my car at the dealership a few months ago for servicing and a salesman approached me because he had a client who was interested in my car - a low mileage, luxury, diesel SUV. I had been thinking about getting a new car and knew exactly what I wanted. We bartered and agreed on a price - and I called DH at home to ask him how we should handle the purchase - buy, lease, finance - whatever - that's more his thing than mine.

We were broke when we got married and agreed that we’d always talk when spending over 100.00. Didn’t really matter because we’d always shop for that kind of stuff together anyways. I miss that. I also handled all the finances, he would never even look at his paycheck much less the bank account or the bills.

ETA: When it came to larger expenses if we didn’t agree, we’d find a compromise that would work for both of us.

We have very different interests. I'm into the arts and he into sports and the only things we agree on are politics, animals,and money. We got married with absolutely nothing. My parents bought our first week's groceries. I was in college and he had graduated weeks before and made very little but the first year we saved $500 and bought four rooms of furniture. We are both frugal and don't make large purchases. We paid off our mortgage many decades ago and have one credit card which we pay off every month and never once did we have a late payment. But stuff happens and this week we had to layout 5 grand to have our koi pond rebuilt.

I had no control of any money all the years I was married. I did not even have a checking account until I started getting Social Security and needed it for my direct deposit. Then I had that little amount of money I could spend. I had to ask for any money I wanted to shop with. Which was usually ten or twenty dollars for myself.

Sue

He makes it.....I spend it. Well, actually, he is 100 percent disabled and gets a VA pension. I don't ask if I want to buy something....if I did, he would say yes anyway.

I don't know anyone my age (79) who had the arrangement Marilyn_Sue describes, but it's the way a neighbor described her parents' marriage. The couple were second generation Italian Americans. When they married, 'Papa' gave 'Mama' X dollars a week from his paycheck to spend on household expenses. The amount never increased, Papa failing to report his raises or the gambling debts he funded with the additional money. After two children, Mama couldn't stretch her X dollars any longer, and Papa had to reveal the truth.

Money is often an issue when there's not enough to meet needs. (Needs, not wants.)

We've had discussions here before about 'living within your means'. It took me some years to realize it does not mean 'living below your means'.

My parents married in 1946, my mother didn't work and for her it was the same as Marilyn Sue. I didn't work but my husband said the money he earned was our money and I had full access to it.

As a joke I tell people "my money is mine and his money is mine".

He set up a "budget" our first year of marriage. It was ineffectual because neither of us spend anywhere near the amounts we had allocated. We are of like minds on spending 99% of the time. There just has never been anything on my part to discuss. He did make his case for the pontoon/motor cycles/wood shop.

I too have known several women in similar situations where they were given a certain amount of money and it was supposed to cover everything. Some were about ten years ago. Which I always found strange because in most of the families that I knew the woman was the one that paid the bills. A couple of them had to make out the checks for the husband to approve and sign.

I only worked for the first 5 years of marriage until the first was born. Up until then we both contributed a certain percentage from our paycheques into the spending acct and the rest we kept for personal expenses. After I quite work I felt like I had to justify every penny I spent - DH was really cheap (I worked that out of him) and questioned everything I spent.

One day I just told him that I wanted a certain amt of money every month that I did not have to justify and that he was no longer to tell me where, how or when to buy groceries and that I was in charge of what the kids needed/wanted.

I also took over what the house needed and wanted. Since then we have never fought over money. I am not a spendthrift but was better at balancing how money should be spent.

The one thing that my DH had to learn, which my father had to teach my mother, was that it pays to buy quality and is cheaper in the long run.

We shop together. We try to shop wisely. I load coupons on the store card before grocery shopping. Bargain for prices on large items, ie: a new truck. We discuss purchases. Once I kept showing him a house I wanted. He hated it. After a month I wore him down. I made an offer over the asking price, got it! So........sometimes....I don't bargain for a large item. ☺ But....I didn't make the offer until he agreed we should buy it.

I did get a cat without his permission. I told him I was going to rescue this poor thing. He complained. Tried to talk me out of it....to no avail. Then promptly fell in love with it. ☺

I have a coworker who is very controlling of her and her husband's money. She needs to know where every single penny goes and I have heard her berate him over the phone for buying his mothers lunch, a pack of gum, a work shirt, etc. They both work full time. She told me once that I don't understand because "thats how marriage is." I guess since I am not married I am just naiive in thinking that a man talking to a woman like that over buying a pack of gum would be considered by most of civilized society, to be a cheap, mean, overcontrolling ogre. And I feel like that works both ways. Its even less becoming in a woman.....BUT if he is willing to take her talking to him like that, whatever.

None of my business. I told her as much and also said that if that's what marriage is, I'm good shackin up for life.

My DH and I were perpetual students and perpetually broke. I remember making decorations for the Charlie Brown Christmas tree out of tinfoil (pre Dollar Store days), buying clothes at thrift stores, etc. When we finally started a family and were looking for our first home, DH told me what our savings were. Could have knocked me over with a feather. We were able to buy a house mortgage free. That was a good lesson for me and, even though we splurge occasionally, we're both still fairly frugal. Like most have said here, I consult on bigger purchases not out of need, but because I respect his opinion.