The problem with the current range location is not just that there is no landing/workspace to the left of it...it's also that it's right in the main passage through the house. I strongly encourage you to at least change the range location--and vent it externally :-) What are your countertops? If they're laminate, I think you can redo them fairly inexpensively (at least compared to stone or solid surface!) Besides, you have to put in a new countertop on the peninsula and to the left of the refrigerator (unless those are tall cabinets, but you seem to have upper cabinets there, so I'm not sure what you're doing there). Moving the island: How big is your FR? From the looks of it, I don't think you can afford to lose the space in the FR that you will need to move the island into it. Have you considered making the FR's left exterior wall flush w/the MBR & MBA walls? That would give you more FR space and still give you that staggered look, if that's what you're looking for (don't move the Office wall). OTOH, if you don't care about the staggered look, perhaps you should just make that left exterior wall flush the entire length...I would think it would be less expensive or at least the same cost since you don't have to build in the "stagger"...but I'm not a home builder, so I could be wrong. I've seen, however, that whenever you deviate from simple straight lines it costs more! Think about placing the Office door...from which room will you be going to/from the Office the most? That will determine where best to put the door. I suspect it will be the FR, but I don't know that. If you have 2 doors, you're taking precious wall space for your computer, bookshelves, etc. Where is the front door? Your layout doesn't show that. Is there an alternate entrance that family uses (e.g., Garage door)? BTW...if you're going to be buying new cabinets for the island and pantry, I'm not sure it's cost effective to do the kitchen in phases like this. Unless you plan to reuse your cabinetry in phase 2, which is probably doubtful if you plan to redesign the kitchen altogether, then I think you might be better off saving your money now b/c cabinetry is not cheap...it's usually the most expensive part of a remodel (~50% of a remodel cost). I would consider taking down the FR wall to the counter level of your current wall of cabinets and leaving the base cabinets as-is (obviously you will have to take down the upper cabinets when the wall comes down). OR, if phase 2 is soon, perhaps leave the kitchen intact for now and take the wall down with phase 2...that way you don't lose storage now. For pantry room, consider putting in shelving to get you by for now. If you do take down the wall, then you could get inexpensive laminate countertops for now and even put in a small overhang. Then you could also switch the range w/at least one of your existing cabinets and put in the same countertops on that wall that you are putting in the island. Is your range currently vented to the outside? If it is, then moving it now may be problematical...OTOH, moving it now while new exterior walls & ceilings are going up may be more cost effective...of course that means you have to finalize your kitchen's design now rather than later so you know where to place the duct work for the vent....tough decision here! If you just put in shelving to the left of the refrigerator for now you will not need new countertops there. Laminate is usually inexpensive enough that you could probably replace the countertop to the right of the refrigerator to match the new counters on the "island". I think there is a lot to think about...sorry if I'm making this more difficult, but I thought you would want a frank assessment....

Cat, I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds so similar to my SD's mom. A couple of years ago, they shared 50/50 and we came to an event during BM's time, she grabbed SD and kept her from talking to us because it was HER time. She says she gives SD her medication but she probably hasn't even filled the prescription because she won't spend the money on it... sounds SOOOO familiar. Fast forward to a year and a half ago, she met a guy and dumped both her girls after knowing this guy two weeks. She moved three hours away to be with him. She doesn't bother coming to school events... tonight was SD's play & no BM. SD tried to call her twice after and got her voice mail... no call back. She's going to be 10 next week & she is beginning to see what her mom is all about. It has been about her mom, not her. When a parent grabs the child to keep the child from seeing or talking to ANYONE else that the child cares about, the parent is hurting the child. The child will eventually see that it's more about mom wanting to be in charge/control and not about mom caring for the child. Kids will figure it out, even if it's when they become adults. Sometimes they side with the parent that does that because they feel sorry for or obligated but eventually, they will resent or even hate them for it. I've been dealing with it for almost five years now. It does not get easier. It has been hard for me to see a mom that was what I thought so involved.. she used to be at her school all the time, take her to activities, etc. and now she is hardly involved at all. One of the factors may be that we simply try our best to disengage from BM. We are not 100% successful and I come here to vent when it gets to be too much, but when we stopped fighting with her (and she does try to start spats all the time over trivial things as well as big issues), she backed off. I'm sure the boyfriend helped take her attention too, but I hang on to the belief that if she truly was the involved parent she first portrayed herself as... 'lovingly possessive' of her daughter, she would never have cut off her daughters at a time when they probably need her most. I wholeheartedly believe she is so self absorbed that her prior 'involvement' in her daughter's life was more about 'appearances' and making herself appear to be a great mom rather than genuine concern for her own kids. I don't doubt she loves her kids but she is so wrapped up in herself that her own happiness is more important than her kids. So I do understand what you are going through. I used to stay up late, wake up in the middle of the night and lose sleep over BM's antics and at times, it's put a strain on my marriage and it's a constant strain on my relationship with my SD. When I have to pay for fillings and BM doesn't make her brush teeth; When I have to take SD to the doctor and stay home with her because BM let her play outside with shorts in the freezing cold or let her eat nothing but junk or let her stay up all night or whatever else she does there; When I would try to fix things for SD because she counted on her mom but mom let her down... SD resents me, probably because she wants her mom to do the things she knows I will do but her mom won't. I resent BM for doing these things to her daughter and I feel I am forced to sit by watching SD suffer. The only thing that has helped is me letting go of the resentment I have for BM, which isn't easy at all. Like making a lame excuse for not coming to SD's play after she promised several times over the last few weeks that she'd be there. She told us nobody told her about it.... well, her daughter told her many times and heard her tell us she knew nothing about it. Sadly, SD pretended that she 'forgot' to tell her mom and repeatedly apologized to BM for not telling her.. then cried on the way home from BM's house. I guess my point is that there is nothing you can do about what BM does. She doesn't give meds... nobody can 'make' her, not even a Judge. She doesn't bathe him... nobody can 'make' her. The Judge can change custody. The Judge can put her in jail. She can be ordered to pay money or perform community service. But, nobody can 'make' her do anything. Jail is about the only thing they can 'make' her do... and it's usually a last resort. It makes me sick to think of kids being treated that way and the courts give crappy parents too many 'chances' in my opinion but hopefully.. the child eventually ends up in a better situation. Either the parent that doesn't really want to parent will get tired of playing the 'battle' game because the other parent won't play back... or the courts will intervene and put the child with the clearly better parent. Parenting gets harder, it doesn't get easier and the older a kid gets, the harder they are to control/manipulate and if the parent is only using the child to stay engaged in the battle with the other parent, then they will eventually go away when there is no longer a battle... it isn't 'fun' anymore. Without the battle, there is just the hard work of parenting the children. If a parent is focused on doing the hard work of parenting, they don't have time for games. You need to let it go, support your husband if he seeks custody and focus on having a better relationship with your stepson when he is with you. His mother may be trash but she is his mother and always will be. It already says a lot that his mom is right there and he asks you to do for him, not her. As angry as I get at BM, it makes it easier when I change perspectives and feel sorry for her. I was SO angry when she lied to say she can't make it tonight because nobody told her about the play. As I was sitting there watching her play, I thought 'BM is missing out on watching her daughter perform and I get to see it.'

There's nothing sibling rivalry about her bahavior. The resentment, embarrassment, and other feelings described here concerning a much, much younger sibling is nonsense, justified as normal or legitimate because they had no one to tell them their feelings were wrong. People think and feel all kinds of things, but just because it's the way one feels doesn't make it right, hence there is murder and much other wrongful doing in the world. If they had someone to set them straight, the subjects would never have entered into your thread as anything of concern or consideration. Given any opportunity, I think your SD will abuse the baby - smack him, pinch him, or anything she can do to make him cry, if not *accidentally* drop him - because she lives in a very dark place mentally and emotionally, and she wants the whole world to be as angry, sad, and unhappy as she is. For him to think it nothing more than sibling rivalry is turning a blind eye. He needs an intervention to make him realize and understand the damage he's doing his daughter, and therefore his marriage and his son. You might talk to a health care professional and tell them the same as you've told us (and everything you haven't told us). Then, ask them to help you talk to your husband. I know you don't want to leave, but I'm truly impressed you are seriously considering it as more than just threatening in order to get your way. I don't know how the women who threaten end up feeling when they don't get their way and don't leave either. You can't keep being walked on like this, but he isn't going to listen to you. He isn't going to do any more than he has been doing no matter how much you threaten. It might take you leaving to get his attention, and then you can demand he go with you to talk to the professional. You might demand it before leaving but if he refuses, then you have to walk out the door, realizing it is likely forever and no amount of tears and begging you to come back can change your mind unless he changes his. If you don't leave, then please don't leave the baby with him when you go back to work. He has a cautious mother to protect him right now. Who will protect him when you're gone? His father never will believe there is any danger or concern.

I'm so sorry that anyone should feel unsafe in their own community. We need decent respectful compassion for our neighbors and fellow community members by making us feel safe wearing masks and all physical distancing when necessary. It is just basic curtesy. I was hoping the rest of the country would learn from our mistakes in NY, NJ, Conn. Hit hard first and did what is best. We know so little about this virus but do know what works. Use all available precautions. Every precaution together adds to the percentage of less transfer. We had three unfortunate home tragedies. The AC went bust. The home softener/reverse osmosis needed service. On the phone they gave specific instructions for safety. Pre covid they would stack indoors and check the system. We asked they stack outside and did the filters ourself via chat. They were thankful and so helpful. Please ask via phone service calls what their protocols are before they visit. We have central AC. It just needed a reset that we could not find on-line. He never came inside and charge peanuts to re-set. (wearing a mask as did DH, outside!). The service fellow was so thankful we were wearing masks. We do 90% of our repairs by trouble-shooting. Remember the appliances forum will talk you through any issues before calling a repair service. Do try that first. I have extra masks. No one enters my home without. No need so far but not playing covid-roulette in my own home. If you do need service unavoidable, open all windows and use fans. Insist they wear masks before they come and be firm. The increase in the country is insane. So horrid for our health care workers. They are stressed beyond human normals. Holding the hands of dying patients. Shame on those not doing their part by wearing such a simple piece of fabric.