I have gotten my adult children a few things but this year we decided a week at the beach next summer for all of us was going to be everyone’s gift.

My goodness. My parents haven't bought me a Christmas present since i was 15 or so. We (the adults in the family) don't exchange gifts. The only exception last year was one sister who bought me something so I bought her something.

I usually only buy for SO. A lot for him as he is so good to me all year. I buy the 2 nephews who are also my godsons a popcorn tin each and they each get $50. They are both 10 and that's enough to send them into fits.

When the two new girls were hired at work I set the precedent of NO INDIVIDUAL GIFTS. A former coworker INSISTED on buying everyone stuff they didnt want or need. So we all felt like we had to buy for her in return. Then we had to buy for each other and it was a hassle. Now I buy something that everyone can use,including me. Last year I replaced the decades old and rusty pots and pans we use to cook at the office. This year I will replace the baking sheets we use. They are gross and rusted and I found some beautiful turquoise ones. If I buy more of the pink ones like I have at home they wont make it up there. I tell them it's a gift to myself that they are free to use as well, so they don't feel the need to get me anything. It's basically true anyway. I dont want anything from them. And I am not old or miserable. That's just not what Christmas is about.

No, you are not old and miserable either. I think most adults are sick of the commercialization and monetization of Christmas. It's only getting worse. Holidays should be for fun and togetherness, not obligation and stuff.

Definitely not old & miserable.

I give each of my children and their spouse cash and a package of a local specialty candy. It's too difficult to find something that is right for each of them. 2 small grandchildren receive a gift and cash for their bank accounts.

Heck no, you’re not old and miserable!! I feel the same way about gifts. We kids sometimes do a group if we know my parents (elderly on a limited income) need a bigger ticket item, but other than that, we haven’t exchanged gifts for years. I will qualify that and say that is on MY side of the family. On my husband's side, we do have to exchange gifts. I’d rather my in laws save their money and spend it on their retirement vs on things we don’t need, as they are also on a small, fixed income. I have tried suggesting we not exchange but that went over like a lead balloon. As the parent of your family, why don’t you take the lead and suggest that you forgo gifts for the reasons you explained here? You might find out your kids agree.

Not at all!! We have not done gifts for adult family members for years. Other than something homemade, often from the kitchen :-) Too large a family, too much of an income disparity (some can afford anything - others barely keeping the wolf from the door) and nothing anyone really needs. And that's not the point of Christmas, anyway.

My husband and I don't exchange gifts as we both buy whatever we like throughout the year. I don't exchange gifts with any adults other than small things like cookie baskets.

We gave up the gift-giving rat race quite a few years ago. We still have fun and laughs at Christmas -- everyone buys small ($1 or less is good!) gifts for each other, plus one "indulgence" gift for themselves. No more having to appear excited to receive something you really don't want, no more exchanging $x gift cards because you don't know what to buy each other.

No small kids at this time in our family, so we pick "angel tree" names to buy toys for. It wouldn't feel like the holidays without buying some toys.

Cash or experiences are the most welcomed gifts for my age group (married with young kids). Gift certificates for dinner and a movie, couples massages, etc. would be great, imho.

And most parents my age would also prefer our kids not receive a lot of “junk” Christmas items that last <2 months and get trashed. We’d much rather grandparents give one larger, more meaningful gift OR better yet, a family experience such as a beach trip, mountain trip, etc.

My siblings, their spouses and adult children participate in a gift exchange on Christmas day, same thing with DHs family. Buy 4 gifts. The littles will either get cash or a trinket if I feel motivated to shop...

No your NOT old and miserable! Gifts for adults were done away with years ago, here.

I purchased 10 red geraniums....a zippered bag with a dozen tennis balls to give to a friend with a dog. :0) I plan on donating "and" installing a fancy light fixture over the pool table at our community lodge. Something neighbors will enjoy.

My son and his girlfriend are now living in a apartment. When I visit I always notice something that they don't have in the kitchen. I make note of it and purchase it the next time I'm at Walmart or off Amazon. So far I have some corn cribs and skewers, tongs, a Wusthof Santoku knife (their current knives are carp), and a nice set of grill utensils. I just ordered an Air Fryer for them off Amazon as well.

Everyone else gets salsa and pickled stuff from the garden except DW. No idea what to get her this year. Maybe a new vacuum. lol

We have cut back to make my life easier. We give a nice check to our young adults, two married and one single, and their spouses who are not with us for the Christmas morning tree. We hope the checks help them with home improvement projects that they would rather have the cash to complete than a few more sweaters. Those who are here get a few gifts and a nice check too. For the young grandsons, Christmas stockings bulge and there are gifts under our tree from us and Santa and their parents, but they also have gifts under the tree when they return home from their other grandparents and their parents.

I don't have siblings or inlaws to buy for. I give my son cash, so not much shopping to do except for my 10 year old grandson.

One of my close friend's family members all pick a charity and they donate to each other's charities instead of buying gifts. I love that and perhaps that would work to convince the diehard gift givers to stop insisting on a gift exchange?

My mother didn't like shopping, so after we became adults, giving cash was her solution, even for grandkids. She knew they'd be getting lots of toys and other gifts, and cash can be saved for their first car or something else they really want. That cash was always appreciated.

I usually give my adult children cash, but I keep my eyes open all year, at thrift stores, for small gifts for their stockings. Recently, I was thrilled to find a heavy sterling necklace, set with
natural peridots, for $5.00 at GW (I had it authenticated). Elder DD's birthstone is peridot, so
that's her stocking gift this year. Yes, my adult kids and their spouses still get a stocking, since I don't buy big gifts. I also include their favorite Christmas cookies and a few other traditional items--new socks, lip balm, beef jerky.

I give my daughter cash before Christmas for gifts for the grandkids--she enjoys shopping and knows what the kids little ones want (or, what they think they want ;).

Judy, if your adult children don't need the cash, or if that's not an acceptable tradition, talk to them--maybe they feel the same.

(Lonejack--such a romantic guy!)

Judy I am only 65, but haven't bought Christmas or even birthday presents for my girls since 2010.

I don't get any either, which is GREAT, as I don't want to dust or take care of any thing additional.

My grands get a rock, or piece of drift wood, and coins from foreign lands if I travel... but no C or B presents either. They get, and have way to much from everyone including Santa Claus.

But I do put money in their college fund every year for their birthday.

Moni

My family give gifts to adult children. Nobody needs anything, but special books, hand-colored maps, art, music, tickets to special events, fossils, everyone has an interest or hobby that can be indulged for Christmas, birthdays, and milestones.

We also do not buy Christmas presents except for small children. Now that my DIL has three baby nephews (all under 2) I can indulge a little. My grandson will be 16 on Christmas Eve, so I can get away with a birthday gift (Game Stop gift card) and a $50 bill in a Christmas card. My son and his family get $500. We do not buy each other presents. I bake cookies for neighbors. One very long-term friend gets a subscription to Smithsonian Magazine, I send cards to a dwindling list. And I tip well to the people who help me year round.... hair stylist, regular manicurist, house cleaner, gardener.

That's it. No muss, no fuss, no stress. I recommend it.

DH and I exchange gifts at Christmas but they are personal things or sentimental things. We buy whatever we want/like during the year so finding something special is what we do. We do buy gifts for our adult children but not huge expensive gifts. Last year it was Ring doorbells. They loved them!

Toys for the Grandkids, of course.

I have already bought the things that DH will give me - a new coat and some micro-spikes for running/hiking when the trails get icy in the winter. I bought him micro-spikes as well and then he will buy what else he needs/wants.

The kids get something for hiking or skiing, usually, and then a cheque. My son and his fiance just bought a house so their gift may be something for the house.

Their partners get a Santa bag with things such as hiking socks, their favourite make-up, gift certificate for something, etc.

Oh and we always give them as a couple, a gift certificate to a nice restaurant as sometimes dining out isn't in the budget. I remember those days.

But that's all I buy for, no siblings, not my mom, not the nieces/nephews, etc, just the immediate family.

We stopped exchanging gifts years ago and everyone is was so much happier knowing they didn't have to brave the crowds spending money on gifts that no one needed or wanted. We enjoyed the day together talking, making memories and sharing delicious food. It made the holidays so much more relaxed and pleasant.

Except for my sister, both mine and hubby's families are gone now and I'm glad that I can look back on those holidays fondly when I think about the times we spent together. These days hubby and I take a trip to a warmer climate during the holiday season.

Moni, I too put money into my grandchildren’s education fund, also give them the gift of time which you can’t buy.

I'm not a big fan of Christmas. I think it is because of all the gift giving. As a young family with our own little kids we also had to buy for our parents, his grandparents, my sister, his 6 brothers and sisters, and their spouses and kids. It was a lot of gifts. On a young family budget. Then on Christmas day my kids never got to play with the toys Santa got them. We were to busy running from grandparents house and to each of our parents house. All I buy for now is my 2 kids , DIL, and grandgirls, but it took the joy out of Christmas for me to this day.

This year, I'm down to checks for everyone. Even online shopping is more than I want to do anymore. Grandchildren all want checks anyway.

We too discontinued the gift giving. It was becoming so pointless and stressful for something that basically boiled down to an exchange of unwanted, useless merchandise. I finally said something to family members and was relieved (and surprised in some cases) that everyone felt the same way. Out of the equation it went. What was once a whirlwind of exhausting activity has become a wonderful time full of joyful things. I have kept the tradition of sending Christmas cards although the numbers have diminished. One tradition that has gone out of fashion that I greatly miss is door-to-door caroling. I'd love to see that come back into vogue. Oh, and LoneJack - do let us know how that vacuum cleaner gift goes over. (provided your fingers aren't broken and you can still type.)

^^^LOL at the broken fingers comment!

In the last 6-7 years, my MIL has gotten me a vacuum for Christmas three times :/ I think she might have been trying to hint at something...lol. Ironically, she just sent me text last night saying SHE wants a Roomba for Christmas from all of us (her three sons and us wives)!

I am a fan of a charitable donation in the family name, I am partial to doctors without borders since it ruffles no feathers and they are a solid organization, They all get a card. DH makes some sort of thing-usually shortbread in special shapes, to give his family members when we finally get together. We get similar stuff in return. It works. He and I are swiftly coming to the crossroads of what to get each other as we age. He gets me books but he doesn't read that much. I try to find something he hasn't bought for himself having to do with his latest hobby (bread at the moment) It is wearing.

I just handed out the Christmas cash yesterday to all the kids.. I give each mom $200.00 for each person in the family. She buys for her family. It was funny the first year our adult kids wrapped everything including their gifts. And brought them to the house Christmas Day. I told them it wasn’t necessary to wrap or bring the things they bought for themselves. The next year our youngest daughter came in and said, “ Hi mom, how do you like the coat you bought me?” This works for us and makes it so much easier on me. The sales are starting so they can really get some great deals. We then give each one $50.00 Christmas Day. What a wonderful day... I do not go out and buy a gift just so they have something to open.. that is a waste of money..

Our oldest grandkids most always pick out what they want. One granddaughter wants a pair of UGG Boots. They are not cheap. The clerk was nice enough to tell them they will be 30% off on Black Friday. Guess where they are headed!! That is a great savings!!

Have not bought our kids Christmas gifts for several years now...still give grandchildren cash. Adults children stopped buying for siblings children (cousins). Just make decision and go with it, through one Christmas and it is easy. DH and I still hosted our traditional Christmas Eve dinner. Only Christmas Eve dinner was moved to first weekend in December...this giving our kids and their family time for their schedules, and relieving some family stresses. Our early Christmas meal kicked off the holiday spirit and everyone thought it good. We had moved to grandparent status and it was the thing to do.

DH and I exchange lists with a couple of books on it and something practical like slippers. DS gets gift cards. We have very limited wants or needs. If we need something we get it when we need it, rather waiting for someone to buy it as a gift.

I have been trying to stop buying presents for the only family member that I continue to exchange gifts with but no luck. I have approached the subject every year for the last several years, but she doesn't want to quit. I don't know what to get her and haven't for many years so I have sent food baskets in the past. But the last couple of years she does not want that because she is on a Keto diet or some other diet. Last year I sent a gift box of Penzeys spices which was not cheap, but got a lukewarm thank you. In regards to the gifts she sends, I can't remember getting anything I wanted or needed in more than 10+ years. We would love a food basket but she sends thrift store stuff. Usually books I would never read or clothes I would't wear on a dare or wrong size. I admit I have put on weight and wear an XL, but I am not a 3-4XL and never have been. I wonder why she does it and yes I have told her I am not that size. Everything she sends goes straight to the Goodwill bag. Such a waste of time and money. I would rather have just a card.

I want to stop this madness but don't know how.

Caflowerluver, I have an aunt sort of like that. Buys stuff just for the sake of saying she bought a present, and it's almost insulting how thoughtless the gifts are. I solved this problem by buying her a plant for Christmas every year. I don't care if she likes it or not. She insists on her version of gifts and a plant is the cheapest, least likely to go into the landfill solution.

I'm like almost everyone else - my shopping has been cut to the very minimum. Christmas is my least favorite holiday. Commercialism has taken over and I resent it.

We buy regular gifts for our two grandchildren. I fill stockings with candy, small gift cards (McDonalds, Sonic etc.), socks, toothbrush and toothpaste, etc. for our grown sons, their wives, and the two grandchildren. That's all the gift-shopping I do.

We give each family a cash gift and also reduce the (fairly small) loans each son has with us (we loaned one son money to help with a house down payment and the other son for a car). Both (!!!) DILs are pregnant so I know they will appreciate the cash this year. And we'll add to the college funds for the grandchildren too.

caflowerluver, have you tried not buying her a gift? Even if she insists on getting you something, you don't have to reciprocate. You could just say that you don't have anything for her this year and thank her for whatever she gets for you. It could be that if that happens a couple of times, she'll stop the gift giving on her end.

Although, if she'd make a big, huge fuss about it, it's probably not worth trying. In that case, I'd go with Valco's idea and buy her a poinsettia. Easy peasy and no stress to pick on up at the grocery store when you're out doing your food shopping.

Edit: from reading your post again, you mention sending things, so I assume this is an out of town relative which would make a plant kind of impractical unless you went with sending it via an online florist which is entirely doable, but might be more than you wish to spend. Maybe something like a magazine subscription which wouldn't take much effort. You could renew it for her each year as her future gifts.

caflowerluver: send her a gift card to the food store where she shops. that's what we do with DH's mother. she complains about food costs all the time, so that's what she gets.

she needs NOTHING and he doesnt want to be stuck gettting rid of useless junk and frankly i dont want to waste our money.

i do a lot of wine giving to relatives, easy peasy. great nieces and nephews: something fun and $$ for their savings accounts.

our kids: usually one big thing and then the essentials (underwear, socks etc...)

last year gave DS a $100 gas card with his other gifts. they will also get gift cards to restaurants, clothing stores (lululemon etc...) if they really want something, we will get it...

one year paid a month's college tuition payment for DD

they really don't need anything, so we try to make it count and help them out since they all have college debt and other bills as well....so not much needless spending.

The last time I told her I didn't want to do the Christmas presents thing, she didn't talk to me for 6 months. The only reason we get along (sort of) is she is in Florida and I am in California and we have not seen each other for over 10 years. She is my fraternal twin, and we are 68 so not worth a big fight.

Maybe I will the local gift card thing. Thanks for the idea.

Given that additional background info, your position makes perfect sense. Some things just aren't worth fighting over.

"I want to stop this madness but don't know how."

You stop by stopping. She's ignoring your wishes and you're allowing her to.

You're both wasting time and money sending unappreciated gifts. You don't visit each other so you're not close. Why pretend it's otherwise? You owe your loyalty first and foremost to yourself, then to your immediate family.

Send her a card if you want, expressing your best wishes to her and telling her that you've decided to stop sending gifts. If her reaction to hearing your opinion is radio silence, there won't be any fight. Her loss and her fault. Done.

(I'd be curious to know which of you is older and if it's her, did she try to be the domineering twin when you were kids?)

Good luck.

I guess I'm one of the few who is giving gifts this year. Luckily I don't have to shop for many. I just asked for clothing sizes from my kids this evening. I usually try and get things they need and a few small fun items and gift cards they can use. I'll probably get most of them online. So much easier that way. I'm not spending a lot this year because we are going on a trip next year.

It used to be crazy at Xmas when each of us would buy the other three and four gifts. It was madness. Then the daughter said we would just give one each but she would attach things to the package and so would I so it was always more than one. Then we stopped cold turkey and it was the best thing we ever decided. NO gifts for adults and that includes 20 something married granddaughter. Just her small kids and college grandson get gifts. I'm considering not sending Xmas cards too.

I backed out of the sibling and grandchild (for my kids) gift exchange YEARS ago. It was just too insane and the inequity in the gifts exchanged was evident. Not worth the stress or ultimate disappointment and awkwardness. I find the desire to gather to be more paramount but in my family of origin that isn't shared. My own little group has been on its own due to this for some time. My offspring are just beginning to marry and we will have to search to find shared time. It's no easy thing changing traditions that's for sure.

Years ago my son, daughter-in-law and I decided that we didn't need any more stuff. We have plenty of stuff. So each Christmas I give a donation to a charity of my choice--I give a cataract operation to someone in the third world through the SEVA foundation. They do the same, usually a gift of bees to someone in the third world through Heifer International. Of course, I still give gifts to the children.

My daughter left me off the hook about 3 months ago. Asked me if I had done any Christmas shopping yet, and when I said no, she said "great, don't do any. There is nothing we need, and if there is something we want, we can afford it and will do our own shopping". I am so relieved to not feel the pressure of finding just the right gifts, doing the wrapping, etc. I think we will all go out for a nice meal over the holidays and donate more to our favorite charity.

Caflowerluver, buy your sister a cow or chickens or goats........google Buy a Cow. Even if she doesn't like it, you will feel good that you didn't waste your money.

My parents are in their 80's... and still buy me gifts and I buy for them. My mom will say "we don't need anything"... but yet she still gets so much joy out of receiving gifts that the tradition continues. She also likes to give gifts as well. I'd love to stop but I figure each Christmas might be the last we spend together so if it makes her happy, then I'll keep buying.

My dh and I have a mixed family of adult stepkids and stepgrands. It's getting to be too much so college funds and cash are what we started giving last year.

Georgysmom, I believe you are referring to Heifer Intl. I've given and received Heifer gifts over the years. It's rated 84 out of 100 on Charity Navigator. Appropriate charitable donations can be good gifts. Heifer has nice cards to go with the gift.

I agree with so many here. Before internet shopping, I remember endless hours walking the mall and other stores shopping, shopping, shopping, buying. No more!

The extended family likes to buy for all the kids, but these kids. Why don't we have two kids exchange with each other??? I've just gone to gift cards for them and refuse to try to shop for kids I see once a year.

That said, I have two girlfriends who like to exchange, and that is difficult but hard to stop.

I like cash gifts for people who have helped over the year like the trash pick-up guy who works rain or shine.

I understand stopping the gift giving, our family has, but I miss it. Maybe cause I'm single with no kids. However, I recall when we did exchange gifts that my nieces and nephews, heck my brother and sister-in-law, really didn't try too hard to find gifts. I got weird ones most of the time. Like they never really knew me.

I only buy gifts for the 3 little ones usually. They also get some money and the rest of my family get money too. Birthdays and Christmas. There was a time in the way distant past, we bought gifts for everyone on his side of the family and mine, nieces, brothers, sisters, grandparents and the like. Then we went to drawing names and finally we just stopped and only give to my grandchildren and children and spouses. At times though out the year, I may just up and buy gifts that I think the kids will like and give to them when we have a family get together.

Sue