Before hiring an attorney, you might want to contact your state’s department of elder affairs. Often they can be a great help without additional cost to you or your mother.

What Maddielee said, and then if necessary an elder care attorney.

When my father moved in with us we consulted our estate attorney and he recommended an attorney who specialized in elder care.

Elder law attorney - they do estate planning. Make sure they specialize in advising about Medicaid eligibility. Area Agency on Aging contracts with Legal Aid/Legal Services offices around the country to give free legal advice to seniors on this exact issue (and many other issues). Seniors don't have to be low income to avail themselves of Legal Services, so that's where I would start my search.

Sister is working on the state stuff already. Thanks!

I knew all y'all would know

Yes. Elder law and estate planning are synonyms or nearly so. If your concern is state coverage of nursing home costs, so-called Medicaid benefits, you need to speak with someone with experience, There can be steps to take to enhance coverage or at least lessen family costs, but I believe rules can vary from state to state. Good luck.

Yes, we need a professional. We will get one.

It's very difficult to 'protect assets' if someone is depending on Medicaid to pay for a nursing home. At least read up on the "look-back'. https://www.medicaidplanningassistance.org/medicaid-look-back-period

Elder law definitely. Every state's Medicaid rules are really different. I work with New Mexico nursing home Medicaid a lot, and can give you some tips if this is the state you are in. You can send me a message if you are in New Mexico. Good luck!

We used an elder law attorney when my mom had to enter a nursing home. Definitely worth it.

Word of caution. The time to use an elder law attorney is long before the time is near to go to a nursing home. It is also good to review annually after things are set up as laws do change all of the time.

You can't "protect finances" if your mom is in need of Medicaid benefits, now. She WILL have to "spend down", in order to receive any payments from Medicaid. As stated above, any planning has to be done years in advance - (google Medicaid lookback).

anyone still checking over here, what's a good timeframe to find this lawyer, in realistic terms? I'm now asking for ME. When should I do this for my son?

Not knowing anything about your personal circumstances (and neither I nor anyone else needs to know), I'll say that it used to make a huge tax difference to arrange things a certain way and at that time it was never too soon. The rules have changed dramatically in stages since around 2000 and what remains is the need to have in place medical and financial documents and perhaps some supervision of your assets until your son is older, and a living trust instead of a will or a death intestate that could require probate costs, but all the preceding not for tax benefits.

Do it now. Let your lawyer advise you but with a college age kid who I assume would be your heir, you may want to appoint someone else to be your trustee/executor instead of him, maybe until he's about 25. In the meantime, a younger sibling or a trusted close friend?

Having seen it with both my husband and friends doing it now with an annual or semiannual review unless there is a change in circumstances is the best time. Anything could happen, sickness/accident, to prevent you making arrangements in the future.

Edited to add that even though you have been thinking of what is needed an attorney may give you additional things to think about. For most it is not simply seeing an attorney and telling them what you want. Many states have laws that either prevent or have different methods of doing what you want. Depending on several things it can take a few days or a month or so before the final documents are signed and assets titles changed.

Law changes in this area are infrequent. A review may be occasioned by a change in circumstances (as maifleur suggests) but otherwise, may not be needed. Follow the advice of your lawyer and if they say anything resembling "I need to see you regularly", I'd find another one to work with going forward. This is not a difficult area of the law, be cautious of those who try to supplement their income by scaring you with a need for periodic callbacks. If there's a change that could require alteration of your documents, suggest they contact you to let you know. No need to wait by the mailbox or the phone for that.

He's full executor. He's grounded and makes responsible financial decisions. Better than anyone else. He knows, when I die, how best to make the life insurance last, for instance. He's smarter about money than anyone I know. Had a retirement account begun, and continues, at the age of eight. Sister and brother are alternates.

I don't doubt that you've made the very best decision possible, you've described this guy before. I'm sure you've passed along your wisdom and he's ready to act whenever necessary but won't have to for a long time.

My experience was a bit different. When it was time for us to revise (somewhat belatedly) our docs for our kids all having reached adulthood (responsible parties were outside the family until that time), I put it to them to decide the order they should appear - first this one then that one, et cetera. The oldest was 30 years of age and the others were all twenty-somethings. My kids are all smart, all with advanced degrees (and doctorates among them). One of them is and remains more worldly, more experienced with business and financial matters. That one would have been my first choice but we said nothing. Among themselves, that's who they chose. Experience and worldliness is important, sometimes smarts isn't enough. You've a bright kid, it's comforting to know he's got the brains to look after himself well.

I also put him in charge for his own destiny. It would really piss me off if someone else chose poorly for him. He will be the ONE affected (financially). And only him. I know he'll ask for guidance should the need arise, but I wanted him to be in control. Maybe that's why it's different for me. He's an only child.

:)

I probably have done all I can do. I've done all the power of attorney stuff, will, living will, he knows my wishes (and has the backbone to carry it out), and is on all of my financial accounts. Guess I can do no more. Thanks!