what kind of lawyer for my mom's nursing home payment stuff?
rob333 (zone 7b)
4 years ago
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maddielee
4 years agopudgeder
4 years agoRelated Discussions
Friend with Nursing Home Questions
Comments (10)For us, my sons assets could not be more than $2000. Medicare paid the first 100 days after the initial 3 day hospitalization, and then Medicaid picked it up. There are still some charges that mMedicare pay for but mostly it is Medicaid. Because we are now legally his guardians, we have two accountings to do each year, one for the state, and one for the courts because he is an incapacitated person. These accountings are very thorough, and included copies of all bank and tax records. Thwere are some very nice options if full time skilled nursing is not required. Our son spent time in a family home, that was wonderful. They were a large family and had three paying residents. Unfortunately he got sick and there was fear, he was ocntagious so we placed him in the nursing home. All nursing homes are not the same. Your friend or an agent looking out for her, needs to check the facility out by being there at meals, when they first get the day started, and times when there should be some activities available. If they don't allow you to check it out, cross it off your list. Check the kitchen and the foods served. Do they have a choice of foods? So much to check, but someone needs to be an advocte for her. Residents are so vulnerable, and if it turns out to be a bad situation, it can be overwhelming for her. An advocate can make sure it is going as smooth as possible. Never assume anything either. This got long. Sorry....See MoreToto Washlet nursing homes?
Comments (28)Not a frequent poster but I've certainly enjoyed following your home posts Bodica. You are in an intense phase of grief. "Did I inconvenience.." that is blaming the victim; don't do it. Remember that even though it was not installed, your mother knew that you were advocating for her right up to the end. Institutions can cause so much pain. I don't have experience with nursing homes yet, but the pain the hospital caused me and my daughter at her birth and in the following days took years for me to recover from. I wish I had spoken to a counselor or therapist bc it was very hard on my husband and I. What eventually healed me was the natural process of how dendrons/memories change in the brain (softens the memory; it's been documented), and also looking at how happy/free from hurt my daughter is now. Your mother is free from the pain now, I hope that is a comfort to you. Unfortunately many of us have gone through these nightmare experiences of intense pain; loss of loved ones, injustice. Some say call a lawyer, in certain cases I might, but also I just try to be more loving to the ones I've got left. That is what heals me and honors those who are gone. Best of luck, and fwiw, I'm sure this thread will help countless others. I'd never given a washlet a second thought before, but now it's high on my list for older loved ones and someday me....See MoreMom died, can't get vision out of my head
Comments (20)I cried reading everyone's responses. There is nothing like loosing your mother. I lost my mother on Feb 20th of this year and it was sudden but not unexpected as we knew were living on borrowed time, she suffered from COPD and congestive heart failure. We should have lost her in 2004 but she stayed with us till she had no reserve left, that is what the doc's call it when your lungs no longer have the capacity to store more oxygen. There is one thing I have learned that I would like to pass on and that is not to play the "what if" game with yourself. We can do that all day if we want but the end result is guilt because we create a scenario as we "Think" things may have turned out or may have been and no one knows or has a crystal ball to look back in time and say "yep had I done this or that things would have been better" Our mother's as stated in an earlier post really do not want their children to see them die. They are always thinking of us and I am sure they are thinking "I need to spare them this pain" and I have to say this. I was lucky enough to be with my mom when she took her last breath but that is an image I will never get out of my head. My mother's body once full of life, all of a sudden she was gone, it was the hardest thing I ever had to go through, to watch someone die in front of you is not something I ever want to see again, and yet, I am grateful I was able to be with her when she did pass. it sounds twisted I know, but it was just so truly sad to see her there one minute and then gone the next. Even though I spent 12 hours a day with her for 7 days before she died, I find myself thinking "I should have said or done more" but truly what else could I have said, or done. I sat next to her and held her hand, washed her face, stroked her head and face, massaged her arms and held her hand, kissed her face, made her laugh, shared moments with her, comforted her and gave her ice chips to suck on. I even bought her her favorite flower, a red rose. She smelled it, I brushed it against her cheek, she loved it. And all I did, I would catch myself and say, "if only I did more or said more" but I did not need to, and I remind myself of that all the time because that "What if" thought always pops into my head. Mother's know how much we love them, they see it in our eyes and we see how much they love us in their eyes. The sweetest thing my mother gave me was the look. She and I while I was drawing pictures of she and I when I was a little girl holding her hand, she looked at me and for 6 seconds we just stared at each other and I saw the most amazing amount of love she had for me, and we did not say a word but we smiled and cried and she said "I love you" and I know I will never experience anyone looking at me the way she did. Playing the "what if" game will just make you go nuts, I am sure our mother's knew how much we loved them, they could feel us even when we were not with them, and I am positive they did not want us to see them die, God controls everything for his own purpose and reasoning. And no matter what we may have felt we did wrong, or did not do enough of before our mother's passed, I for sure can say this, as they are in the presence of the Lord, all earthly things are passed and they are not thinking about what we did or did not do and they are for sure not judging us. There is one big party in heaven, a celebration for each child who comes home to be with the Lord, as the Lord knows our hearts, I am sure our mother's knew our hearts and knew we loved them. We are only human, not perfect, and we did the best we could and our mother's loved and love us no matter what. If you think they died alone I can honestly say that I truly believe when someone dies they are never alone, an angle is there to take them to heaven and my mom kept looking around the room before she passed as she said she heard strange sounds and wanted to know where they were coming from and she was so peaceful. I believe she heard the trumpet sounds being made for her entry into heaven. The bible says when we die, those who know the Lord are in his presence and all worries and pain and sadness are no longer. I hope this provides some comfort, just don't beat yourselves up about what you could have done or said. Our mother's know how much we loved them and all we wanted to say and do. God bless...See MoreMy mom is not active enough, need suggestions.
Comments (55)Yesterday was my day off and mom and I ran some errands and saw three different doctors. The first is her foot doctor who takes care of her toe nails - diabetic care. That went well. Next dropped her off at the nursing home to see hubby and I ran to Wally world for stuff we both needed. From there to the next doctor for a bone density test. She has Osteoporosis, not real bad. She measured a 2 on the 3 point scale. Those results were then transmitted to her primary doctor which was our last visit. Doctor had a long conversation with mom and asked how she was doing, if she had any concerns etc. She explained to him that she was concerned about the muscle mass in her legs and the weakness as a result. He talked to her for about 10 minutes about her history which includes a stroke, heart attack and the diabetes. He also reminded her that he has tried for 6 years to get her to take a prescription for Cholesterol and explained to her how the muscles are fed by the blood that can or cannot flow through. My mom refuses to take the prescription. Says she has prayed about it (she has) and the answer she keeps getting is no. It amazes me that she always gets the answer she is looking for through her prayers. That's another matter though. He then turned to me and asked me directly what I was concerned with. I told him I thought she was too inactive and unsociable. That I was concerned about her being by herself too much and not being physically active. I was also concerned about her hearing and her moods. He asked if she was depressed, she wouldn't let me answer the question. He could see there was a conflict between mom and I and explained to mom that perhaps some of what I was trying to relay to her was for her own good and that she should give it some thought. She said she didn't have bad moods and was generally very happy. I had to remind her of the time just last month when she went off on me, got so mad that I wasn't sure if she was going to hit me and eventually threw some of my stuff down the stairs. Mom has a temper but I know she gets that way when she needs something and doesn't necessarily know how to express it. She is lonely and I recognize that. I can't honestly say that it is all about missing her husband. They've only been married since 1999. Yes, I'm sure she thought when she married that since he was younger than her he'd be there to take care of her and it didn't turn out that way. More than anything, I think she's a bit angry about that. I know my mom. I married for the first time in 1999 as well. Up to that point we had lived together for most of my life. She announced the marriage less than 60 days prior to my wedding and I had never heard of him. She never spoke of him until there was a ring on her finger. Many in the family think she married because I was getting married. We are going to start some in home physical therapy. That will help me to know what kind of excercises will help her and perhaps keep her motivated. Her nutrionalist say's her vitamin d level is low and has increased her dosage. We have checked into assisted living, I told her if that is what she wanted it would be fine with me. We looked at units but she has decided against it. I think being alone although surrounded by other people did not thrill her. She says she feels safe in our home. The stairs are getting harder so I did discuss the stair mover chair, she wants to think about that which is good. We just had a electric reclining couch delivered and she loves it. I am fortunate in that if I need a break I do have two brothers that take her for a few days to give me that break. Mom is generally ready to come back sooner rather than later. The boys have kids, dogs and alot of things going on their homes and that gets to be too much for her. She takes trips as well. Last year she took 3 trips and I encourage her to do more if possible. Most are through her church. We will keep trugging along, it's nice to be able to bounce things off of everyone here at the table. I'm surrounded by men so I don't get much feedback from them. Thank you again....See Moremaire_cate
4 years agoOlychick
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