Mom died, can't get vision out of my head
kenwah2009
15 years ago
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barker_tx
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agomarksf
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Mom is slowly killing herself and I can't cope
Comments (4)The only advice I can think of is for you to find a good Alanon group or the narcotics equivalent, if such a thing exists. Alanon helps those who love addicts or those who are dysfunctional in other ways, and helps them deal with the terrible frustration, anger, and sorrow that comes from watching someone they care about destroy themselves, and being powerless to help. The other thing I want to say is that I'm certain on some level your mom is aware that her child rather miraculously grew into a good person living a good life. Even if she can't bring herself to say it, I'm sure she's filled with pride for you. You come across as a very caring and wise person, and I send you my sympathy. You're in a difficult situation. I hope it resolves in a positive manner, but if not please assure yourself that you've done your best. Susan...See MoreIt Get's Easier With Time But I Still Miss My Mom
Comments (26)My Mom was the greatest person, mother, wife in earth. She was the most spiritual, humble, compassionate, beautiful person I¡¦ve ever known. She was my rock, my faith, my comfort and my guidance, I feel as if I am lost in limbo without her. She had such a story, she was the oldest girl of 13 Children, and she raised her brothers and sisters while her parents ran the bar they owned across from Leavenworth Prison. When she wasn¡¦t doing that she was working in the bar. It made her who she was; she never drank, smoked or swore. She gave my Dad 40 years of her life. She lost her first born child when she was only 23. My brother Todd died of cancer when he was only 2, but yet she had the strength and courage to have 2 more children. I had told her so many times that I did not know how she could overcome that. With him being my only child at the time, I think I would have had to lie down and die beside him. She went head to head with a few Demons¡Kreal ones¡Kand a couple of my boyfriends, and let me tell you she was not afraid to tell them where to go. º My heart has been broken ever since January 5, 2005 when she was diagnosed she was given 6 months to 1 year, but she fought like hell for 1 year AND 6 six months. I am so grateful for all of the extra time that we were given. When she was told of this horrible news, she refused it, would not accept it. As did my Dad, my Sister and I. How could someone so full of life, someone whose eyes sparkled so bright be given this terrible burden? It wasn¡¦t fair, but even then she was teaching us something. She was so brave and never once did she let her faith fall. I spent every moment I could with her, every lunch hour, anytime Dad needed a break, to cook, didn¡¦t matter what I was there! I just wanted to soak her all in, time was running out. Mom grew weaker, the pain intensified, and she had so much confusion from all the meds and so came the need for her to have someone by her side 24/7. I basically moved back ¡§home¡¨ for the last month to help Dad. My sister was called and was also told to come ¡§home¡¨, time was running short. It was not until this time that she actually gave up, ¡§I want you to know that I can¡¦t fight this anymore, I am tired and I have decided to give up. I want you to know that you girls are the light of my life and I love you¡¨. And I told her that we understood, we would be ok and there was a little boy waiting for her and now it is his turn, we had kept her long enough. I thanked her for showing me the kind of person I wanted to grow to be and let her know how much I loved her And a few days later she was gone, I was there with her and holding her hand at that very moment. She was only 59¡Kand I am 29¡KI still need my mom. She once was the greatest person, Wife and Mother on earth and now she is the most beautiful of all the Angels in heaven. My Sister will be here for the Thanksgiving holiday and we have decided that it is time to start going through her things. Deciding how we are going to divide her art, and all her possessions that meant so much to her. What to do with her clothes, her shoes, her books. Call me crazy but I always hope that something from her will show up somewhere, she was the type to tuck little notes away that you would end up finding. I look for her all the time in my dreams; I could sit in pure silence for hours waiting to her voice. I miss her so much; I thought this was to get easier as time passes? Just when I feel that I am up on my feet, they get knocked out from underneath me. How do I deal? What about this hole I feel in my chest? I too hate the cemetery, to see her and my brothers granite stones laying side by side just rips me apart, I never go and I do feel guilty about that, but I don¡¦t feel that is where is ¡§she¡¨ is. June was the month we lost her, to be precise¡KJune 29th, 2006 11:13 am. I hate this month¡Kand I hate that day even worse....See MoreCan't accept that I am mom to my SS
Comments (18)It sounds like you just need to vent and have a place you can do that w/o being judged. I'm happy to listen if you need a friend (vistajpdf@aol.com). I'm also a stepmom to 3 kids in their 20's and I have MANY days when I am very resentful of them and their mother, who has been basically no help in any way. So, I do understand where you're coming from. Like you, I have 3 little boys who need me and since my adult stepdd moved in after Thanksgiving (I housed her brother for years in the late 90's, early 00's), I often feel, "I didn't sign up for THIS!" So, I do feel for you. You know you can't turn your back on this boy and deep down, I hope you don't really want to. Kids can have a drug-abusing, physically abusive prostitute for a mother, whom they will call for in the middle of the night for some strange reason. You and I know it takes more to being a mom than just giving birth, but to kids, even the worst mother is still a mother. You may not have PPD (though women do have 80 times the normal levels of estrogen after delivering a baby), but my guess is that your sleep-deprived w/ a newborn and a preschooler running around. (DMD degree from Univ. of FL, '91, lol) I'm also still in a state of sleep deprivation and my boys are nearly 3, 5, and 7. If I had a depressed adolscent on my hands, I'm thinking I would be the one headed for the looney bin. Take help if anyone's offering - your family, your husband's family a friend or neighbor and take a few hours for yourself - even if what you really need is just a long nap. You'll be more patient and clear headed if you're better rested. Secondly, regardless of what it takes, you could all use some counseling during this difficult time of adjustment. I've heard that finding a good therapist is like finding a good husband. You have to kiss a lot of toads, lol. Keep looking, get referrals from a trusted physician or friend and get help for your ss and yourself. It sounds like you're a lot like me and just venting to a forum, writing down thoughts, etc, helps. But, sharing it with a trained professional (once you find the right one) could be priceless. Be direct - men, and certainly that includes boys, are not mindreaders. Sometimes I expect my husband and my SD to "see" the things I see as far as cleaning up goes. They don't. Be very specific and say, "It would really help me if this became your job." Hopefully he can grow to help you and you can use the help. Good luck, Dana...See MoreMom, get out the onions, I have the flu!
Comments (25)Putting Vicks near--or in--the nostrils is a very bad idea. Plenty survive without incident, but when the actual substance (rather than just the smell) is inhaled it can lead to bad things. Onion plasters can do a lot of good, but you also have to be very careful not to burn the patient. You know the story the moms always told about the girl in the shorts who sat on the hood of the car getting her butt burned when it only felt "warm"? Same thing. The last thing someone with pneumonia needs is a second degree burn on the chest. That said, the heat and fumes from the onions can be beneficial. The problem with the onion around the house or by the bed stuff is that we only have the positive outcomes. In a properly done experiment, we'd learn if there were people who received no benefit, and could determine by the numbers if those with very good outcomes got them by chance, or if the onion was a likely factor. The fact is that most cures are just stopgaps while the body does its healing as its supposed to. A lot of medicine is like that. It's more about treating symptoms and preventing secondary infections than actually curing. Antivirals, if taken right away, can work wonders. They actually do cure. The rest of what they have to treat colds is just to make you less miserable. It's quite possible that the cut onion by the bed could release fumes that also ease misery. It's highly unlikely that it cures, however. Eating onions and garlic is documented as helping the immune system, so eating them are preventative as well as tasty. :) The thing about talismans, however, is that so long as you don't let your belief in them prevent you from seeking care when more is needed, they're harmless, and if decorating your house with onions pleases you, it can't hurt....See MoreLinda
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