It really is unbelievable. I wonder how many will bow out of going. I know I would.

hmm, a cash bar at a baby shower? seems off for a few reasons, is the mom drinking while pregnant? the registry I guess is normal, checked out the site, looks like the amazon of baby gear, much better than babys r us if that is still around, what is weird to me is how they are turning the shower into some kind of fundraiser or gala charity event, door prizes what?? maybe this is how people are now? I remember with one friend, as soon as I heard she was pregnant I started collecting things for her as a baby gift (her first baby), then she later decided to have a shower and made a registry, of course nothing I had gotten her would have been on the registry, it was awkward.

Seriously? Totally obnoxious! I think I might have to decline this invitation.

J Williams, I always felt it was the thought, not the dollar amount that counted. So I think the guilty feeling, if there was any, should have been on the receiver, not you.

Edited to correct wording.

That would seal the deal for me. Wouldn’t go. Wouldn’t feel obligated to buy a gift.

This reeks of what my DD was ‘told’ to buy by her SIL. And DD had planned to make her a quilt. She wants her to buy one of these fancy baby monitors with some sort of device that has an ankle monitor the baby wears. The thing costs around $400 with a discount! Talk about sucking all the joy out of gift giving!

And by the way, BuyBuyBaby is a part of Bed Bath and Beyond. I just found this out when I had to buy a gift recently for a family member.

Hadn't heard of "Buy Buy Baby" till tonight, on the way out of town, where a new plaza is being built ...

... a new store carried a strongly lighted sign, rather high up, saying "Buy Buy Baby".

I"ve said that it's a poor day in which one doesn't learn something ... but I rather figure that this knowledge may be of limited usefulness to me; not high on my priority scale.

I haven't been aware that babies are/may be ...

... for sale!

ole joyful

Buy Buy Baby is part of Bed,Bath and Beyond. They will accept BB&B coupons that are not expired as well as gift cards. It's really about the only one stop shop for babies and young children left. I find the store overpriced but not so bad with available discounts and they do carry things not normally found in the usual department stores. My grands are big kids for their ages and outgrew most things available there by age 2.5 - 3.

As for the shower? That is not what I would consider a shower at all. Basic gift grab.

J Williams, a registry is not supposed to be a hard and fast list of the only acceptable gifts. What gift you give is entirely up to you, whether it’s on the registry or not.

^^^^ I was just going to say the same thing, colleenoz & gmatx.

A bride told me recently that she thought having a registry took all the surprise and fun out of receiving gifts, as in "yay, there's that set of blue towels I checked off when I wandered around the store in a daze".

I understand that registries help guarantee that the mom or bride-to-be gets something that is needed instead of a fourth toaster, but what was once a useful list of suggestions seems to have turned into a list of "expectations".

LOL a lot of hard lines being stated. In truth these days the younger set are not at all tied down by convention. Where you and I were reigned in by "that is never done" from Emily Post, this generation LAUGHS at the idea anyone would give them RULES of conduct. From another thread a few months ago the young evidently do feel/think/expect a registry to be your only options!! Their insistance urges me to the opposite EVERY TIME!! The never a cash bar declaration, doesn't work for wedding receptions IMHO. Hosting guests does not mean giving them freedom and or encouragement to over indulge. I do agree the view of a baby shower being a bar bash is distasteful to me. This invite--is one that barely deserved being read from start to finish. It would go into the trash, unanswered. Walk away, LET IT GO!! Forget about it.

The original purpose of the registry was so that those that choose to buy a gift will know the brides patterns for china, silver and crystal. It isn't mandatory to purchase a gift, but thank you notes from the bride are mandatory. Personally I think that presents for wedding, showers and such should be something the recipient can enjoy. Toasters and vacuum cleaners don't say joyous occasion to me.

As for the wording on that invitation, tacky, tacky, tacky, shake head, hand to forehead. Please send them a copy of Emily Post!

Arcy, the young generations may laugh if they want to about proper etiquette but they also won't be receiving gifts or having people attend their functions when they offend people with their poor taste.

With my friend, it kind of felt like THESE were the things she picked out and that is what she expected, plus she would not let me bring my son with me when I couldn’t find someone to look after him for practically the whole day as she had decided to have the shower in a small town far from where we live with no bus or train service. In the end I didn’t go because she took away the offer of a ride (I didn’t drive then). The whole shower thing left a bitter taste in my mouth, it was like my nice mild mannered friend turned into someone else. I had a similarly bad experience with another friend who EXPECTED me to pony up for a spa day for her on top of baby gifts (of which she recieved a lot), and I had 0$s due to being on maternity leave myself. From that point on she would make comments about how cheap I was, (and how I have horrible taste) it was horrible. Lesson learned.

J, that's terrible, these people revealed their true selves, friends don't treat each other like that. A true friend will have compassion and put the needs of other first.

Well these sorts of things can bring out the worst in people, I should have stepped away, bowed out. So maybe that’s what the poster can do, just bring along a little token gift, or mail it, apart from the shower fiasco.

I hope so J Williams!! Reality discipline is the best educator most times. But before we get all high and mighty I just thought: Would Emily ever suggest we just not attend, not acknowledge and invitation? I fear she would say go, smile, offer a modest gift. I guess I am as bad as young people because I wouldn't take that high ground.

There is no requirement to give a gift, a card would more than suffice. It is considered polite to inform family members of an event in your life. It isn't polite to demand gifts.

Sounds more like a Go Fund Me than a shower!

It’s possible they really need help? Or is it more they feel entitled to it? I know I will be forever grateful to the people who did help me, unsolicited help, even the smallest things were appreciated for the thought involved, never had a baby shower.

Just when you think that the gift grabbing can't stoop any lower...........................

I can't even imagine.......

Toomuchglass -- Are you going to attend this carnival? I sort of hope you will go, just so you can tell us all about it. Got Monopoly money for the cash bar? How about a piggy bank gift? Too subtle?

The last wedding registry I saw had things like all purpose spray bottles, mops/broom, trash cans and just regular household stuff...

The registry for my ex-BIL's son's wedding ( my daughter, his cousin, was invited) was all practical and not pricey things as well. Further, he is the only family member in recent years who bothered to send a thank you note -- written by himself. He was raised right!

Nyce - that's when I go for the default silver picture frame for a present. Second option is a pair of crystal candlesticks.

If you research the history of baby showers (or wedding showers, for that matter), the word "shower" was a reflection that the occasion was intended to shower the recipient with small gifts. Similar celebrations are held in various countries across the globe but most are held after the baby is born :-) In some cases it is considered very bad luck to hold this celebration before the baby is born!

According to Miss Manners, because the party centers on gift-giving, the baby shower is typically arranged and hosted by a close friend rather than a member of the family, since it is considered rude for families to beg for gifts on behalf of their members. I can only wonder what she would have thought with the recipients the ones who are doing the actual begging! Or in this case, demanding.

btw, Miss Manners, who is still very much alive and kicking, considers "blatant greed" as the most serious etiquette problem in the United States, of which this invitation smacks rather soundly!! The most frequently asked question she receives is how to politely demand cash from potential gift-givers (which she answers by stating that there is no polite way to do this), and the second most common question is how much potential guests must spend on a gift (determined by what the giver can afford, not by the event, relationship, related expenses or other factors).

As to soon-to-be-married couples registering for everyday items, they must never have lived away from home!! I had a full household of necessary kitchen and housekeeping stuff before I married (and my groom-to-be had a ton of stuff as well), so only bothered to register for the fancy things like china, silver and glassware we did not have but would like.

I won't be going --- but I wish I was a fly on the wall !!!! lol

I think registries are a good thing, as someone who has plenty of "stuff" and I don't like having to try to find homes for keepsakes that people generously buy that I have no practical use for. That's why we specified no gifts at our wedding, and subsequently we didn't do a registry.

I do think this is way too far, though. It comes off as entitled and greedy. There are so many ways they could have worded it differently. A lot of people appreciate knowing where to buy gifts but even the words "what to bring" makes it sound mandatory, which I'm sure it is in the couple's view! I would decline as well.

I stopped going to showers as soon as I was old enough to refuse. I was dragged to enough of them as a kid and teen for a lifetime! I think they are so STUPID! The inane games,the crappy food, sitting for hours watching someone else open presents,not for me thank you.

I really dont understand the concept. You're getting married/got pregnant. Woopty friggin doo. You're a grown up now. Buy your own stuff. I mean, it's nice if people want to send gifts. But this particular invite was too much. And it's only going to get worse. Some couples are actually setting up honeymoon or down payment fund raisers in lieu of or in addition to a normal registry. I suppose because a lot of couples cohabitate and collect stuff before they get married. So they have to find SOMETHING to ask for right???? Soooooo tacky.

In my experience, showers are the cause of a lot of unnecessary stress. For example,recently a coworker got married. She had several bridal showers and a lingerie shower. I was invited to all of them. I didn't attend any but bought her a hand mixer. Anyway, when I worked with her she spent the entire day complaining about how her drama queen sister was insisting on bringing her kids to the lingerie shower. I get it. The shower is for the bride,presumably not kids. She was worried that they would steal her thunder I suppose but she couldn't really UNinvite her own sister could she? Well, later I heard all about how her sis brought the kids and it was awful because the new baby got all the attention and the older one was throwing tantrums BECAUSE the new baby was getting all the attention and it probably didn't help that the older one was BORED STIFF because it's a lingerie shower not a kids birthday party. Apparently this same scenario played out at both bridal showers as well.

Another coworker recently had her first kid. Her showers were full of conflict as well. Then she complained about how she got 50 blankets and lot of clothes that she would never use but no diapers. It's like noone even LOOKED at their registry! She bemoaned. So she had her mother plan her a "diaper shower." I got her a box of diapers a box of wipes,and 6 bottles of different baby shampoos,lotions,bubble baths,whatever....

Really? A diaper shower? You made it. YOU buy it diapers....

What's next? You want me to contribute to its college fund????

ETA: Both the above mentioned coworkers are STILL complaining about all the thank you notes they had to send. I got thank you texts from both of them......

Let's face it.....some folks have no class!! And never will :-)

I don't mind showers at all - that is, typical traditional showers, not those that specify which gifts they want or ask bluntly for cash donations (which is beyond the pale, IMO). But I draw the line attending more than one for the same recipient unless it is a close family member and I am expected to attend,

And believe it or not, 'diaper showers' are an actual thing but usually a males only event, often held in a pub or local watering hole.

Oh and btw, the correct etiquette is that baby showers are only held for the first born child, assuming, I guess, that the moms-to-be will already have enough gear to handle subsequent offspring.

Something I have noticed lately on invitations when no gifts are wanted, a notation that if you feel you must, a donation of non perishable foods for the Food Bank or Animal Shelter etc would be appreciated.

I don't really follow the registries. One time I did, was so much fun. First baby for fake niece, her and her hubby had jokingly put condoms on the list! I got them the super size box!!! And a few other things to go with.

She was not surprised I was the one who bought them! Love her dearly.

Oh yeah, they didn't know the sex of the baby (or wouldn't tell) so I made the baby a dress and bonnet set! Used a pattern I made for my DD from 1972.

I guess I can appreciate registries for the simple reason that today there are so many choices for such simple items. It clearly makes it easier for the buyer to ensure the gift being purchased is in line with the wishes of the couple. How many models of toasters, for example, does one have to choose from?

Same with baby items. Thankfully most couples I have seen pick a variety of items with a range of prices, so one can choose most anything within budget. Yes, I have occasionally veered off from the registry a bit, but only if I know the person pretty well.

I'm of the age where wedding invitations and baby showers are fading into the review mirror but I have some young people still in my family. Registries for baby gifts are a godsend (Amazon Prime since we live 16 hours away) but for adult "children" both working full time and on their second marriages there was no registry, we could not attend the wedding, we sent a very generous gift card for a high-end restaurant in their city and never got a note of thanks from them nor any acknowledgement of the gift even though we've seen them in person several times since their marriage.

That's just without class and rude.

I went to my first baby shower in years last year - I was so excited to go. She was registered at Target - nice and practical. Her MIL threw the themed shower and every detail was part of the theme (animals). I loved it!

The invite did include the option to bring a pack of diapers and be entered into a raffle, but it was not forced on anyone to do.

The MIL had a bunch of games... I thought it was great fun.

This was for someone I knew and wanted to help out with having her first child. The people that Toomuchglass has described... no way! That invite would not even get a response from me. A cash bar at a baby shower - those people reek of no-class!

You are all right ...no class at all. What irked me were the words "upgrade your gift".

I would never ,ever say that to anyone who was kind enough to buy me a gift !

This doesn't even seem real since it's so tacky, tacky, tacky. Unbelivable.

i'm speechless....

It seems this invitation is typical of todays entitled generation

When my son with his woman were having a baby 3+ years ago,I went all out and purchased numerous items.

And she returned them all and bought what "she" wanted with the cash return.

"nothing" surprises me anymore.....and I would NOT be attending or sending anything regarding this current invitation

Let's turn this around and say... shouldn't the parents of these gift "demanders" have taught their children proper etiquette?

The upside of these gift registries is one could find a gift one is willing to give and when the receiver decides that isn't quite right they can return/exchange end up with what they prefer in the end. I often find "registered for" items at other stores for much less. Buying them "off sight" increases the possibility the receiver will get two. With a registry the receiver can exchange the expensive version for a new choice. No one wants to know when their gift is "adjusted" to fit the receivers true desires. I understand the feelings when a gift is not well received but in the end if the money is going to be spent I would rather the receiver have something desired and usable. When I was a young mom money was tight. It was very depressing for me to have plenty of clothes--hand me downs from sisters/first child and receive MORE brand new things, when I NEEDED diapers/wipes/sheets......

If I recall correctly, you have never met these people either. I say the same as before. Send a congrats card (from the Dollar Store), sign it and add a note that you hope to meet them someday.