I also think it's up to the bride whether or not she's walked down the aisle. Especially if one's father is still around and is interested in participating. It's sweet if they want to do that. Personally, I would probably walk myself or with my kids if I had them. Although when I got married for the second (and last!) time, we had a tiny wedding, just us and our two witnesses, and no walking involved.

Next year is Mikes and my 40th. We will be renewing our wedding vows in the same church as our first marrage. Our kids and grands will walk with us and stand along our sides.

But as your question. ..what Eld says...yes yes and yes.

My second one was immediate family only, held outdoors at the home of the clergywoman. I walked alone down the steps to the lawn under the trees.

I would not, because in my head the father walking his daughter down the aisle ties in with "giving her away".

I'm not sure there is a "walk down the aisle" when oldsters get married and rarely a "give away" whether a parent is alive or not but it's of course their choice.

This isn't the wedding of her childhood dreams, that already happened. I expect many there will think it odd, and for several reasons.

This is the bride's day and that is a reasonable thing to want.

If it were me, I would not want my father to walk me down the aisle for a second marriage at 60. I think of that tradition as the bride going from the care and shelter of her father's home and him symbolically giving that trust over to her new husband. At 60 I would feel like an independent woman and my elderly father would be an honored guest.

I didn’t have the opportunity for my father to walk me down the isle, so my mother did it instead both times. IMO, it really doesn’t matter how old someone is, if you are blessed enough to still have your father and she wants him to walk her down the isle, then by all means, that’s what she should do. And....as her sister I’m sure she is hoping that you will be supportive of her choice.

isle = island

aisle = walkway, passageway

I don't believe in being given away or anything close to that but these rituals are just what you want to make of them. Having a father not only able but willing to participate is a plus in my mind.

My first wedding had been planned for April 1971 as a "regular" church wedding with my father walking me down the aisle, my mother being important as the mother-of-the-bride, and my future father-in-law singing (he had a beautiful voice and even had an album published). But, in April 1970 my future father-in-law died of a heart attack, at the end of July 1970 my mother died from metastatic breast cancer, and at the beginning of September 1970 my father died in his sleep when his heart gave out. We ended up having a very small wedding (immediate family only) in December 1970, and I walked in by myself.

For my second/current/last wedding in 1986 -- we were married at Tivoli Terrace in Laguna Beach. There is a very steep set of stairs that you have to walk up to get into the wedding area, and I didn't want to negotiate that by myself. Our best friends, Dr. & Mrs. X (who had a fabulous house with an incredible view high up on a hill in Laguna) were hosting our reception at their house, and Dr. X walked me up the steps and to my now-Hubs. But he didn't "give me away," as I wasn't his to give. :-)

It's up to the bride to do as she wishes and what makes her happy regardless of what others think. After living togeher for several years, my neighbors who were in that age range decided to marry. The beautiful bride had her 80+ father walk her down the aisle. Not to give her away, but to include him in the ceremony and their day. I, and many of the other guests, thought it a lovely and touching gesture. Her dad was beaming from ear to ear.

When you come upon a mistake I've made in spelling or in fact, please let me know. I make them as others do. I'll thank you in advance for doing so.

Reasonably correct spelling, format, and grammar, etc. in forums and elsewhere are important for ease of reading and understanding. Paying attention as a writer is a common courtesy all should do. If these things don't matter to you, great! That's your choice, as I have mine.

Who-ya-gonna- to-call-to-ruin-a thread? Elmer!

In case the sarcasm is past you or you don't watch movies, it is a play on the "Ghost Busters'

Yet another thread, that I will now mark "not following".

100% how I see it Elizabeth!! On another note, when DD gets married, I think I should be the one to walk her down the "aisle" (got it right this time)...I'm the one who raised my kids, they've always lived with me. OMG, my neck is getting tense thinking about that. LOL

Whenever I see the word "isle" I hear the ending of the Gilligan's Island theme song: "...the Professor and Mary Annnn, heeereee on Gilligaaaan's Isle!" Lol but why not be flexible when spelling is between internet friends.

I think it's sweet for a bride (or couple) of any age to include special people in the ceremony. Figuring out how to do it should be fun, not stressful. I'd attend and enjoy seeing an 80+ year old dad walking with his daughter -- would probably chuckle at "giving her away". I'd also enjoy seeing a couple surrounded by kids, grandkids, nieces, nephews, dogs, etc.

Some friends of ours have a daughter (I'll refer to her as "mom") who is married with two daughters of her own. Mom is very active in her children's lives. She is a Girl Scout troop leader, she is active with the cheerleaders group, she does the teacher's assistant thing at the kids' school, etc. Of course, she also helps them with their homework. Mom has horrible spelling skills. For example, if she wants to post something on Facebook or Instagram that includes the phrase, "I will definitely..." or "they will definitely..." what she actually posts is "I will defiantly..." or "they will defiantly..." "Definite" and "defiant" are two totally different words.

She should do whatever she feels is the way in which she would like to celebrate her second marriage.

I am really old fashioned in that I feel big fancy ceremonies, complete with white wedding dress and bridesmaids, are kind of odd for a second (or subsequent) marriage. So it wouldn't be for me. Now, a big party, that makes sense!

I was married for the first time, at age 22, in a traditional church ceremony. My father walked me up the aisle and "gave me away". It was a lovely service.

When I married for the 2nd time in 1978, I was 35 and had two children. Somehow the idea of my father walking me up the aisle and "giving me away" seemed ridiculous. We talked about me just walking in from the side the way the groom and best man typically do. I found that awkward. BTW - it was my 37 yr old husband-to-be's first marriage, so he'd never had a wedding before.

So, since this was a church service, we decided on doing a liturgical procession. Husband-to-be and I walked together, behind an acolyte/crucifer and our honor attendants (no brides maids this time - had friends be "readers" instead). A hymn was played and sung as we processed. We were followed by the three clergy who married us and celebrated the Eucharist we wanted as part of the ceremony. I wore a lovely blush silk chiffon tea length dress and carried a very small nosegay bouquet.

We wanted to include my two children in some fashion (they were 8 and 5 at the time), but I think children as attendants in 2nd weddings can be difficult for the child; a 2nd wedding means all their hopes of a reconciliation are now gone forever. So after the marriage ceremony, we went back down the aisle to the back of the church, gathering the children as we went. Then just the 4 of us and the crucifer came back up the aisle to the alter, carrying the communion elements. We all sat together in the choir pews for the Eucharist service, and at the end, we all went back down the aisle in the liturgical procession, singing another hymn.

But if I had been 60 and my father still alive, and if he wanted to walk me up the aisle, I would do so to honor him. I would do it to honor him and his love for me and mine for him.

BTW, when DD got married, she had both her father and step-father take her up the aisle and give her away. Actually, I think she took THEM up the aisle as they both had lumps the size of a basketball in their throats, seeing their lovely daughter in her wedding gown. And yes, he was "THEIR" daughter - they were both her "dad".

I've never been to a church wedding where the bride was divorced. I'm rather against the idea of anyone giving a bride away, as if she is property, but I do realize that it is an old tradition that dies hard. I really find it difficult to imagine someone being given away twice - it seems to say "I just can't get rid of her for good." I suppose I take things too literally, but I could see the ex-husband giving her away, unless he went through a formal ceremony to give her back to the father. I also agree with Elmer that you need a good island for this, in keeping with my literal interpretations.

I also remember when the Catholic church would not allow divorced people to be married in the church. If someone is a widow, then that is a completely different matter, and I think it would be appropriate for the father to give her away again.

I just don't like the idea of brides being "given" away. To me, it is very sexist - no one gives the groom away. I would welcome new traditions to be started.

Interesting perspective, Lars. I don't know if it's sexist but the give away certainly seems archaic. As in, dowry-like archaic.

Lars, interesting! The give away part has always seemed wrong to me for some reason though I never gave it much thought.

As for the walk down the aisle, whatever makes the participants happy.

I got married in 1981 at what felt like too young an age. I could not do the whole white dress thing as that too made me feel like chattel. I felt myself modern and liberated.

RE: Spelling. I do know how to spell but I also use a tablet for this site and my one finger is not as accurate as 10 working together. And that is before the ever helpful spell check twists my words.

Elmer, you are obviously well educated and I value many of your insights, but I think I would have hated you back when you were in 2nd grade and you corrected the teacher as she tried to write with chalk, keep her eyes open, and remember each student'status name all at the same time.

Correcting grammatical errors is never appropriate in a friendly social setting. We know what we mean even when a homonym or other spell monster enters the paragraph.

Smiles and joy.

How about for the third marriage? I know someone who got married for the third time and asked her father to walk her down the aisle. He told someone that he wished she would have asked her sons to do it. He was tired of it. Her sons were in their 30s or 40s.

2nd time for me,my eldest Grandson walked with me.

I’m far more bothered by brides at their 2nd or 3rd wedding, wearing a long white dress and veil.. I didn’t think it appropriate that Meghan Markledid so, lovely as the gown was.

“Giving away”? I just don’t get hung up on traditional terms such as this. In most services I’ve been to, when the rector asked, “Who giveth this woman?”, the father usually replies, “Her mother and I”. I see this as showing that her primary family is no longer her parents, but her spouse- the formation of a new family unit. I like that. It has nothing to do with properly or chattels.

My father passed away just 2 weeks before I married.

I'd give anything to have been walked down the aisle by him.

He'd be in his 80's now, and yes, if I were to remarry, I'd want him to escort me.

(still married to the original)

I can't remember what my sister did. She was widowed after five years of marriage,two small boys. It was her second husbands first wedding so he wanted the white dress, church formality which was fair. They may have come in together. That was vogue in the 80's, due to the 'give away' feelings already expressed. Frankly I think of it more as a parade of families, coming to be joined. Both my parents walked with me. Same with my groom. For a second wedding it would be appropriate for a son to escort a bride. It isn't the "GIVE AWAY" in my mind it is this is who we are now and when we leave we will be a new family. It is ludicrous to think a dad gives his daughter. Dad's have LITTLE to do with the decision these days. I think it is beautiful for a dad to escort his daughter, always. People need to change their thinking on what things mean.

My cousin was married for the 2nd time and had her son and daughter walk her down the aisle.

Like I said, make what you want out of these otherwise meaningless rituals. Why do we have these elaborate ceremonies? Or not. You end up married just the same. Once upon a time wearing white was an indication of your being rich enough to wear white silk which was almost impossible to clean. We decided at some point it mean that the woman was a virgin, who knows why. Wedding etiquette is a bunch of made up stuff. We can decide that a man isn't giving you away, he is accompanying you. It works for me. In the specific case of the OP I say follow your bliss. If people want to snipe well to paraphrase Jane Austen what do we live for if not to provide amusement for our neighbors.

My sister was walked down the aisle for her second marriage. It seemed fine and there was nothing strange about it at all. She was in her late twenties when she remarried. Her first marriage happened when she was too young.

My sister-in-law who is quite religious in the Baha'i faith had her father walk her down the aisle as per her religion for her second marriage. She was in her mid-40s and that seemed a little awkward and a bit strained at first. Then the celebration continued and it all seemed fine.

I don't know the answer to this. I only know that many women get walked down he garden path more than once. LOL

My best friend is a psychiatrist. She remarried - for the 4th time, at 53. She wore a long white dress with a small train, and her elderly father gave her away - again. I wonder if her father was hoping that this time would be the last time?

She does talk therapy in her practice as well as prescribe meds. I hope she doesn't do relationship therapy.

I've known a handful of psychiatrists over the years - I think each has had a few screws loose. I've always found that ironic.

I've known maybe an equal number of psychologists too. These as individuals have tended to be also a bit "different" too but less so than the psychiatrists. Maybe it's a function of the ones I've known from each group.

When one grows up in a small town that at that time had a world famous psychiatric clinic and a school of psychiatry, one tripped over shrinks! One of the famous two brothers who founded the clinic lived up the street from me (I used to play with his youngest child - younger than some of his grandchildren!) and also went to my church. My own godson is a psychiatrist and he is very "different". As a toddler, I used to say he was either going to grow up to be a serial killer or someone great. Not sure about the "great" part, but he's certainly not a serial killer!

patriciae, those who have such ceremonies do not share your belief that they are "meaningless". Many of us find deep meaning in the various "ceremonies of life". Many a girl has dreamed about the wedding dress she would one day wear. If it were not so, there would be no huge bridal salons such as David's Bridal or the famous Kleinfed's (Say Yes to the Dress!).

Also etiquette is "made up" but then so are all the rules for the various sports we play all over the world. They were not included on the Tablets God sent down to Moses! That does not make them bad. Just as with sports, one learns the "rules" when one participates and it makes it easier for everyone.

I mean meaningless to anyone else, You make your own meaning out of rituals. No bad meant. I did not dream of wedding dresses but I knew those that did. Good for them and me. Funny that you would equate etiquette with sports rules. It is how I see it. My only point is that if you find meaning then do what makes you happy. Don't be limited by others limits. Live your own life and if it makes you happy to walk the aisle with your old Dad then do it. Who on earth could take exception? You are not breaking some sort of important eternal social contract. Wear white or wear green. It is a color. You new mother in law to be could wear white as well, or green and your mom and your mil could choose the same dress-so what? No vast eternal plan is at risk.

I've never been married. But I have always felt that a father giving his daughter away was a little weird. Both my sisters had dad walk them down the aisle. I wouldn't like it. If me and SO ever do get married,it will be the 2 of us only, at the courthouse. At this point,we have been together almost 10 years,cohabiting most of that time so the ritual would seem a little foolish to me. (Ever heard the one about closing the barn door after the horse has bolted?)

But, whatever the bride wants in that regard is appropriate I suppose. No one elses business. I will admit I was a little exasperated when my oldest brother announced his third marriage and all the ritual that would go with it. (Her third too, I mean, the ceremony doesn't make it stick obviously,so why bother?) But,as I said, not my business, whatever made them happy...

I feel that it's up to the couple and of course the Dad.

My husband and I hiked up a cliff with our dog and said our vows. The wedding was for us. The family is still miffed that they weren't included.

I didn't get walked down the aisle either time. Both weddings were officiated by a JP. First wedding 100000000000000% mistake. Only good thing that came out of that was my son. I don't say our son. He's mine. Sperm donor has had nothing to do with MY son since he was 2. Anyways, back on topic. That son was supposed to give me away at my second wedding. He was 9 and really bored. We got married at my mother in laws house. When I looked to see where he went, he was gone........ downstairs playing Nintendo. hahahahahaha

I think if she wants him to walk her down then he should. She is lucky to still have her father and that he is physically able to walk her down the aisle

Escorting someone down the aisle doesn't have to be the same thing as giving someone away LOL. I did like the way Harry and Meghan did it; she walked into the church solo, and then her groom's dad gave her his arm and escorted her the rest of the way, welcoming her into the family.

I don't over think these sort of things. Do what you want, but weddings never held any interest for me. Not even my own. We got married by a JP.

Elmer -- No reason to doubt. I find that many psychiatrists are 'unusual' in real life. I think many go into the field because they have found their personal lives difficult, and they want to try to figure that out. (Maybe they learn to accept that they are 'different'.)

Yeah, maybe! One I've known is a psychoanalyst (Freudian school) and he said that as part of his residency, he had to go through deep psychoanalysis as a patient. He said he was never the same after that. I didn't meet him until we were both in mid-life years but he's loony as could be. A nice guy for sure and we enjoy doing things with them as couples but he's for sure not like most people.

PS - I hope you were able to go to Hawaii this year and that your health is on an upswing.

I have a friend who was in a relationship with her psychologist....which I believe is a no-no, but anyway she said if you aren't psycho- analyzed then you will always have issues. Maybe so, but my friend has gone off the charts in the past few years. She never was very stable though.

Yes, one must go through psychoanalysis in order to become an analyst (they are nearly all Freudian). It can take years and years. That kind of minute self-absorption could make anyone a bit looney. Most have a PhD, not an MD.

But I did know an analyst in St Louis (who was part of the famed St Louis Psychoanalytic Institute), who was a delightful, very thoughtful man. He became interested in psychiatry and religion and wrote a couple of very interesting books on the subject.

A classmate of mine from 4th grade through HS is also a member of the St Louis Psychoanalytic Institute). I was so hoping she would be at our 50th HS reunion but she was a no-show, so I have no idea what she is like today. She was brilliant all the way through school. Her family was Egyptian and her father was also a psychoanalyst who had trained under Anna Freud. They left Egypt for political reasons, and she was 9 years old when she joined us in 4th grade. She had attended a British school in Egypt and had the most exquisite english accent. She was tons of fun while we were schoolmates.

To be given away by who? The first husband? ;-)

Seriously though. I wouldn't bother with a 2nd wedding at all. Come to think of it I wouldn't have bothered with my first. That one was my parent's to impress wedding, not mine. Oh well still married and all that. I agree with Marilyn regarding weddings. Not all that exciting to me.

I've known a handful of psychiatrists over the years - I think each has had a few screws loose. I've always found that ironic.

Agreed. It is so hard to get good mental health management when the psychiatrists themselves have more issues than their patients. We have been down that road. We just found a new one to manage meds. Our last one had some type of breakdown and simply moved on. LOL Even our family physician is having difficulty finding someone for one of his family members.

Do whatever makes you happy.

In the wedding ceremonies that I write, I never say “who gives this bride away”. I use “escorts” or “supports” or “accompanies”. Most of the time, if both parents are still alive, then both will walk their respective child down the aisle. I have quite a few brides and grooms that walk alone.