I'm a teacher. If this is the first report in the school year, I would look at this very simply. This is not as unusual as you think, even with fathers at home. Many, many kindergartners have to learn how to behave in school. I would interpret this as just a silly boy thing, maybe looking for some attention from his buddies. When parents are on the same page as the teacher/principal, it makes it much, much easier for kids. So I would just make it clear to your son that this is not acceptable at school. Make sure he understands what the rules in the classroom are. Have him tell them to you. (Typically, they will be things like, Raise your hand to talk, no talking in the halls, no touching other people's property, etc.) Once you are sure he understands, make sure he understands your expectations, as well as the consequences of misbehavior. With little kids it really doesn't take a big, horrible consequence so much as 100% consistency. He has to know that if he goofs around at school, he will pay a consequence at home. And then don't harp on it unless he gets in trouble again. If he does, he gets the consequence. I see kids at school all the time whose parents sometimes try too hard to figure out what's causing something. They get a mixed message that maybe it's okay to be goofy at school sometimes, instead of a clearcut boundary. You can see them at school, trying to figure out which rules they HAVE to follow and which mom and dad don't care about. Be sure he gets plenty of attention every day when he comes home, not extra attention if he has gotten in trouble. If he's bright and polite, and this is the first report, I'd keep it very simple. Let him see that you can take this in stride but there will be consequences for not following the rules in school. I have 4th and 5th graders who are still struggling with this. It makes their lives unnecessarily difficult and really interferes with their learning...

Yeah, I know it's traditional and weddings are steeped in tradition. But since I've gotten older and have given it some thought, I don't really like that part of the wedding. Please don't flame me because it won't do any good anyway :) What is the phrase exactly, "who gives this woman in marriage?" And then the father says "her mother and I" or whatever. She's not a piece of property to be given away, is she? Well, I didn't mean to take this thread off topic, but I really think some people should consider taking that part of the ceremony out. It's like the vow "love honor and obey". You don't hear that too much anymore either. Hope ya'll don't think I'm anti-marriage, I'm not. I certainly believe in the holy union of two people if that is what they choose. Just my opinion.

I think that this is a much bigger question than what the wording should be. Please forgive me if I am getting too personal. I may be way off base here, but perhaps this is something you might want to think about. I would suggest rethinking the idea of your fiance making any public vows at the ceremony to your son. No matter how much they love each other and no matter how thrilled your son is about the marriage, they aren't really getting married to each other, are they? You and your fiance chose each other, and you are the ones making the commitment of marriage. Your son may love the idea, but he isn't the one who got engaged; this would be a vow in which he has no choice -- even if you gave him the choice, how could he say no? (I realize you are just talking about a one-way vow from your fiance to him, but still, that affects the "vow-ee.") Your post refers to your fiance's making vows to your son "along with the ones that she says to me." But any kind of vows he makes to your son are, and should be, very different from the ones he makes to you. I think the close juxtaposition could make your son uncomfortable, even if he doesn't say anything about it to you (and even if he isn't himself totally conscious of it). Any child whose parent is remarrying, even a child who is very happy about it, will have mixed feelings, at least sometimes. That's normal and healthy. It's a big change in his life, and even good changes are stressful. It's wonderful -- really wonderful -- that they get along great. But what is the purpose of a vow, or any other kind of public commitment ceremony? What would it mean? When your son leaves home, would he be breaking it? If his father is alive, even if they have a poor relationship, what would this mean with regard to that? And what will happen when, inevitably, your son and your new husband quarrel? The added emotional load of some sort of vow can't help. You mention you have heard of others doing this. Unfortunately, some of those marriages probably didn't last. What is the psychological effect upon the child then, when the vows to him/her are broken along with the vows to Mom/Dad? I'm not saying this will happen to you; it's just a thought for the concept in general. Although I am sure that the adults truly believe they are doing this for the children's sake, to make them "special" and "involved" too, I suspect that this practice is at bottom more for the adults' feelings than for the kids' true well-being. Consider if you wouldn't get pretty much the same positive effect by doing things like having him be either your or your fiance's honor attendant and having your fiance make a fabulous toast to him at the reception which could come very close to a vow and include all the wonderful things he would have said if he'd done it during the ceremony. Maybe if the two of them really want some sort of ceremony for their own relationship, they could do it privately or just with family the day before the wedding or some other time. You will think of other ideas, too, I'm sure. Whatever you do will be lovely and meaningful. But for a variety of reasons I would keep it separate from the vows you and your husband will make to each other. Like the string about children "giving away" their parents. It's just too big an emotional load to impose on them, even though it all seems wonderful at the time. Please forgive me for being a wet blanket. As I said, I may be totally off here. But it is something to think about, perhaps with your clergy or whoever you go to for advice. You might also consider talking to adult friends whose parents remarried when they were your son's age. They will have a good perspective. The most important thing, of course, is that you all love each other, and you are all committed to being a family. You don't need a ceremony for that! Congratulations to all of you.

I'm so sorry, josephine. My friend/colleague's husband was on hospice. Trying to do the right thing, she told his horrible mother when he was within days of dying. His sister showed up & "read to him"...the only book she had in her car evidently- a Stephen King novel! Then his mother came by when he was sleeping, stayed about 2 minutes & left "instructions" with the nurses that they were to withhold his morphine so he'd be awake when she returned! After he died, the mother planned her own memorial service, separate from the one the widow had, & notified facebook that she was next-of-kin & his facebook account now belonged to her. & facebook turned it over to her. My friend hasn't had any luck getting facebook to respond to her, so she can't access his account, can't get those memories, etc. & his mother can, & does, use the account to dramatize her own "loss". so I'd say, don't let anybody know anything until you've taken care of everything & they can't make trouble. Cash the insurance policy, have the funeral, get the bank accounts & internet accounts locked up, probate the will. Whatever you do, don't take chances; protect your loved ones, & protect yourself. The loss of a gravy train is indeed traumatic, & vicious people have a field day whenever there's a crisis or loss. Financially & emotionally, they feed off things like this. Take care.