Hi George, (Glad you shared your first name in the "First names, please" thread) Quite an addiction we have, huh, when we buy more DLs than we have room for (or what we mapped out for during the winter months!) I have planted all the various ways described above, except for Lasagna gardening, and Jean's way in the Spring. (Now Jean, you just gave me another excuse to order more DLs!) I have found that tilling w/o removing the sod, will eventually result in many tufts of grass coming back, and it's a real pain to get rid of after your DLs come up. My father (who plowed under my first garden about 9 years ago) told me the sod must be overturned to a depth of 12-14" to guarantee that it won't come back. But back then he was talking about a very fertile area that used to be a cow pasture - the grass grew three times as fast as in other areas. A neighbor tilled a new garden area for me last fall, when he saw me removing sod. He told me, "That's too much work for you. Let me till it for you. Don't worry, the grass won't re-grow." Well, guess what - the grass came back, because he didn't till deep enough. I should have refused his offer and continued to remove sod in the first place! I don't like to use Round-up unless absolutely necessary. The digging is good exercise, anyway! Maybe this fall, plan ahead, and start a new garden area with newspapers & mulch, or plan for a Lasagna garden. I'm sure your newly arriving DLs will survive, no matter what you do. We sometimes take better care of our plants than we do ourselves! Just don't break your back! Hope you have a wonderful gardening year! Julie

OJ, glad you were able to rehab the cultivator. We had a free-standing mailbox when we moved in, but it kept getting knocked down when we were negotiating the driveway. So we bought a large black box that mounts on the house. Love it, MIL saw it and liked it , a lot, or so she said. So one year for her Birthday or Mothers Day I bought her one just like ours. She looked at me and said her standard "I can't use it. Can you exchange it?" I took it back, gave her the money and more or less told her I wouldn't be giving her any more gifts, she never liked them anyway. That solved gift buying for her for a few years, then she passed away.

"has to balance what's best for him and best for you. And sometimes they just aren't going to work. IMO, childs needs come first." See, this is interesting. I think what is so interesting and diverse about this forum (or even when talking to friends in RL) is that EVERYONE is going to have their own opinion; and that opinion is one we have formed based on our own experiences and perspectives. Nivea, you were treated in a really cruel and hurtful manner by your SM, correct? (or am I mixing you up with another poster?) I believe it was you. Anyway, naturally, you are more inclined to empathize and identify with the child (stepchild) and perhaps even project a bit of your own feelings; and that's normal, we ALL do that. Just as I am more likely to identify with someone like Ima or Lamom or Silver, someone who is a SM dealing with difficult situations. Anyway, I know what you mean about the child needing to come first; but I think you are saying this out of your own experiences, which included being emotionally hurt by your cruel and emotionally immature SM who insisted HER needs come first. Correct? That is awful that happened and it's sad that your father allowed you to be pushed aside. (And please correct me if I am mixing up your history with someone else.) Our situation is a little different in that DH had continually made the mistake of doing things to harm our marriage---all under the guise of "it's best for SS." But a lot of what he was doing wasn't even really best for SS. DH wanted me to smooth things over and be nice to BM, even after she attacked me in front of SS. Sure, it might be superficially easier for SS if everything seemed hunky-dory again. But in the long run, what lesson is that teaching him? That violence is acceptable? That it's okay for his mom to behave like that and I will just pretend that everything is okay? Those aren't lessons I want SS or DD learning. So sometimes what IS best for SS isn't necessarily what one might think at face value. Sure, it would be more *pleasant* for him in the short term, but in the long run, I think it does more harm than good. (I don't think this particular weekend issue is even really about anything being "best" for SS, though.) And one thing our marriage counselor has been helping both of us see is that sometimes what's best for the marriage has to come first. And I will say this with 100% conviction: it would NOT be in SS's best interest for DH and I to divorce. Not at all. That would be one of the worst things that could happen for both him and my DD. I may be "just a stepmother" to him but I have been a positive and caring person in his life for almost 7 years. He views my daughter as his sister. He genuinely loves our family and feels a TOTAL part of our family unit...because he is! We are not just some people he spends a few days a month with, he has two families and we are one of them! If that unit were to dissolve, it would honestly devastate SS. It would devastate my DD, as well, but I really think it would be worse on SS. He is very sensitive to these things, and he is the type of child that turns his upsets inward. I know if he were to lose his family, it would really impact him negatively in an emotional sense. So in marriage counseling, one thing DH is having to focus on is sorting out when SS's needs really DO come first, and when it's just BM manipulating "in the name of their son." Obviously, there are times that the child's needs have to come first---heck, that is 95% of parenting! But it is my belief that this is not one of those times. SS's mom is doing well and there is no reason he can't be with her.

Placing a couch centered on the fireplace is going to leave little room to walk thru that area....but maybe that's ok... I really don't know. Unless you replace your current furniture with new pieces that are about the same size, and in the same place, you may be changing the traffic paths in the room. That's why, once you have an idea of what you want, you should move your existing furniture to the way it will be in the future, so that you will know whether you like the new arrangement, before you commit. 30 feet is long, but 13 feet is not really a narrow space for a living room. It's pretty normal. My guess is that your house originally had 2 rooms side by side in that space. If you think the space is tight, look for chairs and sofas that are not as deep, back to front. There can be a big difference. Your brown recliner is very deep. Apartment style furniture can be just as comfortable. Having a foot of padding at the back of a chair doesn't really make it more comfortable - it's just a style. You don't sink back a foot when you sit down. Here is my mock up of where the traffic path would be if you have a U shaped conversation area in front of the fireplace and TV. I gave you an ottoman instead of a coffee table in front of the sofa. And I made the upholstered furniture about 4 feet deep.