So, an update: Our highly competent and trustworthy handyman strongly recommended, given cost and durability considerations, that we go with laminate instead of porcelain tile. (The porcelain would cost about 4 times more to install, and budget is definitely a consideration for us.) We found one that is a stone look rather than a woodgrain look. It's not Tarsus Gray, but it's pretty and will do quite nicely, methinks -- a definite improvement from the current flooring. Below left is the picture of what we're going with; the second picture is the Tarsus Gray for comparison; the third is the current flooring.

tried to grab some in different lighting and with fiff wall paint. i swear its even less orange in real life- or even in my camera reel before it posts here

That's a fantastic looking home! Congrats. It looks like the parquet is the 'thin' stuff which means it probably can't handle a refinish (it might....but don't count on it). The previous owners did a nice job 'matching' the tones for the living room wood-tile and the beams. That's the type of match that looks quite nice. That being said, you definitely have plenty of flooring going on. You are correct, the gray walls (trying to be trendy without doing the updates needed to complete the look) are not helping. Here's the issue I see: the COST! If you have the budget for $2/sf removal of the existing tiles and then have the budget to install LARGE FORMAT 'wood look' tiles throughout (should be $15-$18/sf for materials + labour) then go for it. If you do the math, you could be looking at $17-$20/sf. If we *assume you ONLY have 1000sf of flooring (I'm guessing the floors would be more like 2000sf) you are looking at $20K. If we price it more to the 2000sf then you have a price tag getting close to $40K. And we haven't even touched the parquet or the brick. I like the brick. But it does break up the house even more. And I always worry that an 'outdoor space turned indoor space' like this one hasn't been done 'properly'. And that could be another money-pit waiting to happen. Ask yourself the question: Do I have the BUDGET for $20/sf for flooring? And another $5K for painting?

Look at Forbo Marmoleum linoleum click tiles. Linoleum is not vinyl. It is a natural and sustainable product. Linoleum has been used for more than 100 years. Marmoleum also comes in sheets and regular tile.