Empty Nester 101 Help determine if I will ever lead a glamourous life.
Dionne
5 years ago
last modified: 5 years ago
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shirlpp
5 years agoDionne
5 years agoRelated Discussions
Ever lost interest in your house/improvements?
Comments (23)Something funny happened and I remembered this thread so I thought I'd post it here. I do stop by and read here every couple of days. I seldom post because I made my big "decorating push" before I got my new puppy a bit over 2 years ago. I'm not doing any decorating, I'm doing agility training....at least that was the plan and it had worked out perfectly until about 3 weeks ago. Three weeks ago my dishwasher died and it all snowballed from there. I can't complain, we've lived in this house for 17 1/2 years and the original dishwasher lasted until about 3 weeks ago. I did my research and ordered a new dishwasher....but I also started shopping for flooring because I'd always thought that when the dishwasher died it would be a good time to change the flooring. The dishwasher was installed as was the new flooring but, in the meantime we'd developed a leak in the kitchen ceiling. (Master bath is above kitchen.) We didn't know exactly what was leaking so, that meant that I had to hire someone to pull apart the ceiling, find and fix the problem and then put the ceiling together again. (Did I mention that my husband was out of town for work during all this? Yes, 3 weeks, he missed the whole thing!) Anyway, we got all that done but, I also got to talking with the contractor. I'd called a contractor I'd used before. I thought my leak was too small a job for him but, if that was the case I was hoping he could refer me to someone. I was lucky, he likes to maintain a relationship with his clients so, he said he was happy to fix the ceiling......and he did some other stuff for me too. This is what the kithcne looked like 3 weeks ago: This is what the kitchen looks like now: I'm tickled pink but still a bit flabergasted about the whole thing. I'm also pulling my hair out trying to play catch up with my training. Local agility trials start next weekend and I've let down on training while I was coping with the kitchen....See MoreDealing with so-called "adult" children: how to determine rent?
Comments (55)I'm back! And there are so many responses here and I'm limited for time, so I can't respond to everyone individually. However, kswl, thanks for the info on that program -- you have to be over 21 to apply. He's only 20. Also, he is so focused on post-production, I don't think the AD role is necessarily for him. Thank you, though! And thanks to everyone else. Red lover, our kids sound somewhat similar! Briefly -- my DS was basically kicked out of kindergarten by our very rigid public elementary school principal. He went to a therapeutic elementary school til he was 12, then a nightmarish middle school, and finally a "regular" private high school that was open to kids w/ learning differences. When he was in kindergarten the dr. we saw thought he had Aspergers. In 1st grade, when he was in the therapeutic school, they said no way is he on the autism spectrum, but he has a general anxiety disorder. It wasn't until HS that he was diagnosed with ADD, and at the time, THAT dr. said the anxiety was probably brought on by the ADD. Finally, after he dropped out of college we saw yet another highly-regarded dr. who diagnosed him with the executive functioning disorder and said he could have told us that college would be a disaster. Well, thanks. Okay, so that is the very short story of his life. We are really lucky that he decided at age 13 that he had a passion and has stuck to it all this time. And also lucky that we have found (college level) educational programs that have been fantastic experiences for him. Anyway, here is what we've decided to do -- baby steps. I can't remember if I already said this, but once he started working a bit, we told him transportation costs are now up to him. So that was one small step. (He does not have a car and uses the bus and/or train or subway to get everywhere -- fortunately all are nearby, and we live close to Boston). As of Jan. 1, he will start paying his cell phone bill. It is on a family plan so he will pay his portion to us. It's a basic, inexpensive plan, maybe $30 or something. (DH pays the bill so I'm not 100% sure.) Then, next step will be rent, as of April 1 probably. It won't be high. Maybe $50 a month. I think my goal is mainly to get him to understand that he has to start getting used to paying bills (i.e., the not-fun stuff) first, then figure out what he has left over for the fun stuff. But I like the idea someone had of increasing it every 3 or 6 months. And if he is unable to pay these bills on the money he has coming in from film/video work, then yes, we have talked about the fact that he may have to get some kind of night job to supplement his income. He was open to it, but he hasn't made any steps toward doing it. The big problem with a kid like him is that he can talk the talk, but he doesn't (or can't) walk the walk! We can sit with him and talk about all the things he should do, and he says, Oh yes, good idea, I'll do that... and then it never happens. We have been trying to have "meetings" with him on a regular basis so we can check in and remind him of his to-do list. One good thing that's been happening is that he has hooked up with these two guys who graduated from the film program he also graduated from -- they are both older, one in his mid-late 20s and one in his early 30s -- who are in the beginning stages of putting together a production company, and they want him on board as much as possible. He has done one music video with them for an up-and-coming (according to DS) hip hop band -- DS did some camera work and the editing -- and this weekend is starting work on another video for another band. DS is really into music, so I have often thought music video work would be right up his alley. Anyway, who knows where this could lead. These guys seem to be real go-getters. Also, he did another project for this woman who turned out to be really difficult, gave him incorrect instructions that led to him having to talk to a TV person out in CA to sort things out, and then her check (to pay him) bounced! The good news about that mess is that I overheard his conversations with both the client and the TV person, and he was so professional. So -- he's certainly not a hopeless case. It is hard -- and has always been hard -- to figure out what he is and is not capable of. You talk to him and he is SO smart and articulate that it's easy to forget that he has a lot of wires crossed in that brain of his! And for those who asked about therapy. Yes, we are actually in the process of finding a new psychiatrist as the last (current) one turned out to be kind of a dud, and he is located too far from us to be convenient. My son's PCP gave us a list of names and I consulted with DS over which one he wanted to try -- there was a woman, an older man, and a younger man, and he felt that he could relate best to the younger guy, so I'm calling him this week. We have also seen an executive functioning specialist in the past, but after several weekly meetings, DS refused to go because she was "condescending." He's at the age where we can offer help, but we can't force him to accept it. Every so often we remind him that we are willing to pay for that kind of help if he wants it... This was longer than I intended but I wanted to fill in some of the blanks. Thanks again for all of your thoughtful input....See MoreDetermining price when there are no comps?
Comments (101)Yes, Try_Hard...there is more news & none of it good. It's gotten to be such a convoluted mess & taking so much time that we've engaged a REA to help play Sherlock Holmes. If we end up with a contract, we'll pay him 3%. Our counsel has told us on Monday that the builder filed a 'death bed' BK just before the foreclosure auction. I searched the online info & couldn't find it. I phoned the state's attorney at 4:30 p.m. on Friday before the auction to check for a BK filing & he told me nothing was filed. That's one of the things the REA will be doing...hunting down all of these docs & getting us hard copies. So, if the builder still owns the property adverse possession may not make any sense. We actually know where the builder is & how to contact him. We've not done it because we thought the property was foreclosed. There is a foreclosure deed at Town Hall. In the meantime, there's been some minor vandalism at the property. Somebody has shot what looks like a BB at the kitchen & broken a window. The glass isn't shattered but will need replacing. I go through periods where I'm excited & feel like we can make this happen & other days feel it's a lost cause. Hopefully, the REA can devote some time to sniffing out the trail. But, for now...the house is lost in a sea of AHM bankruptcy filings. I went to look another house yesterday. It's a colonial also. Built in 1799 & sitting on 6.5 beautiful acres. It does not have the view of Mystic Harbor but it's a lovely property. As nice as it is...I just didn't get that same feeling as when I first saw 'our' 1825 colonial. But, I'll drag DH over to look at this other one Sunday anyway. /tricia...See MoreHow to Determine Undertones of Neutral Paint?
Comments (118)Oh that is such a good question, Jennifer! I love it that you are really thinking about this. The big difference as illustrated on the Sherwin Williams Poised Taupe graphic that you posed (and I made) is the illuminant. We have TWO illustrated - D65 and D50. An illuminant mimics a light source; D65 and D50 are two different colors of light - you can see what they look like on the diagram below. The light is boss. Change the light and you change how the color looks. I used two different illuminants on purpose to demonstrate how a Poised Taupe's hue family shifts based on the light source. So, easyRGB and the NIX are very close 4YR and 5YR - that's an expected and acceptable margin of error. Actually, it's an amazingly tiny margin of error considering we're talking about two different devices measuring two different color chips in two different environments. The Color Muse measurement for Poised Taupe's hue family is 1YR because I measured the color with a D50 illuminant - a different color of light. It SHOULD be different from notations calculated from measurements captured under a D65 illuminant. The point of the graphic I made, the bottom line is Poised Taupe belongs to the Yellow-Red hue family, D65/2° and D50/2°. If Poised Taupe shifts and looks purple-ish or reddish or whatever, then we know the quality of light is not balanced and from that point of knowing, we can develop an informed color strategy for the space. The fact that all three of these notations in this example are so close is a testament to the efficacy and usefulness of these inexpensive hand-held color measurement tools. Being able to toggle between illuminants, like D65 and D50, with these devices is super helpful because it enables the color pro to get two different perspectives on a color. Since every person sees color differently, it's helpful to take a look at color notations from two illuminant perspectives because it helps a color pro anticipate how a color could be perceived differently by different humans. When it comes to color data values, all the dots connect every single time. If there is a disconnect or inconsistency, there's a reasonable reason. Even if that reasonable reason is the human perception of color is a natural phenomenon and shift happens....See MoreLaura Mac
5 years agoDionne
5 years agoDionne
5 years agoindigoheaven
5 years agoDionne
5 years agoJAN MOYER
5 years agolast modified: 5 years agoshirlpp
5 years agoPatricia Colwell Consulting
5 years agoJudy Mishkin
5 years agoDionne
5 years agoJanie Gibbs-BRING SOPHIE BACK
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5 years agoDionne
5 years agomiss lindsey (She/Her)
5 years agolast modified: 5 years agoDionne
5 years agoHamma
5 years agoD'ecorada Interiors.
5 years agoDiana Bier Interiors, LLC
5 years agoJAN MOYER
5 years agolast modified: 5 years agoacm
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5 years ago
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