shortlid, if your Maytag 'tank' can be repaired for a reasonable fee, I think I'd use it as long as possible -- unless you specifically need a larger capacity for washing comforters, etc. Some people actually have two washers, using each one for different types of laundry. That is quite interesting to me. If you want to be able to wash laundry in true hot water (minimum 140 degrees F), an HE washer will need to have an internal water heater. I used regular washers with a septic tank for years, while rearing six children, and never had a problem. We've always had it pumped every five years, for maintenance. I now have a Maytag Bravos HE toploading washer. The current ones have a huge capacity of 5 cu ft -- mine is 4.6 cu ft. Mine works very well. The only thing I would add is the internal water heater, which wasn't available when I bought my washer.

Ok so I agree it's a bit of an unclear story that is posted by OP. Just some things don't make sense. BM sounds like a piece of work, and I can relate to that because the BM in our situation is of a similar kind. You wonder why BM is so angry with you and if you are in danger. You probably think that she has no reason to be so angry with you, after all you look after these kids much better than she does and BM should be happy that you are a nice person etc etc. But that is not going to happen, EVER. It's how Iamom said it: "BM probably seriously resents the level of your involvement and it may be driving some of her behavior." The more you get involved, the worse it will get I reckon. It doesn't sound like BM is planning to actually physically harm you, even though her behaviour is erratic. As for not getting custody even though BM drinks, neglects kids, takes drugs etc.. I would like to just share something of our own situation. Of course I don't know the whole story by OP, but I do know this: sometimes the whole system just DOES NOT WORK. In our case BM is an alcoholic,not drunk out of her mind every night but on a regular basis let's say. On those nights she either promises the kids ponies and plasma tv's for their rooms, or she has a bad one and gets abusive. Mainly verbally abusive (screaming and carrying on into the early hours) but there have been incidents where she got physical, although that's usually with the partner, not the kids. When BM and FDH had just split up she attacked him in his sleep once. he went to the police the next day and filed a report. The after effects from drinking are that BM stays in bed all day next day and kids don't go to school. They have to look after themselves and in our book that is neglect; not feeding kids breakfast, lunch or tea. SD12 burned her hand two years ago when she was cooking dinner because BM was still in bed. Anyway, drifting... Back to the system; FDH has kept a diary for 3 years There are police reports on BM's outbursts FDH involved CPS, but they assessed kids as being not in danger after they gave BM a phonecall..?? School has been involved (but principal sticks head in the sand) So then FDH contacted the school inspectors, who said to have faith in the school and to leave it to the principal; passing the buck back.. and finally we did try to get shared care in the courts after BM kept breaching the court order (by keeping the kids away from FDH when it was his time to have them) No shared care for us and the stuffing around by BM is only getting worse now. So there we are, back to square one. And yes; it is strange to me too that the courts will not acknowledge BM's alcohol related problems. They just did not want to have a bar of it. Of course we did not have backup from CPS which could've helped the case. You might think that I'm not telling the whole story because it sounds ridiculous, but that is exactly what it is. RIDICULOUS. FDH and myself are in a long term relationship; we own our own home, FDH changed jobs to suit the school hours for the kids so he could look after them (no new girlfriend here pushing the FDH for custody, only a willig and loving dad trying to look after his girls himself) We did not even try to get full custody, we did not want to take drastic actions and take the kids away from their mum. A psychologist advised us to consider shared care, so the kids get the brake from the chaotic lifestyle at BM and have a bit more time with their dad. But noooo, no shared care for FDH, not going to happen!! The only thing we get out of this; is knowing that we have tried to help these girls, as much as we can, so now we focus on the time when they are with us. And that would be my advice to OP; don't take over the mum-role in your household it is not going to work. In a perfect step-world you could be that and it would be an extra for the girls; but in this emotional roller coaster you do better to back off. I mean also when it comes to the parent meetings etc at the school. I wanted to do all those things too when I got together with my FDH, and the girls liked my involvement and even asked for it. For them it was exciting to have a 'mother-figure' interested in their activities, but I tell you I still learned that it is better to back off a bit. Show an interest in the things they do when they are with you, spend time with them etc etc, but the parental responsibilities stay with the parents, not you. It's ahard thing to do, but it is better for your skids. If BM feels that threatened by you she will keep fighting like a lion and that is what hurts the kids. It might feel annoying that you have to back off while you want to do the right thing by the kids; but try it. The kids will see you for who you are anyway, as a loving and caring person who is there for them. They really will. And don't see it as a defeat, you are really taking control here, making this decision and hopefully affecting BM's behaviour in a positive way. The bigger picture!!

Lauren, If I could go back to the beginning of my garden, I would have hired somebody with a tiller to break it all up once. This would have collapsed the gopher holes, loosened the dirt, etc. My vegetable garden is done in a potager style with permanent beds. Most are not technically raised because I could have spent a small fortune on wood for the size of garden I wanted, not to mention the cost of soil amendments. My beds are double dug and lined with hardware cloth to keep the gophers out. Digging those beds out would have been much easier if the area had been tilled first. We are currently expanding the garden and the good news for me is I have 2 teenagers to press into service when it comes to the digging. I will agree that there can be more flexibility without permanent beds, should you desire to change the design of the area on a whim. The Art of the Kitchen Garden is a wonderful book where they show some different design possibilities. The authors actually till it up and do a new design each year, so it may be something to look into if you like the aesthetics. Part of me would like to do it, but I have enough going on that I may not have the mental energy to devote to a new design each year. I have checked that book out from the library many times so your library may have a copy as well but I also see Amazon has a used copy for less than $1. Have fun in the design process.

Having worked in the area of asbestos removal and regulation, I think your concern is understandable. While I do not agree with "functionthenlook" that only occupational, repeated exposures are a concern, I also think that you should not totally panic. It's hard to tell from your description just what the material was, how extensive it was, and how much of it was removed by these techniques. It is reassuring that the air tests came back as below detectable. (Hopefully, this was done by an accredited testing firm and the air samples were collected for a long enough period to be valid.) The single, positive swab result was not surprising, but it's good there weren't more of them. At this point the exposure, if any, has occurred and there is nothing to be done about that. However, if the facility has been cleaned, as the results seem to indicate, then you shouldn't have concerns about continuing exposure. If you want my opinion based on the very limited info you've provided, I'd say that it was a very unfortunate situation, but the fact that the children were not in the classroom while the work occurred, and there may not be any remaining contamination, suggests that long term health concerns are probably minimal. What the contractor did was bone-headed, incompetent, and in likely violation of asbestos removal regulations. In addition, while it was commendable that parents cleaned up after, that was something that should have been left to accredited asbestos removal workers so that there was not more potential exposure. If I were asking questions about this, they would be: -Were there any requirements in the work contract for compliance with environmental regulations, particularly in regard to asbestos? If not, why not? (This is a common situation and one would routinely anticipate a need for testing in advance for work on floors in a public building.) -How much asbestos-containing material was disturbed and what was the nature of the material? -Who collected the samples and conducted the testing? Was the lab accredited and did they follow standard testing protocol? In what location were samples taken (both air and swab)? -Was the debris disposed of in a landfill permitted to receive asbestos waste? -What personal respiratory protection measures, if any, were employed by people doing the cleanup work? -Has the contractor been reported to the local environmental regulatory agency for appropriate action? Answers to these questions might help better inform people of the extent of the problem (and hopefully reassure them), possibly prevent a recurrence with future projects, and provide consequences for possibly unlawful actions of the contractor. You may wish to contact your local environmental office to discuss this with them and see if they could provide someone from their staff to attend the meeting who would have regulatory, technical, and risk assessment knowledge that you don't have. I also assume, when you say that "they" will have a meeting, that it will include someone from the school board, which I think would be advisable. In summary, I think this is not something you should spend a lot more time fretting about because it has probably been pretty well-corrected, but asking the right questions at a meeting will help your school and possibly others in the area going forward.