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Step-son & moving away

6 years ago
last modified: 6 years ago

Hey everyone,

I need some advice here..

I have been in a relationship for about 4.5 years with my fiancee and 8 year old step-son.

We are all very happy together and love each other very much. I have been around since he was young enough to not remember, and even though he calls me by my first name, he still says quite frequently that I am a "dad" to him.

We operate on a week-on, week-off basis with his biological dad, but he frequently has "DJ gigs" on the weekends and we take him. He also frequently going on "trips" with his new GF and we take him, or finds other important "things" to do and we take him. To be clear, I am HAPPY to take him. He acts better, eats better and does better in school when he is with us.

The issue is that we live in an area where an average house is over $1 million dollars. (and $5.50 per gallon of gas) We will never be able to afford to buy a house, or grow our savings. This really concerns me becuase I want to be able to pay for his university like my parents did for me.

The problem is his dad (great guy, but the "fun" dad, terrible at discipline). He works a dead end job in a now completely legal, but still questionable marajuana industry (and hes a 35 year old amateur DJ which plays on almost every weekend at the local clubs) and rents his place as well ($2,500/m) as well with his girlfriend(she is also a great person), he has no plans for the future and no option to buy a house either. He has said he would never consiter moving becuase all of the friends and DJ connections he has where we live now (his family lives on the other side of the country, no family at all of his in our state).

Currently we are paying in rent every year close to $30,000.

I own a number of retail stores and we are doing well, but throwing our money out the window trying to survive in such an expensive place.

We have the opportunity to sell our business and make enough to move and pay almost 70% down on a very nice house, I have a job opportunity there that will pay me the same as now, and she can transfer her job to the new state, but it is in a different state, its a nicer state, with better education & more opportunities.

Since the father will not move, the mother (my fiancee) will not even entertain the idea of moving within the next 8 years, becuase she doesnt want to take our son away from his Dad, and I can respect her point.

However, this may seem like the best option for him for now, but Im confident it will hurt him so much later in life when we cannot help him financially or with schooling as well as hurt us.

Further, this business sale option is a temporary opportunity, if we do not take it, the competing business may just come into town beside us and "out-spend" us and put us out of business anyways, totally ruining my, hers and our sons financial future.

Help! I don't want to leave her, and I dont want to hurt him. What do I do?

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