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dj007_gw

Step son moving in?

16 years ago

I am looking to get some help and wise advise from ladies that have gone through a similar situation I am in.

I live with my boyfriend, and we were very very happy until the 17 year-old son decided he couldn't stand living with his mother anymore and asked his dad if he could move in with us.

I have to explain the origin of the problem (in my view): The mother left the kid alone at home for one week (since he would't go on holidays with them for more than a week and they went away for two), and upon her return to the house on a certain day, the kid called his dad petrified because the house was, of course, a mess, and he did not want to confront the mother and I guess did not want to bother cleaning either. The dad was never in this position and he didn't think much of it and agreed he could stay with us for that night. Well, the mom got really upset because of the mess, etc and the son decided to ask his dad if he could move in with us.

At first, he explained to him that we have no space, since we live in a one bedroom apartment and we both work from home. So after a couple of days we dropped him off at home. A day later he left his mother's home and indicated that he was not to be seen ever again and that if she tried to follow him, he would kill himself. That night was terrifying, and we decided that it was better for the kid to sleep on a couch than on the streets, so we told him he could stay with us under certain rules. He was to get a job, he was not to get a curfew but we appreciated if he came early during the week because the apt. is so small and we have a light sleep, he was to be pleasant to us and he was to study hard, and in return we wouldn't bug him like "his mom" did about homework and so on.

Well, life has been hell since he moved in with us about three weeks ago. None of the above have been followed by him and he keeps on saying that this arrangement is temporary and that he will get a job....well how so if he has not even looked for one or has a CV ready to rock?

I was very sympathetic with the kid and I tried to be super nice, but now I have become bitter. I can not stand how the kid maniputaes his dad, he is always angry unless he is to ask for the car or something like that. We also know that he is involved with drugs, skips school and when he is here, he hits the couch, watches TV and or chat's on the computer, sometimes all of the above at the same time.

This situation is breaking up our relationship and I am not sure on what to do, we are to the point where I avoid the kid as much as I can. I can not tolerate the way he speaks to his dad and the way he is wasting his life away. On the other hand, I have this guilt, because I am a nice person, but I cannot live any longer with this kid.

My boyfriend's stand point is that he feels that his kid never asked him for any favours and he can not let him down by sending him back to his mother's.

I believe that if he wants to be so independent, he should get a job and find a place to stay on his own, like a students residence and we would help out financialy for a while. But I am very confused and I am to the point that I am thinking on leaving my boyfriend and get out of my missery and let them be a family.

It's very complicated and the bottom line is that I don't want to feel I am this witch I am becoming, he certainly is untamable.

Please shed some light!

D

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