I guess I don't understand if she's happy & active, taking meds, why the vet thinks surgery is a risk. That's a risk I'd want to take. She has the will to live....

Nicole, he said her red blood cell count is very low, even lower than they were when i first took her in,despite the meds,and the red blood cells are what circulate oxygen through the body. It's more of the risk of her being under anesthesia than the actual mass removal. He said even with the blood transfusion, the chance she will make it through it almost none. And he only estimates that even if everything went well, that she may live another 3 to 6 months.He did say he would try if I wanted him too,but recommended that I not do it. And I didn't want her to die that way.

If I KNEW without question she would make it through,or even if he gave her a 50/50 chance,I would pay all I had to have another 3 to 6 happy months with her. Given his apparent love for money,I would assume if he really thought she would make it,he would push and push for me to let him operate,as he did the first time I took her for the surgery. As he didnt,I'm inclined to err on the side of caution,and enjoy what time I have left with her.

If he's not confident in his surgical skills, I am sure as hell not......

I don't understand your comment that you don't mind her suffering ending, that you aren't reconciled to the idea of someone killing her.

Really? You would let her suffer rather doing the most loving thing a pet owner can do for their pet? The vet isn't "killing" them, they are helping them transition before they suffer. I could never live with myself watching a pet of mine suffer an agonizing passing.

I hope I've misunderstood your comment. If you let your pet suffer a horrible passing, wow, i dont even have words for that.

Again, I hope I'm just not interpreting your comment accurately.

Sephia. Read my comment before you comment on it please. Maybe read one sentence after the one you quoted. I explicitly said that I would do what was best for her when the time comes. I said before to someone else that I would put her down when I feel it's best, i.e. when she starts to suffer. I will not let her suffer. None of my pets have died "agonizing" deaths. She is not suffering right now.

And sugar coat it to make yourself feel better if you want. "Helping them transition" B.S. It is killing her. I always take responsibility for what I do. And I will take her to be killed when necessary. That doesn't mean I will feel good about it or pat myself on the back. Nor am i saying that killing her would be wrong,just that it would be hard for me.

What is it about this trend I keep seeing of some people on these forums zoning in on one sentence on the whole thread and spazing out and going on the attack???? Geez. It would be harder to "misunderstand" if one would simply read the whole thing.

Amylou, I know that you want the best for Candy. I'm not going to sugar coat anything and I don't believe that Sephia was either. I felt a twinge of empathy for both of you when reading the same words that triggered her response.

It is a really difficult decision to make, whether or not to euthanize. It is much more humane to euthanize your pet than to have them suffer needlessly. I understand that it isn't time yet, but there may come a time that it is and you may have to be the person that calls it. I've had to make that difficult decision twice and waited longer than I should have the second time because I was still feeling guilt over the first one.

The first dog, a 19 year old husky mix was having serious seizures and of course my husband was working out of town, so all decisions were on me. He had a 15 minute seizure and I rushed him to the emergency hospital since it happened at 2 in the morning. The vet ran a boatload of tests and gave him an anti-seizure injection that was supposed to keep him asleep for the rest of the day. He woke up after only 2 hours and was crying so I took him to my regular, local vet who likened my dog's crying to an elderly person, moaning 'oh, oh' over and over. He said the dog wasn't in pain. I didn't buy it but what could I do? Fast forward to midnight, I had just gone to sleep when he crawled under my bed and started seizing again. I had to pull him out, get dressed and still he was seizing. I called the emergency clinic again and let them know we were en-route. We arrived 40 minutes later (long drive to an overnight facility) and he was still in seizure. They had to put him under with general anesthesia to stop it. They didn't feel that he would recover, so I had to make that difficult decision (that I still agonize over). He would have no quality of life and it was the right decision to make.

The second dog, a 14 year old American Eskimo had acute lymphoid leukemia and by the time I noticed that he was becoming too lethargic, it had progressed to the point that he most likely wouldn't survive the chemo, nor could we afford it. It took me too long to come to terms with my role in the late diagnosis, I should have noticed that my sweet dog was just laying around all of the time. When he could no longer walk outside to go potty ( about 3 weeks), we called it and took him in. I regret that it took me so long to make that decision.

This is such a difficult thing you and Candy are going through. So wish you had another vet you could consult with. We had one Granddog that got a brain tumor and one that had seizures...later found out that it was most likely due to Roundup being used on the lawns. Now my son has his own home and a service that uses only organic ingredients. That didn't help us feel any better for losing those two members of our family. I agree with how you feel about helping them "transition"....such a nice euphanism. It was very, very difficult to take ours in but they were truly suffering. Only you can make that decision and it will not be easy.

Thank you PK and ingeorgia. I know what I have to do,and I am ready to do it,when the time comes. It's not now. And I will never ever be okay with it. Ever. The fact that I will have ended her suffering will never be a comfort to me. Just like when my other dogs died naturally, the fact that it was their time to go,and they didn't suffer, and that they lived long happy lives is no comfort to me now.

amylou, great, thanks for clarifying. That's what I was asking, to make sure I didn't misunderstand.

Snide, condescending comments aren't very becoming. Perhaps you should have read my comments before posting your diatribe. I said I hoped I was misunderstanding your comments. I'm glad I was.

I read your comments. Every word. (Unlike you)

Including:

"Really? You would let her suffer rather doing the most loving thing a pet owner can do for their pet? "

I never said I would let her suffer. Instead i said exactly the opposite. All you had to do was read one sentence beyond the one that set you off.

And I don't care if I am becoming to you. I don't care what you think,especially since you have no interest in reading a whole comment before making erroneous accusations about what I would or would not do for MY babies. Just because you're okay with offing yours doesn't mean I am with mine,although again, i WILL do it when the time comes. You are NOT better than me because you "could not live with yourself watching a pet of yours suffer an agonizing passing." ( a snide,condescending position for someone who is implying that i would be okay with that) I couldn't either. I will find it difficult to live with myself after i put her down as well.

For someone who doesn't care what I think, you're sure expending a lot of energy on posting rebuttals to what I say.

I don't care what you think. And it takes no energy at all to correct your ridiculous notion that what is or is not becoming to you matters to anyone,least of all me.

It takes even less energy to read and comprehend a full paragraph.

For most people anyway.

For those that care:

And no,she still won't come inside. :(

She still has that shine in her eyes, that is hopeful.

I am taking offense to your comments about offing our pets. I've watched a beloved cat die a slow agonizing death because I literally could not afford to take her to the vet to be euthanized. I had just dealt with the husky's medical bills, very expensive. She was best friends with that dog and missed him terribly. She didn't eat for three weeks and to me, that is much worse than a shot to go to sleep and another to stop her heart. Every time I came in from work, I expected to find her dead. To me that was a much worse fate and she deserved better treatment.

I hope that your Candy gets better, but I am done with your hateful attitude. Good luck you you in your endeavors.

I apologize PK if my choice of words offended you. Offing,killing,putting to sleep "helping them transition," is all the same to me. I know that choice of words is important to others. So i am sorry.

Once again, I never said there was anything WRONG with doing so. And.....once again....i will be doing so in the near future,to Candy and possibly Sammy as well.

I do,however, feel it's more hateful to make malicious and false statements based on NOTHING and in fact,contradicted explicitly in previous comments than it is to correct them for doing so.

And it is also quite hateful to come back and attempt to taunt someone after said correction.

Again,apologizes for offending YOU.

And I thank you for the support you have offered thus far in this emotional, difficult time.

I know this is an emotional difficult time, but I can tell you that I've had to put two dogs down. My first Irish Setter was the first dog I ever had from puppy to the end (14 years) and I'm sorry to say I could not do it. I was a basket case even though I knew it was the right decision. My DH and son brought her to the vet for me. The second dear Irish Setter was 13 1/2 years old. Vet thought she had liver cancer and all he said was you do not want to let a dog with liver cancer die naturally. When I felt it was time, I brought her in on a Sunday, it was just the vet and me. I held her, hugged her, talked to her and stroked her as the vet gave her the needle, first to put her to sleep and the second to stop her heart. For me though devastated at the loss, and sobbing uncontrollably, I still found it a beautiful experience to be by her side and watch her go so peacefully. At 80 years of age, I wish I had the same option when the time comes. I have watched family members and friends go in a not so peaceful way.

I will definitely stay with her when the time comes, georgysmom. But for now,I am enjoying her, even her sassy attitude. When the sass is gone,I'll know it's time.

you've already decided how you will react to any reasonable comments that don't agree with yours?!?

Amylou, no one knows your beloved Candy better than you do. Though it isn't easy, I know you have her best interest at heart at all times, and will do what is right. Enjoy her sassy attitude in the meantime.

Anoriginal, what?

It's one thing to not agree. It's quite another to not read MY comment fully before falsely stating what I said and what I would or would not do,and then to jump to judgement based on that falsehood. How is that reasonable?

((((((Amylou))))))

Holding a good thought for you and your sweet babies!

Thanks for being good to Candy. It's wonderful that she spends her time doing what she loves. I hope I can do the same.

can we send private messages here?

Yes. Ive gotten them before. But i dont know how to initiate a private message to someone here,so I can't help you with that. It never lets me do it,unless its a reply.

What a beatuiful girl she is. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I know the mass is behaving like a malignancy, but has the vet biopsied it, especially since it is so superficial-ie easy to get tissue? Is there a chance of getting a second opinion?

Rocky, there is another vet there who i do trust a little more that looked at it. There is no sign of it metastisizing on her xray. In fact,he was surprised how good her internal organs looked given her age and circumstances(minus her heart,which was slightly enlarged). He didn't do a biopsy. He still feels that it is a systemic rather than a localized disease,given how fast it grew (in 3 weeks or so it went from egg sized to grapefruit sized)and how it is rupturing and that she doesn't have much time left. Granted, she is 13 or so and so does not have much time left anyway.His plan was to remove it ,send it off to the lab and see how she did. He told me to let him know if i changed my mind and wanted him to risk the surgery or if he could "help me another way" i.e. put her to sleep. He agreed to supply her with anti-inflammatory and antibiotic meds until she starts to suffer and I do so. I'm not sure any other vet will do more for her than that. Besides, I've taken Sammy to 6 different vets to consult about his seizures and they are pretty much all the same to me.

Please lay off Amy, she is suffering. I don't think her words were "hateful", but I do think she was a little prickly. Just have some compassion for someone who knows their beloved pet will soon be gone.

I'm so sorry you have been faced with this Amy, and know you are doing the best for your girl. You're right, 13 is up there, in doggy years.

Even if the vet just biopsies the mass, the diagnosis may help guide treatment without having to resect it. If it is a tumor such as lymphoma for instance, there may be oral chemotherapeutic treatments to help shrink the mass, (even steroids alone may make a difference). I would guess that your vet would be alert to this, but it might be worth asking. I also understand that she is an older dog and there may be a limit on what you and your vet feel you can do.

So sorry you have to face this. Especially with two beloved pets at the same time.

A few years ago when it was time for our 17 yr old Jack Russell my wife managed to find a local vet that made house calls for that purpose. Our dog hated going to the vet so taking him there for his final minutes would have been hard for both of us. This way he was in comfortable, familiar surroundings, the vet came in, talked to him, petted him, and then gave him the first of three shots, and he quickly went deeply asleep. She gave two other shots and checked to make sure they worked, and then left.

I'm also not sure I would have been able to drive home safely after. This way after she left, I simply laid on the floor next to him crying inconsolably.

Well,she's gone. My sweet baby Candy is gone.She stopped eating and her attitude had changed. I took her to the vet this morning. It was awful.

She's had been completely lethargic and sort of out of it until the vet came and carried her back there. Then,she looked panicked. He let me hold her during the procedure.While he was prepping her, she kept looking at me like"please do something, stop him,take me home,help me momma." Then she looked away from me like I betrayed her. She watched him inject the meds. Then she was gone.

I will never forget that look.

SO did not want to bury her because something tried to dig up poor katie,another dog of ours. So i sent her to he cremated and will get her ashes back sometime next week.

SO thinks I'm nuts. He asked me what did I plan to do with a dogs ashes. I told him if he kept up with that attitude he should worry about what I'm going to do with his. Subject dropped.

I miss her so much already. This pain is the one and only downside of pet ownership. And it never goes away does it? I still cry over lulu,the first dog I ever lost.

I thank all of you who have helped me through this. It has helped more than you know.

I'm so sorry to be reading this. You've had a hard morning, but please know you did the right thing, the kindest thing. ((((hugs))))

So sorry. You did the right thing. Candy is now free from pain running with your other dogs you've lost.

Aww Amy.

I feel very sad for the pain you are feeling. I've never lost a pet so I can only imagine. I hope when my girls time comes I have the strength to do what you've done...put your baby first doing the right thing.

(((HUGS)))

Amy, I was so scared to read this update but you did the right thing. I know it doesn't feel that way right now, though. Peace to you, and wonderful memories of Candy.

((((((((((((((((((((((Amy)))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry, Amy. Its the hardest thing to have to do.

So sorry.

Crying as I read your post. So sorry

I also have tears in my eyes. I am so sorry.

What a hard day. I'm sorry, it hurts.

I'm so sorry. I know that feeling of guilt but I hope someday you can be at peace with your decision. Candy did not feel betrayed by you. Dogs do not have the range of emotions that we do - only love. :) It's such a hard thing to do.

You're right Amy. The pain of saying goodbye is the downside of owning a Pet, but weighed against the many years of love and joy it's a worthwhile trade off. You did the right thing. I don't think Candy was asking you to stop the Vet, I think she was thanking you and saying goodbye. Hugs to you.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss and I am also crying for both of you. Hugs, Amylou.

I agree with Georgysmom, she was saying goodbye. She knew that it was time too.

Don't beat yourself up for making the kind choice.

That was so hard today bringing her to the vet and coming home without her. Don't second guess yourself for a second. You did the right thing for Candy. ((HUGS))

VERY hard to go through this. I completely understand as I've had to do it several times.

So sorry for the loss of Candy. We just lost our 13year old beagle. Our beagle had seizures as well. We found that medical marijuana worked better then any thing the vet gave us.

I am so glad that we have a wonderful vet.

Amy, I am also very sorry for your loss. Knowing you did the right thing doesn’t help. Been there. This place in our yard doesn’t look like much at the moment, but come Spring it’s a happy place with bees and butterflies. It’s nice to remember them pulling weeds or just sitting there. It helps a bit to plant something in their memory.

I know how much you love Candy. She was expressing her love when she looked at you and turned away to make it easier. Brave girl. Both of you.

I'm so sorry for your loss, Amylou. She was indeed thanking you and telling you ta-ta, until you meet again.