A friend of mine was married in a boat house. She bought two lighted 6-foot bare branch trees to use as the "altar" which were repositioned after the ceremony to flank the buffet table. The food was from Cracker Barrel and was served right from the large aluminum containers buffet-style. Canned soft drinks and beer were iced down in large coolers. All the plates, glasses, flatware, etc. were plastic. The table tops were covered with Ikea tablecloths and the centerpiece was a candle in sand in a mason jar. She did have a DJ and worked out a play list with him beforehand. It was a very casual, relaxed event with easy clean-up into garbage bags into a dumpster. The bride's bouquet was made by a friend. The attendants carried no flowers.

Guests came from far and wide and most helped with set-up and clean-up. Basically, the party got started with set-up and drinks, there was a short break for the ceremony (officiated by a friend of the bride), then everyone ate, drank and danced for the rest of the night. There were no speeches, no games and no throwing of the bouquet. A fine time was had by all. Well, there were probably a few confused traditionalists wondering what they had gotten themselves into, but everybody else had fun.

I'd start with the location. A relative had a wedding in a barn a couple of years back...the barn does this regularly... and because of the logistics and location, they had you choose from only 2-3 approved caterers. The setting was pretty and great for photos in the gardens too. I don't think there was any decorating involved as the barn place had it all done. Except for flowers on the table, I'm sure.

When it comes to a DJ, make sure they have and can play YOUR kind of music. The last wedding we went to, they only played stuff for the young folks, so DH and I never got a chance to dance even once.

Sounds wonderful and you have a great relaxed attitude about this! I once read that it can be very helpful on your budget and your nerves to tell venues, caterers, and planners you are having a party, not a wedding. Somehow the W word inevitably ramps up the aptly named Military Bridal complex. But just planning a party may not put all the professionals into that whirlwind mindset.

I'm no help on wedding planning except to say you can do wonders with little white lights and don't spend a lot of money on centerpieces.

Mostly I want to say -- wow! I'm very happy for you and SO!

Congrats! Yes, i would pick out the venue first then see what they have to offer. Do you have any crafty friends who could help with decor? If not, then let the planner/florist make suggestions or get ideas from Pinterest or The Knot.

And I second giving a detailed playlist to the DJ to cover the entire party. One of my pet peeves that most DJ’s dont seem to get....blaring music during the dinner hour....you cant carry on a conversation at the table!

My cousin married my BIL last year....she’s 56 and he’s 68. She planned out all the music....standards (Sinatra, etc.) played softly in the background during the dinner hour, then it was Motown, 60’s and 70’s for dancing with some more current tunes thrown in as well....great fun!

Love the idea of a casual party......and because it’s casual you dont have to go overboard on decorations, flowers or food.

Keep us posted on the festivities!

Sometimes, taking over a restaurant can be less expensive. You aren't renting everything and it needs less decorating.

One of the best weddings I ever went to was under a bunch of oak trees in Southern Oregon. It was potluck, byob and the music was via mix tapes. The couple hosted the main dish. Wedding was in the late morning and people were there until late in the afternoon. Several “beer runs” were necessary.

It’s not the stuff, but the sentiment that makes the day.

I now live in the Midwest but I think I will have the wedding out East where we both still have lots of family and friends, so will have to be planned remotely. I have almost always had bad experiences with DJs for some reason--not good music selections. I do have some musician connections out there too but that has its own issues. I'm thinking maybe a camp, historical park, or nature center. I have connections for options there. The food might be tricky in places without big kitchens. I will have almost zero time to organize anything like a potluck. Back in my younger days I participated in a potluck wedding and it was great, but I doubt us sandwichers could pull it off anymore. Oh and it will have to be in early Aug. due to my school schedule.

I just attended a celebration of a marriage (that actually occurred out of state with no one in attendance). It was in a private room of a restaurant-- a lot of restaurants here have large private spaces-- with a fireplace and seating area, dance area, more table seating. It was decorated and the restaurant handled the food. It was very affordable and a really great elegant but casual space... and all they did was write the check. They did not pay extra for the decorations but I think they may have done the centerpieces.

With the trend for unique venues, you will find any kind of place you could think of.. wineries, museums, art galleries.. even our train station has an event space for weddings!

For the kind of casual spaces you are talking (I just now saw your last post), there are companies that will do bbq, pig roasts, seafood boils -- or if it floats your boat, you can have food trucks come in.

Yes, there are planners that will plan whatever kind of event you’d like! Venues may have someone on staff that can act in this role for you, but camps, parks, etc are not likely to have them. Your caterer or florist may also be willing to take on much of the coordination-but you’d have to find them on your own first. It doesn’t hurt to email a few planners in the area you are looking and see what vibes you get from them; one that gets your vision will be invaluable especially since you’re strapped for time/energy AND planning long distance. Get yourself help on the ground, not vague promises of Pinterest parties to make things you have no interest in making. DIY *can* be cheaper, but rarely is once you get down to brass tacks.

East coast.....August....you’ll want an air conditioned space for the entire event...unless maybe it’s New England on the water.

We had two family east coast weddings last year in the DC area:

The July wedding had a very long cocktail “hour” ( more like almost two hours) and everyone was miserable. People finally couldn't take it any longer and invaded the tent with a/c.

The August wedding had the ceremony outside but it wasnt too bad as it lasted about 15-20 min. They were originally going to have the cocktail hour outside as well but fortunately they decided against it and moved it inside.

Both days were at least 95 degrees and humid as all get out.

Agree with Mtn that a restaurant, hotel (rustic inn?) or dedicated wedding venue may be more inclusive.

I am realizing that the venue will be key. With so many folks who are friends and traveling, and haven't seen each other in a while, they will want to hang out before and after the wedding. Sigh, Sept. really would be perfect except for my teaching schedule. Late spring might work, colleges are out then, but that means a longer wait . . .or rushing to both move and get married this spring . . . SO can't retire until end of June at the latest. See, this is why we don't move forward faster! SO works for a company that does not give time off and mine has to be carefully scheduled.

I would say to have the type of casual and low effort celebration that you would like to have *on a budget*, you have to be willing to break some rules and set some hard limits. The reason is that wining and dining people Is almost necessarily expensive.

Our wedding was nowhere near as cheap as I wanted it to be and I’ll give some examples of the costs we incurred with the associated “rule” we followed

* we can’t invite some aunts/uncles/cousins without inviting them all - family was at least 100 attendees of a 150 person wedding.

* Having a cocktail reception sounds nice but we can’t invite people to come to our wedding from all over the country and not feed them a proper meal - buffet style plus hours d’ouerves was at least $30 a head (which is cheap for catering around here. At least we didn’t have to rent cutlery, plates)

* Let’s avoid big room rental costs and do a non-traditional venue - had to rent tables and chairs and linens and have them delivered, $2000+ for cheapest chairs and standard linens . Tent rentals are also freakin’ expensive and you will freak out about the weather in case it rains.

* All of our friends had a proper open bar for their wedding so we can’t just do wine - $$$ for alcohol

Some nicer nontraditional weddings I have seen have been brunch weddings, potlucks, community hall wedding with sandwiches and snacks from Costco and attendees paid for alcohol from the community hall (Cash bar is ok in our traditionally poor region).

PS one thing that was suggested to us a few times was to just have a small wedding ceremony and then have a big party, to which our reply was, “the party is the expensive part”

Food trucks! We recently went to a food truck wedding and it was fabulous. Great suggestion Funky

You can interview wedding planners the same as you would any other vendor. Check out their websites, ask for references or photos of weddings they have planned.

I'm touchy about having friends officiate (I do it professionally), you should know that the person is legal to solemnize marriages in the location that you choose (it differs from state to state, and even within states). Unless you are writing the ceremony yourself, you'll want the person to create and present the ceremony that you envision. This is an important event, the ceremony is just as important as the rest.

Best wishes!

Geez Louise, even an Olive Garden delivered buffet is going to cost us an arm and a leg . . . oh well, I've waited all my life for this, lots and lots longer than most brides, and compared to what others might spend, we'll probably end up spending half of what would be typical.

Funky and Joshua, what do the trucks do? Do you have to go up to the truck to get your food or do they deliver and serve the food? There are definitely some cool catering "trucks." Seems like all caterers use trucks to deliver the food though . . .

My SS wanted to have his wedding at our beach house. Partially to reduce costs. What we learned is that getting everything you need to a site costs money. Unless you are really going to make it casual like a family picnic, off site weddings are expensive.

Congratulations first of all! I'm thinking if you're planning on THIS August, you better get cracking on a venue - if all are not already booked. Since August is prime vacation time, I'd think most camps and parks will already be booked - if not for weddings, for summer vacations?

Since you have lots of folks traveling, I'd look at inns where you can party and have your guests stay - but again, wedding sized venues may already be booked. Also if there are wineries in the area, those sometimes can work - plus you're off the hook for serving any alcohol but wine.

Pick a spot and get it booked, work out details asap - so all the caterers, etc aren't booked up, too. Tell us the vicinity and we'd have fun making suggestions!

Pinkmountain some trucks set up buffet style, others parked and we went from truck to truck. There were gourmet burgers, Asian and sushi, gourmet pizzas, tacos, great coffee bar, and a vegan amazing ice cream truck they brought in from Brooklyn. The most fun wedding I ever went to.

I have a particular camp in mind, (where I used to work) but the other two venues I am thinking of may well be booked. Oh well, we may have to put it off a year . . . Or just elope and throw a big anniversary party at another time. I'd really like to pick a meaningful spot for SO and I in the area. There is a great inn type restaurant in his home town but almost zero parking nearby . . .

I can only imagine the food truck option is very expensive!

I was surprised to find that some masonic lodges can be used as venues, though they don't allow any alcohol...

I think it's probably best to start with what you want to pay per head. If you can give us an idea of your ideal pph and a general region, perhaps we can give you suggestions of an approach.

We're going to get married where we still have family and where I lived for 12 years and SO for 30, so we know the venues. I'm just not sure how to play this now. It seems like a good idea if you expect folks to travel, to make your wedding something special. We may be too late for this year but I think we are going to tie the knot anyway. Maybe we'll take the honeymoon first in August!!

Just do it. Your wedding will be special to anyone who cares about you! Don't wait!

Why not just get married wherever with just your immediate family present? No big deal - nice dress, a nice bouquet and a wedding. Then have a nice party in the East next summer - it might be something as simple as a clam bake on a beach and have it catered.

It’s not too late- we planned our wedding in the DC region in less than 5 months. Some places and vendors may be booked already, but many others will not be. It really depends on what you want to spend on how to proceed. We did a small backyard ceremony with a large party on a different day. We did a super casual fully catered BBQ party for 250 people for about $3500, everything included. For 75 people you truly can spend way less than that.

The Cracker Barrel wedding that I described above was pulled together in two months and people flew cross-country to attend, so if you can stand to have a super casual, flexible party, you can do it easily by August. The important aspect is to find a venue that's available and book it, but first find out what food is available nearby.

We are proceeding and I'm going to call around to see if I can line up some possible dates for early or late summer. Just got horrible news that my Aunt died so that ads another gut wrench to my life and will be a bit of a setback. She was 94 so not a total shock but I loved her very much and always wished for more time.

Oh Pink, so sorry to hear your aunt died. Yes, press forward.. and really, I think you can make a special day on whatever budget. The most special and most personal weddings I've attended have been some of the lowest budget.

My sympathies on your loss.

We planned our wedding for the July after our November engagement, so essentially the same timeing - it went perfectly. One thing that helped a *ton* - we married on a Friday night, not a Saturday. Slightly better venue cost, but the main advantage was that the venues we were looking at were not already booked. Same with caterer, photographer and DJ. Catering was our biggest expense - but heck, the food was fantastic. Was worth it.

I am sorry for the loss of your aunt.

Wanted to respond, but I have been under weather with a stomach bug (maybe food poisoning) during final exams week--great timing, ugh.

Around here, many of the breweries have nice side rooms for parties and receptions. Are there wineries near you, too?

We were older first timers (43 and 37) and we had about 75 guests in my home city. But we had the formal wedding and reception at a historic mansion and we wanted the party. We were engaged in December and married in July. Also did a Friday since it was less expensive. One of my grad school friend's DH had just been ordained an Episcopal priest, so he performed the ceremony. I had looked at venues where I lived, where DH lived, and my hometown, and I wanted to go with something that required a minimum or no extra stuff to be brought in and could maximize the number of family and friends in attendance (vs. coworkers). No way could my 80's mother travel to a destination wedding where a flight would be required.

One of the nicest weddings I had been to was one of my fitness instructors where she had it at her home. She was a master gardener and had an amazing yard. It was beautiful but a lot of work to bring in things. She wound up selling that house after she got married and bought a new property with her DH, so, that property was out for us. The new property was an amazing historic farmhouse and she said we could use it, but once again, everything would need to be rented and brought in. OTOH, I did use her home and farm for bridal portraits which turned out amazing.

Went to a wedding of a friend this summer, and they also had it at their home, but it was a large property where they could set up a tent. They already had a gazebo. She did have Olive Garden drop off catering, but her son works there as a waiter.

My oldest brother is 70 and got married for the third time maybe 5 years ago. My SIL's husband had passed away and they had been dating awhile. She has grown children and grandchildren. Still, they had a church wedding, gown, tux, and reception with maybe 100 or so people, a little bigger than our wedding. It was really nice. It was sort of the similar situation as yours. My brother said he'd never get married again but our father had passed away at 70 and he said if he only had a limited time on earth left, he would want to be married.

Good luck, and you know, we all did such a great job with jojoco's wedding, we can certainly help you!

Now I need to stop procrastinating on grading final exams, LOL.

Lpink,

I'm sorry to hear about your Aunt. Even though it isn't unexpected, it is still so hard to go through.

So, I'm sort of sneaking in this news, but my dd is getting married in May and she is very conscious of doing it on a budget. She is doing a quasi destination wedding in Maryland at resort area in the mountains. (family coming from NY and CT mostly) We're all renting houses for a long weekend and the wedding will be on the lawn of the house she is in. (Think family reunion type houses). It will be a pig roast, with a dj and lawn games. It is very budget friendly, but more importantly, exactly what my dd wants.

Not sure of the total wedding cost yet, but I know it is way under the average wedding cost.

(I think we're paying $1100 for our house which has 5 bedrooms. It's very reasonable when you consider how many can stay there vs. a hotel. The wedding house site is a bit more, but still not to costly)

My advice to you as a very recent bride? Great music and great friends. Everything else just falls into place.

Congratulations! I'm so happy for you!

Jo

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your aunt; we’re never quite ready to lose that are precious to us.

Is there a college or university in the town where you wish to marry? As I recall, the college I graduated from rented rooms in the dorms during the summer months. They also did beautifully catered events in the dining hall and on the grounds. The room rentals were rather inexpensive. The accommodations were very basic, but would be quite reasonable for out of town guests who really just want an opportunity to spend a few days together visiting and celebrating at the time of your wedding.

This isn't a new article, but I saw this on the NYTimes today and thought of you.

What to Know About Having a Micro-Wedding

Losing my aunt is really going to be a sting for this wedding. She adored my SO. My dad is being difficult about the wedding (he just looks for reasons to argue so this one is tailor made for him). One of the reasons (of many) for having the wedding out east was that I have family out there and so does SO. Now sadly one less. And my aunt, being my dad's big sister, could really put the fear of god into him and get him to shape up. His comment when I told him we were planning our wedding was "Make sure to get a good pre-nup." Also to complain that I would leave my family behind and move back east, just because SO has family out there too. In truth, SO was the one who moved to the midwest to be with me, which means nothing to my dad because he has negative glasses on all the time. He's mentally ill but cannot be helped, lord knows many have tried. Of course I will try and ignore my dad, but turning my joy into trouble sometimes seems to be his hobby. He is miserable due to untreated depression (many have tried to get him treatment, over and over) and is not happy until everyone around him is upset. It's an age old tactic of his family but is now hard to contain.

Sorry to hear about the family. These are times when folks we love fly their true colors. Best approach is to inform and not ask. I got married at 43 and had to explain why my single friends in that age group would not be happy doing a bouquet toss. For real!

I'm sorry about your auntie and the difficulties of having a father such as yours. I agree that it's best to just cut him out of the discussions about the wedding (and if he asks: "We're still looking at plans.") When you've got it all nailed down, tell him when and where. Share your joy with those who will reflect it back to you.

Lpink, your father's behavior sounds like my late MIL's. she lived with us for 27 years and did her best to make sure to inject her unhappiness with everything into every moment of our lives. One piece of advice, not re wedding but about life, you can't change their behavior, just how you react to it. You're entitled to happiness, too.

I have no new ideas to add, Pink, but I did want to say, Congratulations!!! I'll be avidly reading all the wedding details as you announce them.