I agree with several of you who say that some people lie so much even to themselves that they begin to believe that their lies are reality. I know a woman like this. She lies about everything. She will tell you something & then conveniently forget what she said. She just tells you what she thinks you want to hear at the time. She will also spin things to make others look bad if they don't agree with her or go along with how she wants things done. She was telling me something about a mutual friend & it just didn't sound right to me. None of it went along with what I knew or had ever heard others say about this person. Knowing her history & realizing that there are two sides to every story, I asked the other person & got their side. It made perfect sense then. I'm not sure why some people are like this, but the ones I know do have some sort of issues. Usually it seems to be a need for attention or to be pitied (I guess another way to get attention). This lady will tell everyone about how badly people treat her, when it's actually the other way around. I know a lot of people she's used, but she always spins the story to make it sound like the other person treated used her & treated her badly. She's constantly telling these "poor little me" stories. I think that this lady honestly believes her own lies. She's lied to herself so much that this has become reality. I had a college roommate who was a habitual liar. She knew that I liked a guy & would tell me stories about how she'd run into him on campus & he wanted to send me a message, etc. She even went so far as to give me notes that she said were from him. I wondered why she was always the one to run into him & questioned why he would send notes but not call me. She managed to convince me that he was really shy; you know how it is when you have a crush, you want to believe things. I actually got up the courage one day to call him, which she did not expect, as I was extremely shy at the time. Of course, he had no idea what I was talking about. He was embarrassed. I was embarrassed, furious & hurt. This girl had real problems. She would lie to her parents & sister & to me & my friends. She got to the point where she didn't want me to go anywhere without her. It wasn't exactly "Single White Female", but it was creepy. I would definitely say that this girl could benefit from counseling. She may not even really know what is reality at this point.

If you're focusing on catching her and calling her out, you're just training her to be a "better" liar. I know some may not like or understand my toothbrush example..but the bottom line is, you should generally be able to be a step ahead of a 6 yr old and know if they are lying or not. Again, don't try to "catch" them or ask them questions they will probably want to lie about. You are conditioning her. I never caught my oldest lying about things. It was almsot like he didn't know it was an option and that he even could lie. He just didn't. Lying is not innate in kids, it is learned. You are teaching her to lie by calling the action out or asking her questions she may want to lie about. Use statements, not questions. Ignore lies or talk through them nicely without saying/implying they are lies... Laughter is even good if the kid is innnocently telling a tall story. Sometimes all they really want is attention. If she's not listening to the lying stories, she's too young to understand them. The age of reason is closer to 7 or 8 for most kids. Most don't understand they are lying or that it is bad no matter how often you tell them or what stories you read to them. Those that don't lie aren't better kids, their conditioning or discipline is just different. You're indirectly labeling your child as a liar and she's living up to your expectations. Take your label and your assumption away...treat her as an innocent child, and I truly think you will have better luck.

Im confused..... You say you want "real hardwoods" on the stairs and prefinished "real hardwoods" in the bedrooms. It sounds like you're wanting the same "type" wood with the same "type" finish and the same "type" top coat on it. You know that apples-to-apples thing. So why not prefinished for the stairs too? Then it is the same. I doubt you would save any money by having an installer finish the wood for you. But, if for some reason you need one stained and one not then have your installer bring you samples of the stairs that he has match-finished. Or, if you plan to do this yourself- have an actual paint store (not HD or Lowes-- but a paint expert) "match" the prefinished "real hardwoods" for you to sample stain several pieces on. See if it looks "real" enough to you. We did that when having our alder cabinets stained to match the knot colors in our unstained oak floors. BTW....Engineered is real wood with several layers under it that criss-cross (usually 5-7). In some areas of the country people are advised not to put down solid hardwood that might "pop" on cement floors. This is usually the case for those that live in the western states as almost all homes are built on slab. Laminate is basically a photograph. And just like any photograph some are bad and some are great.

This method has proven very effective in curbing lying. It's not a problem repeating myself because if others can benefit from something similar it's worth it. First background, when I was single-parenting now-15yo dd had developed a habit of lying and was so smooth about it that she didn't flinch. The behavior started the day dd first opened her mouth and it continued until just a few years ago. Some of the lies were so obvious that it would be a breeze to punish her but I realized at some point that she actually 'fed off' the conflict she created with the lying. Also, when she was punished there was no residual affect, if she was grounded she merely waited out the time and didn't change her behavior. I finally developed this system that allowed her to be in control of her punishment and had tons of lessons involved in it. And best of all, I didn't have any stress which didn't feed her desire for conflict because my reaction was non-existent. Another critical factor with my child was that I had a pre-established 'grounding' which in my house meant: no books (now-17yo can endure any punishment as long as she has her books to keep her occupied), no movies (we don't watch TV), no computer, no phone privileges, no coming-or-going anywhere except school unless in the company of a parent, no friends visiting, no visiting friends. I put together a small bag (I purchased a small nylon bag) and put inside: sharpened pencils, an eraser, 3x5 cards. The next time I caught Mike (Michaela) in a lie I calmly told her the punishment would be waiting for her when she got home from school (I remember that specific morning, she lied about a school assignment before school). While Mike was at school I typed up a note that I placed inside the bag. The note was worded something like this: "You are grounded until you complete the following assignment. You are to interview 10 adults and ask them the following questions. 1. Is lying right or wrong? 2. Is there ever a time that lying is acceptable? 3. Have you ever been tempted to lie? 4. What do you do to overcome the temptation to lie? You are to use a separate card for each person you interview, you are to write their answers yourself, and you are to have them sign and date the card. You are not required to tell anyone why you have this assignment. When you have completed this assignment you are to return this bag to me and your grounding is over." Mike read the note and the relief on her face was priceless; she was about 9yo at the time. Mike thought the whole thing would be a breeze and got the first 3 interviews the same day. At some point Mike realized that the adults she was interviewing were able to figure out why she was asking those questions so humiliation kicked in. It took Mike about 3 months to get the last 7 interviews and it only happened because she was afraid of missing a special outing with some friends. My personal motivation for doing this was multi-fold. I wanted to end the continual conflict between Mike and me. Mike was in full control of how long she was grounded. Humiliation was a major factor; Mike is super-intelligent and was able to see other's perspective. I had been telling Mike for years that lying was wrong but I figured having other adults confirm what I was saying would help her realize that it wasn't just Mom's problem, that society as a whole objects to the behavior. And by asking for other adults' input perhaps one of them might be able to give Mike suggestions for resisting the temptation. Now here's the critical part. After Mike completed her first assignment I put the bag on a shelf where it sat until the next lie. The next time Mike lied I wrote a new note that said essentially the same as the first except the numbers were different: Mike had to interview 15 people and 5 had to be repeats from the previous group. My rationale for that was that if an adult had a kid interview them about lying and then a few months the kid re-interviewed them, the adult would figure out the kid still had the problem and perhaps be able to help reach my child (at the time Mike's adult interactions were primarily at church and school). When I handed Mike the bag she kinda smirked like she knew what to expect; when she read the note she almost cried. My plan was to increase the numbers with 20 interviews/10 repeats the 3rd time, and then doubling the numbers each time afterwards. I never got to increase further because Mike learned her lesson and changed her behavior. This system could easily be adapted to any negative behavior that a parent wants to extinguish. Karen Horan