Hi,
First, don't get really frustrated over a 6 year old. He's still very young & new to the world when figuring things out. How old is the sister? Has he been seeing her get away with lying? I wonder too if kids go through a stage to see if they can get away with it...kind of to see just how much they can lie & be believed?
Do you go to Sunday school? I don't lie as an adult for the most part because 1)feels good to tell the truth & 2) I'm afraid God will be disappointed in me. I think it goes back to Sunday school. They have songs about telling the truth, tell stories about how it hurts to lie, & give rewards for doing good deeds. I don't think you can go wrong with Sunday school.
What is the punishment for lying? Have you explained that lying is worse punishment than if he would have just told the truth? I think I would try & reinforce & offer lots of "high fives" when he does tell the truth. Maybe set up a scenario in his head to explain how lying is worse than misbehaving. Find a good storybook that talks of telling the truth. Also try telling him when you know he's about to tell a lie, "If you tell me the truth you won't get into trouble as much as if you lie". Do that a few times. Maybe it'll kick in that telling the truth doesn't feel that bad. That lying makes you feel icky inside. Try & focus alot on telling the truth too, not just on the lying.
I also wouldn't be leaving kids at 6 unsupervised for very long. If I would have done that I would have been asking for trouble. Try & leave your door open so you can hear them doing the naughties so they don't have the opportunity to tell a lie.
If all else fails....tell him his nose is going to get bigger if he doesn't tell the truth & that you have eyes on the back of your head that can see him.
Good luck to you!!

I don't know if this will help your 6 year old....I was having the same problem with my fiances 8/10 year old boys. I bought 2 "truth" calenders and a pack of stickers that they could put on after each day of being truthful. It really worked well! We have them 3 days a week and that would be the first thing they would go to coming home to our house. They were allowed to pick out something at the store after the end of the month as a reward. It helped them keep each other straight too as we found them saying tell the truth_____. Maybe it will help you! Good luck!

A__ lies all the time. We're also at a loss.
We start off with the benefit of the doubt, that maybe he's just got his facts wrong or is exaggerating, but then the story grows more wild and is obviously made up. If we confront him on the lie, even in a nice way ("Is this a real thing that happened or a cool imagination that you're sharing with us?") he gets very angry and cries.
For instance, he said there was a kid in grade three who was bad, so they sent him back to grade two. I asked "are you sure they didn't just ask him to repeat grade three because he was having trouble with the classes?" and he insisted that the kid was bad, so as punishment, he was sent back to grade two, and then when he was bad there, they sent him back to grade one, so now he's the biggest kid in grade one and he's still bad all the time. FDH asked what the kid's name was, and A__ stomped his foot and yelled at FDH "This is true and you're a stupid idiot!" and burst into tears.

Misti suggested "If you tell me the truth you won't get into trouble as much as if you lie"... And this one is working well for us for things that A__ has done wrong (breaking something, making a mess, etc). It's particularly effective for messes that A__ insists he didn't make. If you don't say it wasn't you, even though it obviously was, and you help clean it up, you don't get in trouble for it.
For example, A__ is not allowed on the back of the couch, and is supposed to eat food at the table and wipe his hands afterwards. One morning, I made him toast with blackberry jam, then went back to bed with the instructions of "Jam is messy. Wash your hands before you touch anything else after you touch your toast." When I got up again, there were little purple handprints on the wall, about three and a half feet above the couch. I had washed that wall earlier in the weekend, so I KNOW these handprints were new. When asked if he was on the back of the couch, his reply was "No, maybe one of you guys were"... Our hands are bigger, we're taller, we don't climb on the back of the couch, and he was the only on eating purple jam. He was off the computer for the day, had to help clean it up, and had no jam on tomorrow's toast. Had he said "Yes, I was. I'm sorry." he would have been reminded about the rules and would have had to help clean it up. That was the last time he lied about a mess.
Now he actually yells "Dad and Ceph!! I spilled my juuuuuuuuuuuice!" instead of trying to hide it and I consider this a victory!

Good luck I am a step mother of 2 a 12 year old girland 10 year old boy!I have been a part of their lives fr almost 10 years now and their dad has full custody while the bm gets every other weekend and 3 hours every monday!I have been dealing with lies,twisted stories,make up stuff and just not telling the whole truth to their mom!it is not fun at all now when my step daughter went to school the other day she got grounded the minute before we walked out the door well not grounded just yet I caught her trying to sneak clothes to school and then told her that her dad will talk to her when she came home from school.I then dropped her off.The next day we find out that the school called cps and came down and talked to the kids (we have a 6 year old together)then we went down and had to talk to the cps lady and almost everything she had said we laughed about because it wasnt true!!!so this all stemmed from the 12 year old goin to school the day before and venting to her freinds and ended up saying that she didnt want to go home because she was scared that she was going to get in trouble(yeah because sahe tried sneaking clothes to school)ne ways her friend told a teacher and the teacher told the councelar and then when the step daughter didnt want to talk to the councelar he ended up calling CPS!now I am dealing with their bm hating me cause of what the kids go and say even if it is not me saying it and it is their father saying it they still tell her it is me!!!!!!I do everything for them and I mean everything and I do not hit them!and I get to deal with the bm filling their heads sound fun huh?I am bout to go nuts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This method has proven very effective in curbing lying.

It's not a problem repeating myself because if others can benefit from something similar it's worth it. First background, when I was single-parenting now-15yo dd had developed a habit of lying and was so smooth about it that she didn't flinch. The behavior started the day dd first opened her mouth and it continued until just a few years ago. Some of the lies were so obvious that it would be a breeze to punish her but I realized at some point that she actually 'fed off' the conflict she created with the lying. Also, when she was punished there was no residual affect, if she was grounded she merely waited out the time and didn't change her behavior. I finally developed this system that allowed her to be in control of her punishment and had tons of lessons involved in it. And best of all, I didn't have any stress which didn't feed her desire for conflict because my reaction was non-existent. Another critical factor with my child was that I had a pre-established 'grounding' which in my house meant: no books (now-17yo can endure any punishment as long as she has her books to keep her occupied), no movies (we don't watch TV), no computer, no phone privileges, no coming-or-going anywhere except school unless in the company of a parent, no friends visiting, no visiting friends.

I put together a small bag (I purchased a small nylon bag) and put inside: sharpened pencils, an eraser, 3x5 cards. The next time I caught Mike (Michaela) in a lie I calmly told her the punishment would be waiting for her when she got home from school (I remember that specific morning, she lied about a school assignment before school). While Mike was at school I typed up a note that I placed inside the bag. The note was worded something like this: "You are grounded until you complete the following assignment. You are to interview 10 adults and ask them the following questions. 1. Is lying right or wrong? 2. Is there ever a time that lying is acceptable? 3. Have you ever been tempted to lie? 4. What do you do to overcome the temptation to lie? You are to use a separate card for each person you interview, you are to write their answers yourself, and you are to have them sign and date the card. You are not required to tell anyone why you have this assignment. When you have completed this assignment you are to return this bag to me and your grounding is over."

Mike read the note and the relief on her face was priceless; she was about 9yo at the time. Mike thought the whole thing would be a breeze and got the first 3 interviews the same day. At some point Mike realized that the adults she was interviewing were able to figure out why she was asking those questions so humiliation kicked in. It took Mike about 3 months to get the last 7 interviews and it only happened because she was afraid of missing a special outing with some friends.

My personal motivation for doing this was multi-fold. I wanted to end the continual conflict between Mike and me. Mike was in full control of how long she was grounded. Humiliation was a major factor; Mike is super-intelligent and was able to see other's perspective. I had been telling Mike for years that lying was wrong but I figured having other adults confirm what I was saying would help her realize that it wasn't just Mom's problem, that society as a whole objects to the behavior. And by asking for other adults' input perhaps one of them might be able to give Mike suggestions for resisting the temptation.
Now here's the critical part. After Mike completed her first assignment I put the bag on a shelf where it sat until the next lie. The next time Mike lied I wrote a new note that said essentially the same as the first except the numbers were different: Mike had to interview 15 people and 5 had to be repeats from the previous group. My rationale for that was that if an adult had a kid interview them about lying and then a few months the kid re-interviewed them, the adult would figure out the kid still had the problem and perhaps be able to help reach my child (at the time Mike's adult interactions were primarily at church and school). When I handed Mike the bag she kinda smirked like she knew what to expect; when she read the note she almost cried.

My plan was to increase the numbers with 20 interviews/10 repeats the 3rd time, and then doubling the numbers each time afterwards. I never got to increase further because Mike learned her lesson and changed her behavior.

This system could easily be adapted to any negative behavior that a parent wants to extinguish.

Karen Horan

Brilliant!!

Karen,
I have to say that you are one smart cookie. I love that!

Heading to Target for notecards . . . .

Wonderful!

Thanks Ladies! However, I have to say that I was giving credit to the OP that wrote this (Karen) and I got it from another stepfamily website. My name is Katie and I am a CSM to an 11yo SS. I love love love this idea and thought it might be helpful to share with everyone else.

I love the idea doxie!!!

WOW! That is clever, appropriate, and clearly very effective.