I too am slightly embarassed to admit that I still have about 35 WS seedlings in small nursery pots sitting in the pot ghetto. Well, in mid-summer it was over 100, so that's an improvement. That's one of the problems with winter-sowing - too many seedlings! :) We have had unusually mild and drizzly weather lately, so it's perfect for transplanting. Two days ago, I planted out 12 seedlings of Polemonium reptans (Jacob's Ladder). These are easy to start from seed, and I already lost most of the first wave of transplants during the summer - slugs! So, I'm pushing the envelop and planting stuff to see if it will make it through the winter. What's to lose? I've got about a dozen seedlings of native perennial vines - Campsis radicans (trumpet vine), Clematis virginiana, and Aristolochia - still sitting in those little pots. I don't have trellises ready for them, so they are going to have to be sunk into the ground in a veggie area for the winter. There are also a few warm-season grasses in little pots. They are dormant now, but I'm thinking of planting a few just to see if they'll make it. They too are very easy to start from seed.

I've got a wool/soy blend from Patons (made in China) -- it's 70/30 wool/soy, so feels more like wool. Somewhere between sock and DK weight. Makes great socks (I use bamboo DPs, re another thread; I'm a slow knitter and likely to drop stitches with metal DPs, and socks take long enough!). Soy yarn is 100% recycled from tofu waste, of all things, then mixed with (I don't know what!) and "extruded" from a machine into the ribbon type of soy yarn. You can also get "rovings" sort of stuff and spin your own, if you like that kind of thing. Allegedly it spins like dupioni (sp?)silk. I don't do much spinning, and am sticking to the cheapest wool I can find for that. But I'm interested in soy yarn options!

Lynn, all the feelings you're encountering, and more, are very, very normal and something that many others go through. As a former military wife, and present day military mother, I can relate to every thought and emotion that you're presently experiencing. My son is in the Air Force, as his dad used to be, and has been deployed to Iraq four times, twice for tours lasting over a year in duration. He's also done duty in Afghanistan and been deployed to other "hot" areas in the past that aren't mentionable. His military service was the key reason why my husband and I raised our grandson, my divorced son's child, for the first 12 years of his life - because dad was overseas and couldn't be there to raise him himself. My son was never a clinger, nor was I, and I'm also the one in our family who's always been positive in attitude with a a cup more than half full. Fortunately, I've always had a solid, close relationship with my first born and he's felt the freedom to make his own choices based on what he wants. Even so, your feeling of loss of control over your son's life is one that I can identify with, and understand, because I felt much the same way when he first signed up. Now it is more important than ever for you to take good care of yourself, and not let your concerns interfere with the quality of your health and sleep patterns. If they do, you need to seek the guidance of a physician for some sleep aids. I found that keeping regular contact with my son helped enormously, and thanks to present day communication methods, this was possible. We were able to email back and forth often and he was able to make a few pre-scheduled phone calls. When he first got in the service he was deployed to Korea for a year, and back then our only contact was by snail mail - nowadays communication is so much easier! For the long tours I spent a lot of time putting together packages to send, with notes, food, candy, personal items - whatever I thought he could use or enjoy. He loved getting packages from home. You didn't mention what branch of the military he is serving with, but I'm sure they all offer similar support groups for military families. I would urge you to find out what support groups are available for your son's unit, and get in contact with them. When my husband was in service, and deployed, we had a very active wives support group that kept all of us sane and much comforted. Being able to share your feelings with others in the same situation, who are also harboring similar concerns, is invaluable therapy and I urge you to take advantage of whatever groups are available. I will say that the situational depression I first felt eventually worked itself out, with reoccurrences every time he deployed again, but having someone to talk to, to share my feelings with, (other than him), was key to getting my head clear so I could continue to function on an even keel again. My heart goes out to you - and my thoughts will be with you. You'll feel more like yourself again, and you'll be okay, I promise.

Hate to say it, but I agree you have already been told by this man that he does not want any more children - ever. Though they say vasectomies are reversible, it does not always work. If you want a child of you own in the future, Walk Now. Further more, any bond that you thought you had with this child was that of a care giver and not that of a parent in this child's eyes. Yes he may care of you. But for a child - at the age of 5, to state to you that 'he was talking to daddy and not you', and is already questioning your authority as to being able to give instructions, he is telling you that you are NOT his parent and he knows it. While I agree with others that he is being a boy and wanting to spend time with Dad is natural, these other behaviors are not. This child already is stating that you are an interloper in his eyes and if you have the child work experience you state, you would recognize his behavior as being confrontational. It is so easy to idealize a parent child relationship. It is also easy to idealize the step family - take it from me, most of us Stepparents started out like that! But reality is starting to set in for you. The baby is now starting to grow and things are going to change with him as you are going to deal with him feeling you are taking his Dad away etc. If you stay with this man, I would recommend counseling for the family unit and yourself for the grief you will need to work through for not having your own biological child that you want so badly.