CRL, I like those, esp the black ones. One thing I am going to do is go look online for photos from past dances, because I'm kind of curious. I know once I looked around I did change my mind about her shorts.

SueB, Your daughter looks great! I think My DD would be ok with that dress, but not happy. She's a bit of a fashionista. For example, her must-have item for fall was this sweater. (note to all - feel free to laugh - I did). Thank goodness she did not pair it w these boots. She wore it with black skinny pants and a silk blk turtleneck and pumps and it looked quite nice. In its way.

I am so glad I am a grandmother, not THE mom. My beautiful gal just attended her homecoming dance (Junior year). Her mom let her pick the dress, cute and appropriate. Velvet. In Florida, a week ago. "I had so much fun! But it was soooo hot!"

I found success with two tactics during teen years.

1 - that looks like you're trying too hard

2 - compromise - saying how about something between this (outrageously conservative choice) and that (teen's choice)

and then after 18, during college years, just kept telling myself, well, she might as well wear it now while she can (some things seem optimized for 19 year old bodies and no other)

LOL Mtn...obviously mine isn't a fashionista. Here's her typical go-to outfit:

The other night she asked me to order some clothes for her online: 4 pairs of baggy sweatpants from Nike and Under Armour. All gray or black. Sheesh.

Color. Most of the homecoming pics I see down here have the girls in a lot of color rather than black. Same for prom. Here is an edited photo of DGD and some of her soccer friends. Not sure but I think DGD’s dress may have come from Anthropology.

Pal, I am not sure I commented on your leopard colleague. On top of being risque IMHO it's awful. My DH calls what men wear to dress up "the uniform". He gets very mad if I want to wear my navy blazer when we attend an event or meeting, because we look like twins. In some realms it has become a sign of power for powerful women to reject a suit (in some industries it always was) but the choice still needs to be tailored and serious.

Outside, three of those dresses ar what they call body-con. Antrho doesnt have much body-con; im guessing that is the maroon with tulle? Pretty.

Sueb, Can she wear those shorts to school? I would say they are too short, but they are really athletic attire so that's different to me. You can tell she is a true athlete!

Specific, we do all enjoy dressing a lot at that age and she should to. I am just trying to decided where to draw the line.

Maddie, thats really cute! It is also body-con, given the length and probably an open back. It does remind me on one I like for my DD, just wish it didn't have the corset detail.

Omgosh those girls in those dresses! I am beyond shocked

So when i said to my DD, "is that what your friends wear?" and she said "yes", I get it. Maybe this is a dirty little secret of BS (Jojo, you have to ask your DD how they dress where she is!?). There are no Moms to please. And the dresses are so cheap (I have five in my cart right now and it is $112!) that the girls can prob just use their own money and Mom/Dad have no idea?!

They do have a dress code re length of shorts, but they don't seem to enforce it. The girls all wear those very short jean shorts. (The pic I posted was not from school, but I think she has worn those shorts, or one of the 10 identical pairs she owns, to school.)

Those homecoming pics make me glad our school doesn't have homecoming dances!

I really like the dress MaddieLee posted .. and why the corset on that dress, Mtn? It takes it from sweet to dungeon wear! LOL

I think the hardest thing for the tall, athletic girls is that everything at a stylish length looks too darn sexy on their long shapely legs.

Exactly, Funky. Like, WTH? And of course, they are not naive, but I am pretty sure also that they don't have any idea there is a dungeon message there.

Mtn, I agree, the fact the kids are honor students has nothing to do with what they want to wear. They all want their personality and individuality to shine through somehow I think. All the kids in the h/c photos are great kids and most are honor students headed to good colleges next year.

I actually like most of the dresses posted, including the black ones posted by crl and maddielee. But the ‘wear to work’ dress? Where exactly do you work in that? Ok, forget I asked that. Why don’t they just say ‘wear to play’?

Here are a few I am contemplating sending her. I am trying to pick something that she will like and will fit in, but that makes me wince just a tad less. I don't know if they are any better or not. But for those of you playing along at home ...

I like the last one but it is really short on the model. The gray one is fun too. Notice how I am picking the most covered up dresses.

Another fun issue that I ran into with my daughter is when she puts on heels her posture changes and her athletic behind sticks up and out. So a dress that may be okay or marginal while standing flat footed in the dressing room suddenly turns into YIKES when they put on heels.

Shee, that may be it though... these kids live at their high school, they are at boarding schools. I hasten to add, since BS are kind of a New England thing and a lot of people aren't familiar ...these are not boarding schools for kids with issues, the photos are from a boarding high school especially for very high achieving students, comparable to DD's.

I forgot to reply to HHireno I think, but it is true that a lot of kids leave home in Mom approved stuff for the day, and make dramatic changes at school.

Nothing I bought for my DD looked like that, and nothing that I saw her pack. She does have some cold shoulder tops (so do I) and the shorts I showed (pretty common) and she does have some strapless summer tops.

D_gw --- you are right. I have a rule (when she is under my roof) that if you wear a short dress you must wear flats. I never thought about why but that is def part of it!

I doubt she would like the first two -- they are too business/mom/old -- even with the trendy sleeves. The third one -- maybe. Of those four, I think the last one is the best and most likely to meet her approval too.

This is one of those times you have to admit that having boys was easier. My biggest issue was finding the right size or convincing them they needed to wear something more than shorts or jeans and a t-shirt. Anyway, good luck.

Since I didn't have anything nice to say I deleted my comment then I saw you responded.

I did miss the BS thing. That could make a difference I suppose.

ETA - I'm surprised the school doesn't have a better dress code in place.

There truly is a lack of boy clothing out there in comparison to girl stuff. It is frustrating and highly irritates me actually but I will remember this thread in the future!

As a mother to boys who complained mightily about the lack of cute clothes for them (anyone remember Oilily,) I have stayed out of the discussion. But Mtn, you posted a dress I really like, so I have to vote :-)

I love the spaghetti straps with the flowers best and the black with bell sleeves and the cut out back underneath it second best.

Does it strike anybody but me that the models in most of the dresses offered are not high school age? It is very unfortunate teens are pushed to grown up behavior so soon. Their time will come, and it lasts a very long time. Schools do hold a line,some more successfully than others. Parents need to hold that line after school. Why do we so quickly make it the schools place to tell our offspring how to dress/behave/right from wrong. PARENTS STEP UP!!! When mine were young and people would ask "how did you..." I would say I am the ADULT. I am in charge at my house". Most just looked at me confused at the concept.

I like the black print slip dress and the black strapless with bell sleeves. The white isn’t bad either and all may be something body con enough for your DD to love.

From the other side, I almost think now is the time to wear embarrassing/awkward/too tight/somewhat too revealing clothing as long as it fits in with their peer norms. First of all because yes it will only ever look even slightly good on teenagers! Second because it's the time to explore limits and what you're comfortable with. I remember wearing...and this is awful, but basically a midriff baring hole-y mesh football top to my junior high. At the time of course I thought it was really really cool. Third because they're a bundle of hormones and hey, why not let 'em have fun with it. There's almost no better time to be bold and audacious.

I like the white, the flowers, and the last black one. Agree with everyone else on the first two.

I thought most of these models *are* high school age girls, heavily made up. I went to school with a girl who was washed up at 23. Her Cosmo cover was when she was about 14.

I know that some of the models for really body conscious things like swimsuit and lingerie are older because their bodies are surgically enhanced.

But I doubt the model in the date night red dress is any older than the students in the prom photos.

I like the dresses crl posted, esp the first one -- cute, a little sassy, not slutty.

Have you looked at Lord & Taylor?

IMHO if you look at the photos from that other school's dance, they look like "women", not teens, as do the models.

Robo, I concede your point. It is a time of pushing limits and learning. Whatever they wear, they are supervised by adults in a private place with their friends.

Outside, they all were under a "body-con" search. I do wonder if I just spun my wheels, as the floral dress is pretty darn close to the polka dot one we started with; one thing I've noticed is that some of these dresses are photographed in provocative ways, and that affects how I feel about the dress. By contrast this is how models look on the sites where I shop:

Arcy, I don't know if kids are pushed to grow up, as much as they pull! I don't think school dress codes are mentioned here in the context of shifting the responsibility, so much as being grateful for them because they reinforce our views and also change the peer norm. In this particular, narrow, case I'm trying to decide on in this post, though, I *have* shifted responsibility. They even have a term for it; "in loco parentis". It does not mean parents have gone crazy! It means that, when your high schooler lives at school, the school (advisors, dorm parents, teachers, coaches, deans etc.) all take on a parental role. It is one of the things you give up a little on in exchange for the opportunities it creates for your kids. At the school the photos are from, I think some parents might have chosen differently for their daughters' attire. But OTOH I know students protest mightily against every nuance of dress code, and my guess is the schools care a lot more about dress code during academic periods than at dances. IDK. My DD tells me at her school they do send people back to change and will note infractions for things like denim, leggings, spaghetti straps. I looked at her handbook and the wording is very specific about a few different types of dress code they have for different times and situations, but I'm not sure what applies to dances on campus.

Rita, Thanks, I am not a floral person, neither is she, but I thought she might like something different for her. I like the cowl neck.

Shee, I enjoy helping my son shop too. He basically wears khakis, and must wear a collared shirt. For some situations he must wear a tie. But there are so many interesting button downs and so many nice golf shirts. My DH would never wear some of the more colorful button downs DS does, not to mention out-there ties. Plus, vests are a big thing at DS' school.

Lasctx, The first one is a gamble; I thought she might respond to its quality, it is fairly expensive and I think looks it. The rest are all from either Free People or Charlotte Russe, very much teen-college brands, all body-con.

I have sent the last one. Because it has the skater/dress style, somehow the shortness and the open back still seem girlish.

While I was looking, I came across this style more than once. OMG, like, really?

SueB, I love the Nicole Miller with the applique, and I think she would too! I think I might send that so she has a choice.

That last girl is about 15-16 probably.

Mtn, did you notice the back of the dress? Really cute.

The way you might be able to sell some of the more sedate (at least to teens) dresses is to offer up some fabulous shoes in an interesting color or pattern. My fashionista is really into the Gucci-ish applique and velvet.

Zappos has quite a few floral print pumps.

floral print pumps

D, those are super cute, might make a good xmas gift.

Sue, I did , the keyhole? Very cute. At this age, I think girls want to look different/special/fashionable as much as anything. They want their friends to ooh and ahh. TBH I think I dress for my friends, too.

Re. shoes. My DD and friends would make an entrance with heels but at least once dancing started, they'd all be barefoot.

I think that is the norm re shoes -- unless they school requires them to be kept on. I heard that complaint from my sons one year.

Mtn, the quality of the grey dress is part of what makes it more serious -- more the dress that you could wear from a business meeting to a dinner or cocktail party. The girls want something fun. I do like the floral spaghetti strap too if they work for her. The polka dot one is one I would have to see on a girl -- the fit would make all the difference, but the pose of the model and the hiking of the skirt make me wonder what it really looks like and how it would wear. I see so many girls and women wearing things they spend way too much time tugging, pulling and adjusting (also notice the number of girls bent forward in the group photos --- makes me think they know the skirts are too short either to look good in photos or to not get in trouble when the photos are seen). That never looks good and no one ever looks as good or feels as good or as confident as they should when all that is going on. Not to mention the ones who cannot walk in heels.

I would talk with the school about implementing, and enforcing, a dress code where the kids end up dressing in a respectable manner or I would start looking for a different school. I am shocked at what I see some high school kids (both boys and girls) wearing. It's not necessary for them (or anyone else) to be so uncovered and I think it's kind of sad that parents and schools allow this sort of attire. I think it sends the message that people, especially girls and women, are to be more valued for their bodies than for anything else. IMO, skimpy clothes don't benefit anyone except clothing manufacturers, who would probably like to make clothes with as little (thin) fabric as possible, because every inch of material they don't use is money in their pocket.

There is nothing wrong with how those children are dressed. We have all indulged in the generational mock horror about the slippage of standards. The song is old and comforting, but the issue is nonexistent to me.

Mtn's daughter is away at a school whose job it is to help children develop to their fullest potential. The school's dress code addresses one set of issues and remains silent on another set. I would gladly defer to the school's judgment as they are on the scene and understand the context in which this fashion show plays out.

I am not indulging in generational mock horror. I simply do not think that a lot of the attire I see on people today (including teens) is appropriate. If you don't think it's teaching kids, especially girls, that they are to be more valued if they have a good body, then why are so many so easily accepting of comments which basically say it's okay for teens (girls) to dress like this because they have good bodies? Or, comments to the effect that they look good in skimpy dresses because they have good bodies? Or comments to the effect that they look good NOW, so should show off their bodies while they still have the chance? This, especially, when you are exactly right when you call them children? They are children. Do we want our children to show off their bodies? If so, why (and who do we think they should be showing off their bodies for)? Sorry, but I just disagree that this is okay and I think that we, as a society, need to rethink some things.

Btw, most people who know me see me as a definite liberal so far as social issues. I just can't get behind some of the attire that is being worn right now, especially by our children (and I don't think we are helping them, in any way, by allowing some of this attire). I will bow out of this thread now, as I'm really not wanting to cause conflict. I just wanted to share my feelings on this issue, as something for people to possibly consider.

I'm late to the fashion party but saw this on Anthropologie and thought it was interesting in color and style. Sorry I couldn't figure out how to post as a photo instead of a link...

Anthro Dress

Veggiegardnr, I would hope you would stick around to hear other opinions on this subject. No one is right or wrong, just different perspectives.

That being said, I have no problem with the way the girls in the school photo are dressed. My daughter went to an academically rigorous BS and wore her own, or borrowed, dresses like those pictured. (quick aside; boarding school girls tend to shop in each other's closets on a daily basis. The last few days of the year are a flurry of clothing returns among friends.) Anyway, for many high school-age young women, dressing in more adult clothes reflects their own growing independence and maturity. It's probably more true at a boarding school. I never got worked up over it. It's a dress, that's all. It doesn't define my daughter or make her more "valued" than someone wearing something more conservative. It's fun and a far cry from the usual strict dress code (at my dd's school, no jeans, shorts, yoga pants...). And another thing, these girls dress like that because THEY like how they look. You might be amazed at how high these dress sizes go. It's not about being a wee little thing, it's about having the confidence to wear what they like. I'm all in favor of that. My daughter graduated college in three years. Boarding school did a great job preparing her for college.

jo (who proudly wore a decidedly non-conservative wedding dress earlier this month.)

Las - The grey dress is $29.99! It was the first one, the black/white that was pricey, LOL

Veggie, IN re...

I would talk with the school about implementing, and enforcing, a dress code where the kids end up dressing in a respectable manner or I would start looking for a different school. I am shocked at what I see some high school kids (both boys and girls) wearing. It's not necessary for them (or anyone else) to be so uncovered and I think it's kind of sad that parents and schools allow this sort of attire. I think it sends the message that people, especially girls and women, are to be more valued for their bodies than for anything else. IMO, skimpy clothes don't benefit anyone except clothing manufacturers, who would probably like to make clothes with as little (thin) fabric as possible, because every inch of material they don't use is money in their pocket.

Well, in re this specific situation:

1. DD's school has a dress code for the academic day, for casual wear, and for events; I imagine the school I found the photos of does as well. When kids live somewhere 24/7, they may want to allow more leeway. Plus these are kids from around the globe who may see things differently.

2. Shocked at the boys ?! Huh? Not the photos I showed.

3. The messages that girls (and women) receive about what gives them "worth" are not going to be solved by a dress code at a high school. It is well beyond that scope. And, it would in fact be a very superficial way to address a serious issue. I think the school speaks volumes about what it values by having very very high standards for admission, having a rigorous curriculum and rigorous extracurriculars, requiring serious public service, high ethics, and then sending them off to the most competitive colleges. These girls, and boys, know exactly what they are valued for because they got admitted. These are the top high schools in the world, literally. And they are 50% women; a few decades ago these top 10 schools did not admit women at all. So if a kid was at the school I posted photos of, and the parent said "I am pulling you because of those darn frisky dresses" that would be like taking your kid out of Princeton because of binge drinking in a frat house.

4. Not that it is terribly germane, but unless they are using fine fabrics (not!) the cost of the fabric can be a small %, and so the cost of making it 2" longer is not always important.

5. I agree with you that some of the clothing choices made by juniors are regrettable. There are things I will not buy. But none of us live in a vacuum, we need to balance what we think/believe with social norms. There is not a right or wrong answer.

Rita, nice turn of phrase! generational mock horror

Veggie, I don't think I ever said that young people should wear such dresses because they look good in them. I think someone did somewhere in this thread. I can see their point, though, if they are saying, why shouldn't young people enjoy their beauty, if they want to?

BTW I do not think they are children. I think they are young adults.

You can certainly bow out if you want, but you are welcome to stay of course! Sexualization of children, objectification of women, these are all important issues and ones I think our culture needs to improve upon!

Ruby, that is very very nice. I think my DD would like it because she likes the brand, and it is different and sophisticated. I was wondering why I didn't find it in my search; then I saw .... $228. I have been down this road, and girls just don't wear the same dress to a dance twice. It frustrates me but then I gave up, since the stuff they like is often cheap. I will save it though in case I get desperate. It follows CAWAPS' rule!

Jojo, You rocked your wedding dress, but then you look like you could rock the Body-con stuff too .. DD must have great genes. And college in 3 yrs, no mean feat.. keep hearing horror stories of 5 years!!?

And this, well put:

"...dressing in more adult clothes reflects their own growing independence and maturity. ...It's a dress, that's all. It doesn't define my daughter or make her more "valued" than someone wearing something more conservative."

Just was skim reading and can't help myself.

Rita -There is nothing wrong with how those children are dressed.

I was going to repost what I found to be the worst photo of the bunch. Society constantly goes on about women issues, women rights, women being treated with respect... I don't know. Maybe you're not one of those people. I really don't have the energy to go on about this but I just don't get it. And I don't get how good grades, good kids, etc. justifies any of it.

Shee, Not sure I understood that post, and also maybe it was just to Rita,if so .. sorry! Good kids/good grades is to say, lest one assume that the attire many of us find suboptimal reflects kids who are also engaging in other suboptimal behaviors, that is not the case.

Also, I think women should be treated with respect regardless of their attire. I don't buy at all that attire excuses anyone's behavior, ever. That doesn't mean I think all attire is fine by me, but it should not be a condition of something as important as respect.

Mtn - It was in response to Rita and Jo's posts that I skimmed. Truthfully I'm very stressed and grouchy and it's oozing out where it should not. I'm sorry and going to bow out now.

No worries! I am sorry you are stressed and grouchy. For my part, dissenting opinions are always welcome, even if I argue with them mightily.

Hope things get better! : )

Oh. I obviously misunderstood, but I still feel like the combination of cut and fabric is just not what 99% would wear for a youthful party dress. Same cut but different fabric -- or if the fabric is different from how I am picturing it, perhaps. I like the B/W one, but it seems like an older dress too. More sophisticated than most girls that age could pull off or would want to try to. Fun is a bigger appeal that sophisticated.

I'm not seeing anything here I think is horrendous on its face. I've seen worse -- and probably some that were similar styles that just didn't fit the girl. But I completely agree that clothes don't excuse behavior. That just creates a no-win double standard -- women have to dress to appeal to men but they can't blame a man for his actions once they do. No. Just no. One thing I am very pleased with about my boys is that they learned to respect girls and women and treat them equally and it never seemed to be an effort for them. In high school especially, they both had more female friends than male friends-- in large part because they respected them and weren't just trying to put moves on them.

Lascatx, I just thought it was funny that it looked expensive; i think it probably is hard to tell, esp in an online photo. But i agree, even if it was on a a site full of junior party dresses, it is the kind of dress any age could wear. Fun is a bigger appeal that sophisticated. I think that is true! Although my DD also has a number of blazers and she likes to think of herself as sophisticated, I think fun is still a bigger draw.

She should receive the one I ordered today; we will see!

I think even when you're on the liberal side (which I am) and you're not pushing religious or old fashioned views of modesty, there still remain tensions between sex/body positivity and wanting women to be valued for more than their bodies/sexual appeal. I don't know how to resolve those tensions.

I think younger feminists tend more toward the body positivity angle (sample arguments: there's more than one way to be a feminist, do what makes you feel comfortable, makeup is fun if you like it, I dress for myself and my friends the way I want, etc.) and second wavers tend toward the second angle in general (women should be taken seriously, not dress for the male gaze, appearance is nothing compared to character and intellect, teens are prey to sexual exploitation).

I am more comfortable in the first camp as I think there are many ways women can be happy, but I understand the second camp and I personally present in a more modest/dowdy fashion because that's my comfort level (but I admire well dressed, audacious people too).

I think it's interesting that, as feminism and self-empowerment becomes pretty much a given, that cosmetic and body modification and body display has all increased. a 1970s-era feminist would find clothing like this (and cosmetic surgery, and breast implants) self-demeaning and self-objectifying but a millennial feminist seems to find it all body-positive and empowering.

I said before but my rule of thumb is: who is going to be seeing this, and where, and how are they getting there? These events are taking place in a closed environment, and to some extent the girls are dressing for each other. I am not sure that boys are paying attention to the clothing, and if the girls participate in sports and other activities these same boys and girls have seen each other in less.

That said, I wouldn't really want to see the girls going into town or on public transportation dressed quite like some of these outfits. Objectively I guess, I don't find a lot of it particularly flattering but there are a lot of women's clothes that are not particularly flattering and emphasize the most minimal "flaws" right now. And sometimes you see this sort of thing on men, too, if you live in an urban area; super tight pants or shirts that don't really look so great.

I agree, Robo, it can be hard to square the two views, both of which have their merits.

I think it's interesting that, as feminism and self-empowerment becomes pretty much a given, that cosmetic and body modification and body display has all increased.

I think it has increased because women have more money to spend, and because they are bombarded with even more images of physical "perfection" (some carefully curated and filtered and enhanced by people they know IRL).

I enjoy feeling attractive and when I dress up I note that I am treated better by everyone. There is a power to looking good. Looking good is subjective, but for teens I think it means looking like you are in your 20s and headed to a bar!

I was in college during a relatively brief period in the 1980s where girls, in retrospect, dressed like middle aged women. They had elaborate sprayed hair, heavy make up and shoulder pads and batwings and all those things. There were girls of 20 who dressed like Dorothy Zbornak and Blanche Devereux from Golden Girls. (But sometimes they veered into Flashdance territory with brand new sweatshirts cut up with razors.) It all seemed normal then. I think this is just a similar fashion expression.