I would never ever advise a teenager of any gender or gender preference about anything. ｡◕‿◕｡

Albert- What?

I think he is saying don't give advice to teens. Maybe that is his advice for parents. : )

I think the most important thing is what you've already been doing-- giving your daughters a strong sense of self. Knowing yourself and being confident is so important to all things in life but as far as dating goes, it helps ensure your daughters choose good boys/men and that they know how they want to be treated and most importantly how they *should* be treated.

Sure, that isn't the only advice-- but it's an essential foundation IMO. It helps in choosing good boyfriends, in making decisions about when to have sex and how to handle when it comes time for an inevitable breakup.

And I like the buddy system too. I never followed it-- so I tell you from experience, it's good advice!

See what happens when you break in the middle of a post to answer the phone? I am not going to edit to correct-- but I am going to blame my scattered head.

Always think of your exit strategy. Both physically and mentally- how are you going to get out of the place where you are if things go sideways and how will you break up when the time comes. Don't be afraid to dump a guy fast. I like Google's hiring strategy on this- they take a long time to hire someone and are lickedy- split fast about firing- they have a cute way of saying this- I forgot it.

Be hyper-vigilant to the point of paranoia about drinks you have not poured for yourself or opened. Do not drink anything you have left unattended.

Group dates are a great way of getting to know a person in a nice environment.

Dating one person exclusively at a young age can be limiting. Group dates help increase your exposure to different guys without the commitment of a more exclusive relationship.

Go with her and her date til she's 20. Would that work?

All good advise already posted. The most important thing is to always keep communication open between your teens and yourself and spouse. Kids need to know that you will always be a safe listening ear for them.

Good luck, set that curfew time appropriate to the activity they are attending.

ML

I saw this quote somewhere recently — something like, “you go to high school to meet your bridesmaids, not your groom.” Which falls in line with what I’ve told my kids — in most cases, friends should come first because you will likely have those friends longer than you’ll have that boyfriend.

Every kid is different, but for my 17 yo DD, I have found that if I make a big deal about a boy (asking her to prom, for instance) she automatically shuts down and doesn’t want to tell me things. If I say less and sort of act like I don’t care, she’s more likely to share. Her experience with dating is still very limited, though.

Teach her what to look for in a boyfriend. Someone who listens to her and considers what she has to say, someone who keeps their hands to themselves in anger (hitting or grabbing is NEVER a one time deal), someone who gives her choices when deciding what to do, someone who never forces her to do anything she doesn't want to do or is uncomfortable doing, someone who respects her obligations whether it be to school, music or family.

I raised 3 daughters. Lots of good advice has been shared here. Conversations about boys, dating, trust need to be ongoing and often. Hopefully, parents of boys are also having discussions and setting limits.

When I was a teen, my father always told me that when I went out with a boy, I should hold my date's hand. It took me a long time to get what he meant. I thought he was being very liberal and hip.

I think one piece of advice I'd give any young woman is to be wary and reject anyone who seems to become too attached too quickly. It's sometimes easy to be flattered by someone's attentions, but someone who seems to rush the relationship can easily be someone who will want to control her by getting her into something that is difficult to get out of. Go slowly and reject anyone who doesn't.

These days most girls have been "dating" long before they are teens. It's really not what we TEACH that is impactful. It is what is CAUGHT, where these things are concerned. Her strength of self, the interaction of male/females in her circle, what she has observed thus far, will influence her the most. If she believes sex is a toy with no consequences (The PC opinion of the day) she is in for a bumpy ride. Early and unattached experimenting leads to depression and confusion. We teach our students to know their boundaries and be confident they are free to follow them. That includes social media use, violent behavior from her partner, shared expectations where other friends are concerned. One's boundaries should be SOLID before one ventures out. Deciding on the fly or in the moment or using the value of relativism will be the fastest way to self worth/self esteem disaster.

If she believes sex is a toy with no consequences (The PC opinion of the day)

Actually, the "PC opinion of the day" is to take full responsibility for one's own sexual choices. That's one thing I would want to instill in a girl. It's her body to do with as she pleases when she believes the time is right -- because let's face it, when young people decide they want to have sex, they are GOING TO have sex. Arm her with as much honest information as possible, and for the love of all things holy, help her obtain birth control when the proper time comes.

I grew up believing that "good girls" wait until marriage for such things. Well, that's a lovely concept in Fairytale Land, but that's not reality. My first experience was when I was barely 15, and it's by sheer luck that I did not end up pregnant. It seems that STDs are far more rampant today than they were when I was in my youth, too.

I definitely want the young woman in my life to be strong and empowered in ALL ways, and sexuality is a big component of one's life - and is NOT (as I grew up believing) something shameful.

I agree with Funky, develop a strong sense of self and values and the ability to articulate them and stand up for them. This can be developed by doing it yourself and being role models. Also somehow help her understand that people can seem nice but if they are looking out for their own interests above all else, that is not the same thing as really caring about you. Our society has this "hey, if it feels good for both of us, it's fine" attitude about so many things, but in reality there is pressure for it to "feel good" even when it doesn't. A true friend is someone who uplifts you and supports your values and honors them, not someone who tries to get you to squish on them. And that goes for male friends as well as female. And not just sexual values. That's where I would start, sharing ideas on how to "walk the talk" of your values, which starts by examining them and being willing to openly talk about them. If you think your parents are going to dictate and judge, you probably won't be willing to explore many values-related topics. I was lucky, I had good friends for the exploration part. I think having a teenager of any gender, my ideal goal would be to see to it that they cultivated a good circle of friends. Not sure how one does that, I just naturally sought them out and my parents and I often discussed what made a good friend. So by the time I was dating, I at least had a foundation of ideas. Still, I was amazed at how manipulative many people are in relationships, both male and female. I often was taken advantage of because I believed words but then actions eventually showed that the words were lies. I don't even think the people speaking the words realized how they were lying to me and to themselves. Or cared I guess. As a friend once told me, "When someone shows you who they really are, believe it!" Make sure you daughter doesn't need a man to "complete her." Oh, and my female friends who were strong women didn't have any troubles in eventually attracting a mate. It pays off in long-term happiness to be a little picky. I'd try and encourage my daughter to take a look at the men who are not putting themselves in the limelight all the time but may have unappreciated qualities.

Edited to add that I would be very careful to not try and convey the idea that, "men are pigs" to my daughter, but rather, "it's hard to follow the golden rule for all of us." I have so many men friends, something my fiance doesn't necessarily understand, but I also have a ton of female friends. Character is character, it knows no gender. I would try to encourage my daughter to develop character and seek out companions of character too.

Every kid is different, but for my 17 yo DD, I have found that if I make a big deal about a boy (asking her to prom, for instance) she automatically shuts down and doesn’t want to tell me things. If I say less and sort of act like I don’t care, she’s more likely to share. Her experience with dating is still very limited, though.

I've found this to be true with most kids -- my kids, girls and boys alike, and also their friends and cousins, all with a mixture of dating experience.

For me advice in the teen years is almost too late. They need the advice before that, and yes I realize how unhelpful this is lol. In the teen years, especially when they're thinking about dating or already dating, often it seems the best approach is to spend time together but not necessarily talk about dating in general or a particular boy or girl. Do something together, like cooking or crafts, or just watching a movie, that allows for long silences and the chance for them to bring things up in a conversational way. Sometimes the best way to speak directly is around the edges, or at least to start around the edges and slowly work your way toward the middle. But sometimes the edges are enough, especially with teens : ).

For me the best advice was to not say too much, to try to remember what it was like when I was their age, to trust in the parenting we had done up until this point, and to remind them (gently) that we are always here, to talk, to pick them up in the middle of the night, etc.

Advice remembered from my single days: If there's a break-up, don't start bad-mouthing the boyfriend. Because they'll be back together before you know it and then you'll be the bad guy : ) .

Put them in a convent until they're 30.

Keep the perspective that romance at this stage is meant to be practice. A high school romance, in my opinion, should be about learning to evaluate a romantic partner's worth, learning about your own boundaries and values, figuring out what you like and don't like, what you will and won't accept, etc. and navigating conflict in all of these areas. I know, I know, there are successful lifetime pairings that began as high school love affairs. But I think it's an enormous favor to young people to help them frame this ritual as practice for the real thing, rather than potentially a lifetime pairing.

The replies here are all good advise -- and it makes me a bit sad to read them. I didn't have a daughter and miss so much about the mother-daughter relationship. This one time may not be something I miss. I don't have a daughter, but I was young once.....I had experiences.

I raised two sons and from early on they were taught to respect girls and women as equals -- that no gender was smarter, more capable or more entitled. And I taught them that No means No -- regardless of the context. I would tell girls the same thing. Don't be coy and think you can say one thing and mean another and that a guy will know when you mean something different. Be honest with them, even if that is an I don't know. And understand anything less than a yes is a no.

My son lost a long term friend who won't even speak to him after they went out to dinner as part of a group in high school. The agreement had been that everything was dutch -- they were just going as friends and each would pay their own way. As dinner wrapped up, my son offered to pick up the dinner tab -- not with any expectations, but everyone else was in couples and he didn't mind. He was sensitive to the fact that she was the only girl not a part of a couple. She said no --- we agreed on that and left for the ladies room. The checks came while she was gone and he left hers for her to settle as she said she wanted. To this day, 7 years later, she has not said another word to him. There was a dance and party after dinner -- not one word. She apparently said no and meant yes -- and he was supposed to know that. He said he was happy to buy her dinner as friends, but he didn't want to upset her (a strong, independent type) by not honoring her decision. They were friends and he didn't have any expectations one way or the other -- maybe she did. I told my son I was sorry for his pain and loss of a friend, but he did nothing wrong. I would rather him have a miserable time being ignored than being in serious legal trouble if things went the other way. I have wondered about the mother of the girl and what lessons she has taught (we saw her at a an event after this and she gave us looks to kill).

Tell your kids, either gender, be honest with yourself, with your date and respect yourself, respect your date. Cute and coy tend to pair up with others who don't listen to no anyway. Mind games always wind up hurting someone. Just be honest. Respect anyone you care to spend time alone with -- and expect nothing less in return.

Along the lines that all the important lessons about dating have long ago been internalized by our children, there is one last thing we may be able to do to help in the making sure they know how to pick partners category. I grew up in a family where my mother and step father had a not to my liking marriage- nothing abusive or bad- just that man did not make my mother happy or support her intellectually or emotionally. As a result I spent a lot of time thinking about what I would like and not like in a relationship. I hypothesized that my mother, who grew up with parents who fit together very well, probably did not spend as much time thinking about relationship subtleties as I did. So while I have boys who are definitely not into thinking and talking about such things, I do try to narrate some of my feelings about my marriage, my husband and myself in that relationship so they can have a notion of what goes - the mechanics they may not see or think about- because like my mother- they are children in a pretty easy going, well fitting marriage. Plus they don't read books that focus on relationships much- so I try to always grab any opportunity to discuss relationships around them- not necessarily with them.

Advice to teen girls:

Try to get to know a boy as friends or in a group before taking a 1 on 1 date. Your friends are usually a good source of information about a boy so listen to them. Never feel pressure to do anything you are uncomfortable with, listen to your inner voice. Dating is all about experiencing what you like and don't like in a person, in much the same way you have friendships. Sometimes, you will really hit it off and it is mutual, and other times you may fall for someone who does not have reciprocal feelings for you. Being hurt is part of dating at times. Never settle for any behavior or actions that you do not like. It won't get better. Listen to your parents!

Advice to teen girl parents:

Strive for open lines of communication. One way to achieve this is a family dinnertime or any other time where you all gather together. It is so important to have that time to talk about every day events in the lives of your children. Be the home that the kids want to go to. By opening your home to your girls' friends you will get to know them better. Offer to drive, you will learn so much in the car. Try to get to know the parents of your children's friends (harder when in boarding school.) Have a frank chat with your daughter about sex/sexuality before she is even thinking of becoming sexually active, let her know that you will arrange for a dr's appointment for contraception. Yes, pediatricians do handle this. Tell her that you will always be available to pick her up day or night, and that all she has to do is call and say she has a stomach ache. Be firm on your curfew and make sure your daughter checks in with you so you can see her and chat. Be prepared for bumps along the way because it is not easy to be a girl now, nor easy to parent one.

Mtn, from what I "know" of you, many of these things are already being done. I worry less about a teen with two parents who obviously care and provide numerous opportunities for a variety of activities than I am about the students I taught. The teen girls in my classes were pretty much on their own and in many ways I was a mother figure to them. They confided in me, let me in on group conversations and asked my advice. I taught grade 11 and 12 in a low-income area, where the kids had to worry about family being deported, constant crime, living in small quarters with very little money to go around. My heart was tugged at almost every day.

DH and I have 3 grown daughters and I feel blessed that they are launched: well educated, successful, strong young women. But still.....I worry. I think we always want the best for our children and they will be children as long as we are alive!

Keep asking questions of friends, professionals

don't give advice to teens.

IMHO, the worst advice ever. Both my parents had that philosophy, so my introduction into the subject was by trial and error. Ended up being lots of trials, and lots of errors.

Bonnie I think Lucille was responding to another's post.

I don’t have daughters, but here is a simple way to explain consent to her and transgressions.

1. You’re staying until it’s over

2. You said you liked it

3. You said you wanted it

4. You’re my wife

5. You said I could have it

6. You’re asking for it

7. You owe me

Geesh, sometimes a date still really is just a date. Dinner and a movie.

My mother was not someone I could talk easily talk to about dating, so yeah, it would have been nice. However, I remember my father giving me an article in the newspaper that antibiotics made birth control less effective. But that was important info to know.

Friends and I also had a pact where if we went out as a group, we never left solo with a guy. So we arrived and left together.

I know my sister and BIL also did the "we will pick you up at any time if you are out and you find you need a ride."

Bonnie I loved your post, I was responding to Albert, above, I apologize if there was any confusion.

Do not set arbitrary time limits for major life events based on their age. I was not allowed to go to the post prom breakfast my senior year because I didn’t turn 18 until July. My sister turned 18 in April and was allowed to go.

I remember having this very discussion with a female boss once....what our parents told us about dating.....and I died laughing at what her mother told her:

”Keep your panties up and your skirt down.”

Joanie, I still do...

Lucille, I misunderstood and then figured it out so I deleted my comment.

pennydesign, LOL!

Thank you for all of your comments, some things I had not thought of.

Yes, of course, like most young adult issues, the groundwork for how they handle themselves is set long before. But as a parent when it goes from theoretical to live, you just want to make sure you've thoroughly prepared them ... and you, LOL.

I went on my first date when I was 13 going on 14. He was 16 and a neighbor of my BFF. My Mom was more liberal than my Dad. My Dad was against it but relented. He did tell me that "young girls date for love and young boys date for sex, forewarned is forearmed". I was a bit shocked at the time and while somewhat unfair, it is probably not too much off the mark. I do also distinctly recall a dinner conversation a few years later about pre-marital sex, where I argued "Why would i make decision about myself today based on what some hypothetical Prince Charming might think years from now." Like most adults, there are things I did and risks I took that I hope my DD do not. And I was a good kid, studious, never in any serious trouble. And still. :::sigh:::

One of the things that precipitated this query is an article I read in Vanity Fair. It is hair-raising! Granted it is not about teens per se (more college age) but these attitudes trickle down. I think this "hook up" concept inures all to the benefit of boys and is awful for girls. Yes, women are sexual beings too but honestly very few of us want unattached, unemotional sex in most circumstances. It is often not physically satisfying and almost never emotionally satisfying to us. How this generation managed to turn it around to make it "liberated" to deny this common truth (that women want relationships) and instead pretend that women want sex on the same terms as men is diabolical.

Liberated women should be free to admit who *they* are ... and I think most would have to admit that they start planning weddings in their head and writing Mrs. Blah BlahBlah, at about the first date. True liberation would allow us to admit that, would allow us to say we are not happy having sex without some commitment. That is liberated, not false equivalency to men. It is like when female businessmen used to dress just like males to fit in. We can be business people on our own terms without mimicking men. We can be mature, sexual beings on our own terms without mimicking men.

Anyway, here is the article that spurred my post:

https://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2015/08/tinder-hook-up-culture-end-of-dating

Not to get too personal but 17 year old me wouldn't have agreed with you, I don't think, about the aims of dating. Or 20 year old me. Or 28 year old me, actually. I didn't apply the concept of love, marriage or kids to my life until I was nearly 30. Up until then I had quite a bit of fun, though.

I only had one breakup where I was truly disappointed we didn't stay together, but that was a relationship of over a year (and tbh he was a perfectly nice guy but Just Not That Into Me from the start, I needed to be whacked upside the head with a self-respect stick on that one).

(But that article is kinda scary! But I think they went out of their way to talk to attractive players. Recentish studies show millenials having fewer partners in their early adulthood than boomers -- although the studies' lead author is Jean Twenge who I am convinced cannot do science or math. 72% of college students say they've tried Tinder but 70% haven't met up with anyone using the app, and most Tinder users SAY at least that they're looking for a relationship).

http://time.com/money/4713971/tinder-millennials-dating-apps/

https://www.bustle.com/p/13-surprising-truths-about-millennial-tinder-users-51978

I see both sides. As a teen, I longed for romantic love. Yes, the hearts and flowers and writing "Mrs. So-and-So" on my notebook over and over and over, because it surely it was just meant to be. My father was also of the mindset that boys are just "in it for one thing", and after I lost my virginity to the 16-year old boy that I was just certain was my forever love and shortly thereafter the relationship deteriorated, I too began to see the validity of Dad's thoughts and was convinced that I'd been used. Many, many years later, I was in touch with the man who had been that 16-year old boy, and he told me that I'd been his first. I'd had no idea until then, thinking him vastly more experienced and "worldly" than me as a teen, but what he expressed as a middle-aged man made me realize that he'd had very real and romantic feelings toward me as a youngster, just as I'd had for him. We were not such different animals, after all (although my word, I wouldn't touch him with a ten-foot pole these days. LOL).

I don't necessarily agree that women always want an emotional attachment with sex. While it may be true that we are generally wired that way, I do believe that sometimes sex is just sex. Thinking back to my early adulthood, there was also an element of seduction and conquest in it for me, which I suppose is often thought of as a male thing.

Human sexuality is an extremely complicated thing, and I'm really believing more and more that there are few "one size fits all" pronouncements to be accurately made.

Really? Maybe it is generational then. I have had this conversation with my girls and they seem to relate to it. The conversation grew out of an exchange my one DD laughingly relayed to me. One DD is fiercely private and seemingly unsentimental. I sent them both out to the garden to pick lettuce. DD2 tells me that while they were out there, DD1 was talking about her crush and telling DD2 "this is where I will walk down the aisle, and xyz will be my Maid of Honor, and ..." as she gestured to our arbor walkway. She would never admit anything like that to me. When the three of us chatted later I told them that feeling "overly" emotional or romantic is just as legitimate as, say, men's feelings of being overrun by testosterone and neither should have to hide it but sometimes we need to reconcile it.

And I don't mean marriage literally, btw. I hope my kids don't marry until they've lived on their own for a a good while.

Anyway, maybe I should alter my advice to "True liberation would would allow us to say we are not happy having sex without some commitment, or that we are sometimes." I guess the key point is that true liberation means not denying your feelings, whichever way they take you. IME and with my friends and relatives, I have not found many who regularly have an interest in un-committed sex. Not to say no one ever has or could. But IME most women don't. I think men and women are different in so many ways and this is one, but I hear you that I may also be mistaking generational preferences for gender preferences.

One thing I don't understand is, if a person makes it clear they only want to "hook up", is that not the same thing as saying "I like you enough for sex but not enough for relationship"? Isn't that degrading if the other person feels otherwise? If so a hookup would only work if both sides ... didn't like each other???

I had my first date at 13 but didn't have sex until 19, married at 29, divorced at 31, remarried at 38. I had a great time dating in NYC in my 30s, and meeting a lot of different people was not just fun but expanded my world and helped me know what I wanted. I personally think it is good for women to have a variety of experiences, but they need to protect themselves emotionally as well as physically, whatever that means for them.

PS Thanks for your honesty!

I don't really even see it as generational preference. More like personal preference, which can differ no matter how young or old a person is.

In defense of teenage boys, their testosterone level can increase up to 10-30 times its preteen level in a short period of time, and from that peak after the teen years, it gradually sinks somewhat to the level of male adulthood.

This is not to say that they should not be held accountable for their behavior, of course they should, but such abrupt hormone changes can be difficult.

Fair point, Ida. I think I was assuming that based on the women I know well enough to discuss these points.

Robo, Of course, social media changes the rapidity and frequency. They even have Tinder for teens ... https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a18922869/best-teen-dating-apps/

I didn't apply the concept of love, marriage or kids to my life until I was nearly 30.

I'm in my early 50s but my experience was more like robo's, and influenced heavily I think by my mother who didn't get married until her early thirties in the early 1960s.

And to me the current focus on sexual "liberation" and hooking up seems very much like the period from the 1960s until AIDS brought sexual liberation to a screeching halt, which was just around the time that I was getting old enough to enjoy myself : ) . Back then people had newfangled birth control and drugs. Now people have birth control and newfangled apps.

Mtn, that Vanity Fair article truly depressed me. It also made me wish I had all boys instead of a boy and a girl. What a terrible environment in which to be a young adult. And I completely think the situation is the opposite of liberating to young women. Men hold all the cards, like usual. I suppose people will still marry when the biological urge to procreate hits (or they are bored and think instagramming a wedding will be fun) but apparently the apps also make cheating easier so...then it’s on to middle age Tinder for divorecees.

I pray to God my dd, who is only 15, has more respect for herself than to be some guy’s late night plaything to be judged, dissected, and ultimately discarded via the Internet. I also pray my 18 yo ds has more respect for females, hell, HUMANS! than to treat someone like that. No wonder suicide is so common in that age group. What a bleak life.

nini, as a mother of only boys, the problem remains. Who wants such a shallow life for their children? What kind of future happiness can anyone have seeing the world through that lens of human relationships turned into commodified transactions? No bueno for anyone.

such abrupt hormone changes can be difficult

Having dealt with perimenopause and menopause, especially with three preteens and teens dealing with their abrupt hormone changes, I can definitely understand lol.

I pray to God my dd, who is only 15, has more respect for herself than to be some guy’s late night plaything to be judged, dissected, and ultimately discarded via the Internet.

Unfortunately this goes well beyond sex to everyday interactions, especially on social media, for both girls and boys.

I'll have to read the VF later today, maybe with some wine...

Oh, I agree Rita, it is sad all around. I was just particularly horrified by the way the young men discussed their “dates” and the resigned way the women talked about the situation. It was quite sad.

Although they say that men have all the cards in that article, I don’t think that’s true in real life. What you see in dating apps tends to be instead men who send out hundreds of messages hoping for even one reply from a woman. So the men perceive that women have all the cards.

The article was very sensationalist but the truth is that millennials sleep around less than boomers.

I so agree that social media has upped the peer pressure factor...sadly a lot of what's said (on social media) isn't even the truth.

I have the deepest respect for anyone who chooses to have children now. I don't think I could do it.

I haven’t read most of the responses, though what I did see looked like solid advise. I was really fortunate in that my daughter has always had a good head on her shoulders and didn’t like to take risks. The one thing I experienced though and had a talk to her about was controlling and/or abusive behavior, not just when dating, but in any relationship.

I was raised over protected in many ways, so as a teen, I didn’t even realize that type of behavior existed. When it happened to me, I was sorely unprepared and thought for a long time that I was trapped.

Well, I’m not a boomer (I’m GenX) but I can guarantee you that there was not that level of casual sex in the late eighties, early nineties when I was in college. Obviously people had sex, but at least among my friends and sorority sisters...it was pretty taboo to have random sex outside the context of some sort of relationship. I am sure there were girls that did, but they were outliers. Maybe they were happy & liberated & doing what they wanted...but the few girls who I was aware of that did this were girls with self-esteem issues. They were treated badly, and it was sad. I really hope you are correct, Robo, and the article is being sensational. I also hope that it isn’t that bad where we live in the SE.

Yeah, the VF article is probably a bit sensationalized. But still, it is awful.

I do think that in these discussions it is important not to demonize men, either. Like my DH says, the plot line for all Lifetime movies is "man bad, woman good". I have had a lot more positive experiences dating then negative ones, and I think men are great. The biggest issues are when either side is not open and upfront.

Somehow sex has gone from being liberated from marriage to a random bodily function.

I think it might depend on cultural context, who’s whooping it up and how. In the late 80s, early 90s, AIDS was still casting a huge pall over our culture as a whole. So very sad. Amazing how far we’ve come.

That said, even with AIDS I can guarantee that level of casual sex was still out there but it may have been more in cities, or just hidden from your view if you didn’t run with a party hearty kinda crowd. And, the type of casual sex where you have 40+ casual partners in a year was the exception then and still is today. Can you imagine the exposure to stis? Yowza.

There have always been people who are just not into relationships, it's just easier for them now. The 20 somethings that I know (both my kids are in that age range) are NOTHING like the people in that article. I think extrapolating from NYC (or other large urban areas) to the rest of the US is likely quite inaccurate. The 20 somethings I know use dating apps, but actually go on dates, are looking for relationships or friendships. They may sometimes engage in casual sex (they don't tell me about it!) but that is not the end game for them. Meeting people can be tough after college and dating apps can bridge that gap.