Gscience since you work in a university, what responsibilities does the school have for students who live off campus?

Joanie has a good point. Someone needs to keep tabs on the stalker when she makes her move.

Awe Lynn, I'm so sorry this is happening to your family. I can totally relate to being freaked out. Lots of good advise here, but I have to agree, I'd have her relocate sooner than later. I'd also have her get a PO Box to use for her new forwarding address just to be sure he has no way to obtain it.

As a side note, I totally believe that "We" as Mom's have a special intuitive voice that let's us know when something "isn't right", so listen to that little voice unapologetically and insist that she do whatever it is that you feel will keep her out of harms way.

Play the mom card and tell her that since she's upset you by telling you, she has to move for your sake. Really, she will feel better once she gets out of there.

So sorry about this awful situation! Many good ideas above, but I have to agree that she should move and take precautions to conceal her new location. There is an element of irrationality to stalking, whether or not brain injury is involved. I have seen this a few times in my own life, notably years ago when the young wife of one of my staff was being stalked by someone she met at work. I won`t go into the details here, but there were many incidents and the presence of the husband and various police measures had little effect until the fellow was finally jailed. I hope that you and your family can regain peace of mind soon.

I don't believe our campus police have jurisdiction for students living off campus. I am so sorry your daughter is going through this. Knowing someone who suffered a traumatic brain injury, I will say, it doesn't mean the person is violent. He could be or not. The person I know does not have anger issues. He could simply be focused on your daughter and not dealing with that as one normally would. That said, I do believe it best to take precautions and seems like moving would make things easier. Kind of a new start. I wish her (and you) all the best! I know you must be worried to death. Please keep us posted!

LynnNM, I sent you a message with further info. Hope your GW messages are turned on.

Lynn - just sending hugs and my prayers that this is resolved quickly and that your DD can resume her grad school in peace.

Honestly I would encourage her to take the offer to break her lease.

I agree. As soon as you're back from vacation, I'd make that Priority #1. Apparently the apartment company has other locations? Take them up on the offer to move; have her put the wheels in motion now so she'll be ready to scoot as soon as you're back from your location. You can have her out in a weekend, and the effort involved in moving utilities and so forth is tiny in comparison to what could happen.

I have sympathy for the guy who has brain damage -- especially if he sustained it in defense of our country -- but I would not risk my child living near him.

The guy sounds like someone I've worked with. The man I know is definitely on the autism spectrum. His interpersonal skills for lack of a better word, suck. He doesn't understand that standing physically close to people and staring at women can make them uncomfortable. His conversations tend to be weirdly personal and have no filter. But all that being said, there have been times when I have said to him that he is making someone uncomfortable Or that a conversation he had was totally inappropriate. On each of those occasions, he was mortified and changed his behavior for that particular events. He basically had to be told on each occasion, could not make an overall generalization. Beneath the weird exterior, he is harmless. (He is also ex military, but never saw active duty.) I also know someone in my summer community who was in a motorcycle accident years ago and suffered a serious brain injury. He's a little different.hard to pinpoint it, exactly but doesn't talk a lot, is slightly off socially, but is completely harmless

I am not saying that your daughters situation isn't a potentially dangerous one. I have no way of knowing that. And if she feels uncomfortable or unsafe, then by all means she should relocate. But I am also saying that not every socially awkward / weird person has evil intentions. Some are just socially awkward to an extreme degree. They don't understand society, and society, by and large, doesn't understand them. .

I am hoping for all the best for your daughter.

hugs,

Jo

This is spooky! Everyone above has given some great advise so I've nothing to add.

I'm just glad I had boys because in this day an age I would worry worry about a daughter. Not to say boys don't have their own problems with stalkers but I think you don't feel as helpless because unless there is a gun involved they can protect themselves to a point. My youngest son had a bad experience with a psychopath but she has mostly backed off. she still calls him occasionally but he hangs up.

Oh Lynn, what a horrible situation for your daughter. She opened the door and this man handed her a note! She must live in fear of ever opening her door again, which is no way to live. I agree with the suggestions to move, with precautions, to another location to avoid living alone in the same building with this man. UCSC has on campus apartments for graduate students, which might be an option worth considering. Keeping you and your DD in my thoughts and prayers.

Get her out. I don't mean to be an alarmist, but I had a terrifying experience after I moved to SF and walked home from the bus stop to my apt. I am lucky to have survived it intact. My big takeaway from that experience is that the ONLY real defense is to eliminate the situation. I know all the options, I do. But my reaction to my situation was that it was a lot more like dealing with a polar bear than a fellow human being. So whatever defense you think might work, ask yourself if it would work against a polar bear. More than likely, it won't. So better to never be in the cage with the polar bear. If this were a normal stalker, she would no doubt have to go to great lengths to hide her new address, etc., but perhaps this fellow does not have the ability for the kind of digging and analysis a normal man might.

You may also want to read this: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0036Z9U2A/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

This book does an excellent job of explaining how intuition, dreams, etc. are actually the brain's way of analyzing signals we have picked up subconsciously.

This is an old article but I just recently found it after some idle curiosity about what happened to this guy. This stalker called our house repeatedly (1981), we lived in another state, and asked my husband questions about this girl. Hubby had gone to college with her and barely knew her. Stalker had NEVER SPOKEN to her. I was freaked out because he went to a lot of trouble to find us (no internet back then). He wrote us a couple crazy letters also. finally he let slip where she worked so I called there to warn her in case she didn't know and out came this sad story about how he had ruined her life making her live in fear etc. She had many levels of protection in place and it was hard for me to even get through to her at work. I was floored to read this and I don't know where he is now but it opened my eyes that they can fantasize about the victim with no interaction. I am sorry this is happening to you. She may want a restraining order, then he can be arrested pronto if he violates.

http://www.mentalhealthportland.org/armed-to-the-teeth-the-craig-belknap-story/

If your daughter doesn't want to move, it may be that she feel's having a gun and knowing how to use it, a taser, and taking self protection lessons may be giving her a sense of security. But imagine if it has to come to her actually having to defend herself by shooting this man. The emotional cost for the rest of her life, unwanted publicity/news features, crazy prosecutors saying she had the opportunity to leave but chose not to, and knowing she injures or kills the stalker but could have chosen to at least try to avoid him, etc.

MOVE!!!!!!!

I would not return and have the boyfriend and other friends pack her stuff.

Unfortunately a restraining order can possibly increase the level of danger to the victim.

This is a very recent story and very sad in our province – – a man murdered his neighbour after she got a restraining order. Not sure what was going on with him, maybe paranoid schizophrenia or something. His wife portrays him as having failing mental health.

https://www.google.ca/amp/s/globalnews.ca/news/3758251/tatamagouche-murder-wife-speaks-out/amp/

I agree with jojoco that there is a good chance this man is harmless and awkward. The problem for me is that the risk otherwise, even if less than a 50% chance, is simply too great a threat.

The campus police may have also had interactions with this guy and can potentially coordinate with local law enforcement.

We have this statement we are asked to put on our syllabi:

The Office of Victims Assistance (OVA) provides services to
survivors of sexual assault, intimate partner violence, and stalking as well as
educational programming to prevent these crimes from occurring. The staff assists all survivors,
regardless of when they were victimized in obtaining counseling, medical care, housing options, legal
prosecution, and more. In addition, the OVA helps students access support services for academic
problems resulting from victimization. The OVA is located in XXXXXX Building and can
be reached at 555-555-5555. In the case of an after-hours emergency, please call Campus
Police at 555-555-5555 or the local rape crisis center, X Agency, at their
24-hour hot-line 555-555-5555.

Traumatic brain injuries often cause unusual or unacceptable social behaviors. Many years ago I was kind to a young man with a brain injury and he very quickly latched onto me and became somewhat obsessed/hyper fixated on me and my activities.. it was incredibly uncomfortable but in my situation it wasn't at all scary. Still, it was very emotional for me because all I did was treat him like a human being.. but in the end I had to cut him off completely. I knew the connection had become unhealthy for him but still, I felt so much guilt.

The really sad thing is that someone with a brain injury may very well have parts of their brain that are normal-- but we all know we need all aspects of our brains working together. Anything out of kilter and behaviors and emotions get out of whack .. in the case of injury or damage, the result can be much more pronounced. Imagine adult needs and child-like impulse control. It can make for very inappropriate behaviors.

Like Jojoco, I will say clearly that I am in no position to say whether THIS guy is a danger. My heart aches for anyone who has been through such a life-changing tragedy.. but it also aches for your daughter! No one should have to live in fear.

Hopefully the visit from the police sparked outreach from a social services organization or a mentor/guardian. Like I said, these kinds of situations are very common in those with traumatic brain injuries so hopefully *someone* is monitoring or watching out for him and can address the situation.

(((Lynn)))

I have no other words of advice to add, but I am the "praying sort" and will do so.

Many good comments. I'll add some of my own:

- You mentioned that he knows when she is leaving the building. How? Is it every time or when she is following her regular schedule? If every time, then it would make you think of those cases where the stalker was able to install hidden cameras in the victim's home.

- If she has been trained and is comfortable with a handgun, then I would certainly keep one in the apartment. Concealed carry needs quite a bit of thought and preparation with special holsters and being aware of not imprinting and giving away the "concealed" aspect. Much harder for a smaller woman to carry, as opposed to a larger man.

- Get a Ring Doorbell for her apartment door. They don't need to be wired, there is a rechargeable battery model. She might have to ask for permission to make a few small holes on the wall next to her door. With the app on her phone she can now check the area outside her front door, from her car, using live view. She can also answer her door, see who it is and talk to them, without ever opening her door. Also motion activated, so she can get notifications when anyone is at her door or hallway. Cloud storage, so anyone that comes to her door will be recorded and saved.

Thank you all so very, very much for your ideas, thoughts, prayers, and opinions. We're back now from our vacation on the Oregon Coast and I am unpacking, absorbing all the details of this situation with DD. . . and trying very hard to assess without overreacting . My sweet, wonderful daughter told me this morning that I am adding to her stress by fretting about this to her. Tiger Mom just got a slap down!

Anyhoo, last night she called as she was pulling into her assigned parking spot ( she has an evening class on Tuesdays). He was there, 2 spots down at his assigned spot . . . painting his car once again. He does this every few weeks. Right there in his parking spot with a paint brush. Yes, I agree, that is very strange!

She had her stun gun in her pocket, and I told her to keep talking to me while she walked past him. Not to make eye contact, and to keep very aware of where he was until she was safely in her apartment. She did with no interaction with him. Good!

She is feeling a bit more relieved that he is abiding by his word to the police to leave her alone, but is fully aware that this may not last. Me, on the other hand, is still the VERY wary mom. And so, this afternoon I called and talked with the apartment complex's (new) manager. While she could not legally give me specific information on him, such as his name, how long he'd been a resident there, etc., I asked her that, under the current circumstances with a formal complaint filed with the CS police and with her apartment complex, would that not qualify their parent company to do a thorough background check on this tennant? For the safety of DD and all their other tenants? I asked her if, being that he had had a severe brain trauma injury that still severely affected his interactions with people, and the fact that he was ex-military, wouldn't it be wise to ask the CSPD if (1) he had some kind of supervisor/ caseworker assigned to him through the VA, that they should talk with to discuss this, and (2) to find out if he has a police record of any kind that might warrant closer monitoring?

She totally agreed to pursue them all. And, she was also quite alarmed that his assigned parking place was only two places from DD's, causing her have to walk past his car and him to get to her building. She told me that one of their longtime maintenance guys actually lived in DD's building, too. And that she had just talked to him about the situation. He's also now concerned and has agreed to keep an eye out for her, and for this creepy guy. They gave DD his cell phone number to call 24/7 if she has any concerns at all. A huge relief for me! And, he is going to trade parking spots with her so that she is closer to their building, and will not have to walk past that guy's parking spot anymore. So, that is what has transpired today.

DH is chatting with her right now, and she's safely back in her apartment for the night ( thank goodness!). More decisions tomorrow. Thank you again for your continued support!!!!

I don't have time tonight to reply to every post here, as I'm exhausted, but I do want to say thank you to Chispa for that great door bell idea! Mdln for the pepper spray idea, which I hadn't thought of, but immediately called DD about . And, D_gw, your thoughtful, beyond kind offer brought me to tears. Thank you so very much!

More tomorrow .

Wow! The kindness and cooperation of the apartment complex management really impresses me! I have been reading along, and am glad your DD has taken the actions she has so far. And they seem to be working, which is great news.

I worry that if she tried to move, he would just follow her somehow and learn her new location and be able to stalk her there too. So maybe these new actions with the maintenance guy, moving parking spots, plus the previous converation with the CSPD, have made the stalker guy aware he's under watch.

I would agree with chispa's comments. If your DD is comfortable with any firearm, get a smaller gauge shotgun to keep by her bed. Actually easier to handle and more likely to hit someone with a blast and less likely to hurt yourself. Concealed carry is great, especially if she can keep one hand on or near her weapon when it might be needed. Also, tell her to keep a couple of cans of wasp and hornet spray handy. It sprays a long blast of toxic insect spray, up to about 25 feet. Glad to hear she is taking a self-defense course too.

Lynn, if she gets the spray, have her get the Pepper GEL. Sabre is a good brand, made in the USA, and you can order on Amazon. With the Gel there is less risk of overspray blowing back and causing the user to be affected too.

Thank you, Chispa! We have Amazon Prime and I'm going to order that to be sent to her right away.

Ordered! via Amazon Prime. The Sabre Pepper Gel Spray. I paid a bit more for it, but this one came with a guaranteed delivery on 9/22. Thanks, Chispa!

Lynn, I just bought a Sabre pepper spray locally at a sporting goods store. I chose the one I did for a visible key ring that I could attach to the dog leashes because I'd been followed by an aggressive dog who lives across the street). Mine was called a beginner's pack but I didn't realize what was different about it until I got home and discovered that it had a practice canister so you can see how it sprays and know what to expect without spraying pepper spray. I tried it but it still has some of the inert spray in it. If she would like to try it so she will know what to expect, I would be willing to send that to her. Just let me know.

Please use great caution with the idea of a gun. No matter what training she gets, his military training is going to make him more experienced, guns more ingrained in his thinking and the use of one more natural to him. He is also going to be trained in how to disarm her and to take evasive or defensive action -- potentially with deadly force and without discretion. He could be unarmed and with innocent intentions and a situation turn deadly for her because he acts on defensive instincts and training without filters. That's assuming he has innocent but awkward intentions. If his intentions are not innocent or he lacks the ability to recognize or control inappropriate behavior, then he will also have training in how to throw off someone he is pursuing. This situation has some different consideraations.

I know when I was your DD's age, I would have been like her and not wanted to move or change my life (and she really shouldn't have to -- it's not fair). But if I were you or she were my child, I would want her to move. I'm glad her parking place has been relocated. That's a start. Perhaps it will be enough to help her not have to move. Worth a shot, but if he starts new behaviors to counter, I think that will probably tell her that he will persist and she needs to make a change.

Finally, I believe deeply in trusting your gut, that voice inside -- even when it presents in your dreams. That message tells you there is a concern -- doesn't necessarily mean she is in mortal danger. It sounds like she and you have handled things well. It is frightening, but you raised a smart daughter who is handling things well. Stay grounded. Stay smart. And let me know of she would like that practice canister.

I would also talk to the police again abut what they think about her moving. They may also be able to help conceal her move if it comes to that.

Not much to add to all the great advice you're getting beyond another voice of sympathy. As an academic, I'd say she should definitely alert authorities at the university, for all the reasons others have suggested. And yeah, just move. No apartment is worth the anxiety associated with this one.

And I can't help but feel some sympathy for the guy if he is indeed a veteran with TBI. But that doesn't change the reality that he is presenting a threat to your daughter, and that cannot continue. Good luck to you and your family.

And I can't help but feel some sympathy for the guy if he is indeed a veteran with TBI. But that doesn't change the reality that he is presenting a threat to your daughter, and that cannot continue. Good luck to you and your family.

Yes, I sort of feel bad for him as well. A few years ago I went into a small local tile store and came across such an individual. He had just started work again for the owner (his mom) At that time my son had just come out of the Navy and that seemed to make him comfortable telling me every detail of his ordeal. I could tell his mom was getting nervous over him talking so much, so fast and a little too personal . Every time I tried to break away to actually look at tile he was there in my face talking talking talking. I felt really bad for him because he just seemed so relieved that someone was listening without being scared off. He even made such a comment.

A few years before that I had a neighbor who was a vet and had similar problems. He could be really creepy when he drank alcohol. I mean real creepy! When he didn't drink he was different but non-threatening and kind.

I think it's really great your daughter's building personnel are looking out for her. This guy might be lonely and harmless but you never know. These poor souls are often on prescribed drugs to help manage symptoms and these drugs do not mix with alcohol. I would worry about that.

We had a similar problem in my neighborhood. I won't go into the details, but the end result, even after getting the county mental health professionals involved, is that the problem didn't go away until the stalker moved far from the neighborhood. I would urge your DD to move away, since her building manager is willing to help along those lines. This is a serious problem, and moving may very well end the problem.

Lynn, I have been thinking about your daughter's situation & wondering how things are going for her & also for you! Just because our children move out & on with their lives, we still worry....guess it's part of who we are. Hope things are better.

Hi, thank you all again. I'm sorry that I haven't posted in the past day with updates, but I've been overwhelmed with post-vacation stuff (ask me later about our latest centipede invasion), not to mention talking with DD, DS, DH, and the apartment's housing manager. Nothing new has happened. This guy has not approached DD again. Her KM classes will be starting next week, I believe. Her boyfriend is coming down from Denver tomorrow for a visit. The pepper gel spray will arrive tomorrow via Amazon Prime. Lascatz: thank you so much for your offer to send her your practice bottle of it. I was so exhausted the other night when I ordered hers, I didn't realize then that it comes with a test bottle, too! Yes!

She still is insistent that she does not want to move. Since she's now paying for her own apartment and grad school, I can't force her to, although we have tentatively agreed to strongly consider it if this guy scares her again. She is being super-cautious, though. We're now looking into a Ring doorbell/viewer/etc. for her, per Chispa's suggestion. In the mean time, I am reading all of your great information links and sending them on to her.

More later. I'm going to think positive thoughts now and post some vacation pics.

Glad she got the practice canister. I thought it was kind of silly until I tried it and the spray was different from what I expected. Encourage her to step outside and actually try it.

The fact that the gy has not approached her again may be an indication that the guy really didn't understand that his behavior was odd/inappropriate and would freak out a woman -- probably of any age. I hope that also means he had no harmful thoughts -- just doesn't know how to socialize post-brain injury. That is unfortunate, but your DS should leave that to others to help him deal with. He needs trained help -- perhaps middle aged folks he doesn't have any interest in -- just in case.

There are also a couple of apps that she can look into. The most effective will pinpoint your location and call the police.

SafeTrek

personal security devices

Thank for those great informative links, Annie and Bestyears! I had no idea that there were so many devices and apps like that available. I've read through them all and am sending them on to DD, recommending that she gets one of them. Whichever one she feels would work best for her situation. Since we live at least 5 hours away and her boyfriend lives over an hour away up in Denver, I hope that she chooses an app that will immediately alert the police or a security firm if she feels she is in danger. She's a smart, astute person, though, and I'm sure she'll choose wisely.

According to the United States Supreme Court, the police have no obligation to protect you. Google it, please. Unless there's an app that turns a phone into a firearm, women are foolishly gambling with their lives.

Lynn, Just read this and am sorry you are having to deal with something so scary. No advice, just hope it turns out to be a socially inept guy rather than a dangerous one. Will keep you all in prayer.

I haven't read all of the responses, so apologies if this has been mentioned. DH found out quite accidentally that his smart phone has an emergency feature. If the power button is pressed three times rapidly, it sends a text to everyone on his emergency contacts, that he needs help. It includes a map of the location of the phone.We found this quite by accident, as he was fooling around on his phone. I got the texts, but just thought WTF?? I called him and asked what was going on, but he had no clue (at the time.) His brother, however, called the police and made a high-speed drive to our house, only to find that nothing was wrong.

He has a Samsung something, so maybe this type of feature is also on your daughter's phone. I thought this was a great thing, especially for females who might be in an abusive situation. They may not be able to make a call, but they can silently push the button to let others know to send help.

I hope by now your DD has resolved the issue.

Thanks for that info, AOK. I'm going to call and ask her if she, by any chance, has that feature. Just looked at my new Apple 6+ or whatever it's called, and it has an emergency button, too. Glad you mentioned that before DH or I accidentally set ours off! Your poor DH! Funny, but at the same time embarrassing.

Funny story: I recently bought one of those emergency panic buttons that you can carry around on your keychain. One that just emits a loud alarm when depressed. After checking out at my local Target recently, I accidentally set mine off without even realizing I had. And there I stood, still in the store, wondering what was happening. It took a store employee to find out that it was coming from me! I was totally shocked, as the alarm was so loud that it sounded like it was coming from some store alarm on the ceiling! Many of their employees were also looking up at the ceiling, so I can feel teeny bit ok, but it was Very embarrassing. I realized, though, that in a true emergency, it would be a huge deterrent . . . I'm just still too goosey now to carry it again!

I'd be very hesitant giving her a gun. In fact, a recent article in Scientific American cited research of a studied of some 14,000+ verified victims and concluded that screaming for help was just as effective as a gun to thwart an attack --- contrary to what people believe.

I'm sure I'm going to come across as paranoid with this post, but honestly, I'm an incredibly relaxed person. However, I don't believe for a second that texting even every.single.person in a victim's contact list would accomplish much. We had a tragic situation last year on the campus of my daughter's large university. A female student texted her roommate one evening (I think about 9pm) to say she was just leaving the dance studio and headed home. When I was visiting campus later that year, I asked my daughter to point the route out to me, and I would estimate it to be a 5-7 minute walk. This poor, vivacious, amazing young woman was grabbed, assaulted, and killed on that walk. Despite the fact that she didn't make it home soon after her text, her roommate did not really worry until the next morning when she noticed the young woman had never made it home. I haven't met a single person who blames the roommate in any way -everyone just feels terrible, and we can all easily identify with not calling the police at the time, Especially during college, when life can be very impromptu, etc. So please don't misunderstand the reason for my post. I just think, sadly, that this occurrence highlights that only the police, not friends, should be considered for backup in a potentially violent situation.

I agree that texting your friends and family doesn't seem to be much of an immediate help. Her voice, hollering for help and her gel pepper spray, in my mind, are her first lines of defense. Secondly would be her stun gun. And, she is now enrolled in Krav Maga personal defense classes. KM was developed by the Israeli Army and is very effective. She's signed up for as many classes a week that she can make it to. She is staying very alert at all times now, and this guy has made no more attempts to follow her or talk to her. Thank goodness! I agree that a gun could save her life, or put her in more danger depending on if her assailent got control of it. But, there are so many "Ifs" that I feel we all need to think more on that one before going that route.

" In fact, a recent article in Scientific American cited research of a studied of some 14,000+ verified victims and concluded that screaming for help was just as effective as a gun to thwart an attack --- contrary to what people believe."

This is just nonsense.

i've heard a woman screaming for her life. I'll never forget it as long as I live. (Fortunately the cops arrived before I did with my pistol.)

A 98-pound woman with a firearm is not only equal to a 250-pound unarmed man, she is superior to him. Her magazine capacity is much more important than her lung capacity.

Yelling FIRE gets the most attention. Sadly "Help" makes many people run the other way.

I have lots of close law enforcement members in my life who love me and look out for my best interest. When asked, they've said I shouldn't bother with "stun guns" or pepper spray for self defense. They said it provides a sense of false security and ultimately they don't end up working. This is due to a combo of 1) you have to be very close to the assailant with good accuracy to even work, and 2) spray doesn't work immediately, so the assailant can still grab on to and asault you since he's likely very close, and, 3) a motivated assailant probably won't be deterred, anyway, and 4) someone with cognitive problems might not react to the spray at all. I know that doesn't offer a solution for your daughter, and I'm not trying to say these products have zero effectiveness, but I think it's something to be mindful of.

Sadly "Help" makes many people run the other way.

I wonder if this is really true. I think a lot of that was based on the ideas that came out of the very bogus NYT article about Kitty Genovese which influenced a whole generation of beliefs about human behavior based on what were essentially lies for dramatic effect. "Woman Assaulted, Rescuers Too Late" would have been forgotten in a week.

Does anyone know if there have ever been any real studies about this? I agree that it's certainly become widely believed and most people would agree with Arcy that it's true, but I wonder on what grounds.

@Joseph. Your reaction was exactly the point of the article.

"More Guns Do Not Stop More Crimes, Evidence Shows. More firearms do not keep people safe, hard numbers show. Why do so many Americans believe the opposite?"

But I rest my case. If you are interested (but it doesn't sound like it), I invite you to read what research is available. Wouldn't you want your physician use evidence-based research for diagnosis and treatment options, not just his/her gut feeling?

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/more-guns-do-not-stop-more-crimes-evidence-shows/

lolauren, your law enforcement contacts said exactly what I was trying to say, and the term "false sense of security' is at the core of my message. My experience was such an eye-opener to me. Up until that time, as a young woman living in a city, I'd collected tips and techniques to be used in the event I found myself in a dire situation. I walked away from that horrible time thinking, "Yeah, none of that would have worked," That's when I came up with my polar bear analogy because I think it's a good visual for people. Just ask yourself how effective a particular technique would be against a polar bear, and that's probably close to the truth. I use the polar bear as my visual not only to depict strength but also because there was absolutely ZERO human connection between my assailant and me. Our eye-to-eye contact was like NOTHING I had ever, or have since, experienced. It wasn't actually like looking into the eyes of an animal, as my analogy suggests because I always see truth, empathy, a desire to understand, and to be understood when I look into the eyes of animals. It was more like a robot, I suppose, or an alien maybe. I have always found it difficult to describe, but I recognized instantly that it was something I'd never seen. My absolute takeaway was the realization that the only real defense is to prevent the situation. We cannot prevent every situation, of course. But we can prevent more than we think. A quick trip to the ATM at 9pm can probably be squeezed in on the way to work. Going out on a date with a fellow, even though we feel a 'little weird' about something, can be canceled. Etc.

In this case, I do think the fact that the young man seems to have been warned off by the police is very good news. And it sounds like Lynn's daughter is staying vigilant, which is excellent.

Lynn, I am so sorry for what your family is going through. My only advice, if you haven't read it already, is for you and your daughter to read The Gift of Fear. The author was on Oprah many years ago: http://www.oprah.com/relationships/trusting-your-intuition-could-save-your-life/all  Again, I'm so sorry.