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The Kitchen Table
bengardening

my BFF died today

9 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago

I had told you about she being 60 years old and having adrenal, lung and brain cancer. She had decided 2 weeks ago to quit all chemo and radiation. She was in so much pain, until they gave her the morphine. She had just started hospice care last Monday and was at her daughters house. She went very peacefully this morning. I wasn't there, but before I had left I told her it was OK with me for her to go whenever she was ready. I told her to go to the light. She had also gotten cancer in the muscle by the bone. I had planned on going out there today after I got home. I have been crying ever since her daughter called me today. I said it took me 45 years to find a best friend and I don't think I will ever find another one like her.

Yesterday afternoon we were at an outdoor event. A dragonfly came and sat on my arm. I must have sat there for about 10 minutes. I just watched him and he kept lifting his front leg. I asked him if he was trying to tell me something. I told my DH I didn't want to chase him off because he was so pretty and wasn't bothering me. Finally he just flew off. I think maybe that was an omen too.

Featured Answer
  • 9 years ago

    So sorry for your loss.

    Interesting about the dragonfly.

    Last year at my uncle's funeral the man doing the service told a long, drawn out story about a black dragonfly. Seemed liked he took hours telling the story.

    At the graveside service along came a black dragonfly, flitting about, during the service.

    Shortly before the end, a red dragonfly showed up.

    Then both dragonflies left.

    My aunt, who had died several years earlier, was a redhead.

    Your grief will last as long as you need.

    The saddness will slowly be replaced my memories.

    Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.


    Comments (59)

    • 9 years ago

      I'm sorry. (((((bengardening))))).

      bengardening thanked ldstarr
    • 9 years ago

      45 years of friendship is a beautiful gift. I am so sorry you lost your best friend.

      bengardening thanked Elizabeth

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    • 9 years ago

      I am so sorry, bengardening. Such a loss is a terrible thing. Remember the good times and the funny moments as your heart heals.

      Dragonflies are deeply symbolic; I am moved by their presence at times of loss or change.

      bengardening thanked rhizo_1 (North AL) zone 7
    • 9 years ago

      I am so sorry for your loss.....


      bengardening thanked salonva
    • 9 years ago

      I am so very sorry. A hard, hard time. "Clearwaters" said it very well, I think.

      Saying a prayer for coping and sending a hug.

      bengardening thanked Uptown Gal
    • 9 years ago

      Someone once said that you never get over it, you just get on with it. I think this is true.

      Bengardening, your friend will always be a part of you and in time the memories will be a source of comfort rather than grief.



      bengardening thanked eld6161
    • 9 years ago

      You have my sympathy, Bengardening. I lost a best friend in March. I wrote her obituary. I always thought she was an old soul, and I've expected some sort of contact or sign as I've received from others, but nothing so far.

      Dragonflies are interesting that way. They seem to have a special connection to us, and to the spirit world. When a friend's son drowned, she told me he loved dragonflies. The next day I was pulling out of my driveway when a dragonfly appeared outside my window. As I drove down our dirt road it followed along, still at the window, flying at my pace.

      bengardening thanked Alisande
    • 9 years ago

      I am so sorry. (((HUGS)))

      bengardening thanked hooked123
    • 9 years ago

      A best friend is a true treasure. I am so sorry for the loss of yours. I'm sure the dragonfly was significant, and perhaps you will have visits again from time to time.

      bengardening thanked OutsidePlaying
    • 9 years ago

      I'm sorry she suffered so much. Deepest condolences.

      bengardening thanked socks
    • 9 years ago

      so sorry for you and for her.... i think the dragonfly was her way of telling you she is ok and is a better, pain-free place. sending thoughts and ((((hugs))))) your way..

      bengardening thanked sprtphntc7a
    • 9 years ago

      My sincere sympathy. I can understand and feel your sadness and devastation. How fortunate she and you were to have each other.

      bengardening thanked Suzieque
    • 9 years ago

      I'm so sorry.

      bengardening thanked Sylvia Gordon
    • 9 years ago
      I'm so sorry to hear this!!!... it's so hard!
      bengardening thanked minjeeah
    • 9 years ago
      last modified: 9 years ago

      My deepest sympathy to you and your BFF"s family. When I lost my BFF, whenever I saw what I believed was a "sign", it comforted me.

      bengardening thanked Summer
    • 9 years ago

      I'm so very sorry to read this, Bengardening. I cannot imagine "losing" a good friend as I haven't yet had to go through this, but I know it will likely come. I'm glad you found such a wonderful soul sister and hope your sweet members sustain you at this time.

      bengardening thanked sjerin
    • 9 years ago

      I am so sorry for your loss.

      bengardening thanked cooper8828
    • 9 years ago

      Sending deep empathy and sympathy

      bengardening thanked User
    • 9 years ago

      As a person who lost six friends in recent years, I know what you're going thru. The older we get, the more this occurs. Please accept my sympathy.

      bengardening thanked lily316
    • 9 years ago

      My deepest sympathy, bengardening. Sending up prayers for comfort for you and her family.

      Rusty

      bengardening thanked Rusty
    • 9 years ago

      I'm so sorry.

      bengardening thanked Kathsgrdn
    • 9 years ago

      I'm very sorry for the loss of your friend. You were lucky to have each other. I hope you can find peace from your grief. She's better now. God bless her soul.

      bengardening thanked katlan
    • 9 years ago

      Her suffering has ended and that is a blessing, but I know you will miss her and you have my sympathy for the loss of a dear friend.

      bengardening thanked lindaohnowga
    • 9 years ago

      I'm sorry! You have the great memories of your friendship.

      bengardening thanked glenda_al
    • 9 years ago

      I'm so sorry about your friend. Dragonflies are definitely a sign.

      bengardening thanked ritamay91710
    • 9 years ago

      I am so sorry for your loss. If, in the course of our lives, we have one or two true friends, we are lucky. Having a best friend for 45 years is truly a blessing. My very best friend (of 47 years) is battling cancer, and the thought of the world without her crushes me...so I understand how you are feeling. I hope you can find comfort in the memories and good times you shared with her. Hugs!

      bengardening thanked wanda_va
    • 9 years ago

      I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad for your friend's release -- and that you were there for her to the end.

      bengardening thanked chisue
    • PRO
      9 years ago

      Losing friends is very hard - they play a very special part in our lives. I've never lost a really, really close friend, but I don't want to count the number of friends at pulmonary rehab who have been lost over the past 11 years. It's beginning to depress me - just so many, many gone.

      bengardening thanked Anglophilia
    • 9 years ago

      My deepest sympathy for your loss. Be watching for the butterflies! You will see them. I am sorry you lost your best friend.

      bengardening thanked ravencajun Zone 8b TX
    • 9 years ago

      My sincerest condolences, bengardening, hugs, too.

      bengardening thanked Georgysmom
    • 9 years ago

      I'm so sorry, Ben. Best friends are hard to find, and very difficult to lose. My thoughts are with you and with your friend's family.

      bengardening thanked sleeperblues
    • 9 years ago

      I'm sorry for your loss. Expected and peaceful, but still hard for those who loved her, like you.

      bengardening thanked User
    • 9 years ago

      (((bengardening)))

      bengardening thanked rob333 (zone 7b)
    • 9 years ago

      I am certain there are many reasons why she was your BFF. I am so sorry for your loss.

      bengardening thanked irma
    • 9 years ago

      I'm so very sorry for your loss.

      bengardening thanked mare_wbpa
    • 9 years ago

      I am so sorry that you have lost your best friend. Take care

      bengardening thanked happy2b…gw
    • 9 years ago

      So sorry some people just leave big foot prints in our hearts and it hurts so bad to lose them many happy memories of her keep her near to you.

      bengardening thanked teddybear_2009
    • 9 years ago

      bengardening - (((hugs))) to you and to your bestfriends family. I am so sorry for your loss. A best friend is a wonderful thing and she will never leave you. i hope that the laughs that the two of you shared bring you comfort.

      bengardening thanked blfenton
    • 9 years ago
      last modified: 9 years ago

      My sympathies for the loss of your dear friend.

      bengardening thanked mama goose_gw zn6OH
    • 9 years ago

      I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope your memories of your time together gives you some peace.

      bengardening thanked yeonassky
    • 9 years ago

      I am so sorry to hear this.

      bengardening thanked tami_ohio
    • 9 years ago

      I am sorry you lost your best friend forever - may your memories keep her alive in your soul.

      bengardening thanked kayjones
    • 9 years ago

      Very sad for you. You are in my thoughts. I recently lost a good friend as well and he is constantly in my thoughts so I know how hard it must be for you as well

      bengardening thanked Cherryfizz
    • 9 years ago

      So sorry for your loss. True friends are a great gift.


      bengardening thanked marylmi
    • 9 years ago

      bengardening, my sympathies extend to you as well today. These losses seem insurmountable at times, but I will say that your moment with the dragonfly must have brought you a little inner peace and given your heart a moment to rest. Giving that dragonfly the time to sit, share, and breathe is the same haven you gave your friend many times over the course of your time shared. Smile when you can, look back fondly, and forward with tears AND hope. My thoughts go out to you tonight.

      bengardening thanked User
    • 9 years ago

      I'm very sorry for your loss.

      bengardening thanked abbisgram
    • 9 years ago

      I remember when you posted your fears and concerns for your friend a couple of months ago and I hope you were able to spend some time with her. Very sorry for your loss; it's always so sad to lose someone we love.

      bengardening thanked Rosie
    • 9 years ago

      I am so glad it is all over now. The service was just beautiful. My DH said there was only 2 empty pews in the big church. She had planned a lot of the detail herself. It still hurts, but I know she is with her loved ones who went before her and is not suffering anymore.

    • 9 years ago

      Hugs to you all her friends and family on this day. I hope there were some memorable and funny moments among the tears.

      bengardening thanked blfenton
    • 9 years ago

      She left the world without pain. It's always sad and I wish every day for a cure for anyone who suffers. No one should go too soon who wants to live. Your friend is surrounded by love now for eternity. I like dragonflies too. Some cultures see them as symbols of strength and loyalty. Her beautiful spirit lives in you.

      bengardening thanked kittymoonbeam
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