I've entered into a relationship with someone "inappropriate"
Lisa Adams
7 years ago
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Lisa Adams
7 years agoRelated Discussions
I've lost all motivation as a diy'er
Comments (47)Saw you other thread and just came here to read your OP. I haven't read all the replies, but the best options for a DIY jumpstart in my book area 1) get some help -- friends, family or paid help, to get you over a hurdle and feeling like progress is being made. I'm sure it's been pointed out that you can hire demo help cheap or might find a taker for the old cabinets who will take them out as the cost of getting them or even pay something to get the cabinets, just less for having to remove them. Maybe you can make a little money and some progress at the same time -- or at least get someone else to remove the cabinets while you finish your wiring (which would cost a lot more to hire out). Clearing the slate and getting started on progress you can see should really help with motivation. 2) Take a break. Get out of the house and go do something else. At a minimum, get out in the yard. Go to a park, visit some friends, Do something you enjoy and haven't done while you've been spending those hours doing things that aren't showing yet. I would not move in new appliances -- the chances for things getting damaged and making you feel worse are too great - at least in my world. Try not to log hours if it is making you more tired or frustrated. It is a huge job, especially if you have a day job, family and other commitments. Remind yourself it isn't a race, but you are saving money and adding value with everything you do. You are doing things that most of us who pay others to do the work don't do -- like that audio wiring. You are going to have more than average when you are done, but t is going to take more than average to get there. Realize there will be baby steps and some that seem non-existent -- like your wiring, but others will be huge leaps. Most of those come later. BIG improvement already with removing the dropped ceiling and lighting already. Look up and see how good the rest will look. You're doing great things. In the meantime, you can borrow my mantra -- Patience and Perseverance And if a bet will help -- I have a house full of my own stuff that has gotten out of kilter from lack of time, stuff from my mom's memory care apartment, stuff from my dad's apartment and stuff from their house together before health issues separated them as well as the last details of my kitchen undone, a master bath with bare walls (no paper, no paint), a tub that leaks, cabinets I hate and a shower I can't wait to replace but all put off while I dealt with my parents the last couple of years. We just had the memorial service Tuesday and I'm catching my breath and dealing with a graduating high school senior. I have to finish clearing my dad's apartment this weekend and then i can START to work on sorting and getting my house back this summer. I bet you will finish your kitchen before I finish these projectsr. Winner buys the other dinner. (Maybe I should just send you a gift card now -- LOL). It only looks easy on TV. Hang in there....See Morehusband inappropriate
Comments (19)First you say "I am really mad at him. And I think we should go to family counseling because that's not something you say to a 9 year old girl." Then later on you say "and we joke a lot too, maybe it's not funny to some of you but like the other day he called and said he was coming early and I said oh shoots I'd better hurry to get the pool boy gone. Or he will say if I'm not staying over at someone's house but coming home that night "better cancel the dancing girls". Not every time but we do joke about adult stuff." My BF and I will joke around like this too. I'll show up at his house (because I have a key) and he'll say it's a good thing I got rid of my other girlfriend before you came over. I think the kids might have even overheard some of the things we've said sometimes, but not intentionally. But what shocks me about hubby's comment was the "fantastic sex drive" bit. Why do you want a girl with fantastic sex drive unless it's to have sex? To me that's crossing the line. My BF might joke about having another girl - but he would never go into detail and say she has a great sex drive or likes to have lots of sex. But then again, if you have the type of relationship where you're able to joke with each other like that, it should not be a problem. So I'm a little confused. At first it seemed like you had a real problem with his comment. You said if he said this when you were dating it would be over. But then you say the two of you joke around like this all the time. So why does this comment bother you but the others don't? Like immamommy said, what advice were you looking for? I think there's more going on than this. If this was the first time my husband said something like this I would not all of sudden think we needed family counseling. I'd try to talk to him first about it. My knee jerk reaction would not be "we need family counseling". People don't even go to counseling for far, far worse situations, one little slip of the tongue does not make me want to run to a family counselor. Unless there are other issues going on......See MoreBM & inappropriate behavior
Comments (15)"She doesn't drink anymore and you have no reason to be afraid. You don't have to talk to her, just wave and walk away." "He honestly 100% believes I am being ridiculous and "sensitive" here." I especially like the "she doesn't drink any more" line; sounds just like what every abusive drunk tells his victims. & it doesn't matter *what* he "honestly" "believes"; his "opinion" is entirely self-serving, & following his advice could get you killed. &, while I know the value of defending your teritory, don't do it when a known assailant is present. Always go to a safe place when a violent person approaches. & that's not my own personal advice; I used to date a cop, & I've seen *him* put on a submissive act & retreat to keep violence from breaking out. Stop "loving" hubs more than you love yourself; he loves himself enough for everybody, he doesn't love you or he'd take care of you, & you're the one who'll get her nose broken or her teeth knocked out or worse. Don't argue with him, don't try to convince him, just *tell* him that this is it: although you're profoundly disappointed in him, you must protect yourself, & if your assailant shows her face near you again, you will go inside, & you will call the cops. Tell him that it isn't up for discussion, it isn't a dialogue, it's just information that you want him to have, & that you will not discuss it further. & then *don't*: Don't discuss, don't argue, don't defend. I wish you the best....See MoreI've held on as long as I could
Comments (65)The experience I've had within my family indicates that grieving is the worst a short time after the loss. Do not expect it to go away with a snap of the finger. With time, it will diminish. Typically, the loss of a spouse or someone very close takes about 1 year before the loss is shoved into the background. Take heart in that the pain will dull with time. Extreme sorrow for a month or so is normal. Put off major decisions during this period. Begin to rebuild your life by engaging in small activities that are not demanding. Working for short periods on a hobby is heplful....See MoreJohn (PNW zone 8)
7 years agosultry_jasmine_nights (Florida-9a-ish)
7 years agoLisa Adams thanked sultry_jasmine_nights (Florida-9a-ish)Lisa Adams
4 years agonoseometer...(7A, SZ10, Albuquerque)
4 years agolast modified: 4 years agoLisa Adams thanked noseometer...(7A, SZ10, Albuquerque)Lisa Adams
4 years agoLisa Adams
4 years ago
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