I'm so, so sorry Jamie. I pray that the right person calls you back and points you in the right direction.
Lots of hugs and prayers.
Tammy

(((Jamie)))

Jamie, just wanted you to know that I care. You have been in my thoughts since the loss of Rachel. Several have given very good advice as to where you may find help. Let us know what you find. Hopefully there will be a group or a person that can help. Just know we care.

((((Jamie)))) I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through. When my daughter Tracy died 6 yrs. ago I too felt as if I was going crazy. I found an on line grief group which helped a lot. A woman there told me I wasn't losing my mind that I was grieving.

Reaching out is a good first step, please follow up & get some help. I made the mistake of trying to be strong for everyone else & I finally crashed. I was on Lexapro for just over a year & it helped me get through each day.

The pain never goes away but I promise you that at some point it gets a bit more bearable. There is no time frame for grieving we just have to do whatever will get us through moment by moment.

gentle hugs
Nancy

Jamie, My heart goes out to you. You do need someone to help you through this.

I just Googled "First Call For Help"

I could not find it in our phone book, but when I tried google I found it.

This is an organization to help you know who to contact.
I don't know if you can use the computer to contact them or need to call. It sounds like telephoning is difficult for you right now, so try the computer. Don't put it off.

Jamie-My hear just breaks for you-I'm so sorry. Part of me thinks it's completely normal for you to still feel such immense grief. There is no schedule for when it goes away or lessens. But you can't give up even though you "want to be with her". You need to hold on and do whatever it takes to help you feel better. Everyone here has given great advice-talk to whomever you can about support groups, you need someone that understands. Talk to anyone and everyone that will listen. Make them listen-maybe start your own group if there isn't one you connect with. Talk to a doctor. Maybe meds will be part of the answer, maybe not. You should explore every option.

I pray that you will feel some relief and comfort soon.
Love,
Teresa

I find it admirable that you were able to reach out to these caring ladies (and guys) on Kitchen Table. Some of us (like me, probably) would have kept on and on holding it in.
I am praying for you.

Jamie, I can't begin to know what it would be like to lose my daughter. Everyone has given you so much good advice, I feel very insignificant. But I want you to remember you have a wonderful husband and a sweet son who just graduated this year. They both still need you, and you need them. Please join a grief support group and pay a visit to your doctor for help. You are such a sweet person. I sure wish you weren't going through this.

jamie you've made a tremendous step in posting here...keep writing...post everyday if you have to...someone is always here...i'd start a written journal/diary at home, as well...

can you show this post to your husband and son? are you afraid they won't understand?

Is there a special person from church/any support group/ grief session/relative/ that you can go to a quiet place in nature. I love being outside in the mountains/near a bubbling spring, running river, ocean, up in the trees where it is so quiet you only hear the wind in the trees, see the beautiful flowers, butterflies, birds. Quietly listen and calm will come bit by bit. Even during the storms HE is their to calm you, minute by minute, hour by hour and later day by day. Breath deep, and write down what you see and feel. You will slowly heal, even with those tears that cleanse.

No advice, Jamie, just a hug. I will tell you that two close friends have both lost sons and both of them have told me that at various times they absolutely felt as though they were losing their minds. That must be a pretty common feeling after such a tremendous loss.

((Jamie))

(((Jamie))) In a span of 4 years, I lost my husband of less than 2 years suddenly, my daughter lost her boyfriend to suicide and then my sister lost her 20 year old son to a drunk driver. Our hearts were heavy and I thought the cloud above my head would never go away. I was watching tv one day and a lady was on there that had lost her young daughter and just couldn't bear to go on til the host said to her, don't dwell on how or the day she died, but remember the 19 years you had her in your life. That hit a cord with me and yes, I thought I was dwelling on why all my loved ones died the way they did and suddenly I thought I would remember all our happy times together. The pain in our hearts never goes away we just have to learn to live with it. My heart goes out to you!

Oh, ((((Jamie))))) i'm so sorry. Looks like a
lot of good advice from.
Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you.

I'm sorry for all your losses, ladies. I can't imagine.

Jamie, I'm so sorry. I hope you find some peace and comfort.

Hope you get help and soon!

I care!

Jamie,We are all here with you when ever you want to talk but you need help from someone trained in these type things, in front of your phone book there crisis numbers call someone talk ,cry what ever you need to do, theyll point you in the right directions ,don't wait do it now.I cant say I know how you feel,never been there.But know we care,and we're here for you,to help you through this..Take care,

Awww Jamie...a massive big hug coming to you from Ontario Can...I really feel for you girl..try and hang in there

((((Jamie)))) You're in my prayers.

You're always going to miss Rachel's physical presence, but I hope you feel her in spirit all around you. There's nothing wrong with taking meds for awhile, I hope you can find a group or therapist to help you through this tough time.

I really like this quote:
"Let us see Life as it really is...
It is a moment between two eternities"

-St. Therese of Lisieux
the Little Flower

Jamie, honey, you need to do something now, not later. You never responded as to why you haven't sought counseling of any sort; are you afraid they will ask you to pay for it? Please, please call a crisis hotline (would you like me to look up the number in your city?) tomorrow--no excuses. You can't see right now anything past your pain and absolutely need outside help, pronto. Please, please, first thing in the morning, or even right now since I think they're manned all the time, CALL. Please? Take that first step forward, ok? And will you write tomorrow when you've contacted someone?
P.S. I'm sure those who answer the phone are very used to people crying so hard that it's hard to understand. They are trained how to talk to those in crisis and can also tell you where you can turn without insurance.

I can't add to the great advice given except to add, there is no shame in taking meds if it helps you to cope. Call the mental health numbers in the phone book and the groups mentioned. You need help and they are there to give it. Hopefully one day soon you will feel strong enough to get outside the house and figure out something to do to keep you a little busy. I'm sure sitting home thinking about things makes it worse. You have made a step towards coming to terms with this by posting and we all wish we could help you in some way. Don't give up. Things have to get better. Call someone and don't put it off. Its not an instant fix, but its something you need to do NOW1

You can write here every day and I will read.

You have every right to feel as you do, but now you should seek help. Don't worry about the insurance. I'm certain there are groups who can help you. I can't imagine what you are dealing with. I feel very sad for you and all you people who have lost a child. It's not supposed to be that way, is it? Life isn't fair. Take care and get some help. I wish you lived near by so I could give you a hug.

(((Jamie))) I don't have any answers but it looks like you've got a lot of good advice here. My prayers are with you.

No advice, but I'm so sorry for your loss and for your pain.

I sent you an email.

Sheryl - NJ

Jamie, I'm so sorry for your pain. You are wise to seek out help and please accept the comfort of all your friends here.

Jamie, I cannot fathom what you are going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you. There is lots of good advice posted here, and I agree that you need to get some counseling or join a support group. Your DH and son need you, so please don't go too long without getting some help!

I am praying that today is a better day for you, and that your grief somehow seems more manageable today!

(((((Jamie))))) My Prayers are with you!! I sent you an email too!

Jamie, my heart goes out to you. I have never been through what you have. I cannot imagine losing my daughter.

One thing I have heard people do with images they cannot get out of their mind is to replace that image with something beautiful. You speak of seeing her after she died in your mind (I'm so sorry). Now think of the most beautiful memory you have of her.

If this were me, my memory would be of this one picture I have of my daughter. She is sitting on a trampoline, and the static electricity is making her long hair stand out around her head. The sun is behind her, making her shine. And she is looking at me, clearly. Not beaming, but content.

Every time you have that sad image in your head, immediately replace it with the beautiful image you have selected for yourself.

I've heard it works. I don't know. But know that you are well protected here, by your friends. There is a circle around you, drawn here, by the hands reaching through the keys to encircle and protect you.

Take care of yourself,
~Silver

Thank you ALL for the support and advice. Today is another day, and it's still not a good one, but I'm not the slobbering mess I was yesterday. (not yet). I DID make a few phone calls yesterday. I cannot believe they have not called me back from the mental health clinic. I WILL call them back. I need to see someone and maybe temporarily get on anti-depressants. I DO have an appt. with a Dr., but not until Oct. 26th, which is the earliest they could get me in.
Thanks to all that sent the comforting emails, I do appreciate your concern, and to everyone posting here. I pray to God to help ease this pain.
I never was one to suffer from depression, so this is really taking a toll on me.
Again, I thank you all. I will keep you all informed of the progress. Just please keep me in your prayers.

Jamie,
try not to keep your feelings bottled up. Remember you can post here anytime of the day or night and someone will be along to talk to you. Many here know the hurt and pain that you are feeling and even those that dont will lead a shoulder. Try to remember her in her good times, her happy times and know that she is still around you every day.
My prayers are with you..

You, your DH and your DS have suffered a devastating loss. Recovering takes time. It WILL get better, but not fast. It helps to talk and be with others IN PERSON who are in the same place, emotionally, and with some who have been able to recover. Meds are not a 'crutch'; if you could ease a headache with a pill, you'd take one, right?

I would call your doctor's office back and tell them exactly what you posted here yesterday. You sound suicidal, and you need to be seen NOW. If your MD can't 'fit you in', the professionally responsible thing for him to do is to refer you to someone who CAN.

Please take chisue's advice and get to your doctor NOW. He can help.

((((((((((Jamie)))))))))

I'm thankful that you were feeling somewhat better this morning, Jamie. I hope that it continues lighter through the day ... and night, ahead.

(((((Jamie and family plus other loved ones))))).

Share here whenever you feel like it. Call if you'd like to.

ole joyful

Jamie, there's a difference between depression and what you are feeling. Girl, you're GRIEVING and that's debilitating for anybody!

Come and talk anytime. ((Jamie))

Jamie, I know your pain...I too lost a child, lost my youngest son twenty three years ago at the age of 32 in a boating accident...a young minister...while grieving I overheard my daughter say she not only lost a brother but also lost her Mother...I realized then I had others to live for...so am praying for you and your family...Mary

Frankly, I was relieved to see you posting today, Jamie--thanks for that. I'm glad you're feeling a teeny bit better but I do hope you pursue someone at the clinic--be persistent. And yes, I second the idea of calling the doctor's office back to tell them you're in desperate need of the anit-depressants right now--you might need to explain why. If what they give you doesn't do it or heaven forbid, makes you feel worse, ask for a different one. Ok, I'll get off my soapbox. I didn't want to mention your son last night as you were already feeling completely rotten, and I'm sure you do keep him in mind as much as you can. I've been praying for you and will continue to do so. Feel better!

glad you returned today...and had a better day...
come back tomorrrow...

I just wanted to let you know that I continue to be concerned about you, and seeing you post again today was a very good thing. Keep being in touch with us! and taking care of yourself. Nanny (((((Jamie)))))

thinking about you Jamie. I can't imagine your pain. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. I hope you can find some peace soon.

I am thinking and praying for you!!!!(((((((HUGS))))))))

Hugs from me to you!

Prayers & Hugs for you Jamie!

Donna (^_^)

(((Jamie))) I pray you find some help soon and it helps...you are constantly in my thoughts an prayers...

Jamie, you've gotten great advice here. My thoughts and prayers are always with you. I sure wish I could help ease your pain. Big hugs!

(((((Pookie))))) I hope every day is a better day and that you are persistent in your quest for help. Take care, sweetie.

Sending prayers and good thoughts your way today.
Dee

We would love to hear from you today. I am thinking about you and I am praying for you.

The experience I've had within my family indicates that grieving is the worst a short time after the loss. Do not expect it to go away with a snap of the finger. With time, it will diminish. Typically, the loss of a spouse or someone very close takes about 1 year before the loss is shoved into the background. Take heart in that the pain will dull with time. Extreme sorrow for a month or so is normal. Put off major decisions during this period. Begin to rebuild your life by engaging in small activities that are not demanding. Working for short periods on a hobby is heplful.