Yep. Best tips I can give to lessen the issue:

1) Hire a designer that you both like. People often behave better to outsiders than to each other when there's disagreements plus the designer offer objective opinions. Or-

2) Each of you agree before each phase of the project who has the final say for that particular room. Generally the person who is the most vested in that particular area of the house has the final say. (i.e. the cook has the kitchen). If they're equally shared, flip a coin.

3) Pick your battles.

Good luck,

Lisa

My dh let's me handle all of the remodeling, picking out materials, and designing everything. He's kind of color blind, so is fine with that.

The only time he freaked out was when we had a house that we were putting up for sale right before easter. The kitchen walls were kind of a mint green. I was painting the ceiling using the white paint that goes on pepto bismol pink colored, and dries white when he came home from work. He said "Oh, Linda...NOOOO!" I said, "what? Easter is coming up, and it will be in pretty easter colors, green and pink" He started stuttering "no, no, noooo". I started laughing and explained that it goes on pink, and turns white when it dries... I think he thought I lost my mind, or was trying to make it sale proof.

We don't argue much in general and we have similar taste, but I had to put our master bath remodel on hold a year ago. I couldn't find a countertop that worked with the floor tile, and after a few visits to the fabricator, he seemed to disengage. On our last visit, instead of looking at the quartz samples with me and the saleswoman, he stood off to the side looking at his phone and being non-communicative. I think he had had enough shopping. It did kind of PO me as this is his bathroom, so I just dropped the remodel. It was spring so I worked off my creative energies in the garden. Now I'm beginning to plan the remodel again. I hope I can find a countertop.

mayflowers.. Last time I went tile shopping with my DH we went to 2 tile stores and then he said he was light headed.. seriously? But I can't wait that long.. I need my master bath..

In the countertop business, women rule as customers. Call me a sexist, but if I close the sale with her, she'll close him. I don't know how they do it, but they do it every time.

My DH keeps it simple for me. Not femenine decor, primarily in shared rooms and no palm or pine trees outdoors. Easy peasy

Spacecoast, that cracked me up! The tile stores will definitely do them in. I could look at tile all day. Oh, and never take them out within two hours of lunch time or you'll only get an hour of their attention span. They have to be well-fed first.

mayflowers.. now that cracks me up because after he was "light headed" he wanted to go to Outback Steakhouse.. LOL

Nothing that a good steak couldn't cure!

No. I do most of the design decisions and he reigns me in from spending too much.

We have been in a whole house remodel for nine months now. He was angry with me once after we moved in because he forgot we had a conversation. Eh. So I have learned from that mistake to make certain and discuss at least twice when we come to an agreement.

He trusts my judgement though since I do all of the research.

Joe, the last couple of years when we lived on a farm I would call a business for a quote or an appointment, and they would end up only talking with DH. There was one time I snapped and yelled at the guy "I may be the little lady, but I'm the one signing the checks around here, and I'm the one that makes the final decison. Now what can you do for me?" It felt good.

I agree with you Iowacommute.. When they direct everything towards my husband it really ticks me off.. I wanted to kick the pool builder right out of my house.. Good thing my husband liked him.

We discussed absolutely everything..some things, I plainly don't understand in, and don't want to start understanding, like electricity or water boilers..so I listened to him when he wanted to share and ask my opinion but I made it very clear I can't contribute and thus trust him whatever decision he makes..:) Some things, I got really irritated because it was obvious that I kinda get it better and was researching it in depth, but unlike with me and electricity etc, DH definitely had tons of opinions. Then I reminded to myself a day would arrive and I'd remember these arguments fondly-since they meant we were spending quality time together:) He does think that we do everything I want..I see it differently, but yes, some things will go my way. It just will never be automatically expected, you know. I'll have to explain my reasons, a lot, and argue my position sometimes.

Yet some things, it was great to think together..planning spaces for example. He's better with spatial thinking and reading plans; I'm better with ideas, materials, colors, and feel of size (very strange given my bad spatial thinking; but physically, I can just eyeball spaces better.)

It also helped that we shared quite a few design sensibilities. Not all, but the most crucial ones.

Between the two of us, I'm the one that gets lightheaded and needs to be fed:) I adore tile shops-but only high end, boutique kind ones..they're also more human scaled, and you can sit there, get a drink of water..but huge stores definitely did me in. He had to take me somewhere to sit down, eat a bit. We had to drive long distances too, many times, to stores etc..very tiresome..slab yards with their noise-brutal.

I liked Pirch:) They make you any drink you want:) I highly recommend it..we bought just a bathtub there in the end but their cappucinos were super delicious..:) and you can sit and take a deep breath you know.

I was there each time with him in the house when we had meetings etc. I felt I should be a balancing factor. I was the only woman there, you know. Not easy. Two years of being somebody who doesn't want to kill someone (yes I had thoughts though of burning the house. Very strong urges. Lol) So I had a lot to contribute and keep things, you know..calm.

And yes..definitely pick your battles. It's true every time.

It was a hard experience and both of us emerged from it older, wiser, and in worse physical shape...:) But we both love the house dearly. Well that's the only attitude that would make sense, after all this.

We still have landscaping to tackle..big project..so I'll read my own advise soon lol.

Building or remodeling will test any relationship! I talk with my hubby about the big decisions but the small decisions are mine. He's a consultant for a living so very skilled in the art of being able to provide unclear advice and quite talented at the Monday morning quarterback role. I get very frustrated when he has negative things to say about all the choices and then tells me to pick whichever option I want.

For the big decisions, I preselect choices. Taking him in to look at every color and style of shingle would be a disaster. The roofer and I will go look at samples and pick out a few then anything he chooses will be acceptable to me.

Our approach is usually to talk about the general look and feel of a space and how we anticipate using it. He'll say that he wants storage and then I'll ask him if he wants built-in cabinets, open shelves, closets or free standing furniture. Once he selects what type of item he wants, I will work on making that choice work for the situation.

I used to have arguments with my ex all the time. He questioned every decision I made even though my background is art and design. (Maybe that's one reason he's my ex.)

When we renovated our condo 6 years ago, my current DH questioned several things I did but after it was finished he agreed that it looked and lived beautifully.

Now we're building a custom house and he totally trusts my judgement. In fact he's so proud to tell everyone how I designed the house. (I don't tell him that I had tons of help from the folks on the building a home forum.) We have figured out how to divide what we do based on our skills.

DH is a research expert and is a reformed lawyer so understands things like reading contracts. So he did all the legal work for the house, including discussing things with our RE lawyer. He also dealt with the bank and now he researches things like HVAC, Low Voltage, Pool Equipment, Electrical needs, etc. All things that make my mind go blank.

I meet with the Supervisor, do anything related to the design of the house. Anything visual. I show him my choices and if he has a strong negative reaction, then I find an alternative, but that's only happened once or twice during the whole process. He's happy to let me do the design work.

Can you divide up the parts of the renovation so you each work to your strengths?

cpartist.. Yes. We are working through it. It always works out in the end.. it's just getting to the end.

I just get irritated when I spend HOURS on finding something that I love and then it takes him 5 minutes to say.. Yeah. "I guess I could live with that" or "I don't mind it" Not exactly the reaction I want.. UGH.

My wife and I just completed our 2nd gut remodel in the past 10yrs. The reason we were excited for the 2nd is because we work very well together on these things - generally speaking we have similar tastes, and where we don't one takes the lead and the other tends to roll with it. It helps that neither of us belabor these things too much - I can't imagine spending 1yr trying to match a countertop to a tile - we pick out selections after just a couple of trips to the tile store - 1 to get an understanding of our options, the 2nd to finalize.

That sounds lovely freeoscar.. Lucky you!! and your wife!!

It's not that we were being picky in our bath remodel. We were limited by the available selections. We have a sheet vinyl floor and can't replace with ceramic tile because of the height difference, so that means we have to use LVT, which doesn't offer many choices. I didn't want to buy an entire slab of granite or quartz for a vanity, so we tried to find a remnant. None were suitable for a bathroom. So then we looked at the few quartz choices that were sold in half slabs but nothing really worked with the floor. If they had what I wanted, I'd have a new bathroom by now.

Imagine now researching for hours, days, weeks- and then hearing a long list of doubts and probable objections..:)

It's hard not to take it personally. And it makes me upset. Yet it's just my DH' MO..he needs to turn every thing, in his mind, around, look at every side, and critique. As he explained to me thousand times, and as I myself know already-it might not even mean he doesn't like this thing or plan or suggestion. He might actually like it quite a bit. He just needs to process all its minuses first, consider stuff. Before pointing out all the pluses.

(I'm the lucky exception lol. No questioning my minuses. I think I'd even get an "A plus" in physics, had he been my teacher..))

It's irritating as hell, but it's not something directed against me, not a "no" even (he can say just "no" when he feels so) ..it's just a need to analyze before making decisions. I also analyze of course, but I usually present my ideas after analyzing by myself. He hears my idea for the first time. And he likes to analyze together with me.

Another thing that's hard for me to grasp-he's always concerned about "how we're going to clean this".

-Honey, that's me who'd be cleaning it..why do you even care?

-But it's still very important to me, theoretically. Of course I care.

Yes, he does tell me approximately once a day that he loves how I "made the house". Even though it was him too..:) When you discuss things-you get a chance to better understand your own reasons, to look at different perspectives, to make sure. That's what happens with many questions on the forum too btw. A person asks something-and the ideas he doesn't quite like help him understand what he does like, and which direction he's taking, after all. and each time you answer, you understand new things yourself.

My husband can live very minimally, which he did for many years. Mattress on the floor, cardboard box as a table. So he shouldn't care, right? wrong. I thought why-and I understood. Interestingly, here it becomes a project, a long term commitment, an important thing. And as such you start planning, thinking, plainly feeling lots of stuff. Because now you're involved in it. You take part. You're involved-you start caring.

We're different in how we think and how we tackle things, yes-but it's that kind of difference that brings together. You can talk? You have half job done. Maybe more.

(we were matching countertop to the tile..)) it didn't matter how long it took since the freaking remodel took so long we weren't impeding the process. Had we know, wouldn't hurry with the tile either . But we thought-custom tile, long wait..should start with it or else we'll get stuck waiting.

if I knew I had another year..lol)

April.. That's usually my question.. ""how we're going to clean this".

Oh I totally get the question itself..when I ask it))

My husband and I are good together during our many DIY remodels. I have everything arranged ahead of time on who gets what job and in what order.

The only disagreements usually involve drywall. Husbands job is to put up drywall and tape. I'm the drywall finisher. It takes me a long time to reach perfection due to his less than stellar tape mudding. A couple of times I came close to going nuclear when he, losing patience for a wall to be done just primed over the whole unfinished wall. I then have to fix it all. I once went into the garage with a permanent ink marker and drew skeleton heads with a giant X on all primer cans and wrote "use this and DIE".

Besides drywall fights we usually agree on what I pick as long as it fits into his costs expectations.

My husband and I have done many remodels over the years and I always had complete control of the design decisions. We are now in the middle of what will be our last remodel! He is now retired and suddenly thinks he knows everything about everything when it comes to design and decorating. Ugh!

hang in there acdc..