I have lived with 'functional' alcoholics for years. They can walk, talk, act 'normal' while having consumed enough alcohol to knock over a horse. Unless you know them, you can't tell, and until they've gone over their usual limit that is when most people will say "oh, Bob is drunk, don't let him drive". DH and I won't allow these people to drive to our home, and NEVER did we let our family members ride with them. Sounds to me like this woman is that way. 10 shots early in the day? Normal to a person like that. She'd likely pour vodka into her juice, pop, whatever she was drinking. You usually can't smell vodka (like you can say whiskey or gin) especially if it's her drink of choice. Whether or not her family knew, hard to say. They might know that she drinks, but assume it's 'socially' and not be aware that she's downing a 5th a day in her Big Gulps. One of the most difficult things to do is to deal with an alcoholic family member, that doesn't fit the stereotype of an alcoholic. Most people think of the mug shots of drunks when they think of alcoholics, not Aunt Betty who bakes cakes for everyone's birthday. Lots of people see nothing wrong with toking. They don't believe it impairs you. I disagree. But I won't go to the point of telling people what they should or shouldn't think. I do know that people I know will not smoke weed around me, or knowingly do so when they know I'll be around, since I do tell them I can smell it on them. We watched an interview with a woman I believe was the MIL, and attorneys for the family. Man. I'm a lay person, but I'd have fired those bone heads in a minute if I was hoping they'd represent my family.

Haahahahaa! Karen this is SO funny. I'm bursting into laughter reading these posts again, and remembering writing and reading them at the time. Well done! And my favourite part about Martha Stewart dropping in with her dish towel parachute!!! WAY too funny!

I've been having a lot of symptoms of peri-menopause since July. I've been doing research and my dh is a physician, so I kind of run stuff by him a lot. Anyway my symptoms started with that weird "out of sorts feeling" like I wanted to crawl out of my skin. Then I started having anxiety attacks in the most unlikely places, like the grocery store. I talked to my obgyn about it and they said "we could prescribe an anti-depressant" but I knew I wasn't depressed so I said no. (Hate the side effects). I said what about anti-anxiety medication just in case this happens at work or if I feel really out of control. She said "well, anxiety is not clinically associated with peri-menopause so you will have to ask your internist." But the weird thing is that on every menopause forum (like this one) women talk about anxiety. So at least I didn't feel crazy. I only found one clinical study that associated anxiety with hot flashes. To make a long story short, I went to my internist and asked for Xanax for anxiety. It was hard to do anyway and she wasn't eager to prescribe it so I felt like a jerk. I wanted to say "look lady, I'm not a drug addict." I just wish there was more help for us in this phase of our lives and I'm sorry for all the women on this forum who have to go through it and feel humiliated to boot. So anyway, that was about a month ago and I have taken the Xanax 3 times, at night when feeling anxious to help me sleep. It's been a great blessing. I know it's not a natural remedy, but I tried everything else and it hasn't helped much. I just think the best approach is to tell our docs that we are having anxiety attacks and not blame it on peri-menopause because they don't believe it's related.

she quit because they wanted her to work the day after Thanksgiving". Naw! No way! In *retail*??? She quit so she could move into her father's new beachfront home. and your husband knows it. There's no way to live a happy, normal life with a passive/aggressive person. Every time you get happy because you think you've *finally* gotten things on track, he'll sabotage the whole structure. & open his eyes wide & say in an injured tone that he doesn't know *why* you're mad at him, he didn't do anything. He'll keep you so busy putting out brush fires that you won't be able to take the long view, to get some perspective on what's actually going on & what the future is likely to be like. sound familiar? Fathers often do over-indulge manipulative 'children' out of guilt ("I moved out on my family, I'm the reason she's unhappy"); a halfway skillful 'child' can leverage that for a lifetime! But since even his young son's problems don't make any difference in this father's behavior, there must be more in it than guilt. Like the fact that, although the two of you have the same level of education & the same earning capacity, he's in control & you're frazzled, stressed out, & miserable. & you're a domestic servant, cleaning the stairs & keeping food warm for his rude daughter. so I don't think that the problem is "her" so much as it is "him & her". The two of them are working as partners to get what they want, & it's working very well. They have no reason to accomodate you; doing so would, in fact, reduce their satisfaction with life. I think it's time for one or the other to move out of the 'dream (nightmare) home' & let life calm down. Just in case you're not ready to take that step, & I do know that we have to be 'ready', you might change some things to reduce your stress while you give him one more opportunity to shape up: Stop enabling her! no holding food in the warming drawer, no "bending over backwards", no talking to her like you're too dumb to realize that she's your rival & that she enjoys making a fool of you. This is your territory, you're the alpha female, your cubs are suffering, you need to assert yourself (stop cleaning those stairs, for crying out loud, & never ever act like you're "trying to work with her"). Tell hubs that he's treading on thin ice for lying to you, that he well knows that you never would have agreed to have his grown daughter move in forever, that she's outstayed her welcome not only by length of "visit" but by behavior & attitude, & that he's to get her out of there at once. Then give *her* a date (do *not* expect him to actually follow through; he doesn't believe you'll take any action if he does nothing), & if she isn't out, put her belongings in storage & change the locks. He'll likely become indignant & proclaim that "it's his house too", *& he may have her move back in*. You need to be prepared for that to happen. If this "girl" moves back in, *she'll* have absolute free rein to treat you like dirt, & *he'll* enjoy it. If she moves back in, it means that your husband is so sure of his control that he believes that he has nullified your power, that you are completely powerless. (This is what abusers of all sorts do to their victims: physical/emotional/sexual abusers, p!mps, drug dealers, all of them, because it really works) At that point, you must move on & get a real life, one in which you are not property but an independent young professional woman raising her family, or maybe at some point, a valued partner to a loving person who feels grateful to have you. You can do this; You are a healthy young woman, you can manage your own life & your own home, & you can raise your children to be happy, well-adjusted human beings without getting ensnarled in disfunction & co-dependence. I wish you the best.