Our Story Continues with Part 2

Part 2

When Barefoot Contessa got to the hospital, "Marcus Welby" wasn't available so they got "McGyver" to come and duct tape her foot. She was able to return to the festivities and the whole party looked like a "Fantasy Island" until "The Profiler" crashed the party and starting questioning "Barney Miller", one of the guests. He said he had nothing to hide, but wanted to see "Perry Mason" before he answered any questions. Will and Grace" stopped by to be of some assistance but left when they saw "Barney Miller" was "Still Standing.

They thought it was getting too serious there and wanted to go somewhere more fun. They headed on over to that famous bar " Cheers". There was a party going on there But there was an argument going on there, too. You know that "Everybody Loves Raymond" and "Everybody Hates Chris", but somebody had to be different and yelled out, "I Love Lucy"! Well this ignited a "family feud" between the Barones and the Ricardo's as to who was loved more. "Dr. Phil" was finally brought in to help Mediate, but "Oprah" became upset because she had planned a reunion of 'sons and daughters', 'Julia' and 'Bill' Cosby. With this 'combat' going on she was sure it wouldn't work out right. She needed an 'intervention'.So she called her personal friend "The Dog Whisperer." He rounded up all the party-goers and whisked them to his compound where they met all of his dogs, and especially 2 of his most famous ones....the great-grandchildren of "The Littlest Hobo" and "Lassie".

Everyone immediately calmed down and hugged the dogs and each other, realizing that life was too short to be fighting and harboring ill-will. Everyone went back to where the party was again, and who should be there, but "Red Skelton!" He had everyone in stitches with his antics and sense of humor. He invited them to go on a 'voyage to the bottom of the sea'. Everyone thought that would be great fun ! A real 'hulabaloo' !

They were deciding who would be the first to get on the boat when rhoda called out ," Look there's 'flipper' !" Everyone clapped with glee as they had never seen a porpoise before. The dogs all started to bark up a storm until Cesar made them shhhh. A boat came sailing by and there was Lloyd Bridges, donning his trusty dual hose regulator and fins. Just as he was about to jump off, ready for the SEA HUNT, out of the blue came SKY KING and "Martha Stewart". She was testing out the new parachute she had created from her dish towel collection. Lloyd Bridges was so impressed that he offered to jump into the water tower with Billie Jo, Bobby Jo and Betty Jo at "Petticoat Junction". Lloyd Bridges declined because Uncle Joe said you may think you are in 7th HEAVEN but,those three girls are UNTOUCHABLE!

Completely chastised, Lloyd Bridges looked out at the horizon, his mind "Lost in Space." Then with a loud "Hee Haw!!!" he tore off his clothes and jumped in the water with the girls while they are going through " Growing Pains" and they really keep an eye on each other because of close " Family Ties". They all decided to stay on the beach and swap " Amazing Stories.

Billie Jo walked away from Lloyd and ran into "Gidget," who was hot on the trail of "The Flying Nun." Billie Jo helped her look, and they walked until they reached "The Big Valley." There, amidst the "High Chaparral," they found Sister Bertrille *and* "Lou Grant." It was a "Bonzanza"! Now Billie Jo and Lloyd could help "Mr. Bean" with his "Prison Break". "This is "So Wierd" said Lloyd "but "Are You Afraid of the Dark"? Not I, replied Mr. Bean. But I'd like to take "60 Minutes" and think about going to "Dallas" to build a "Dynasty" of "Golden Girls

"Well, in that case" said Billie Joe and Lloyd simultaneously, "we'd better ask Estelle Getty....she is the ONE Golden Girl who will know about the Golden Age of Radio...as a matter of fact...Here comes Orson Welles, describing "The War of the Worlds".....what ever shall we do now....??? Oprah" got wind of Lloyd's plan to build a "Dynasty' of "Golden Girls" and sent Lisa Ling to investigate. Upon her arrival, she encountered numerous "Desperate Housewives" tyring to escape because Lloyd was trying find his "bachelor" friends a date, Lisa was determined to help the "Desperate Housewives" escape. Since she was "Smarter Than A 5th Grader", it only took her about "60 Minutes" to come up with a plan. "48 Hours" later, Lisa's friend, Spike, had the housewives spinning in teacups at "The Wonderful World of Disney".

Now, Spike had become one of their "Heroes", and the Desperate Housewives did "Cheers" for him. "You Bet Your Life" he enjoyed that. At "12 O"Clock High" they took a tour bus from Disney to "The Big Valley" where they met up with "Maverick". Spike and "Maverick" saddled up some horses, and a readied a wagon for the ladies, since none of them would dream of getting on a horse.

This mini-caravan went across the plains and over the mountains and into the city and civilization again. They met up with "Ellen Degeneris" and "The Mad Men" who promised to keep the "Desperate Housewives" safe. But they couldn't keep them safe because "3rd Rock from the Sun" and "Star Trek" were having to much fun flying saucers all around space and the saucers were equipped with CHIPs that were recording all data to the ROCKFORD FILES.

The girls lazed about and wondered aloud about far away places and wondererd if they were "Home To Stay." They figured they could "Disappear Without a Trace" and leave their troubles behind.

It wasn't long before "Dr. Phil" came and convinced them to go home and face their families, lovers and problems. So the housewives arrived back at Wisteria Lane. At the same time "Ellen Degeneris" and "Rosie O'Donnell" met up and thought they would start dating. But when they caught sight of the 'Monkees" they started to 'Get Smart' and decided they weren't made for each other.

When the "Desperate Housewives" safely arrived back to Wisteria Lane, they were greeted by their new neighbor, "Martha Stewart". She hoping that by keeping the housewives busy with crafts and sewing that it would help with their desperation issues. While all gathered to crochet doilies, "Suddenly Susan" blurted out "I've Got A Secret". Have you ever heard of "Barbary Coast", well, let me tell you I know a'farmers daughter'who lives there," she said." She is dating the 'thin man, 'Barney'." "Remember him," she asked. He used to be in 'McHales Navy'.

Any way, she told me to tell you all she said, 'Howdy doody' when I ran into her at 'the peoples court." The girls were all shocked that Susan hadn't told them she had been to court. "uh, susan," asked Martha,"do you realize that You could be found guilty, by all the "Criminal Minds" of the jury. You'll have a hefty fine to pay if not a more sever punishment. You need to hire a real professional lawyer. Let me give Denny Crane from "Boston Legal" a call. Hopefully you won't get in front of "Judge Judy" when you go again.

They all toasted Susan's good fortune with a pitcher of Margueritas, and went in to watch "Dancing With the Stars. They were getting a little tipsy , and the girls were starting to get silly. They thought that the 'bachelor father' was doing pretty good. "He is so hot" gushed Gabby. "No", he reminds me of 'fat albert' said Lynette.

The others thought that was hysterical, Gabby of course was tiffed."Well, you can all.... stay here and be by yourselves. I'm tired of all your pettiness and rude remarks. I'm not going to turn this into a "Family Feud" so I'm going out to find some fun!

She went out to the road and started hitch-hiking. It wasn't long before "Knight Rider" came along and picked her up and the two of them roared on to see what kind of trouble they could get in to.

Gabby was tickled pink with Kitt, the talking car and he asked her where she wanted to go. She replied "anywhere where there's some excitement and action and good times." They ended up... in "peyton place", where 'desperate housewives' were looking for relief from boredom. they needed their 'heroes' to take them away.

Well unfortunately for Gabby, their "Heroes" did not show up, instead it was "Jimmy Kimmel". Jimmy has always had the hots for "desperate housewives" and especially Gabby. She ditched "Knight rider" and sped off with Jimmy to the " 77 Sunset Strip" club. Upon entering the club, they ran into "Rhoda." She'd taken a "Taxi" from "Beverly Hills 90210." "Help Me Help You," she said to Jimmy. I'm "Out of Practice," said Jimmy, but I *will* tell you this. "I Dream of Jeannie," he whispered. "Rhoda" gasped. "Run For Your Life!" she screamed!

So Rhoda and Gabby ran out into the night. At that moment "Starsky and Hutch" pulled up and asked if they needed a lift.

They jumped in and Rhoda said "Run For Your Life" and they drove like a "Fugitive" down "77 Sunset Strip." It wasn't long before 'adam-12' pulled alongside of them and told them to pull over. I don't know where you think you are going so fast, they said to 'starsky' who was driving. You do understand that there are laws that prohibit that sort of driving. Specifically 'burkes law'.

'Oh Dear' said Rhoda, no matter where I go I seem to get in trouble. Gabby replied "ever since Carlo's lost his sight it seems I keep looking for "Larry King". I know he's old enough to be my great, great grandfather, but CNN pays him well and he's known as "The six million dollar man". I could sure use some of that cash to Buy some "Bizarre Foods" from "Emeril".

But before that, I have to tell you about my encounter with "Women Behind Bars"....boy, "That Really Hurt", and I had to go to buy a "Mansion".

Just for kicks and giggles I would go to the annual "Barrett-Jackson" auction and buy some rare luxury and sports cars. "Car 54, Where Are You?"

I'm looking for a special model in which to travel "Route 66" "As the World Turns me towards '21 jump street' and I have 'WKRP in Cincinnati' on the radio and the subject today is Pee-Wee's Playhouse and they were discussing the benefits of "Married With Children." Neither being married nor having any children, Rhoda turned the station to "The Suze Orman Show" and learned how stretch her dollar. Another thing she learned was to to have 'hope and faith' and all things will work out in the end.

'Whoopi', she had a new car, but her love life was the pits. She really missed Carlton. But he was way back in the city.

As she drove she thought of the "good times" with her "family" back when they lived in "green acres". "Life" was so good when they took "one day at a time". Great... all that daydreaming and now she was "lost thought she'd like to be "Trading Places" with her friends who are "Married with Children." Maybe the single life isn't all it's cracked up to be in the "Lipstick Jungle." With a smile on her face she sped down the highway, thinking "I Am a Wonder Woman" and I can do what I like, when I like. Life on the "Daily Planet" is good. Yes, it was true, she had led a 'charmed ' life.

She had been a 'December bride'and had invited all her 'bosom buddies'. Still, she couldn't help the tremendous jealously she had for her long time friend "Mary Tyler Moore". Mary had it all and poor "Rhoda" always seemed to struggle. Rhoda is often quoted as saying "I blame my poor self esteem on "Phyllis", her constant belittlement of me throughout the years has led me to have low self-esteem in the past. But thanks to my true "Friends" I've been able to "Mash" my fears into the ground and move on to be a better person, and successful businesswoman.

She still has no sense-of-direction, and was hopelessly "Lost" but she kept driving anyway, to see where the road would lead and what her next adventure might be. She kept driving, oblivious to the fact that she had entered 'Sanford and Sons' junk yard!

"Oh, now what" she wailed". "I need some one to 'rescue me'. Oh why do I keep getting myself into trouble? I guess I could call my good friends "The Hogan Family" to get me out of here. I'd like to call my mother Ida, but she is such a "Gossip Girl" that everyone in the Bronx would know my dilemma. Haaahaaa. Rhoda sure does get into some scrapes. As luck would have it, "Hogan's Heroes" were at the junkyard, looking for some suitable wheels. They were willing to buy a particular piece of heavy equipment if "The Price was Right."

Sanford needed the money real bad so he sold them a large caterpillar where they can run over anything that gets in their way, if they choose to.

They asked if she wanted to come with them, and she gushed..."oh you're my "Heroes.'. As Rhoda was leaving the junkyard in the cat, she said "People will either think I am a 'jack***' or 'stark raving mad'. or better yet, think I'm "Moonlighting" as a constuction worker. I decided that I was in good hands and "Good times" with my new "Friends", so I threw caution to the wind and joined them on their next adventure to ....."The Streets of San Francisco" where Sargeant Shultz took them to dinner at Pier 42. Who should they meet but "Police Woman" herself, Angie Dickinson, and Crocett and Tubbs from "Miami Vice" enjoying a leisurely dinner.

When "Starsky and Hutch" showed up, Colonel Kink got real nervous, because of all the cops. So ...instead of hanging around with all those "Hill Street Blues" types, he boarded the "Partridge Family" bus and headed out to find his old friends, "The Beverly Hillbillies". As he approached the neighborhood of "Beverly Hills 90201 he saw all the 'picket fences' surrounding the yards and it rminded him of a time long ago when his "Family ties" were strong and "Good times" were plentiful. He longed for those "Happy Days" and wondered where he had gone wrong.

"Rhoda" felt the same way about her life and together they pledged to Get Smart" with their lives. After all, their "Father Knows Best" and both taught them good values when they were young. They had a real "Bonanza" of laughter and good memories of their times when they were kids, which they both dubbed "Wonder Years".

So they vowed to make the world a better place in their own small way, and do good to other people. Starting now, they were going to do impromptu acts of kindness. As random acts of kindness must be spontaneous, 'Rhoda' and Klink were on the look out for some unsuspecting person to help.

They were driving slowly around the city, discussing how they could accomplish this.

'Rhoda' pointed, "look a 'Wells Fargo' truck that didn't put money in the meter". She jumped out of the car with the quarter in her hand, ready to drop it in the slot and ran right into 'the shield' of the meter maid. Rhoda" was knocked unconscious and a very worried Klink decided to call his boyhood friend "Dr.Kildare" who happened to be staying nearby at a local "Hotel". While Rhoda lay motionless in a coma, the two men were remembering "Good Times" from their youth. Rhoda awoke from her coma, but was now suffering from amnesia. She kept telling everyone her name was "Gypsy Rose Lee" and then started singing at the top of her lungs.

She would burst forth into song, and stand up and started to take off her hospital gown. "Dr. Kildare" and Klink both panicked and called for back-up. In rushed the team from "Grey's Anatomy" and they decided to have her transferred to 'westside medical' where 'ben casey' could have a look at her. They thought that maybe she might also need to see 'Becker' the psychiacrist (sp ? Sorry!). As they loaded a loud and obnoxious Rhoda into the transport ambulance they found her as irritating as Cloris on "Dancing with The Stars."

The wanted to get rid of her real quick; have someone else deal with her so they took her to the "Medical Center" and dropped her off at the front lobby. They had "Becker" paged and thanked their lucky stars they weren't "Trading Places" with him.

Meanwhile back at 'the ropers' there was a mean 'riptide' going on and the ocean at 'surfside6' was dragging people under left and right.

Jack and Crissy, from upstairs were watching from the boardwalk. "Look, there goes 'Blondie', I wonder what she is up to" said crissy. Jack replies I think that's Mrs. Roper sunbathing in the nude, I think shes "Snapped" again. I better get her a towel, before Mr. Roper calls the "Cops". He'll do anything to get her in "Divorce Court".

Just as Jack was handing Mrs. Roper a towel Hazel came walking by. She knows Mrs. Roper so she stopped and chatted a while.

She really didn't want to work for "Blondie and Dagwood" and her good friend Alice, who works for the "Brady Bunch" is thinking of retiring as well. It's getting to be too much for her, cooking and refereeing the kids.

Maybe she and Alice should get together and work for "The Golden Girls." Life wouldn't be dull anyway, with those firecrackers. But as luck would have it, the Golden Girls weren't hiring, because Sophie Petrillo had it all under control. But, she did recommend Mrs. Roper and Alice to "The Fresh Prince of BelAir", so off they went for an interview, when what should occur (of all things).. the 2 of them were on their way to the interview and they were admiring the sites, when all of a sudden, the women of "The Lipstick Jungle" recognized Alice and Hazel from when they were growing up, and asked how they were, and what they were doing there.

They mentioned they were wanting to work for someone else, and the women were excited and wanted them to take care of their respective households. They decided they would go for a cup of tea and discuss the potential agreement. It was decided that Hazel and Alice would indeed take up housekeeping for the women of "Lipstick Jungle", and to keep things interesting they would be "Trading Spaces" every other week! This way, they could work "From Here to Eternity" without getting bored!

When the tea was finished, and the plan in place, off Alice and Hazel went to Mel's Diner to pick up some new uniforms he happened to have. But something was really spooky this Halloween season, when they spotted "The Ghost and Mrs. Muir" seated in a booth there! Quite taken aback, Alice, with her raised brow, quizzed Hazel, "riddle me this, Batman, what should we say to a Ghost"? Hazel replied, "Well at least it's not 'Casper' so we should be able to just say a friendly hello." So they walked over, and introduced themselves and explained that they were working for the ladies of "Lipstick Jungle."

Mrs. Muir congratulated them on moving here and taking on a new job. She also said that they must be glad it's not "the Sopranos" who they were going to work for. After they left "Mel's Diner" who was coming in, but "Ozzie and Harriett!" Well, they just had to sit and visit with them. When they asked how they were doing, they replied. they were'charmed' with the new part of the country and were looking for "Hope and Faith" with their new surroundings. They met many nice people, and the weather and scenery is far nicer than what they were used to.

They went to dinner and got seated. Soon a man came to the table and announced "My Name is Earl" and I'll be your waiter this evening. Since "The Price Is Right" they had a glass of wine with their meal. Since Alice and Hazel are very light drinkers, they were feeling very happy and giggly, and "Laugh-In'....(sorry, couldn't resist).

Tomorrow they were to start working for the ladies of "Lipstick Jungle" so they thought they'd better have an early nite...

So to speed things up a bit, they hitched a ride with "Knight Rider" back to their digs. Knight's car, (being the middle man in this whole thing), could only offer up "Welcome Back Kotter" when Gabe Kaplan and a few other "sweathogs" climbed in the back seat. Stunned and squished in the back seat, Hazel and Alice could only reply there's a "Full House" in this car! Hazel moaned that she wish she was "Dream of Jeannie" and make them disappear. What did we get ourselves in for when we accepted this job? Did we do the right thing??

It didn't take long for the "Knight Rider" to pull up in front of their hotel. They untangled themselves from the back seat and gratefully walked into the lobby and over to the desk They were ravishingly hungry, so they told the clerk to send them some 'good eats' up to their room . The clerk said, 'while you were out', you got a call . He handed them a slip and Hazel gasped when she read the name and number written on it. 'My Friend flicka' is in town !! she cried. "Oh, this ought to be good" mumbled Alice.

... He'll just drag along his big lip cousin "Mr. Ed" who will brag about his friend Frances, the talking mule who has made it big in Hollywood." "What a "Hullabaloo" he causes", she continued

they'll reminisce about their long-lost friend "The Friendly Giant" and Jerome the giraffe. Then they'll wonder how "The Littlest Hobo" is doing these days. He's a true Hollywood success story.

Well, we'll worry about all that tomorrow when we see them. I can't be thinking about Flicka and Mr Ed tonite. I think I just want to take a long soak in a hot bath to really relax me.

Hazel was relaxing in the deep tub. She could hear Alice bustling about in the next room. Ahhh. This is the life she thought.

Alice burst through the door and said " You gotta come see this, I know you 'love that bob' ; but ..you've got to come with me!

While Hazel was having her bath, Alice wandered around the hotel to see the amenities. She checked out some of the rooms and saw some familiar faces. So she and Hazel went down to the lounge and heard a familiar song. The went inside, and saw "ALF" doing his famous rendition of 'Old time rock and roll' using his cucumber as a mike and wearing sunglasses. It was hilarious!! They laughed out loud and wanted to stay for a while

They were having fancy drinks that they didn't normally drink, but this was special, so they figured what the heck. They were leaning at the bar when " Kate and Allie' walked over to say hello. They said they had been "hanging with Mr. Cooper' but things got a little out of hand so they decided to come to the lounge.

Allie was now a member of the 'Harper Valley P.T.A' and Kate was working for 'Simon and Simon' , the detective agency. She began telling stories of funny cases. Like the time

when she had just joined the Private Practice for the Privleged and some Bones were Lost Without a Trace at One Tree Hill in Smallville... after months of searching it became a Cold Case. Another story that was memorable was the 'alias Smith and Jones ' case. 'Judd for the defense' won that one but it was a close call.

Alice asked if Allie or Kate had seen their friend 'Benny Hill' lately, she had heard that he was dating one of the 'gilmore girls' , she wasn't sure which one.

Ally said 'yes, dear' we have, over at the 'LOVE INC.' Christmas party last year Kate said that she had heard that "Benny Hill" was seeing "Maude!"

That would be an interesting match-up, she with her biting wit.

A few more pleasantries were exhanged then Kate and Allie went on their way. The next person to walk by while they were at the bar was "Bob Newhart." They asked what he were doing these days and he said he was "Moonlighting" as a Tango instructor on "Dancing with the Stars". But he said that his true passion was to co-host with Dick Clark on "American Bandstand". Alas..this was not to be because somehow he became the 'fall guy' when there was a big shakeup at the station.

He said that he was going to take it 'one day at a time' until this blew over. He did mention however, that he planned on moving to 'Providence'. There he could stay 'living with Fran' and live on "Apples Way". But living there would cause a lot of stress because the "Odd Couple" in the house next door like to Clean House" at all hours of the night. Often times a "Family Feud" erupts between Oscar and Felix, with an angry Oscar shouting "Curb your Enthusiam", at which point a very irate Felix said that 'we've been friends for "30 Something" years. We'll always be friends "Till Death." But right now I'm so mad, I have to leave for "24" to blow off steam. Maybe I'll go find a "House" to organzie or something.

Do what you want while I'm away But 'Please don't eat the daisies' ! Because the last time you did that, we ended up with a hole in the yard that went "Six Feet under" the porch! So why don't you just go sit with Uncle Joe (he's a-movin' kinda slow at the junction).... "Petticoat Junction" and reminisce about 'the Adventures of Brisco County jr', your friend from a way back, in the 'wild,wild west'and then you can have a rest and hopefully "Dream of Jeannie." After visiting with your friends, and then a nap you should be in a lot better mood. We can then sit down ahd talk for "60 Minutes" and work things out, where we are both having "Happy Days" again.

While they sat talking about the "Good Times" of yesteryearŅ.little did they know that down the street there was a riot starting at the annual meeting of the ERA. Laverne and Shirley, Kate & Allie and Wonder Woman were arguing with the Lone Ranger, Cisco Kid and Superman on exactly Whos the Boss. Thinking they would all end up on the Newlywed Game they decided that 'Ned and Stacy' would take their place on the show as they were in need of 'Strong Medicine' because they both had headaches .

Felix pulled out his cell phone to call 'Trapper John, MD'. He was hoping they could get 'Two for the money' and both be seen at the same time. He was still holding when 'Art Linkletter' walked up and said "What's my Line? Art Linkletter replied "while on the "Highway to Heaven" I was "Touched By an Angel". The angel said that there was a "Little House on the Praire" and if I went to the "Outer Limits" of town I would receive the "Deal of the Century". Taking the angels advice Art then and there decided to call his friend 'Bat Masterson' to see if he could go with him.

Bat said that as soon as he was done with his 'Kung fu' lesson he would meet him in 'Laredo'. From there they could go to the final frontier to get aspirin from "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman" before she packed her bags for The Night Gallery. The doorman refused to let her in without a "Password" so she went down to the Masterpiece Theater. While standing in line she noticed that Gomer Pyle was jumping up and down and acting like 'Chief Halftown' doing a rain dance.

Dr. Quinn said she had something in her bag to stop that terrible itching. She had heard about this remedy from 'Dr. Who'. As she reached into her bag to pull out a tube of Lanacaine, she heard someone call out her name. "Frasier" was standing there along with Niles and Eddie. She was thrilled to see them, especially Eddie.

They said they were in town to meet Daphne and their father for lunch at the "Hotel This was afterall the town where 'the courtship of eddies father' had taken place. Dr. Quinn remembered that Eddies mother had had many puppies and 'eight was enough' She added that'my little margie' was the runt of the litter and now she is healthy as can be.

As she turned to Gomer she said I think Margie would be perfect for you. Once you let an animal in your life, you are never alone. Everything looks brighter, even on the worst days.

Gomer thought he would love a dog; since even when he was small "The Littlest Hobo" was his favourite show. And a little dog like Margie would be perfect for him....especially if she is as smart as Eddie. He turned to Dr. Quinn and said Gee, Dr. Quinn, now I get to be a 'Major Dad' to Margie. I've never been a Dad before, I hope I do ok. Dr. Quinn patted him on the back and told him that anytime you need a little 'Hart to Hart' , you just call me. Ok?

Gomer said goollly, thanks Dr. Quinn and turned to go with Margie firmly tucked under his arm

As Gomer walked off into the night Margie was very frightened of the "Dark Shadows". It was no "Small Wonder" she was scaredÂ.there were "Supernatural" beings everywhere. Gomer held her close and saidÂ."fear notÂIÂll not let the "House Hunters" harm one hair on your head!" Marie licked GomerÂs face and thought to herselfÂÂ.My Daddy is the "Greatest American Hero"ÂÂ.

He was so happy to have a little dog to love and take care of, and the way the love shone out of her little eyes, made his heart swell with joy.

Gomer wanted to stop for "30 Minutes" for a coffee and sandwich and something for Margie. They went into "Mel's Diner" and Alice fell in love with Margie too and let her stay. Gomer sat at a table and Margie laid at his feet. In no time she curled up and went to sleep. Just as Gomer was thinking "Gooolllly, I must be in "Seventh Heaven"", in burst his Sergeant Carter who, in a booming voice, declared GomerÂTen Hut!!!!! "What are you doing sitting there? DonÂt you know the Battle of the Network Stars" is in full swing? You were supposed to meet up with the Army Wives in F Troop an hour ago! Margie, sensing danger, growled at Sergeant Carter. Sergeant Carter bent over and told MargieÂ."donÂt you worry little one. We are the Defenders of the Earth and have the best teamÂlook here comes BJ and the Bear and Dog the Bounty Hunter. ..to help us find "the Avengers". Why, together, with their help, and quite frankly, a bit of good fellowship from all the regulars at "Mayberry RFD", we'll create for all mankind a world that "The Waltons" would love. Everyone will get along and be respectful to one another. However, reality set in when "Dog the Bounty Hunter" met up with "WonderWoman" and they had a battle of wills that was a sight to be seen.

Wonder Woman won, and grabbed Gomer Pyle by the hand and scooped up Margie and ran out into the nite. They ran smack into 'Secret Agent'! He said 'Run for Your Life !' there are 'men in trees' over there and no one is safe.

Gomer was so upset, he so loved this little dog and wanted only the best for her. Please help me he pleaded, call in all the 'Super heroes' if you have to

but please don't call the "Dog Whisperer", he won't know how to handle this situation, if anyone can help I think "Carter Can". A very distraught and emotional Gomer sat waiting for Carter to arrive, but instead it was "The Soprano's" who came to his rescue with an idea to

Have "The Ax Men" come over to cut down the trees! Then, Tony would have his goons make those trees into caskets (he might need them!) and boats, so Gomer could take "My Little Margie" up the lazy river toward "Apple's Way". Gomer pushed off from shore, shouting back "thanks, we were Saved by the Bell!"

I do believe I was "Touched By An Angel" when you came to my rescue. I'm going to "Get Smart" and get out of here. Me and Margie are going back to civilization and I'm going to call my friends, "Charlie's Angels." They will all go crazy over Margie, and will love her to pieces

We are going to go to 'Eerie, Indiana' , he told Margie. Holding her close he whispered, 'thats where 'mama's family' is from and 'my sister sam' lives there with her husband 'Matt Houston'. I've heard its 'absolutely fabulous' there. We will be safe there. They have ten 'Green acres' we can play on. As they rounded the corner in the river he realized they were near 'Gideons Crossing' where years ago a a ghost named "Casper" was seen. Everyone in the area knew "Gideons Crossing" was haunted and did not venture near there.

As they continued the crossing they saw "Casper"! Yikes shouted Gomer, pulling Margie closer. "Don't be afraid..I'm a friendly ghost. I'll help you get to "Green Acres with the help from my friends "Clutch Cargo and his dog Paddlefoot". Margie was so excited to see another dog that she did "The Big Flip." She jumped up and down, and turned around in circles, she was so happy. Gomer and his new friends were on their way to "Green Acres" and were all discussing what a wonderful place that will be for the dogs to play in. If we can find "Mr. Ed" it could be a real "Animal Kingdom." They were coming closer to 'Green Acres'. Everyone was getting very excited and straining to be the first one to catch site of the dock. 'Casper' kept cheating by flying ahead. Every 'now and again' the boat rocked from the dogs excitement. It was a 'small wonder' they didn't capsize.

Suddenly a 'lassie' dog appeared on shore and barked and followed them around the next bend where they finally saw the dock ! There was a man fishing from the dock and he held his hand to his head to shield his eyes from the harsh sun. "I think that is Matt Houston'" Gomer told Margie. "I haven't seen him in years."

The boat came slowly alongside the dock and the man reached down to help them to shore. "Welcome to 'Green Acres" he said. "We've been expecting you. Come into the house and see 'my wife and kids'." Margie had already hopped out of the boat and was happily running with the 'lassie'.

Matt told Gomer the lassies name was Under Dog. She was the bravest dog in the county. Under Dog and Margie were so excited. They each had a friend to play with. In doggie language Under Dog told Margie to watch out for Felix the Cat. Felix had a tendency to hiss and scratch at the sight of strange dogs. Margie and Paddlefoot were very cautious, and were keeping an eye open for Felix.

They all soon reached "Green Acres" and instantly everyong got excited at the amount of space there was. The house looked like a "Ponderosa" and the land stretched as far as the eye could see. "Matt Houston" took Gomer inside to show him his room, and Gomer couldn't wait to explore this wondrous place. 'This old house' was built years ago and has been in the family for years said his sister Sam. We are thinking of putting an addition on because we are having 'growing pains', You are going to be an uncle again !!

He gave Sam a hug and told her He would love a little niece and maybe could they name this one 'Ellen' after Mama? Margie was getting impatient to get get outside . As Gomer went to take her out he suddenly remembered that he hadn't seen Casper for a while. He wondered what HE was up to. Casper, who finally earned his "Wings", was performing stunts with "Rocky the Flying Squirrel". Everyone was amzaed at their performance. But before they could land athe wind pushed them into "Dawsons Creek". Thinking they were going to drown they yelled "Help"! Who came popping out of the water was the "Man from Atlantis" who scooped them up and took them back to 'Green Acres' where they would be safe.

Gomer told Casper that 'Bullwinkle' had come looking for Rocky. Casper and Rocky left in search of Bullwinkle. It was elk season and they didn't want their friend to get hurt. Margie was outside romping around with 'Clifford the big red dog'. He belonged to the 'farmers daughter' next door. She worked in the next town over,'Knots Landing'. She was a 'Romper Room' teacher.

Gomer thought she was beautiful, her name was Super Nanny. She ran an animal shelter in town and thought "Gomer would be an excellent employee.

Meanwhile, Bullwinkle was having his own troubles. He wandered off from Gomer and his friends and discovered he was surrounded by a group of men in strange looking clothes. "Oh OhÂIÂm doomedÂ"Just Shoot Me"Âhe thought. Suddenly the men jumped out of the bushes with their "Candid Cameras". DonÂt worry BullwinkleÂwe are from "Wild Kingdom". Let us take your picture and we will make you the "King of Queens. Bullwinkle preened in front of the cameras, and they took the pictures for "Wild Kingdom" and left. He turned around to look for Rocky and Maggie, and who should come swooping down but "The Flying Nun" with Maggie in her arms!

She landed beside Bullwinkle and Rocky and set Maggie down who frolicked at their feet. She said that she couldn't stay and had to fly. She spread her arms like "Wings" and soared off into the sky.

The animals went to find Gomer and Casper and tell them that they were okay. They found their friend Gomer sitting by Dawsons creek. He jumped up and exclaimed You 'little rascals' ! I was so worried that something had happened to you.

Margie began nosing around on the bank. She started barking and Gomer went to see what she was up to. It was an 'empty nest.' Oh, Margie, its the 'facts of life', sometimes not 'all creatures great and small' can be kept safe. Come on back with me to Green Acres. I think Matt and Sam have a surprise for us. Matt and Sam were there waiting, along with Mr. Drysdale and Jane Hathaway, who said the rest of the "Beverley Hillbillies" were on the way as well. Gomer was excited at the thought of seeing Ellie May. Bullwinkle was terrified at the thoughts of ending up in Granny's vittle pot, so he ran for his life, with Rocky hot on his heels Bullwindle and Rocky continued running until they reached Super Nanny's retreat. Super Nanny greeted them warmly and told them they were safe and free to roam around.

Meanwhile...Gomer was in a pickle. He was excited about seeing Ellie May but he knew deep down his first and only true love was Daisy Duke. The Dukes of Hazzard were old neighbors and Daisy made Gomer's heart melt.

Oh...what should I do..thought Gomer? As he pondered his predicament, the "beverly hillbillies" arrived without Ellie May. Jed had given Dash Riprock 5 bucks and a ladder, to elope with Ellie May, he explained! They were currently serving as contestants on "The Newlywed Game" back in "Beverly Hills 90210"!

This made gentle Gomer's heart swell with gladness for his friend Ellie May, and at the same time, it reawakened his deep feelings for Daisy. He asked out loud "Car 54, where are you?". I'm heading to "the streets of San Francisco" and if "the price is right" I'm going to buy something for Daisy. In fact, I think I'll look for something real special, like a

night at the "Paradise Hotel", for a little "Sex in the City. I will call up to "Big Mama's House" and see if I can leave "All My Children" with my "Brothers and Sisters" for "One Day at a Time". He called his friends from "MASH", you know, the "Bad Boys" and decided that it would take about "Two and a half Men" to get this "Antique Roadshow" going. By now, he was really feeling "Yound and Restles", was wondering what "Life on Mars" would be like, with just him and Daisy. Just taking off for "Another World", and living "On Golden Pond". However, "As the World Turns", so does the light, which he didn't see, and was broadsided by "The Love Bug" which sent him for a fast trip to "General Hospital". Now, from "Room 101", he would have to call "Hank Hill" and ask him to "Pimp My Ride" again, seeing as how it's all crashed up the car was hit like a 'bulls eye'. It was hit so on center.

As Gomer lay in his hopital bed, his nurse,'Julia' came to him with his pain medication. He was 'charmed' by her, she was so cute ! Gomer suddenly had an urgent question for her. Where oh where is my little dog? She was with me in the car. Oh Margie, where are you? Julia told him Margie is safe and sound with the "Dog Whisperer." She'll be very well taken care of and soon as you're up and about you'll be able to get her. Your car wasn't so lucky. It was banged up beyond repair. Even Tim from "Tool Time" couldn't fix it up. A fried of mine offered you his car to borrow for as long as you need. It's not pretty, but it will certainly get you and Margie where you want to go.

Gomer was touched by everyone's kindness, but he couldn't wait to get better so he and Margie could continue on with their travels. Knowing Margie was safe Gomer decided to relax for a bit and watch tv. He turned on "Bozo's Circus" and was laughing so hard he was making noises that sounded like he was calling out..."Hee Haw..Hee Haw"

He wiped his eyes of the tears that were rolling down his cheeks and suddenly he knew what to do about his car! Instead of buying a new one he would ask "Mr. Ed" for a ride once he was released from the hospital. He mentioned this to his roomate, 'Horatio Hornblower'. Man, did they give you 'Strong Medicine' or what ? he asked Gomer. Didn't you tell me Margie is afraid of horses since that incident at 'Green Acres"? Gomer remembered and said it's no 'small wonder' after what Matt's horse did to her. I plumb forgot about that!

So with this, Gomer decided to take Julia up on her generous offer of her friend's car.

He was definitely feeling better, so he was ready to be released from the hospital. Julia took him to see his new car, and by gosh if it wasn't "My Mother the Car." It just had an "Extreme Makeover" and was looking fine. He was enthralled with it, and couldn't wait for him and Margie to be seen driving around town in it.

He hopped in and drove out to the "Dog Whisperer's" compound. There Margie was frolicking around with all of his dogs. It took a few minutes for Gomer to find her. She was so tiny among the big shepherds, pit bulls and boxers but was having the time of her life. He called her and she came running and jumped into his arms

Now that Gomer's car was all decked out he decided he and Margie could use a makeover themselves. He thought If they can "Pimp My Ride" then I can do the same thing. Looking for stores he came across "Veronica's Closet" and thought he could buy something for Margie. He suddenly realized that wasn't the store for them after getting a "Queer Eye for a Straight Guy" look from several shoppers.

Now what do I do?... Gomer continued on his way looking for a store to shop at when he happened upon a 'store called 'knots landing'. It had all kinds of raw hide, each one tied in a knot!

The sign said Dogs Welcome , so Gomer and Margie strolled in. They were browsing,err Margie was sniffing around when someone tapped Gomer on the shoulder. He said, you don't know me, my name is 'Barnaby Jones'. and that dog looks awfully familiar to me. Wasn't she the winner of "America's Top Dog?" When Gomer said that yes she was, Barnaby mentioned that he is a scout for "America's Got Talent" and he would love to have Margie on next year's show.

Well, Gomer got so excited, he was stuttering and stammering and grabbed Barnaby's hand and shook till it almost fell off. Barnaby gave Gomer his card and said that he would get in touch with him for an audition. Gomer grabbed Margie and they jumped in "My Mother the Car" and he was telling Margie about all the the things they were going to do if they won. In the meantime he had to work on some new tricks for the show. Gomer remembered that he had seen a show of 'Oprahs' that had showcased pets.

He looked over at Margie, her head hanging out the window with her ears flapping in the breeze and said Margie...they are going to be "Mad About You". Our only real competition are "The Monkee's and The Racoons". Just smile when you see a "Man with a Camera."

Gomer pulled into Harpo studios and the guard at the door came over to Gomer and Margie and said "What's Happening"!! Gomer replied that Margie was going to be on television and was going to win "America's Got Talent". Do you think Oprah will help us..Gomer asked? The guard replied "You Bet Your Life" she will. Not only will she help but she will also pay for your 'Hotel' stay.

When 'Gentle Ben' was on the show that was a big problem. I don't think you and that cute little dog will be a problem. There are '4400' parking spaces here. You can pick any one you like.

Gomer thanked the guard and pulled out without looking and rammed his car into the rear end of "Magnum PI's" Ferrari. Well in no time Gomer and Margie were surrounded by security guard with their guns pulled. He came out with his hands in the air, and Tom Selleck got out of his car. Tom said he had a segment on Oprah and when he found out that Gomer was going to be on "America's Got Talent" he took Gomer and Margie with him and they went in to meet Oprah

Oprah was just finishing discussing "An American President", and Gomer heard her ecstatically shout to the audience "I'm unleashed!" at the top of her lungs, but Gomer thought it meant he could unleash Margie...so he did!

Margie happily bounded for Oprah's stage, and was quickly mesmerized by the stage lights! She did a back flip, and the moon walk, all the while being filmed by "America's Funniest Home Videos".

Well, "Rin Tin Tin" saw all this commotion, and, well, being a self-respecting dog himself, why he Started doing some flips and back-walking at home, in front of the TV. His owner said, Hey, you can be on "AGT" too!! So he called up his friend who owns "Lassie" and "The Littlest Hobo" and they ALL got in a truck and headed for Chicago to see Oprah. His friend asked "'Hey Arnold' why don't we go the short way thru 'Eerie ,Indiana'?"

Arnold didn't hear him because all the dogs were barking so he took the exit toÂÂÂ..

TO BE CONTINUED