Well, sometimes you can't blame people totally. (Although dumping them in the woods or out in the country isn't smart!) We had a stray show up at our home in the suburbs- she is sweet, but my husband won't let her stay because she destroys our gardens. We tried every type of barrier and deterrant that we can afford, but the cat is very stubborn and will even poop over a chicken wire barrier. We can't adopt her as an indoor cat because our current indoor cat of 6 years would not tollerate it. Faced with this problem and not wanting to take it to the pound where after only 5 days they are euthanized, I set out contacting EVERY shelter and cat organization within 50 miles. Guess what? All are full! Even the cat adoption program has a 4 month waiting list. Apparently it's kitten season, so nobody wants adult cats- they end up on the chopping block! So what are we supposed to do? I tried putting ads in the paper for adoption, asking everyone I know- no luck finding a home for the cat. So, here's what we did: I took her in, spent $70 having her spayed and shots. Then, once she was fully healed, we drove her to a quiet suburban neighborhood and dropped her off. Why? Well for one, we figure SOMEONE will take her in- most people we know aquired their cat as a stray. Someone who does not already have an indoor cat can take her in and have her as an inside cat. Either that, or they will call animal control and the cat will be taken to the pound. At LEAST she has a 50/50 chance! No way will she starve to death in a neighborhood full of people- she'll do just what she did when she came to our home...she'll show up at the doorstep, and the people will either take her in or call animal contol. So, sometimes it's the only option, unless you think taking them straight to the pound where they'll be killed is better than at least giving them the chance for adoption.

I'm still here and appreciate all of your comments. Jemdandy, I do those things. I offer to help regularly, but she is unhappy with the quality of my cleaning, so she prefers to do it herself (which creates more stress on her). Yes, there is definitely a lot of stress due to my father and the remodeling. Then, pile on the stress from my wife's job and it becomes very very stressful. We are hoping the stress level will drop when the remodeling is finished. I am not completely clueless. On Tuesday, my wife was under a lot of stress and I seemed to deal with it farily well. At least, she was not upset at me and I think she actually felt better after talking to me. However, yesterday was worse, and she felt worse after talking to me. I listened, I care, I felt for her, but I did not give her the empathy in terms of verbal feedback she is looking for. I thought I was, but in fact I did not. Generally, the problems start after work when either I walk in the door (if she is home first), or when she walks in the door (if I am home first). If she says, "I am on overload" this is my clue to watch out, that there are problems, it will be a rough evening, and I need to do my very best to try to empathize with her. She wants me to demonstrably say things which exhibit empathy, like, "no wonder you are overwhelemed, anyone would be with what you are going through." Or, "It is amazing what you have to deal with. I am really impressed with how well you handled that situation." Sometimes I say these things and sometimes I don't. Also, I need to communicate absolutely everything, which I still have not gotten used to. For example, last night, after our blow-up, we went to bed. She seemed to be calming down. It was late, I had just gone to bed and she was in the master bathroom getting ready to come to bed. There was a loud noise. She came out and asked me if I heard a loud noise coming from the guest bathroom. She was concerned that my father was in there and perhaps had fallen down. I said I didn't hear any noise. (In retrospect I did hear a noise but I thought it was coming from the master bath, not the guest bath). I get up, take a quick look in the guest bath, realize my father wasn't in there, and came back to bed. This morning she told me she was very unhappy with me about this behavior. Do you know why? I do in retrospect. I didn't communicate! Before I got out of bed, I should have said to her, "I'll go check it out." Then, when I came back to bed, I should have said, "I took a quick look but my dad wasn't in there." I was tired and I just wasn't thinking. Her response to this is that I obviously think so little of her that I can't even be bothered with telling her what I am doing or what I find out. As though it isn't important for her to know. No, I did not, do not, think along the lines she alledges. I was trying to respond to her concerns as best I could. Mostly, I just didn't think at all. It must have been around 11:30 p.m. and my brain was shutting down for the night. While I should have been a better communicator, I did the best I could do. That was a good example as to how I get in trouble and why my wife is unhappy with me and may just leave me.

In my opinion, it is RARELY the dog's fault for biting. Here are the reasons why 1) Aggravating, abusing, cornering, or otherwise leaving a dog no choice but to bite 2) Approaching a strange dog 3) Owner's fault for not training it not to bite (not in OPs case obviously, but many people don't properly train their dogs) 4) Owner's fault for not properly restraining a dog that is currently in training, or is a known biter 5) Handler's fault for not understanding and respecting a dog's body language and adjusting their approach accordingly IMHO, it is partly the friend's fault in this case because Bailey "was in training for not biting" and had access to people. Even if the people were stupid kids with no business poking their hands through the fence, a known biter cannot have any access to people at all. Period. And that is the responsibility of the person in charge of the dog at the time. Now if Bailey was not a "known biter" then the friend is somewhat off the hook, as long as provisions are made immediately to not let that type of thing happen again. Unfortunately they chose to kill the dog instead of make other reasonable accomodations while training. Perhaps these friends were not in a position to properly care for and train Bailey. Which is a very unfortunate situation for your family. The parents of the children in this case also share some of the responsibility because kids ages 4 and 5, as you mentioned, have no business poking their hands through a fence. 4 and 5 year olds can be made to understand how to ask someone if it is OK to pet a dog, how to approach a dog (ONLY with an adult in control of the dog), and not to do things that will make a dog angry. Hopefully since the parents of the children were not capable of imparting this knowledge to them, at least perhaps the kids "learned the hard way" that aggavating dogs can hurt.

Definitely, back into counseling for this little guy. He's got so much to deal with and needs to learn effective coping strategies to replace the ones he's using now. One specific suggestion for the mean outbursts: Help him phrase his statements/requests/complaints in ways that are more positive and less hurtful. If he mutters "Move your fat butt!" respond "That didn't come out right. Please try it again using nice words and a nice voice." (Adjust to your child's age and understanding.) The key is to keep it short, NOT negative (he's already in a foul mood), but get him to express himself in ways that are socially acceptable. Help him find the words to say what he means, but in ways that are kind and polite. If he actually says the words (with proper inflection), it'll make a big, big difference. It's really hard to stay angry when your tone of voice has to be pleasant. The first few times, you may need to add explanations like "Your words and tone of voice were rude and hurtful. When you're asking someone to do something for you, you need to ask nicely" - but not for long. If SS sees you and Dad speaking kindly and respectfully to each other, he will know what's acceptable. He'll just need to be reminded that it applies to him also. When he rephrases his request nicely, praise him. If it's only marginally acceptable or still rude, have him try it again. Seriously! It'll get boring and ridiculous fast, but so what? The idea is for the kid to learn that if he asks nicely, he gets what he wants. If he's rude, he doesn't, and he has to try again (over and over) until he does ask nicely. (My kids are rarely rude to me anymore because it's just such a pain in the behind for them if they are.)