I do not like assigned seating personally.

I have never been to a wedding reception where seating was not assigned. You and your fiance know your guests and can make comfortable arrangements for them. How many guests are you inviting?

I don't really care for it but I also don't care to end up sitting at one table and my spouse sitting at another because there aren't two chairs together anywhere. We typically don't rush to the buffet line so we can end up with whatever is leftover for seating. I've seen people get weird when it's not assigned - tipping chairs up to "reserve" them, etc.

I recently attended a wedding reception with assigned seating where I knew very few people - son of a friend of mine. They thoughtfully seated people at my table who had similar professional backgrounds which I thought was nice.

The weddings we attend these days are friend's kids. Seating is always assigned - at least by table number. It seems to work.

Depends if everyone likes where they get put! We have had every experience. Nephew's wedding, no assigned seating. We had to check into our hotel between wedding and reception...by the time we got there we could not sit near any of my family of origin. My off spring could not be near their cousins--the only ones there they knew.... Different nephew we were placed as a family with a couple --being with a brother we don't see more than a few times would have been more to our liking..young people with young, married couples/siblings together...which is how we were seated for a nieces wedding.

I prefer thoughtfully assigned seating. I don't think I've ever attended a wedding where the seating wasn't assigned at least by table, if not by actual place at the table. In order to keep the buffet moving smoothly, the DJ or band leader can announce when it's time for each table to fill their plates.

Had smaller wedding (85 people) and still did assigned seating.

I don't like the scramble either, and agree with Fun2BHere that seating should be thoughtfully assigned.

When I've seen it done, they had extra seating so that people did not end up split up.

I prefer assigned seating, but I must forewarn you that people will change placards to sit where they prefer -- yes, even OLDER people. I was astounded when I saw people do this at my DD's wedding 20 years ago - people I knew! We spent a long time trying to make thoughtful tables.

I will also say I DETEST food stations. Geeze, bad enough to have to stand in line and balance a plate once, but to do it multiple times?

I don't think I have ever been to a wedding without assigned seating! I never had a problem with the table we were placed at. Usually a lot of thought goes into this. That being said if you are doing a buffet maybe non assigned seating would be best.

I think i have only seen it for buffets/stations, which I see as somewhat more casual.

I prefer assigned seating. I want to sit with people I know, especially family and friends you dont see often and are in town for the wedding. I don't like getting stuck at a table with strangers and having to make small talk all evening with people you'll most likely never see again.

My DIL was adamant about not doing assigned seating at the rehearsal dinner. I gave in against my better judgement and the advice of the banquet manager. Sure enough, I was picking up whole place settings and moving things around to accommodate people and DH and I, the official hosts, ended up at a table by the back door. IMO, unassigned seating only works if there are 5-10 extra tables for people to move to if they want.

In my experience, sit-down meals at receptions always have assigned sitting. Buffets seem to vary, perhaps because they can be more fluid, but people do tend to stake out a table early on to assure they are sitting with friends.

I would urge you to do assigned seating, as a favor to your guests. No one wants to play musical chairs, and can we all/both fit at a table.

I think it's better etiquette to plan seating in a thoughtful manner.

Congratulations!

As someone who has been to literally hundreds of weddings (sometimes three a day), table assignment is the most common, followed by individual seat assignment, followed by no assigned seating. Assigned individual places are most frequently used when there is a a sit down dinner rather than a buffet.

I prefer assigned seating. If you are thoughtful about it, people are assured of sitting with people they know or if they don't know anyone other than bride or groom they are placed with people they might get along with.

For our wedding I made a seating chart. I wanted family and friends closer to us. I think I did do a good job sorting and assigning people to tables. If I were to planning one today I would still have assigned seating for those people, but might just let everyone else figure it out. That said, I've also been to a wedding where I couldn't stand the two people we were stuck sitting with and couldn't wait to leave.

Hmm, we had a sit down dinner at our small wedding 20 years ago. No assigned seating, except for the wedding party and the parents. There was a fair bit of extra seating so people could easily move around and fit. There didn't seem to be any scramble and everyone seated themselves with the people they wanted to visit with. Some moved tables between dinner and cake as well.

We attended our neice's wedding last summer. They had sit down dinner with tables assigned. It was okay. But we got seated across the room from my in-laws, who probably would have liked to spend the time with their out of state grandkids. Instead we were seated with relatives of the groom, who were perfectly lovely, but I imagine they were not thrilled to be stuck with the only children in the room. (I don't know if they had no other children to invite, if other people with children turned down the invitation, or if our kids were invited solely because dd was the flower girl.)

So, as usual, I am contrary to the trend and would say I prefer no assignment.

I would also say that I am sure that however you decide to do it will be wonderful!

I remember being seated apart from my family and next to the rudest, loudest, smelliest man. I still don't understand how my aunt could have done that to me. I was only 15 and I watched my cousins laughing together across the room. Finally I walked out and sat under a tree at the entrance without getting anything to eat. No one even noticed I was gone until my aunt wanted a picture of all of us at the end. I prefer extra tables in case of something like what happened to me. No one should have to sit with people they can't stand.

Thank you all for your thoughts and suggestions. You bring up some great points. We're anticipating about 135 guests (the great majority are family) and we want everyone to be comfortable with our arrangements. Based on the sentiment I've picked up here, we're leaning towards a thoughtful seating chart.

Now I could use some help with wedding favors They weren't a thing back when I was first married . Desperate for ideas since we've been told it's expected. Think fall wedding in upstate ny

Huge thanks again

I love the idea of personalized fortune cookies in color-coordinated take-out boxes. Really fun and functional, too. Sometimes you want a little snack!

A personalized box of Jordon almonds is also lovely.

I still have the little wedding favor younger friends of mine gave at their wedding about 24 years ago. They made little white ceramic doves and attached one to each place card. I kept mine and hang it on my Christmas tree every year.

Why not start a new thread related to wedding favors? I think you'll get more posts on that topic.

"Thoughtful seating" that is a curious ASSUMPTION. Why does the bride and her mom think they know where everyone would prefer to sit?!!! I want to think anyone attempting assigned seating thinks they made optimum choices. That doesn't mean they got it right!!! And yes people change place cards or ignore the ones they plant themselves in front of. Just two weeks ago my son read the scripture at a wedding was placed near the wedding party but someone who didn't RSVP took his place next to his date!! They politely took empty seats at a different table that had left over unassigned seats.

Arcy hopefully the bride (general brides) are inviting people close to them vs. distant and know them well enough. I hate the phrase 'it's not your wedding' and the attitude that usually goes with, but sometimes it fits.

the wedding I couldn't wait it leave, it was a friend table and looking at the rest of the guest list, was an appropriate location for us. What wasn't appropriate was the outfit the girl across from us was wearing. Being at one of the other close tables wouldn't have been much better really. We weren't there for them though. Sometimes you suck it up.

Exactly Shee. If there is an ongoing feud between relatives, it would be helpful to keep those separate, but other than that I feel I always have my DH to talk to if the other table mates are not friendly.

I didn't read all the responses, but thought I'd just share what we did. We had a small wedding-85 family and close friends with a buffet I'm a relatively small venue. We did table assignments.

There were some family more comfortable with a little distance between them. There were also close sets of friends that exceeded the capacity of a single table and we needed to cross polinate to fill tables. Since we knew everyone, we had a better idea of who would fit in where. It worked out really well.

As a guest I always enjoy getting chocolate as a favor. How about Lake Champlain Truffles? 2 per guest should be plenty:

Truffles

I don't remember ever going to a wedding that didn't have assigned seating. As someone who did have assigned seating at our wedding, I recall a very labor intensive session with dh, which we then showed to my in-laws and my parents, trying to make sure that all of our guests were able to sit with people they knew, got along with, etc. As a guest, I've been to a couple of wedding where we didn't really know any/many people so we were seated at that "oddball" table. Actually, one of the weddings was a childhood friend of mine - there were a lot of my old friends there. Some were in the wedding party at the head table, others were seated together at another table. One of my good friends and I were seated at that "oddball" table - she was ALL up in arms about it, highly offended, but it didn't bother me in the slightest. For one, I knew how hard it is to try to accommodate everyone and two, we met some new, very nice people. And it wasn't like my friend didn't know anyone at the table - she and her husband knew me and my husband very well (she is one of my two oldest friends). But she took it as some sort of insult that we were not seated with the rest of our friends. I didn't think it a big deal b/c really, the only time we HAD to sit at the table was during dinner. The rest of the time we were dancing or mingling about with our other friends anyway.

Thank you all for taking the time to share your thoughts.I should explain a little bit about our wedding. My fiancé and I are planning and paying for the wedding by ourselves. All the decisions, from the venue, to the flowers, to the guest list have been made solely by the two of us. My mom and dad will be cherished guests at our wedding but are not involved in the details.

We originally wanted a small wedding, but we really wanted to include ALL of our family and close friends. Our save the date list quickly grew to 150, although we don't expect everyone to say yes due to distance. Family alone will account for the vast majority of the guests. We both come from extremely close knit families where everyone gets along with each other. (Really!) and those we are inviting outside of family, for the most part, are lifelong friends whom we adore

As far as seating goes, family members will be seated together and we will put friends at tables of people with like interests. The only exception may be that his parents and my parents may be seated at the same table with a few relatives from each family also at the table.

Both of us think back to our first weddings where we didn't really know a lot of people on our guest list due to obligatory invites for parents, Their colleagues, etc. This isn't the case this time around. Everyone on our list is there because we think the world of him or her. (I guess I should say that I won't know everyone's "plus one", but I'm willing to take that chance.

It is a completely different experience the second time around. Far less stressful. Thank you for your thoughts. They really do help.

For our anniversary party we had a buffet and assigned guests to specific tables, but not assigned seats at the tables. We didn't have the same number of people at each table.

One of my DD's had assigned tables-but it was more or less informal as to where a person sat at their assigned table. She'd personalized stones with the names, but we were fine with people moving them around. The majority of people were happy with their seats.

Other DD had a very casual wedding-no assigned seating and it worked well for her venue (outdoors and a very intimate (fewer than 80ppl) event.

Other weddings that have had non-assigned seating were not comfortable for us. We ended up far from people we wanted to sit by. Only one occasion was ok because we invited a couple of young women to sit at our table and they were lovely companions.

As for favors-food items are always a hit in my book. DD2 had individual moon pies in sweet little decorative boxes. DD1 had a packet of cookies in a cello bag tied with bright ribbons. We also had some macrame'd decorative hanging things, with beads & bells-her wedding was very boho and it worked for her theme.

Assigned by table, but not by seat.

I hear you on the guest list! Often times when we were planning our wedding, I turned to my husband and said, "I wish our families get along a little less well or moved farther away!" I have another vote for seating assigned by table, I've attended weddings both ways and was more uncomfortable when seating was unassigned. We often do sit with strangers at the table but I find our hosts tend to try to put people with similar interests together.

I have only attended weddings with assigned seating. Our dd is getting married this July and she wants unassigned seating but I see a big mess--- approx 200 people scrambling for seats? Not

It stinks when there are "just enough" seats and unassigned seating -- we had to leave a wedding brunch once when couldn't find two chairs at the same table (people were "saving seats" I'm sure for other people who had already sat down elsewhere). So you need to set out several more chairs/tables than you would with assigned seating.