My father reached the point he even wanted to accompany my mother to her weekly hair appointment. He'd stay in the car and if he thought it was taking too long, he'd sit there repeatedly honking the horn. Drove her and everyone else nuts. My MIL would come looking for and calling for my FIL when he was in the bathroom longer than she thought he should be. Getting old us not easy.

I've not had this experience but have thought about it. (My friend's DH does not drive, and she has failing health and may not drive eventually. It's scary.)

There is always taxis and uber. I know they cost. Do you have Dial-a-Ride in your area? Maybe DH would be able to do a few things on his own with this alternative transportation. No doubt he would appreciate this time to himself as well.

I understand you feel a little panicky. You two seem to be independent of each other often, so this will be quite a change. No doubt many women and men face this dilemma in a marriage as they age. It's not fun! Best wishes.

Oh, and the time all by yourself? Oh yes, please. I think about how I used to do things and what is happening now. I used to browse Costco by myself just fine. Now, he has to use the cart (his legs are also not good) and then he complains about "hurry up, what else are you looking for, didn't we already get what's on the list?" and I send him to the food court. But yes, establish some time of your own from the beginning!!!!

There are choices available for cars with hands-only controls for people with special needs. They're not all that unusual.

People who are nearly paraplegic can drive cars from wheelchairs that lock into place in the normal driver's position in a van. If your husband has normal or near normal upper body movements, driving a vehicle set up for someone with his disability (limited lower limb movement) would be a cinch.

Bicycling/tricycling to locations within a couple miles is easy. There are hand powered cycles from bicycle makers such as Worksman. This has a dual advantage of allowing lots of errands by someone who cannot easily drive, and promoting physical activity.

A good 40 years ago, I remember running into a store on my way home from work. It was a town I had never stopped it at all, and it has Leisure World. In every aisle of the grocery store, elderly couples were shopping. And husbands were a real hindrance. Wife would pick out something to buy. He would object that this other brand was 2 cents less. She would point out that every time she had tried that brand he had refused to eat it and she threw it out. Over and over down each aisle. I felt so sorry for those women and their retired husbands who had nothing better to do that to make grocery shopping a negotiation over every item.

Old fashioned and past generations' "traditional practices" aside, I think how couples split household tasks is very individual specific, don't you? Maybe the women you saw were all bored and tagging along and not giving their husbands space? Had you seen my two parents there together, that would have been the case, my mother would have been excess baggage because my father did most of the shopping.

Today, I think many of the stereotyped roles of couples are very different from how they were in the past. But, I guess maybe not for everyone.

Well, I will chime in and let you ALL know that losing one's ability to be and to have independence....for whatever reason....is the PITS. Just for a day, wear a paper bag with 1/4" slits ....maybe 3 or 4.... over even one eye and SEE how some folks have to live their days. That is losing your sight. Add loss of balance, where you can NEVER use two hands to do anything, because you need the other hand to keep you upright. I am; I have been, multi blessed by the people I live with. I always knew I was loved....no one has ever come NEAR to making me feel inconvenienced by me needing, wanting to go or do anything.

Admittedly, I am not a thoughtless or demanding person (my DH would not be my DH if I had been for 63+ years), so we simply continue our lifelong commitment to be each others helpmate, and sometimes have mix-ups that are just that.....and go on. I do believe my helpers in my life know how much I strive for my "dependent independence" in knowing how often and much they sacrifice on my behalf. I hate shopping with a "helicopter" helper; I hate the feeling that I can't "graze" thru the clearance racks in a favorite store....or to pinch and touch and smell thru the produce or bakery shelves. I didn't get my "disability" thru neglect or choice.....it chose me. I didn't plan to 'test' my marriage vows to discover if they could survive truly taking care of each other...even tho we survived Vietnam and more. My Son and DH have stood up to the plate and made me the proudest person on the planet at times and for the long haul. I am grateful to be alive and have my mind intact; an my helpers make me feel, every day, like they are giving me their love in every way they know to do.

As for the Leasure World shopping experiences of that type....Getting ...no....Being an older couple is not easy. Most of us(as witnessed) are often reminding each other of experiences forgotten. Older folks tend to forget recent memories first....so if one hated yesterdays breakfast cereal....might still be attracted to the label or box or cute puppy....and have to be reminded that....no, you didn't like that yesterday, so try something else.....and on and on. And, you know, if the husband was a "penny counter" in his former career, maybe he by habit is prone to want to shop by price and the partner has 50 years of shopping experience to counter his (helpful, watching the bottom line) counterpart.....just sayin' One of the saddest facts of life is that we have generations of people who have grown up without extended families, so they (and me 30 and 40 years ago) had no idea of how their older family members aged. The slow process of bodies and organs and minds, and the loss of vitality as they age....and of course the Family Memories and stories.....so many younger people have never encountered that process....or the onset of dementia

I have to second Elmer. If your DH only has leg problems, please look into hand control. I used to work with severely disabled adults and they were able to be independent because of these modifications. And, this was 30 years ago and the technology is so much better now.

There are lots of husbands that drive their wives all over to where they need to go, I have seen many sitting waiting for their wives to come out of the stores. Many wives did not learn how to drive and husbands did all the driving. What if it was the other way around, it was you, wouldn't you be thankful that your husband is okay to drive and we have one driver in the household and take you to places you need to go.

And yes, as there is aging and health issues, you have tons of appointments, prescriptions, tests,etc. also on top of the normal errands and places always gone too.

My dad had an accident in the driveway and his car was out of commision for three months. I told him to take my car for the morning and it was hard as he drove to the club to play golfing and I sat home stuck and I always went out in am to do errands. He was so thankful as my mother wouldn't help in any way at all and so at least he had my car to use.

Yes, its hard but once you arrange times and areas you will be in to do those things, planning ahead helps alot in not having to live in car all the time. If you like to read, then bring something to read while you are waiting for your husband to do things if he goes in stores,etc. by himself.

Just be thankful he is there and hope that one day if you can't drive and need help to get to places, someone will do that for you like you are doing for your husband.

Fortunately, we are not in a situation like that...yet, anyway.

The only similar experience I can share was when I was shopping with my MIL who was so incredibly slow about everything. And me and my type A personality would go through the roof. Until I told myself that I was doing nothing that day but taking my MIL out, so however long it took, it took. I was then able to relax some.

So maybe you can split it up so sometimes you're taking him and doing his thing, and sometimes you can go alone. Might be easier if he has something of his own to do at home so he's distracted.

As far as the back-seat driving thing, I can relate in that most of the time, it drives me nuts, except when he sees something I don't. Then I'm thankful he spoke up! Don't have a real fix, but if you talk to him openly about it, is there a way you can limit the # of criticisms he makes in a ride? So he can say 5 things during the trip. Even if he doesn't stick to it, just counting them may increase his awareness of just how many comments he makes...

I also like the suggestion of the hand controls...the longer he can SAFELY be independent, the better for both of you.

Instead of focusing on his impatience during shopping, ask him how he feels about losing his ability to walk. Then listen and comfort him. I doubt it's the shopping. Consider the frustration that comes with aging and losing your abilities to serve a purpose. Becoming dependent on others isn't an easy station in life.

When my father was alive, he lost the ability to drive. He lived alone but in an elderly apartment building. Us daughters became his chauffeur. He was very demanding in the beginning. Normally when he called for a ride, it could be taken care of on the weekend. Eventually we had to hold firm on that. My father was a very outgoing guy. After about three months, he managed to find other people to drive him around during the week. We basically forced my dad to step up to the plate in solving this problem. It worked for us because his brain was fine. His eyes, not so much. The plus - the man who drove my dad around was a bit shy and didn't get out much. He loved having my outgoing dad around and my dad loved that he didn't need to rely on us for everything. Even when my father ended up in the nursing home, this friend would come and get him and take him out for the day. Is there someone in the community that can help you out? Your husband might like not having to rely on you for all the driving.

My mom and dad ran errands together- but they'd do different ones! He'd get dropped off at grocery/home depot/wherever, and she'd run another errand, and then pick him back up. They both got some out of the house alone time.

Perhaps you could drop your husband off at a friend or relatives house for a visit while you shop?

My husband refuses to shop so I am in luck there. I think the motorized carts are great for those who need them but I watch those drivers and their companion shopper closely ever since I got hit by one. While I was standing still, a man in a cart hit me and nearly knocked me over. He then shouted that I should have seen him coming!

My experience has been that there is much dashing back and forth across the aisles and constant dickering over what to buy. It is hard to watch and maneuver around. If the two shoppers are monopolizing an aisle, I go to the next aisle to avoid them and work my way back later.

Where are all these old people coming from? They are clogging the aisles in stores, wandering around parking lots looking for their cars, driving 10 MPH in the 35 MPH zones and 20 MPH in the lots? Gee...I wonder.

wantoretire -- I'm sorry for your DH's failing health. You will adjust. Here, DH likes to drive when we both go anywhere. He is a careful, cautious driver, and I am...well, not so much. I've had to learn to be ready *way* ahead of time and sit patiently and quietly!

We sold one car years ago when I realized I was *dusting* it as it sat in the garage. I'm a homebody. DH is more outgoing. We've been able to share one car -- a few times renting a second one during a schedule conflict. Also...I've *had* my 'car days' -- convertibles, a Healey 3000, an XJR. (DH chose a VW bug for college.)

My main concern is about when *neither* of us can drive!

My husband lost his sight from diabetes and hasn't been able to drive for a few years. He alsio walks very slowly and uses a cane. When we go to a store we each take a cart and go our separate ways. We decide ahead of time where to meet up in the store and when. That way he can take his time and I cann buzz around as I wish, It works very well for us. He also lives to grocery shio sio I drop him off and he calls me when he is ready to be picked up. I am sure you will figure out something that works for you both, It's not that hard but does take some getting used to!

Joann

BIG admission here. Twice over the weekend, I made calls for different things. When the person at the other end asked for my phone number - I could not remember it! Rats; and double rats. I now have it written on a piece of paper next to the phone.

That is scary folks!

My husband, in his entire life, has never remembered his house number or phone number. He says it's 'cause he doesn't write or telephone his own home. In the cell phone it is listed as "Home". His memory is sharp as a tack! ( otherwise )