Beautiful/moving funeral ideas

7 years ago

I anticipate losing a loved one in the next few months. Since I'll be an emotional mess at that time, I'm doing what I can now regarding the funeral such as gathering photos, choosing music, etc. I'd like to make it as beautiful of an occasion as possible in her honor, so I thought I'd ask here if you recall any particularly lovely/moving aspects of funerals you've planned or attended that you'd recommend? For example, I'd like to work in the song Remember by Harry Nilsson. Any ideas would be appreciated.

Featured Answer

bob_cville

7 years ago

Just last night there was a remembrance ceremony / party for a friend who passed away in September after an 10 month battle with brain cancer. One of the speakers noted that Muffin (as everyone called her) lived in a small apartment, and often said since so many people had invited her to dinners and parties over the years she wanted sometime to throw a really big party and invite all the people who had invited her to things.

I helped organize two different slideshows to be projected on screens, one of pictures of Muffin, and another of pictures of hers from her travels. Additionally each of the tables was decorated with a theme from some facet of her life. One with an African Safari theme. One for Peru. One for Paris, One for Montana, One for the Kentucky Derby that she usually attended, One for the "Cosmo Girls" friends she'd attend spa getaways with, One for her beloved dogs, who appeared on her Christmas cards most years, and several related to horses and riding, the center of her life for many years.

After a brief ceremony and statements of remembrance from 10 or so people, there was a catered dinner, followed by music and dancing. There were probably around 250 people in attendance and I think Muffin would have been truly pleased at how it turned out.

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Comments (16)

sushipup1
7 years ago
Have you contact the funeral home yet? You don't have to wait until the end. Take care of the necessary details first so that you are free to deal with details.

Does your loved one have any requests? Start there. A song, patriotic or religious or familiar? A favorite quote, biblical or not. A color? You can make little pins with a ribbon of color for each guest. A favorite place? A book? A hobby?

Start making lists right now. And if your loved one is with it, talk about all these items.
sushipup1
7 years ago
My father left wonderful instructions. He was retired Army and even left a tape of Taps to be played. We didn't test the funeral home's audio system and it didn't work right. Just a warning.
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Annie Deighnaugh
7 years ago
I found putting together photos was very healing for me as well as useful for the service. Now they tend to string them together in a video which plays...when I did it, it was on my own bulletin boards.

If anyone has any musical talent, it would be nice. At a friend's funeral, the daughter in law and her daughter did a lovely duet of going home or something like that...it was really lovely.

When I had a memorial for Mom, I started with giving everyone a heads up that anyone who would like to speak in memory of her, we'd be doing it at the end, so everyone had a chance to think about it. That way I had a surprisingly large participation.

Another service I was at, they selected very common hymns that everyone knew so it was nice that everyone could chime in...so hard when only a few know the songs.

I don't know if you'll have anyone religious speak at the service, but please make sure you talk to whoever is officiating ahead of time and make sure s/he gets the name right! My GFs mother's funeral, all throughout the service he kept talking about how we'll remember Betty. I was, who the heck is Betty? Everyone called her mother Liz!

The best ones I attended always included a good sense of humor...people remembering humorous stories or jokes the person enjoyed or whatever. It makes it so much nicer for the attendees and helps lighten the whole event to be a celebration of life.
wanda_va
7 years ago
When my mother passed away, we had a Celebration of Life for her. It was in a reception hall, with a meal, attended by 140 people. We had 3 large photo boards with pictures of her and those she loved. I got very nice stationery and made handouts. It had pictures, her life story, etc. Also, I used cardstock to make bookmarks with her picture and an appropriate poem. We had music, flowers, candles, and a guest book on the centerpiece table.

The day she had her fatal stroke, she made 5 pounds of her "famous" chocolate fudge We cut it in pieces, put it on a silver platter, and took it from table to table so everyone could share in her final creation. There were a lot of stories told by a lot of her friends and family, and we kept it upbeat. We were there to celebrate a life well-lived. It was held a month after her passing, so we had all had time to grieve and cry.
arcy_gw
7 years ago
My SIL is very tech connected. While she did her video collage we gathered pictures. The video holds one captive..clogs up those trying to mingle, so place it carefully. Choose the eulogist carefully. They will be the one who makes your loved one's funeral personal or generic. Don't read the obituary. Everyone there will have it in front of them..and can read. Void of a religious ritual the ones I have attended fall very flat. Gather all their favorite things, people will feel her presence.
donna_loomis
7 years ago
last modified: 7 years ago
Mom passed away this past March. We knew it was coming, but it seemed too weird to think of planning the memorial while she was still alive. But everything came together beautifully in the time we had. Thirty-eight years ago I wrote a song for Mother's Day and sang it at a banquet for her. She loved it, so I thought it would be appropriate to sing it at her memorial. But I knew I'd never make it through the song before breaking down, so I recorded it and we played it at the memorial. My daughter went through the old photos and made a large collage using Mom and Dad's wedding photo as the focal point (Dad passed on 1995) and included photos from infancy to old age of her, and photos of her friends along her life journey. The collage was displayed afterward in the area where we ate and people would stop and look and many were tickled that photos of them were included. They would recall to others the circumstances surrounding the photos and it made for a joyous time of reminiscing.

I remember a funeral several years back that left a lasting impression on me. They actually played a song that had been recorded by the deceased. The song was called The Glory Roll and it was about how it would be after she was gone. She sang that she was "gonna get carried away when she got carried away". That was truly a beautiful rendition.
hooked123
7 years ago
When my cousin passed away her children had a beautiful Celebration of Life. They took photos, at least 20 of them and had them blown up in Black & White. All the tables had Black tablecloths with White flowers. It was really gorgeous. We had a potluck dinner while her children told stories and showed a homemade movie of her. It was so nice and touching.
jim_1 (Zone 5B)
7 years ago
You need to decide if you want the service to be restrained or joyful. That theme should be prevalent. Example: do you want an organ dirge? Or, rather something popular that would delight those who are there.

When we got married (both for the second time), we had a tape (oh, those were the days) of music from The Big Chill and others from that era.
Yayagal
7 years ago
Years ago we bought our plots anticipating we would do what most people do until I went to an amazing send off for a friend. Her directions were to be cremated with no funeral home showing, have a private mass for family and close friends and then to have a huge get together at her 14 room home with all her art and the product of a lifetime of gardening etc. Beautiful soft classical music and lots of laughter, tears and hugs. Food and wine flowed. It was soo humane and we all got to see how she lived and loved. We made new friends there and it was sooo relaxing. Sooooo I gave our plots to my conventional sister and spouse and DH and I have made all the plans. We don't even want the ashes brought back. They don't define us. The love and joy of family and friends is what matters along with our faith. My daughter has a huge home overlooking the ocean and she will handle it all in her home as they plan to stay there till death.
MiMi
7 years ago
This is one of my favorite song to put on picture DVD for funerals.. The Flower by Casey Chambers

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZ_FaOXcnaE
rhizo_1 (North AL) zone 7
7 years ago
The best funerals I've attended were uplifting and a sincere celebration of the life of the deceased. Laughter is common.

The most depressing were those with music that made loved ones heave in sorrow and wrenching grief. Choice of music is important in creating the atmosphere.
sushipup1
7 years ago
I just found this adult school class -- "I want a Fun Funeral"

What a great idea!
jilldag
7 years ago
We passed out cards in memory of my Grandmother that could be planted to sprout wildflowers. My grandmother loved wildflowers, so we were hoping that she was smiling down from heaven!
rob333 (zone 7b)
7 years ago
My exhusband's father, the man for whom my son is named (he was born right before the father died, how very circle of life!), had funeral where we each told our favorite story of him. It was uplifting. And the recessional was the William Tell Overture, his favorite song.
jkayd_il5
7 years ago
When my Mom died she had 67 grand, great grand and great great grand children. We had a bouquet of 67 red roses on her casket. At the cemetery the minister announced for each grandchild to come up and get a rose. It came out exactly right. The only thing we should/could have done different was to have seven white roses mixed in for her children. My granddaughter said, am I related to everyone with a rose? That was nice.

Beautiful/moving funeral ideas

bob_cville

Comments (16)

sushipup1

sushipup1

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