What state does he live in? If he does not have a will, the state will divide the estate according to the state's laws. You can look it up, "intestate succession (name of state)"

I don't understand that mentality either.

but my brother made sure to inform everybody that he & his wife have left "sweetheart" wills (all to the surviving spouse) & that, should they die together, Texas Parks & Wildlife Dept is the beneficiary.

He has alienated everybody in the family, so nobody expects anything, but his wife has an elderly mother & a sister who could use some money.

It seems to me, too, that the state gets the estate only when no relatives can be found.

Maybe your uncle doesn't want to pay a lawyer to draw up a will!

Maybe you could suggest he leave some of it to Alzheimer's research, as a tribute to your Grandma, his mother? I would think he would be aware of the possibilities of a cat fight, and want to avoid it if he could. But maybe not, who knows how he thinks, or why. But he apparently thinks a lot of his mother, so doing something in her memory might appeal to him.

Rusty

Every state is different. The rules that control property dispositions when someone dies without a will are called the laws of "intestacy".

Depending on the location and whether or not other arrangements (trusts) have been made, when someone dies, their property is "probated". Probate is a legal process where a judge in a Probate Court overseas the disposition of a decedent's property, either according to a will if any or pursuant to the applicable intestacy law. Such property is not unclaimed, rather it's in probate. If the governing intestacy rule is that the property reverts to the state, that's call an escheat.

Fairly certain with no will everything will go to next of kin..wife..son, daughter, parents..it will go down the line to whomevers closest kin to him. I knew a lady that told a family member over and over again that he was the beneficiary..had no will though lol....when she died she did have a will and left everything to the Breast cancer foundation. And made sure her will could not be contested. Only the future will things come into the light Paw.

I am just curious, what does he do for fun or is he a hermit?

I have no suggestions for financial planning, but I have a friend whose uncle died a very wealthy man. His father died when he was young, and the man's mother scrimped and saved and lived almost in poverty to send him to college. He never repaid her or offered any luxuries--she used a wringer washer long after automatic washers were available. His fortune went to endow a chair (named for himself, of course) at the university where he taught--my friend, his niece, received his used bath mat.

Just wanted to clarify--he didn't leave it to her in his will, but the family were called in to choose something from among his effects. There was nothing left that she wanted, but she felt she couldn't leave empty handed. I guess she felt that would have seemed insulting, so she took the bath mat.

oh boy-been there,done that-was left an orphan

Without a will -- it will go to next of kin, never the State. Since everyone seems to want the funds so much, I can see why he doesn't want to give it to them.

I like to think giving to the Shriner Children hospital would do a heck of a lot of good!

Maybe he says that just so he'll see who really likes him for himself and who only likes him for his money.

I can guarantee he doesn't live in Illinois. NO ONE there wants the state to get any more than those rotten crooks already take. Do you agree, Chisue?

I had an aunt who when she was in her 20's got into a big fight with her mother and her siblings, and declared that she wanted nothing to do with the rest of the family ever again.

As far as I'm aware she was good to her word -- even though she lived in the same city as her mother, and three of her siblings (including my mother) they was never any contact. I only knew of Aunt Eleanor as the aunt I had never met.

However when she died she had no will, and since she had no children, and since her husband had already passed away, her estate was divided equally between her 11 siblings, with the share that was to go to my mother being divided amongst my siblings since my mother has already passed away. I always imagined her "rolling over in her grave" moaning "Nooooo" at how thing turned out.

Even though I received 1/4 of 1/11 of her estate, it amounted to nearly $25000, I expect there are many things she would have rather had the money go to.

Keep in mind that the state and lawyers will get a nice cut of the money for handling the probate. If the deceased has their accounts and property in a trust, they avoid probate and many thousands of dollars in probate expenses, proportionate to the size of the estate.

He's in Arizona. He has never had a wife/partner or kids. He takes care of Grandma 24/7. Doesn't have any hobbies except dumpster diving. Yes, everything he has was found in a dumpster at some point. I guess next of kin is his siblings.

For the past 40 years he claims he has a will & changes it every week on who gets his money. He said I'm out of his will because I'm disabled & he'll live longer than me.

None of us really believe he has a will because he always says he'd rather the state take his money.

Paw, it's incomprehensible and unfortunate, but there isn't much you can do. It is what it is. Too bad, because there are thousands of wonderful charities. As time passes by, if he expresses an interest in anything at all, you could mention a related charity.

Paw perhaps he will change his tune when you are released back to work..he knows your disability is temperary doesn't he? Well unless things have changed since you and I talked last. Besides that's a pathetic reason on his part.

>>He said I'm out of his will because I'm disabled & he'll live longer than me.<<

Just charming.

Maybe someone should check into your grandmother's situation;

your uncle sounds manipulative, & since he gets her Social Security, who knows if it's used for her benefit?

I wish you the best.

Without a will, my thinking is that his estate will be probated by the county or state. The county or state gets their cut for settling his estate, and the probate judge decides how the remaining funds will be distributed, usually to the next of kin or as prescribed by state law. With no children and both parents gone, the next of kin would be his siblings.

Mama, I'm now permanently disabled so he doesn't like that.... Now that I'm on permanent disability & not working he wanted me to move into their house & help him take care of Grandma & I said no.

Sylvia, my Grandma is very lucky to be at home with him be her side 24/7. She doesn't have to endure the nursing home treatment most people talk about. She really would die fast if left to rot sitting in a wheelchair.

Shes 93 now and final stages of Alzheimer's. She has a favorite chair she sleeps in & a cozy bed. She can't read or watch TV anymore because she can't follow or understand what's going on.

My uncle changes her diapers all day, feeds her & gives her her pills that she spits out. She refuses all meds now. He bathes & dresses her & cleans up after her so it's the best situation.

I think the major reason he doesn't want any of his siblings to have his money is because not one sibling ever offered or has helped him with Grandma (their Mom). Not one. He's dedicated his whole life to her while they all went off, had families, children & grandchildren.

As a Canadian, I was thinking maybe he meant "The Estate", as in he won't be designating certain recipients but that it will be settled with his accounts and divided amongst relatives after his death. Not sure if it means the same thing over there, and it sounds more like he just wants nobody else to get it LOL!

He sounds like a pip, though.

Dances.

I find it amazing that he has had the energy to take care of his mother by himself this far through her disease--it's very exhausting work. Why will no other family members help him?

If no other family member has given a hand with his mother i don't blame him for not leaving them one red cent.,

Yes I was thinking taking care of his mother will be physicially and emotionally hard work. I can't understand why the entire family and anyone expecting to benefit from his death arnt there helping. Even if he says get out..so than do the yard work. I wouldn't leave my stuff to people that don't care enough to shoulder some of the load. He may be full of pride and not be willing to accept help until those people show up consistantly genuinely trying to help.

I can understand his frustration and anger. Why on earth is no one else helping? No siblings, no grandkids? Is there no way you can help?

One person should never have to shoulder the burden of caring for an elderly family member, especially one with Alzheimer's!

That additional information about his care giving makes the situation more understandable. It sounds like he's extremely frustrated with your family. I don't blame him - that is really hard work to care for someone so ill full time and long-term. I hope none of them receive the money either! Hopefully he'll leave it to charity. Could he maybe hire a nurse to help him?

After his family doing this..not helping...when its his turn to walk thru the golden gates other than funeral costs every dime should go to charity.

Who took care of Grandma while he worked? Doesn't he pay for help with her? From what you've said, he sounds like a case of arrested development, a martyr, hiding from the world under his self-inflicted burden. These are the kind of 'children' who kill themselves when Mama dies.

I agree with mama goose - he has earned the right to be curmudgeonly! But someone should explain to him that, if he doesn't have a will, the state will have to distribute the money to his family members.

Little bug...LOL I doubt his family will tell him that with no will the family will get his money, they may be counting on him not knowing that.

LOL! Yes, mamapinky0, you are probably right!

"For the past 40 years he claims he has a will & changes it every
week on who gets his money. He said I'm out of his will because I'm
disabled & he'll live longer than me."

How is it that a family member's will or absence of a will is a recurring topic of conversation? For 40 years? I'm confused.

Does he bring up the topic? If so, change the conversation when he does. Some people who have peculiar money compulsions (and he may) like to talk about it all the time, Don't allow him to do that to you. Do others bring it up?

'From what you've said, he sounds like a case of arrested development, a martyr, hiding from the world under his self-inflicted burden. These are the kind of 'children' who kill themselves when Mama dies.'

What in the world does this mean?

No wonder he doesn't want to leave his fortune to anyone. Values in our society are so sick.

I sure hope he knows to get it in writing and gives it all to charity. In his mother's name. She must have been good to him.

I think chisue's comment is very clear and maybe even spot-on.

Yikes!

Taking full care of a helpless elderly person is indeed a daunting responsibility & eventually it becomes a crushing burden...

& family members not stepping up would make any caregiver cynical & angry.

but he does not have to shoulder the burden alone to keep her out of a nursing home (you're right; they're a disgrace).

Depending on what kind of insurance your grandmother has, she may be eligible for in-home health care from Medicare or Medicaid or...somebody.

One thing I've learned the hard way is that hospice isn't necessarily the miracle relief for all concerned that it's been made out to be.

When my elderly friend went on in-home hospice, the hospice service *immediately* went on a campaign to get her put into a nursing home.

cheaper for them to "care" for her there, so more profitable.

To: Pawprint

Please try to convince your uncle to have a will made. That is the best way for him to direct how his estate will be distributed, otherwise, it is my understanding, it will be probated by the court and likely will run counter to his wishes.

This all sounds tidy, but in reality, this is what can happen unless security measures are taken at his demise. Greedy relatives swarm into the residence taking what they want before the county authorities take control of the property. This may be done when no one is at the house. In cases where the last survivor dies at a residence, the good china, silverware, jewelry, paintings, cameras, guns, family mementos, and the best furniture has a habit of disappearing.

When he worked she was home alone. He would come home everyday for lunch to check in her. She had lived there for 25 years so she was comfortable knowing where things were. He took all the knobs off the stove & oven so she couldn't cook. Really she just sits in her favorite chair & looks out the window all day, sleeping on & off.

He makes her breakfast, lunch & dinner and gives her all her pills to take. Now she's diapered and he takes care of that too. When he does work outside he brings a chair for her to sit on and watch him.

Her body is very healthy at age 93 so she doesn't need round the clock nursing care. Just her brain is gone. She doesn't know anyone anymore.

The family never helped because they all have their own families, kids, grandkids & issues to take care of. Since he's always been single with no partner or kids, and he was always her favorite growing up, they just let him do it.

The family wants him to get a home health aid, but he refuses.

Yes, he brings up the subject of his money to me quite often, but I really don't know how it would play out. He's 70 and in good health, so hopefully we won't cross this bridge for many years.

Although the family said it will be my responsibility to take care of him when he needs it since I don't have a partner or kids either....

Also, growing up & in adulthood I've been the closest to them. I spent every summer at their house while growing up to escape my abusive father. My uncle, grandma & me were thick as thieves as the saying goes.

In 1992 I moved to Ohio. But Grandma & I wrote letters every week up until 3 years ago when she couldn't write anymore. I still have every single letter she wrote in 4 big boxes.

May of this year, my uncle asked me to move back to Phoenix & live with him & Grandma and help him take care of Grandma. But with my disability & all the doctors I see weekly I just can't go.

"For the past 40 years he claims he has a will & changes it every week on who gets his money."

I'm sure he does have a will. I am equally sure that his bringing it up is a desperate cry for attention and needing help caring for his mom.

Bottom line as everyone has said--"The State" will not get ALL of his money. Much will go to relatives, more to lawyers. Here in MN we have DNA testing going to prove paternity of Prince. He was unable to trust anyone so in the end EVERYONE gets pieces..given the way he lived it is doubtful he didn't want much of it to go to youth programs...but they will get NONE of it. Perhaps you need to have a FRANK conversation with him and urge him to have SOME SORT of will.

It's really nice that the family members who have let your uncle take care of their Mama all by himself have now decided that YOU will be taking care of him when he needs it. *sarcasm*

Hospice is helping now with my mother and there has been no mention of moving her from her home to any other facility but that could be because we are doing everything ourselves with the help of 2 paid caregivers and they (hospice) just make visits and observe.

I think my brothers would be happy to have me be the caregiver for both of my parents so they could continue to ignore the reality. I sympathize with your uncle.

It sounds like you have a special relationship with both of them, and there are doctors in Phoenix who you could see for whatever your disability is if you really wanted to. That to me is an excuse. Caring for a sick person is not easy. I did it for my Dad for only a couple of years, and it was exhausting. We had home health, a nurse, and a physical therapist come in too. You could live near by to help out, unless the nature of your disability is such that you are physically unable to help. Family is the most important thing in the world, and it sounds as if you love them. You might regret not helping.

I agree, in part, with Lucille. He wants attention from you--if you were as close as you say when you were younger, he probably misses you, and he might have been counting on your help. And since he has no children or grandchildren, he might be worried about what will happen to him if his health suffers as your grandmother's is. Bringing up the will (or lack of) might be his way of trying to ascertain whether or not you'll be there to help him. It might be the carrot he is using to get you to commit to helping him in the future. He does sound somewhat controlling, and maybe he feels that no one else can adequately care for Grandma, while at the same time he resents the fact that no one will try.

I'm sorry that you have disabilities, and I can tell by your first post that you have sympathy for him. Possibly you should write your uncle a frank letter, tell him what you've learned about other relatives receiving his money if he dies intestate, and ask if he'd like help choosing a worthy charity. If he predeceases his mother, she gets everything (at least in Ohio), and then the state could attach it to pay for her medical care in a nursing home--unless one of her other children stepped in to care for her at home, and in her mental condition, probably whoever got there first with a lawyer would be the one.

I'm surprised that Grandma 'just sits'.

Most caregivers for people with Alzheimer's are run ragged because the afflicted become aggressive or begin to wander, especially at night. They have to be monitored constantly. They can't be left alone while a caregiver works. Might he be sedating her?

My 'take' on your uncle being a martyr stems from his refusal to pay for help with his mother. Would he really accept help from other family members? I got the idea he wouldn't, much as he complains about doing it all himself.

There are positives and negatives about family expectations of care for their elders. It *used* to be that an unmarried child (almost always a woman) was expected to care for elderly parents. The presumption was that the family would pitch in with expenses so that the 'Spinster' would also be cared for. One of my aunts had been a hard working widow for years, raising three children. Once the kids were grown, she looked forward to some time of her own, but The Family decided she would be saddled with care of her father after he was widowed in his 70's. He lived to be 100. Only at the very end of her life did my aunt have her own time.

I find it tragic that single children get tasked with caring for elderly parents while the kids that 'have families' get a pass because they are busy.

What if the care-giving duties keep the single from becoming part of a couple?

My FIL was in late-stage Alzheimer's disease and was quite aggressive. He also tried to escape the memory facility that he lived at for the last two years any time he found an opportunity. He had to be in the wing with two sets of locked doors that were only opened with a badge and code and still managed to be found one day in the unlocked lobby.

Sleeper, I hear what your saying & yes Phoenix has great doctors. I know it sounds like an excuse & maybe it is, but I'm too disabled to give her the care she needs. Moving 2,500 miles away would also be extremely difficult for me now.

Chisue, Grandma does wander around the house, but it's the only place she knows & feels secure. Alzheimer's patients in a facility might wander because they are completely lost, like a fish out of water.

I doubt she's drugged because he can barely get her to take her pills now. He finds them in her pockets, napkin, the floor, hidden in food she didn't eat & in her sleeves.

I just think the main reason she hasn't wandered away is because she knows her surroundings. I think most Alzheimer's patients are wandering & trying to escape to get back home. But she's already there.

It's good she still recognizes her home. But it is possible that she will, in time, no longer know where she is, and will want to go home. Just remember that is a normal progression of the disease. That is one of the times the 'validate and distract' technique becomes valuable. And sometimes, when they can't be distracted, taking them for a ride will work.

I realize you are not in a position to be able to help with her care, but hopefully, passing information along to your uncle and other family members might be of some help. And there are times when even a little moral support can be worth its weight in gold.

Rusty

nothing to add except to say You're in my thoughts and I wish nothing but the best for this whole entire situation...I can certainly see your uncles frustration and what he does with his funds is his...he's still young so maybe he'll mellow in coming years...I'm glad you stay in contact with him at least...