(Much) Older Couple - How to Deal with "No Gifts"

7 years ago

We're an older couple. Amazingly, first marriage for both (we are in our later 60's). VERY much connected and this is what we've both been waiting for. We don't need gifts. We have what we need (in several instances, duplicates). We're also "ok" financially.

We just want to host our beloved friends at a party (after the church service, which is important to us). Would you suggest that we provide info about charities that we both, or each individually, support? I would like to send the message of no gifts, but people just don't seem to resonate with that.

I'm not interested in doing the stereotypical young couple thing of going through the various stores and forming a registry of $60 soup ladels. That's fine for a certain generation, but not ours. We are fully in agreement about what we consider important - and that is friendship and "giving back --- or forward".

How would you suggest we deal with this?

Thanks so much - I hope that you understand that I'm not dissing anyone's plans ... just trying to find what works best for us.

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (5)

newgardenelf newgardenelf
7 years ago
We wrote- we are not registered and ask for only the gift of your friendship

I'm not a fan of asking folks to give to charities. Our family already donates a great deal to charity and sometimes people choose organizations we prefer not to support.

We still got cards, wine, small gifts but most people respected our wish not to receive gifts.
Suzieque thanked newgardenelf newgardenelf
gellchom
7 years ago
last modified: 7 years ago
Congratulations! Every happiness, Suzieque.

It isn't etiquette-approved to say anything at all about gifts, even "no gifts, please," but you can't call it offensive or greedy. Many people do it. I would, in your place.

I would put simply "No gifts, please." Don't add anything about "We don't need presents but your presence" or something -- it can come across as vaguely self-congratulatory and a bit as if you feel your values are superior to people who do get gifts. I know that's not your (or anyone's) intention, but just leave it at "No gifts, please" without any (unnecessary anyway) explanation, and definitely avoid derogatory or condescending comments about what other people do register.

Unlike newgardenelf (and many others, I know), I do like gifts of charitable donations in someone's honor. I like when someone does that for me; I take it as a compliment, that they know I would appreciate that.

The trick is to make it the charity of the OTHER person's choice or taste. So, if I am GIVING such a gift, I choose the recipient's favorite charity, or, if I don't know it even after a bit of research, something that I have good reason to think they would appreciate -- like their or their child's congregation, school, club, or camp; their local food bank, animal shelter, or public radio station; a reputable organization that supports a cause that they love.

From the other direction (when you are the recipient), ask for donations to the GIVER'S favorite charity, not yours. Even if yours is something you are sure wouldn't offend anyone on your list, you don't want your wedding (or birthday or whatever) to turn into a fundraiser.

So you might write, "Please, no gifts, other than a contribution to your favorite charity, if you wish."
Suzieque thanked gellchom
Related Discussions
Stumped on wedding gift for established couple
Q
Comments (18)
Lpink, You can pick up the generic (pre-paid) Visa cards almost anywhere now. Walmart, Target, some banks (call first), etc. How about a small rustic basket with a nice bottle of wine, some of your homemade jams, pickles, artisan bread, etc. and a gift card to somewhere like Amazon. If you can't find something to spend money on there you really, truly don't need anything!! LOL The basket could be "re-purposed" later as a planter, garden harvest basket, storage (hanging or otherwise if it has a handle). The food goodies will be consumed and enjoyed (even if they preserve themselves, it's fun to try something new). Jars can be re-used, re-purposed or re-cycled in any number of ways! All that's left is the wine bottle.........and I'll bet they can come up with a creative way to deal with that! Deanna
...See More
I Found A Great Gift Idea for Older Parents
Q
Comments (18)
I got my mom this atomic clock/weather station. Gives indoor/outdoor highs/lows for the last 12 hrs, predicts weather for next 12/24 hrs. They say it takes 14 days to set itself to predict weather, but mine started showing snow on screen on 3rd day, next morning we had snow. (Got one for myself, my LaCrosse bit the dust after 3 yrs). This is an Acu-Rite brand, super easy set up. I like it for her because the screen is big, easy to read. One "con" is no LCD contrast adjustment, has to be hung at a higher spot on wall so other background images don't "shadow" on the screen. (Tho it will also stand, like a picture frame.) Another great stocking stuffer are those $15 remote light switches. (Can't find a pic of one & need to head out now, but they are everywhere now, Walgreen's, Ace, big box stores). There are two kinds. You plug a lamp into the switch, then either operate the lamp from a push button remote or wall 'flip' switch you can install in a handy spot (double faced backing or small screws). My mom took a few tumbles, so I hooked one up to her bedside lamp and set remote on her bedside table. All she has to do is press remote now, rather than reach over for lamp's switch. Those have been so handy I've given her several, she loves them!
...See More
Too much gift wrap & gift bags
Q
Comments (18)
We're planning a closet -- typical hall closet size -- that'll have a lock instead of a doorknob; thus, it'll be accessible only to me and my husband. This closet'll have shelves top to bottom, and maybe basket type shelves on the inside of the door for bows, ribbons and so forth. The closet will serve a couple purposes: - gun safe - purchased-ahead gifts - gift wrap - a small amount of cash that we keep on hand As for buying ahead, I do pretty well with it. It's rare that I buy something that just sits around forever and ends up at Goodwill. When I wrap things, I just do basic wrap and use a sticky note to remind me what the item is. I add the bow at the last minute so that I can stack boxes without messing up th wrappers. I like the idea of putting your gift wrap items near the dining room. Practical and efficient.
...See More
a couple of christmas gifts i painted :)
Q
Comments (14)
hello luvs and paintingfool :) firstly, thank you for the great comments :) oh dear... luvs... your questions are a little too technical for me, but i'll try to explain :) well.. the sunflower is definitely one stroke... that's how i learnt it anyway. i didn't base the mirrors because they already came in that black and looked totally cool! i didn't follow any template for the sunflowers, i just drew circles (centers) where i wanted the flowers to be then painted the petals on. i use like perhaps 5 colors (waterbase acrylic by jo sonja)and did perhaps 3-4 layers of petals... the colors for the petals were : yellow oxide (the brownish petals at the base), light yellow and warm white. for the upper layers i loaded warm white + light yellow then tipped the brush with yellow-orange and then some of the topmost petals were just warm white tipped with pale gold. i normally don't use pale gold on sunflowers but seeing that they were christmas gifts... i thought to give the flowers some 'glow' :) based the centers with a medium brown (hiding all the flaws at the base of the petals :) the petals were drawn outside to in) then used an old stiff brush to stipple burnt umber on the outside of the flower center, and yellow oxide + moss green to stipple the center of the flower center. i then used a stylus to put the dots on the center (warm white, light yellow and moss green) finally, i spattered the whole thing with pale gold using a tooth brush. wiped off any access spatters i didn't want, hence you only see the spatters near the flowers... to give it some magical stardust qualities :) (i think) finished off with 2 layers of satin varnish. for the elven mirror, i first designed the motif on a piece of paper then copied the design onto a transparency (some how i always prefer to keep my designs on tracing paper or transparency... transparency last longer and u can actually flip it the other way and do the opposite if needed) (i also use transparency for stencils.) then i transferred the motif onto the mirror using white transfer paper. the rest was just filling in the blanks. i use warm white and did like 3 layers to have it properly based. i also use the aid of a medium call 'stroke and blend' by jo sonja so that the painting is smooth. for the topmost layer i used pearl white to give the motif some luminescence (tho it just looks white in the picture) shaded parts of it with very diluted pale gold for dimension. finished off with 2 layers of satin varnish :) oh dear... i hope i'm not too long winded :) but those are the techniques i used (if you can call them techniques :) hope it helps :)
...See More
Suzieque
Original Author
7 years ago
Thank you so much to each of you. Your words and advice are very welcome. I appreciate your time and thoughts!
hounds_x_two
7 years ago
Congratulations! How wonderful for both of you.

As mentioned before, information about "gifts or registries, or 'no gifts please' or charity donations" should never be on the invitation. The invitation is just that! It is an invitation to a ceremony and perhaps to a celebration to follow.

You might include a reply/RSVP card for guests, and or a card with directions or a map or nearby hotel information if a block of rooms has been reserved.

On one of those documents you might include something like newgardenelf's nice statement about asking for "only the gift of your friendship"- my son and daughter-in-law handled it that way, as well.

Wishing you much joy!
nycefarm
7 years ago
Your presence is our present!

(Much) Older Couple - How to Deal with "No Gifts"

Comments (5)

newgardenelf newgardenelf

gellchom

Related Discussions

Suzieque
Original Author

hounds_x_two

nycefarm

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

(Much) Older Couple - How to Deal with "No Gifts"

Comments (5)

newgardenelf newgardenelf

gellchom

Related Discussions

SuziequeOriginal Author

hounds_x_two

nycefarm

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

Suzieque
Original Author