I don't understand, why do you say it didn't go as well as you hoped? I thought you were opposed to her taking the kids. Sounds to me like it couldn't have gone better except perhaps if the Judge gave full custody to him now and issued restraining orders but that was not going to happen. There are times when representing yourself can be good. But you need to know what you're doing. The Judge will often help out the pro se party when the other is represented by a lawyer. In the past two years I've been sued twice and threatened with a third. I decided it would cost way more for a lawyer than what I'd stand to lose so I might as well handle it myself and hope that the judge at worst would at least reduce the request. I won both cases handily. I could have and probably should have gone for sanctions and penalties but decided not to bother. I was threatened with a third one and I called up his lawyer and made it clear that I'd make a fool out of both him and his client and I *would* be going for costs, sanctions and more if they proceed but to go ahead if they want. I also "let it slip" that I had been recording phone calls so I have proof to prove they lied in the affidavits. They dropped it. Plus I made him put it in writing that they were dropping all actions and have it notarized. Not sure if he noticed the recorder when we met to transfer the agreement. So I take pride that I have "never lost a case in court"! But then again, some people think I'm a lunatic like Charlie Manson! LOL The only time one should be intimidated in Court is if you're going to lie, but so many people do. And with the number of incompetent lawyers out there... sheesh. Just having a lawyer is different than having a competent, good or great lawyer. My guess: She will leave, not appear in court and not pay any costs. Good riddance. And if it happens, it would be the best for all concerned in the big picture.

I am not the judgmental type, and I really believe you never know the reasons for someone else's decisions until you walk in their shoes (if you ever even can). I also do not consider myself terribly naive. But I have wondered time and again why my BF's EX did what she did. By that I mean, have an affair, decide to leave her husband after getting a new mortgage and breastfeeding second daughter, ransack the house while BF was at work and leave a mess in front of her daughters, use BF's inheritance money to move them several states away, secretly remarry, and buy and subsequently have to sell several houses and have the kids change schools because she and new hubby did not plan their budget well. I have wondered to the point where it is unreasonable of me - some things do not and should not make sense. Her actions are, of course, more of a function of her personality and whatever she felt the situation was than the fact she is a bio-mom or whatever other role she may fall into. If someone has a history of displaying weak, selfish behavior, the same can be expected in the future. Even if she despised her husband, anyone who knows him could see what a devoted, capable and attentive father he is. It is really a shame to have moved so far away for the convenience of having built-in babysitters in the form of relatives. I am always shocked to hear when her plans for bringing them north every other month (per court order) inevitably "don't work out" that she tells them, "I don't know why you can't see your dad - ask him to explain." Whenever I enter into an agreement with someone, if I am compelled to leave it I do so with dignity and respect for all involved. The saddest thing was when his older daughter at the age of 8 said to us, "Mom said she left you so that she could finally be happy in life. But she still doesn't seem happy to me." Kids should not be burdened with worrying about these things. I am a child of divorce and I remember the pain well.

Divorce takes victims - occupies time, money, emotions and there are no winners in the end. Does the husband really want custody? or does he want to punish your cousin in some fashion and/or not be on the hook for child support If your cousin has been primary care giver, he will not get custody. The sporadic support payments make no sense, in any state. It is an equation x amt % of earnings order is set by court period - Regardless of the custody issue this should be enforced - why it is not at this point is baffling & disturbing to say the least. Additionally, the court can order the husband to pay the mortgage as well. If the family was living in the home prior to the separation and he was responsible for payments they can order the same - while the permanent agreement gets hammered out. Same holds true for their schooling, lessons, extracuricular activities - they are entitled to the same level prior to the separation. If she is Ok w/leaving the house, then have it appraised and let the husband give her, her fair market share - She has right to continue to provide her children the same quality of life they experienced during the marriage - So, find another home on the other side of town, or further and rent it out - billed to the husband if the court will agree. The guardian ad litum issue is also disturbing "Some court official told them to get the guardian ad litum. Husband agreed in presence of the official. The lawyers neglected to get the order signed by a judge, and now husband is reneging and they have to go back to court again to get it signed." Sounds like a Mickey Mouse court, with Minnie Mouse attorneys - Who made the recommendation? and on what basis? - If the court records demonstrate this statement - why would you need to go back & pay more fees? If a judge ordered it, it is simply review of transcript and request he pony up This sounds like a circus of sorts, then again, divorce, courts, legal battles frequently are - the beneficiaries are the lawyers, et al - never the children. Your cousin needs to get a backbone and stop playing the victim role. She needs to decide what is best for her, and her children and move on and away from the psycho husband. If he has visitation and the children are at risk in any way, simply call the police - That would make a statement to both the husband and to her children that she means business. They need to feel safe. The 14 yr old can make the call - unless he/she has been trained to don the victim blanket - Puh..lease - The longer the victim blanket feels comfy - the longer this will drag on and the more $$ will be spent. If your cousin decides she wants to move on with her life, then she can take charge of the circus that is now taking every energy. Her children need to see a stable and strong parent - they already have the consequence of divorce working against them. When/if that day comes she can counter all of the requests -i.e. yes, you are welcome to buy my share out - $x amt, and the rent for the home is x/monthly. Does she "like" her attorney because he is expediting the job in an efficient manner or because he is helping her emotionally? Had to ask - I've seen WAY toooooo many atty's take full advantage here. Your cousin needs a tough love approach - it's not about her, it's not about him - it is about the children the most vulnerable victims in this process. She needs to set aside ALL of her own stuff and move forward on their behalf the father certainly doesn't sound as if he is capable. Forget the psycho, drinking, bad behavior issues - they went on during the marriage, she was powerless to stop them then, what makes her think she suddenly has power to do anything about those behaviors now? - It's not about his behaviors - she can be protected from them and so can the children - Only when she chooses to be GOOD LUCk

I thought all custody cases are sealed. Is this only where I live? I thought the idea was to protect the children. If the judge had showed bias in the past, I would have thought there would have been complaints. My guess is this is very difficult to prove, and where I live it is very hard to find out info on unproven complaints. Where I live, my understanding is that Judge will only speak to child alone where child has reprsentation (eg GAL). I could be wrong, and my guess is different everywhere. In any event, this is just a status meeting. If I were the mom, and I wanted to keep custody, I would insist on evaluations, GAL, etc. All this takes time. Time is on the mothers side. Even if child says she wants to move, my guess is judge is going to be a little nervous about moving child from school where she is doing well. He certainly wont want to see another hearing a year from now with child with Cs and Ds from Michigan school. If I were dad wanting custody, as difficult as it is, I would concentrate on what I can control. I would have a writtten plan in place as to child seeing mom over summers etc. I would try to reach some compromise re CS. I would consider presenting to her before everyone goes to referee. The referee can not make anyone compromise. He/she can only tell each party the weaknesses of their case, and suggest they compromise. The problem is mom may feel that she can not receive less than what dad is asking for, and that there no point in not dragging out proceedings.