Advice on Losing a Beloved Parent
tibbrix
7 years ago
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Comments (3)I'm not an expert on leather care but I have never been able to get stains out of a butterscotch colored purse. There are good leather dyes out there, such as Magic Mender, but the cost may exceed what the purse is worth. I wonder whether you could even out the stain with more beer. Here is a link that might be useful: Magic Mender...See Morerelationship advice needed - feel like I'm losing my mom
Comments (2)I'm not sure you can get your mom to care about your relationship. If I were in your shoes, I'm not sure I'd keep trying. Sometimes we just have to accept people the way they are, and that's what I'd do in this case (as far as your own relationship with your mom). I'm also not sure you can get her to understand the need for your husband and you to make requests for your child's care. Again, I think I'd give up trying to get her to understand and agree with you. It seems to me that all you can really do is stand your ground on the safety rules. Stay calm, don't get angry, but just have consequences for when she breaks your rules. If she is letting your daughter get in situations where she is truly in danger (playing on the stairs, taking her to a home where things are stacked high and could fall and hurt her, etc.), then sounds like you just need to make sure your mom has supervised visits only with your daughter. In that situation I would just pay for a sitter and not use my mom to babysit unless I was there. The situation with your soon-to-be baby is sad, and I'm so sorry your mom can't see how hurtful her actions will be. That situation will probably take care of itself, though. I'd think your daughter will love her baby sister/brother and when she gets older your daughter will realize how wrong that kind of statement is. If I was dealing with this with my own mom, then I'd let my mom know that kind of statement is harmful to my kids' relationship with one another and that wasn't acceptable to me. Then, every time my mom made a comment like that, we'd calmly get our things together and leave. Your mom doesn't have to understand, she doesn't have to agree, she just has to stop making that kind of comment. So I wouldn't argue, I wouldn't explain, I'd just calmly say, "It's time for us to go now" or whatever works for the situation, and leave. I would try to enforce my rules in a calm, consistent, firm manner. If my mom wanted to see my daughter alone, then I'd tell her she'll have to go through counseling with the therapist and then later with me and a therapist. No therapy, no keeping my daughter alone. Hopefully her love for your daughter will be the impetus your mom needs to get counseling and change her life for the better. This could be what gets the ball rolling on a much better and healthier life for your mom....See MoreLooking for Birth Parent(s)
Comments (32)I would say that there are about twice as many adoptees searching than birthparents. Many birthmothers feel that they have no right to search, that they gave up that right when they signed over their children. That does not mean that they don't want a reunion. Birthparents are more afraid of looking also because the adoptee might not even know they are adopted. A birthmother knows that she is a birthmother. It is far better and easier for the adoptee to search. Birthparents usually just came to our meetings just for support or in case their child was there. I also believe that unless it is an open adoption, it is best to wait until an adoptee is an adult and better equipped emotionally to do the search. Teen years are hard enough to survive. Yes, the truth is worth knowing. Honesty is important. Done correctly even though the news may be bad, it doesn't have to mean sad ramifications that can't be dealt with. LOL If I knew all you wanted was a huge inheritance, I would not help you with a reunion. We are talking emotional well-being here. When I did a search with an adoptee, we had many a talk on all of the what if's, I made sure that an adoptee had someone to go to for councilling if necessary. There was follow-up. It is your sister's right not to do a search. I respect that immensely. Just as I haven't passed on much in the way of information to my twin because she doesn't want to know. I have a scrapbook made for her about our birthparents and how I have done the search and the details. If she ever wants to see it, it is hers. I did it just in case something ever happened to me and she changed her mind. If she never wants to see it, so be it. It is her right not to know. BTW, Birthmothers are very special people. They did the best they could at the time. It isn't an easy decision to make, and for all the birthmothers out there, I give you a huge hug. It is far easier nowadays to keep children and far more accepting. Years ago, there was no support....See MoreLosing Our Parents (and our dog!)
Comments (28)Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts. I finally got a good night's sleep last night for the first time since my dad died. It is very true that grieving is exhausting on many levels, including physically. I am doing things I want to do and that bring me joy right now. DH and are going out to a movie tonight and then to a little gelato place that reminds us of our trip to Italy. I will be on the other side of the forum soon with some tile selections asking for your expertise. Thanks Again, Jana...See Moretibbrix
7 years agotibbrix
7 years agoMsmeow, I am profoundly sorry for your loss, feeling my own as deeply and painfully as I am. I was surprised by how shocked I was when told he had actually passed. The reality of it hit at that moment.
Cancer is very cruel.
This was my father's favorite Biblical passage, and it it so illustrative of who he was:
tibbrix
7 years agotibbrix
7 years ago
User
7 years agoA friend sent this to me as I grieved the loss of my dear Grannie. I thought I would share it here, as I still find it moving.
tibbrix thanked Useramicus
7 years agotibbrix
7 years ago
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