What in the world happened to Dana Scully?
10 years ago
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WANTED: What a great time at the Raleigh Swap!
Comments (58)I finally got my computer connected to the cable system today, so that I can add my thoughts re the Raleigh swap. I too was so busy carrying plants in, setting up and than carrying all the goodies back to the parking lot that I did not have time to talk to half of the people that I had wanted to. If it had not been for my wife's looking out for me, I would have missed most of the wonderful food, too. By the swap next spring, we should have completed our move from SC (we still have the house there, too) and I promise to be better organized. We left early than I wanted to this year because the UNC - NC State football game started at noon and I had to see at least the second half. I came away with so much good stuff that I know that I need to thank many more of you, but especially Brenda, Nancy, Phyllis and Fran. And whoever brought the strawberry plants - can you tell me what variety they are? I have so many plants that I am uncertain of the name and or hardiness of (going back to the spring swap as well as this fall's) that I plan to start a new topic entitled "What is this and what should I do with it?"...See MoreStepparents: What are your final wishes?
Comments (27)fleurs: I'm so sorry about your issues. That fibromyalgia is a rough thing to cope w/. I often wonder if my mother has it - it can be so painful for her at times to just function and just a few short years ago, she was as physically young as she is mentally young! (She's very vivacious.) You wrote:................................................. I know there are a lot of women who would never have stayed in my situation with DH and his three children; I've had to be financially responsible for a long time in this relationship and today-they just seem to think all of this comes from their father, etc. etc. ............................................................ My sentiments, exactly w/ my situation. and you wrote:...................................................... I am just basically sick and tired of people not recognizing the efforts I've had to make in order for their lives to be good and i'm not only talking about DH and his children, but even my family, friends, work colleagues, etc. etc. ............................................................ Amen to that! My DH's kids have a huge sense of entitlement as I've stated. He wants to be the big shot to them all the time, too, which only makes it worse. I hope and pray we are on the right track, now. The marriage counselor has helped him see the light, etc. I just hope this isn't a honeymoon phase and he'll revert back to his old ways if the kids work on him or start complaining. I think the girls are better than their brother on most levels, but still, as someone here recentlyi said, there are givers and takers in the world and other than my parents, I'm surrounded by takers... My parents are nothing short of saints. They provided a loving, stable home for my brother and I and one of our cousins who needed them to step in and raise him. He is wonderful. My brother is selfish, bitter and takes advantage of my parents and me, though I've largely cut him off. I don't think he cares about anyone but himself. I have another cousin who recently inherited a large sum of money. He also just changed jobs, so he lost his dental ins. Here's the kicker: He never had dental ins. so I always saw him for free, of course. It wasn't major work, but enough to total near a couple of thousand $ had he been paying fee for service. When he got ins, did he come to me? No. Suddenly, it was too far to drive (less than 30 min. I would guess.) He had crowns and everything done at another office and since his ins. didn't pay 100% of the crowns, he paid a perfect stranger $600. I was stunned. Would he ever offer to even cover my materials, staff wages, or anything? No. I was very hurt and I know it's stupid, but since he now HAS money and we are broke (the fire), it's like he hasn't a care in the world and would never think to just insist on my receptionist taking a few bucks to cover costs. It makes me angry. I would never charge my family, in reality, and wouldn't have taken the $ had he offered, but it would be nice to be offered it, you know? My steps are always here doing teeth whitening procedures, taking the bleaching kits home by the armfuls, and offering it to their friends. I'm a little bitter as they've brought home friends from college and expected me and DH to work on them all weekend long, etc, for nothing or close to it...I wonder if I should go to their place of business and return the favors, lol. So, let's make a pact to be a little more selfish! My body is screaming at me to take it a little easier. Dana...See MoreVenting, Furious w/husband, not certain what to do
Comments (22)I truly believe there is justice in the world, but it just seems very slow in coming to some people, including my case. My husband picked up SD's on Sunday evening for our 2 week uninterrupted visit. Yesterday, we took the kids to a local theme park for the day. This was one of the only days all of us were going to be together because DH has to work some of the time, and my SD17 works now so she has to work some of the time also. So, I was really looking forward to a fun day with the whole family. Well, BM felt the need to call the girls 4 times (in a 5 hour period) to "check on them" and tell them "she missed them and loved them". PLEASE! This is the same woman who left a child running a 102 temperature with me before my DH and I were even married and she had never met me so she could go gambling with her DH and parents for a week in Biloxi. She called 1 time in the 1 week period to check on her child. Now, she feels the need to call 4 times in 5 hours? Give me a break. I told my DH she is doing it because she is still mad about a recent court issue, and she wants to make sure the kids aren't bonding with him. Before anyone jumps in saying "She has the right to talk with her children", etc., I completely agree. I have no problem with her calling the kids in the morning or at night and saying good night and asking about their day. But, I think calling 4 times in a 5 hour period while she knows we are out with the kids is intrusive and not allowing her kids to bond with their dad. I talked to DH about it and he just takes up for her. She's just worried, don't let her actions control you, blah..blah..blah, IT MAKES ME CRAZY! So, I know how you all feel. We do all the work, and then become the emotional punching bags....See MoreTo Dana (and the other wise women out there)
Comments (4)Susan, No, you're not being unreasonable. But yes, I would insist on one last attempt at counseling. Our first go of it was rather mediocre, at best. This last one was amazing for both of us. It truly made all the difference in the world. DH likes to work from home on a large property which leaves you having to like it or lump it - AND the huge commute? Selfish. DH wanted to have a room for his DS and be close to his mom - now that, I understood. It has always been the three of them and I think you were being considerate to not jump in and get rid of anything from the past. You were very obliging to continue to give in and try not to rock the boat too much. But, now, his mother is gone. His son is an adult. Yes, for years, it has just been the two of them and the relationship is VERY co-dependent. That was sweet - that he attempted to be both mother and father, but now he has a grown MAN who cannot stand on his own two feet. It was also great that he kept connected w/ his first wife's family - probably important for his son and the g-parents. I'm sure they didn't want to lose their g-son after burying their DD. So, on the surface, I see a man in your DH who tried to accomodate everyone else in his life, but now has a wife that he has left to fend for herself. It isn't fair, your health has suffered - and I'm a huge believer in the stress you're under causing your immune system to weaken. Your husband's goal, and any parent's goal, is to raise their children to be self-sufficient ADULTS. Instead, I see an entire generation of grown MEN viewing themselves as dependent teenagers. I don't know what exactly went wrong - giving too much, doing too much or what, but these boys are, well, boys. They should be men by now. If he were a man - independent, thriving, working, dating, I'm sure you'd have no problem w/ his visits or whatever. However, he sounds so much like my SS. My DH finally has seen the light and has vowed to stop being his enabler (though we can't get rid of the stupid car the guy had no business getting in the first place.) I do hope you can seek some counseling. It did make a difference for us. I, too, felt no love for my DH just a few months ago - wondered if it would ever return. Like you, I'm bitter that I was also talked into several things that went against my gut instincts. But, we have to move on. Your DH and mine are both very nice, very well-liked, and are trying to do the best they can by their kid(s). However, in their unending devotion (which is fine to a certain limit), they have lost us along the way. Has he spoken to your Drs. at all about your condition, the wear and tear on your body that the stress, the commute, etc. has taken? It seems like there's no one whispering in his ear that the relationship he should be devoted to the most at this stage is the one w/ his life partner. I wish you well. Feel better, give the counseling one last try - I was just like you in April when I came here. Hurt, not supported, alone and abandoned - or so I felt, by my husband. Would he be at all sympathetic to you wanting to be near YOUR family now? Have you considered looking for a place there or is it financially not possible w/ the money pit you bought w/ him? Dana...See More- 10 years ago
- 10 years ago
- 10 years ago
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